"Believe me, ladies; the 14 Tricks really work! You only use it every day for a month. I've only had to use it once and I'm getting married next month," the lady on the TV said.

Molly began to ponder this. The 14 Tricks was a program that would get you a boyfriend or a date if you followed the instructions every day. Molly decided that maybe she'd try it, just to see what Sherlock would do… she didn't have anything to lose in the end, did she? He'd still turn up to the morgue every few days and she could always return to being her usual, mousy self. That was her justification for buying the book when she saw it at the book store the next day, anyway.

Molly began the book. The trick was to start off strong with someone and ease up as time went on. It suggested using one for two days and moving on unless you wanted to pair some together. It was a 30 day program and Molly was sure she'd win over Sherlock by the end.

~oOo~

1. Talk about your ex. If you're going to be in a relationship (which you will) he should know why you two broke up or at least about your ex.

2. Talk about yourself. He wants to know about you so tell him! The more he knows, the better. When you two get in a relationship, there's less he'll have to find out about you.

Molly prepared herself for when Sherlock walked in the next day. She wasn't overly sure how she'd tie these two tricks in together but she was sure that she could.

"Morning, Molly," Sherlock called as he stalked through the morgue and up to the lab. She noted that he was alone, a good start for her plan.

"It hasn't been a very good morning. I'm still finding Tom's clothes around the flat. He's always been very messy and goodness knows it's irritated me. I mean, he was a really messy person and I'm very specific about where things go, you know? Clothes are always in the dirty basket or in the wardrobe and here I am finding a shirt under the couch! That's lazy and messy. I really hate when someone is lazy and messy. I-"

"Yes, Molly. As much as I crave to know about your recent failed relationship and your OCD tendencies, I'd much prefer if you'd keep your mouth shut and let me work," he snapped back.

Molly nodded and retreated to the morgue to finish up when John came bursting through the doors. "He upstairs?" Molly nodded and watched as the doctor rushed to the lab.

~oOo~

3. Don't smile. Men love serious women. Sure, you can have a good time too, but let your resting face be either blank or a little negative. It also shows that he needs to put more effort in and try and attract you more.

4. Discuss your body-image issues. Men have a tendency to be more attracted to women with lower self-esteem. They enjoy when you have a reliance on them, especially to feel good.

Sherlock walked into the morgue to see Molly glaring at the paperwork on her desk.

"Molly, I was wondering if you could watch the experiment upstairs? It'll only be another hour or two."

"No. I'm afraid I'm far too busy with my paperwork to assist you, Sherlock. Ask John or better yet, watch it yourself."

"Please, Molly? I'll pay you in biscuits. Mrs Hudson made some biscuits yesterday."

"Are you saying I'm fat? Are you telling me I should eat biscuits because it's not going to make a difference to my weight? I'm on a diet, Sherlock. I'm already fat and here you are trying to make me eat more biscuits and sit down to watch an experiment. Wow, Sherlock, you really know how to make the women swoon!" she exclaimed and stalked to the bathroom.

"Molly, what the hell are you going on about?" he called out. She ignored him and walked faster to the women's bathroom, knowing it wasn't important enough for him to follow her.

He just raised his eyebrows and walked up to the lab, knowing she'd probably be in the bathroom for a while.

~oOo~

5. Complain. If you're waiting for coffee with him and the barista is taking a little too long, tell him how it annoys you that you can't even get your coffee quickly. Complain about how your makeup just wouldn't co-operate that morning or that everything you tried on made you look fat. He should know that you have an opinion and don't mind talking about it. Men love opinionated women.

6. Be as stunning as possible. Dress up, put your good makeup on when you're going to see him or may bump into him. He should know that you are a beautiful, gorgeous woman and if he isn't' interested, there are many who are.

Sherlock and John entered the morgue the next day to see Molly dressed up. Under her lab coat, she was wearing a short, tight black dress with red heels. She wore matching red lipstick, extravagant makeup and she did her hair in a rather complicated way.

"Wow, Molly," John said, bug eyed as he looked her up and down. "Erm, what's the occasion?" he asked.

"Yes, Molly. Do tell us. I don't believe its Mardi Gras yet. Please enlighten us on your look," Sherlock said with his usual bored look as he swept his gaze across the morgue. "While you think, we'll be upstairs."

~oOo~

7. You don't need to be immaculately clean. Men enjoy not being overpowered by the smell of perfume. Studies have shown that if you have a slight smell of BO on you, men are more likely to be attracted to you.

8. Act bored. If he tells you he's really into gardening, raise your eyebrows as if what he said is really boring. He wants to entertain you and if you act bored, he'll try harder. Men get a kick out of trying hard to impress a girl. The sentence "oh shit dude no way!" can be adopted to tell a straight white man that you're not paying attention. Made popular by a post on Tumblr.

When Sherlock entered the morgue the next day, Molly prepared herself to act bored. His nostrils flared as he looked around.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you've become homeless, Molly," he said as he backed away to the door.

"Excuse me?"

"You haven't bathed since yesterday morning."

Molly rolled her eyes and continued her autopsy. "I don't see the problem, Sherlock."

"I just prefer being in the company of people, especially women, who bathe on a regular daily basis."

"Well, Sherlock, you'll find that's probably due to the fact you've been hypnotised by the patriarchy into believing that's what you should desire."

Sherlock scoffed and shuffled his way to the lab. "I'm doing an experiment on mould and how fast it occurs in different types of bread."

"Oh shit dude no way," Molly responded as she hacked the dead man's torso.

"God, Molly, you're really making me question your sanity these past few days." Sherlock gave her an odd look before escaping to the lab.

~oOo~

9. Act immaturely. Make penis jokes on occasion, snicker when he says "do do". Bring out your inner 12 year old and joke at inappropriate times. He'll appreciate that you're trying to fit in with his immaturity, even if it's hidden.

10. As well as that, make the occasional racist joke. Again, he'll appreciate that you're trying to find where he stands on those topics and will subtly let you know.

Molly prepared her racist jokes (something she felt extremely uncomfortable about) and googled immature jokes made by 12 year olds. She was ready for when Sherlock and John walked in that morning.

"Molly, good to smell that you've bathed."

"People do do that, Sherlock," John commented, awkwardness sneaking into his tone as he gave Molly an odd look when she snickered.

"Jesus, don't tell me today is your immaturity stage." Sherlock rolled his eyes and turned to walk to the lab.

"Wait, Sherlock, I got a joke for you." Molly felt butterflies in her tummy as she thought about what she was going to do. In no way did she feel comfortable with this but it's what the book said would work. "A black man and-"

"No, Molly. No. That crosses the line. You've acted like a child and now you're trying to make racist jokes. Don't talk to me today, please."

He and John stalked to the lab and Molly was left alone in the morgue.

~oOo~

11. Share your views on religion. Tell him how you think Christians are trying to dominate the world. He'll enjoy hearing your views on important topics.

12. Lack intelligence. If a man realises he'll be the important, powerful and intelligent one in the relationship, he'll swoon at your feet. Let him think he has the upper hand in the relationship and that you'll have to rely on him.

"But seriously, Sherlock, the Pope is a Satanist. He says he's Catholic, but he's obviously covering up he's a Satanist. And he wants to take over the world, Sherlock. Forget Moriarty, you need to take down the Pope."

Sherlock leaned back in his chair and looked away from his experiment. "Really, Molly? Yes, I see, you're right. I'm going to get Mycroft to hire a hitman to get the Pope." Sherlock gave her the "Oh-Anderson" face while shaking his head.

"It's true! I read it online!"

"Oh, well if you read it online, it has to be true, doesn't it?" Sherlock rolled his eyes and looked back at his experiment.

"It's true, though. My mum's priest accidently divulged the plans of world domination. The Pope is a Satanist and he's going to get everyone to be a Satanist or he'll kill them," Molly defended herself.

"Molly, I'm not really in the mood for your outlandish theories and ideas that make no sense and do not contribute to my day at all. Now, please, let me get back to my experiment."

Molly frowned as she realised this wasn't working at all. "Can I help with your experiment?"

"No."

"What are you experimenting?"

Sherlock sighed and rubbed his temple. "I'm experimenting the relationship between the solubility and ph level of specific acids and alkalines. It's rather trivial things but bored."

"What does that mean?" she asked, pretending she wasn't intelligent.

"Molly, please stop acting like you're not smart. As someone once told me, brains are the new sexy."

~oOo~

13. Pretend to be distracted. Look around the room. Comment on what you see like someone's tattoos, the cleanliness of the room, a spot on the carpet, something that shows he needs to step up his game.

14. Repeat some questions. If you ask what their favourite movie is and half an hour repeat the same question, he'll realise that you want to know more about his interests and you're trying to remember as much as you can.

"Morning Molly," Sherlock said as he walked into the morgue. The pathologist kept her eyes down and squinted at the body in front of her. "Very well then. John and I will be upstairs."

Molly sighed as he left. This wasn't working. She couldn't do this. She wasn't going to be able to do this. He clearly wasn't interested.

~oOo~

There was silence in the lab when Sherlock entered the next day.

"Molly," he said with a nod before walking to a microscope. John sent a smile in her direction, even though her head was down.

The awkward silence flooded the room and John cleared his throat. "I'm going to get some coffee." He walked out as fast as possible, leaving Sherlock and Molly in the room alone.

"Erm, Sherlock. I'm really sorry about the last few days." He raised his eyebrows, not looking in her direction. "This is ridiculous." She walked over to him and dropped the book on the table. "I'm just trying to get you interested in me but clearly, you're not. Sorry for harassing you in the last few days," she said before shrugging off her coat to reveal her usual clothes underneath. "I'm going home, my shift is almost over. Just tell the next person I'm in the bathroom."

Molly rushed from the lab and out to the London streets. She was an idiot. People say anything to get their books sold. What is wrong with her?

A/N: Hey guys,

I might continue this in another part that I plan on basing on the song Say Something by A Great Big World.

Anywho, I think this is fine on its own if I don't get around to fixing it up.

I have started the poll for prompts next week. Please vote for 2 you'd like to read!

OH!

DISCLAIMER: do not attempt ANY of these! I searched for ways to repel men ("I'm a writer," I muttered as I googled "how to get a boyfriend in 30 days" and "how to repel men" and searching through sites that contain dating advice) and came up with a top list of 14. The words I used were not the words they had, they were trying to get people NOT to use the list, unlike this one.

Righty-o.

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