A few minutes had passed by and none of the two said anything to the other; they were sitting in Adams living room in absolute silence. He was going to continue to wait patiently for Lita to speak up because she was the one who wanted to talk in the first place. She kept looking around the room and then at him every now and then, opening her mouth like she was going to say something, but she didn't... until now.
"You hurt me so much. You basically broke me and that's not okay."
"I know an-"
"No," she interrupted him. "Let me just say what I need to. Please. I... I don't... it's already... The words are here and it's already hard enough for me to get them out so please let me talk first. Because if not, then we will be here forever. And I don't... I don't know if-"
He nodded. "Okay. Go ahead."
"When you left and I realized you weren't coming back and you actually left me, I was so lost and confused. I didn't know why you disappeared like that. Christian wouldn't tell me anything. And then Dawn wouldn't tell me anything when she found out the truth. I assumed you left because of me. I couldn't stop thinking of what I could have possibly done that made you just up and leave without even saying anything at all. Not even a single word. I thought that every single day for the past five or so years. Why else do you think I always changed the subject and avoided you whenever you tried to tell me the truth? Because I thought I did something to push you away and I didn't want to hear it. I honestly didn't think I would be able to handle it."
She paused for a bit before she continued. "And then when you told me the truth, it made me feel a little better because I wasn't the reason why you left. Well, I guess I kind of sort of was but not in the way I thought. You were thinking about me when those people were after you. It was sweet that you wanted to keep me safe and thank you for that. But you didn't tell me. You could have at least done that. We could have done something to avoid these past couple of years. And your reason doesn't change anything. It doesn't change anything that happened in the last few years. It doesn't change how alone I felt."
"You didn't let me be there for you when you needed me. You chose that for yourself. You weren't there when I needed you. I didn't get to make that decision, you made the choice for me and that wasn't fair to me. I needed you so much the years when you were gone. I needed you when I found out I was pregnant, but you weren't there. I needed you when my doctor recommended me to get an abortion because it was unsafe to carry out my pregnancy, but you weren't there. I needed you when and after Ethan was born, but you weren't there. I needed you when my mom passed away." She stopped talking for a while because she felt her voice cracking and she felt her eyes getting teary which told her she was close to crying at any given moment. All the memories that came flooding through her mind were pretty horrible and she hated reliving them. "I mean, I really needed you. It was one of the most miserable time in my life. But just like the other times I needed you, you weren't there. I could keep going on and on and give you more examples of when I really could have used your presence, advice, help, and just your goofiness to make me feel better, but I'm sure you get the point."
She wiped at the tears that rolled down her face so he took the time to finally say something. "I'm really sorry for that, but I did what I thought had to be done. I didn't want you to get caught in the middle of anything dangerous because of me. I'm so sorry for every thing you have been through the last few years because of me. I never wanted to hurt you, that was never my intention and I'm sorry that happened."
She simply nodded as it fell into silence between the duo before the redhead spoke up again after she took a deep breath; she was about to get to the most difficult part of the conversation.
"Like I said before, I had a lot of time to think about you and everything that has been going on lately. I realized how much of a bitch I have been acting towards you and I'm sorry for that."
"I understand that and it's okay," he interrupted her.
She shook her head. "No. It's really not. I just... I don't know. There's no excuse but I think me acting like that was a way for me to push you away from me and well, it didn't really work. And that's a good thing because that isn't something I want."
"Then what do you want?" He asked after she said stopped talking and didn't seem like she was going to continue on her own.
She stared at him for a while while biting her lower lip out of nervousness, still not saying something. She looked away from him and then back up after a few moments before she answered his question... Sort of.
"Like I said before, I talked to my mom. Saying everything out loud that was on my mind and getting to hear myself say it and then the long hours thinking about it even until now, just made things more clear to me. I guess I have known for a while what exactly it is that I want but I keep trying to tell myself that I'm wrong about it all because I'm scared."
He knew the answer to the question he was about to ask her, but that didn't stop him from asking because she went quiet again. "What are you scared of?"
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she opened them again and looked right at him. "You. I'm scared of you and how much I love you. I'm afraid of getting hurt again. I don't want to go through that emotional pain again. It sucked real bad. It took forever to heal myself and I don't think I'm even fully there yet. I was finally getting there and then you showed up again and then I... I just... I don't want to go through that again and that's probably why I keep hiding behind Ethan and using him as an excuse. And that's not fair to him or to you. Hell, it's not even fair to me."
"So what do you want?" He asked cautiously.
"You. But I don't..." She trailed off when she felt herself getting on the verge of tears. The next part coming out through sobs. "I don't deserve you after how I have been treating you lately. I've been such a horrible bitch and you have been nothing but great help the last couple of months. You were there for me when you didn't have to. I didn't know it at the moment, but I really needed you then and you were there step by step the whole way during every doctors appointment before and after the surgery. I don't deserve you."
He got up from the chair he was sitting on and moved over next to her on the couch. "I think you should let me be the judge of that." She started to cry even more so he took her in for a hug.
"I'm so sorry," she said after a while, pulling herself away from him thus ending the hug, wiping her face clear of tears once again.
"I know and it's okay. You don't have anything to apologize for. On the other hand, I do and I'm really sorry because I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I know which is why I'm gonna need you to stop apologizing. I've already forgiven you." She gave him a weak smile and then immediately replaced it with a frown. "I just... I don't know," she shook her head.
"What are you talking about?" He asked confused.
"I don't know if we can do this. I don't know if we can start us again. I don't know if that's a god idea or not. But... I love you. I never stopped no matter how much I tried. And I know you love me... but that's not enough."
Adam said nothing as he waited for Lita to continue.
"I honestly do not know how I'm supposed to trust you after what you did. I don't know if I can. I mean, the past couple of months how you have been here for both me and Ethan shows me that maybe one day I will be able to trust you fully again. I want to, I really do, but... I don't know if it's going to happen. Trust is easy to lose, but hard to gain."
"I promise I will never hurt you again. Intentionally or unintentionally. I love you. Just give me another chance, I promise I will not screw this up again. You can trust me on that, I don't want to relive those years being away from you again."
"I don't either, but we have Ethan to think about. What if we end up hating one another and that gets in the way of us being there for him together? Maybe we're just meant to be friends, co-parenting our child and nothing else."
"We can end up hating one another just being friends as well."
She nodded. "I know that. Here's the thing, I don't want to lose you again. Those five years were hell and she doesn't want to go through that again. But I don't want you in my life again as more than just a friend or my son's father for you to just break my heart all over again."
"I won't do that."
"Yea. I believe you which is why I'm willing to give us a chance again if you are." He was about to say something, but she didn't let him as she continued. "But first you have to promise no matter how big or small of a problem you are going through, you will never hide it from me. You will always share you problems no matter what because you problems are my problems and vice versa."
"I promise."
She looked at him for a while, determining he was sincere and would stick through with the promise. "Now can you please forgive me for being such a terrible person to you the past few months?"
"I already told you I do. You told me to stop apologizing, you can stop too." He sent her a smile which was returned. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too."
The two embraced once again with the blonde speaking up when they pulled apart after a while. "Is this real? This seems almost way too easy."
Lita let out a nervous laugh. "Well, it is real, but it's not that easy. We still have to tell Ethan."
"He'll be happy."
"He will. But we still have to be careful with how we handle all of his. I don't want to hide anything from him, but I feel like we need to just in case until we're totally sure this will work out. Don't get me wrong, I want things to work out between us and I believe it will because I wouldn't be willing to take another shot at this if I didn't think it wouldn't. And-"
"I know what you mean," he interrupted before she could ramble on even more. "You just don't want Ethan to get his hopes up just for it to get crushed because anything could happen. But do you realize we could be in a relationship for years and then it could end afterwards?"
She nodded in agreement. "You're right. And we shouldn't hide anything from him, but we still have to be careful with how we tell him."
"We'll figure it out."
"I love you." She smiled at him with him doing the same.
"I love you too."
Thanks for reading. Thanks for the reviews. I'm not a big fan of this chapter. I don't really like it, but I did not know how to make it better and so yea. Anyways, I hope you liked it.
Well, the next chapter is the last chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this story as much as I loved writing it. I want to thank all of you for being awesome readers. Special thanks to Totaldramfam123, justkimmy, mca, Guest, xHalesMariex, and anyone else who has ever reviewed as well as those who read, followed, and favorited this. You're awesome. Thanks once again :)