Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews for last chapter. They really make my day. I'm sorry about the delay with chapter six, but finally here it is. I hope everybody enjoys it.
Just so people know I did have a tumblr account but I found out I suck at it so it's gone. I do have a freewebs account that has a blog and a character profile for all my OCs on Broken Bird sing. FYI: there will be chapter previews and some spoilers on there so read if you want and at your own risk. The site is: http:/ no1schizofanfiction. Webs. com / just remove the spaces.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the song 'Why' by Rascal Flatts. I do own OCs.
Blaine moved to get up and follow Kurt, but Thad stopped him.
"Sit down, Blaine. Apparently Kurt's a little homophobic."
Blaine bit his lip, but didn't say anything. Kurt was so quiet and seemed like he was in pain. He couldn't believe he'd have a problem with him being gay. Then again Blaine had a hard time seeing the bad in people as Wes and David were always telling him. It hurt that Kurt was really beautiful but could his hopefully new friend really not like him because of something he couldn't control?
"Why would he bother coming to this school if he was homophobic, Thad?" We asked, raising an eyebrow, "Everybody knows we have a zero tolerance bullying policy."
"Maybe Mommy and Daddy sent him here to get a better education." Christof said this time, "I think he's a stuck up little bitch."
"Christof! Have you even talked to him before outside of the one lunchroom incident?"
"Don't need to, I know one when I see one. He's a homophobe, whatever."
Zach pushed away from the table and stalked out of the lunchroom.
"What's wrong with him?" David wondered, as the other shrugged.
Kurt wandered through Dalton heading towards the outside, mentally kicking himself. Why did he run away? They probably thought he was a real freak now. It's okay, he told himself, now they would leave him alone. That's what he wanted right?..right? What did it matter anyways? They were going to judge him no matter what.
Not paying attention he ran head long into Gabriel once again. Well shit.
"Look Plebeian you really need to watch where you're going before I have to take some drastic measures to make sure you stay away. I can practically smell the poor coming off you."
"Excuse me, Mr. I have a gold bar shoved up my ass but if you're as rich as you say you are get a haircut. Your hair's so shaggy you're the one that looks poor. I don't have time your stupidity right now."
With that he proceeded out of the school. That felt great but soon Kurt found himself shaking. He was sure he made an enemy for life. He needed to get out of here.
He headed towards this little garden that was far in the back of the school. He had stumbled upon it when he was trying to avoid the boys the first couple of weeks of class. He spent a ton of time out there, it was calming. It would do his chaotic thoughts some good. As he thought of his garden another thought struck him. A more terrifying thought he really couldn't control.
He could end it all now and nobody would find him for a while. Nobody else ever went into the garden as far as he knew. He couldn't think that way, they told him he couldn't think that way. His meds were supposed to help, why wouldn't they help? He let out a frustrated groan. He just needed to reach his destination; it would calm him. It always calmed him.
As he approached the garden he was surprised to hear the soft sounds of a guitar and a sad voice accompanying it.
"You must have been in a
Place so dark
You couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through
That stormy cloud
Now here we are
Gathered in our little hometown
This can't be the way
You meant to draw a crowd
"Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking
A troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song"
Kurt stopped right outside the garden and looked carefully in to see Sammy standing in the middle, facing away from him with a guitar in his hands.
"Now in my mind I'll keep you frozen
As a seventeen-year-old
Rounding third to score the
Winning run
You always played with passion
No matter what the game
When you took the stage
You'd shine just like the sun
"Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking
A troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song"
Kurt stared as he listened to the raw pain in Sammy's voice. The song itself was heart-wrenching.
"Now the oak trees are swaying
In the early autumn breeze
A golden sun is shining on my face
Through tangled thoughts
I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that
Bad of a place
Oh why, there's no comprehending
And who am I to try to
Judge or explain
Oh, but I do have one
Burning question
Who told you life wasn't
Worth the fight
They were wrong, they lied
Now you're gone and we cry
'Cause it's not like you to
Walk away
In the middle of a song
Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song"
Kurt couldn't help, but clap as the song came to a close. Sammy spun around, tears running down his face, and looked at Kurt.
"Wha-what are you doing here?" He reached down towards a bottle at his feet and took a swig. Kurt was surprised to find it was a beer.
Kurt shrugged, "I wanted to get away for a while and this place is usually deserted. That was a beautiful song, by the way. You should sing with the Warblers."
He sighed, "Thanks. My brother died two years ago, the song was for him. I just miss him sometimes. I use to come out here and just think."
"How- nevermind it's none of my business. I'll just go. It's getting late anyways."
Kurt turned to leave.
"He hung himself."
He stopped, "He-"
"Committed suicide." Sammy picked up his bottle and approached where Kurt stood. He moved passed him continuing out of the garden, "I don't know your situation Kurt, but I know you're suffering. If you can't help yourself how do you expect others to help you."
With that Sammy disappeared back towards the school. Kurt stared after him for a moment, "I don't want their help. I don't want their help." He ran his hands over his face, before throwing them down by his sides, "I don't want their help! I don't, I don't, I don't want their HELP!" He kicked the nearby flowers uprooting some of them. His chest heaved with deep breaths of air while he looked at the flowers lying in his path.
"Kurt? Kurt! Hey, please calm down. Don't make the doctors come in to put you out again."
He fell to his knees in the middle of the path not caring if his pants got dirty. He reached out and grabbed one of the roses before him not caring of the thorn biting into his skin. It was October but the flowers were still bloomed, almost ready to wither and die. He spun the rose a bit in his hand before looking at the Bellflowers also there. As he looked at the dying flowers he remembered the deflated look on Blaine's face when he ran away.
"Damn it." He groaned, grabbing some of the flowers he had kicked out of the ground and cleaned them up. He rearranged them in his hand and almost smiled, they didn't look half bad. How pathetic was he? He turned back towards the school before he could change his mind. So much for the garden calming him down, if anything it just made it worse.
He ignored everyone once inside the school, the stupid flowers still clutched to his side. He made it to the Warwick Dorms and knocked softly on Blaine's dorm room. He sighed when he received no answer. Great he thought heading towards his own room. He opened the door and threw the flowers on the bed before realizing Zach was there.
He was sitting on his own bed, writing furiously into a sketchbook. Kurt stared at him for a minute uncertain. He never actually witnessed a time when Zach was not talking. It was surprisingly unnerving.
"Zach…are you okay?"
He didn't even look up at Kurt, just dug his pen deeper into the paper.
"Zach?" he tried again taking a step towards him.
"Don't come any closer, Kurt, wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable." Zach snapped finally looking at him.
"What are you talking about?"
Zach stood up shockingly quick and was soon in Kurt's face, "Shit gets hard for you and you run away. Blaine thinks he did something wrong again when you ran off and all that happened was you found out he was gay. So tell me Kurt did he do something wrong? Is something wrong with being gay?"
"I-I didn't say that." He felt his voice raise an octave. It was closer to his natural key, but still much lower.
"You didn't have to. Actions speak louder than words, Kurt. I don't want to be around a homophobe. And neither does Blaine. Do you think you're better than us? Huh, Kurt?" He was right in front of him now. Kurt stumbled back, the back of his knees hitting his bed.
"You walk around so high and mighty. Like you're better than us but you're not. You're a mistake, a taint against nature."
"Please, stop."
"Don't like the truth?" Zach spat, "What? Don't have anything to say? You don't belong in this school, we don't need homophobes here."
"You deserve this and more. You should've left school, you freak."
"Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!" Kurt yelled his voice high and at his normal tone. He reached his hands up to cover his ears. Zach's eyes widened as Kurt curled himself into a fetal position much like earlier that morning.
Kurt started to cry, "Please don't hurt me, I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me."
"Kurt…I'm not going to hurt you. Come on now." Biting his lip he sank down onto the floor next to the boy. Very carefully he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy relieved he didn't pull away, "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was just frustrated and Loretta pissed me off so I took it out on you. Okay, um, what can I do?"
Kurt was shaking, gasping for breath making him feel extremely dizzy, "Pills…under bed…Ser-" Zach let go of Kurt and dove under the bed and grabbed the first bag he felt and opened it. His eyes widened as he began to filter through the different pill bottles.
"Seroquel?"
He looked at Kurt who shook his head.
"Seredyn?"
Kurt attempted to nod and Zach quickly opened the bottle and took out a pill. Handing it over to Kurt, he quickly took it.
Zach watched as slowly the shaking stopped and Kurt's breathing returned to normal. It wasn't a quick process by any means but it was done in silence.
"What in the hell was that?"
Kurt looked down at the floor, "A panic attack."
"And these?" He picked up some of the bottles, "Sarafem, Seroquel, Prazosin, Seredyn, what are all these?"
"Medication obviously," Zach continued to stare at him, "I don't know what you want me to say, Zach."
"You're voice…it's really high. Is that a side effect?"
Kurt deflated against the side of his bed, finally looking up to meet Zach's eyes, "No, it's my natural tone. If I'm not paying attention…I can't help it."
"I don't understand."
He couldn't get out of this this time. There had to be a while to get the minimum of information across. Then he had an idea. "I'll answer 5 of your questions if you answer 5 of mine. None of it leaves this room, no matter what and we answer honestly. Deal?"
Zach looked at him for moment before shrugging, "Sure, deal. I'm thinking this is the most information I'll be getting out of you ever. Back and forth or one at a time?" He moved to sit next to Kurt on the floor instead of in front of him.
"Back and forth I suppose. You can start."
"What are the meds for?"
"Some are for depression, others for symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress and PTSD delusions; others are for panic attacks, most also help me sleep. Zach, are you gay?"
He laughed lightly, "You caught that, huh? I don't really know. There's only one person I've ever thought about myself with, that I love and it's a guy so I guess. How long have you been on this medication?"
"Over two months now, I suppose." He bit his lip, "Does this guy know you're, well, maybe gay?"
"No and he never will. Is the reason you take all this medication the same reason you came here will a cast on your arm?"
Kurt looked at the cloth cast that he would be getting off on Monday. "Yes it is. Why doesn't he know?"
"Because it wouldn't matter if he did. He doesn't want me in any sort of romantic fashion. So obviously you didn't fall down the stairs. Were you attacked?"
Kurt closed his eyes, fighting back the memories and the voices, "Yes. How do you know he wouldn't consider it if he doesn't even know you're an option?"
"Because he has a girlfriend that he's completely in love with. Why were you attacked?"
Kurt's eyes widened at Zach's hostile tone, "At my old school there were some…people who took offense that I was gay. I was different and they didn't like it. So they felt it was their job to remind me of my place in life. If I don't act gay, then others don't have to assume I am."
"Oh god and I called you a homophobe. I'm so sorry. I-I'm a total ass."
"Are you in love with Nikel?"
There was an awkward silence after that came blurting out of his mouth.
"Yeah," a small smile played onto Zach's lips, "He's perfect, nice, funny, and totally gets me. I've loved him since we were freshmen and were rooming together."
"You should tell him."
"He has Loretta. He loves Loretta, he loves a girl, he's straight. I'm the best friend and I won't ruin that. I won't make this weird for him. As long as I stay by him I'll be happy. Loretta knows though. She approached me on it once and I couldn't deny it. She doesn't like me around Nikel but who would like their boyfriend around someone who's in love with them. That's why we fight so much."
"That's" He paused, "really depressing."
"It's not so bad. It's not any worse than you hiding the fact you're gay."
"Don't tell anyone."
"You don't have to worry here. Nobody will make fun of you."
"Old habits die hard and every time I think about it I hear them."
"So you're going to let them win. What happened anyways."
"I don't want to talk about it," His tone was sharp. Kurt stood up and grabbed the flowers that were still on his bed, "As for the rest, I'm working on it."
He started for the door, "Where are you going?"
"I owe Blaine an apology." With that he left their room and approached Blaine's. He knocked and hoped Blaine would answer this time.
When he received no answer he slump his shoulders. He was just about to leave when the door opened and there stood Blaine with wet hair and just a plain t-shirt and pajama pants.
They stood there staring at each other before Blaine shifted uncomfortable, "Hey Kurt."
"Uh hey. I just wanted to say uh sorry. Here." He pulled the flowers out from behind his back and thrust them into Blaine's arms, "I didn't mean to run off. I was just shocked and I don't handle shock well."
Blushing bright red Kurt turned and started back for his room not waiting for Blaine to answer.
"Kurt?" Blaine called out. He glanced back to see Blaine holding the flowers to his chest a small smile on his face, "Sit with me at breakfast tomorrow?"
"Sure. Good night Blaine."
"Night Kurt. And thanks."
Blaine shut his door and Kurt walked back to his room. He was just about to enter when Nikel came walking down the hallway apparently back from his date.
"Hey Kurt, is Zach still awake?"
"Uh yeah."
"Cool," He followed Kurt into the dorm room.
"Hey, Z," Nikel greeted jumping onto the bed besides Zach who was lying down playing his DS, "Do you live on that thing?"
"Hey, Nike. And no, I live on the Xbox sometimes too, oh and Warbler practice has been taking over my life."
He laughed, "Which reminds me Loretta wants to come to Sectionals with me, so we'll both be cheering you guys on and maybe after we can all catch a bite. That cool?"
"Oh yeah, awesome."
Kurt frowned, now that he knew what to look for it was almost obvious that Zach liked Nikel. Poor Zach.
"Hey Kurt, are you coming too?" Zach looked at him hopefully.
"Oh I have to go home this weekend but I'll probably be there." Zach raised an eyebrow at his lower tone of voice again but didn't comment on it.
"Now get out of my room Nikel, I'm trying to beat this level and you're distracting me."
"I know I'm just so hot." He laughed getting up.
Zach rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue, "You were just with your girlfriend for the last how many odd hours hasn't your ego been stroked enough."
"Not just my ego."
"That's a pleasant image I figured Loretta was too frigid of a bitch to do that."
"Will you both stop?" Kurt groaned. He didn't want to hear this and despite how Zach was acting he was sure he didn't either.
"Fine, fine. See you tomorrow guys." He left without further ado.
Kurt looked over at Zach.
"Not a word Kurt."
"Make up your mind. First you guys wanted me to talk to you, now you want me to shut up."
"Funny. Sarcastic little bitch aren't you?"
"Good night, Zach."
"Good night, Kurt. Thanks for trusting me."
Kurt sighed. He just hoped he wouldn't regret it.
Well that chapter went in a completely different direction…oh well. I hope you liked it. In case you're wondering how realistic Zach and Kurts conversation playing 5 questions each was how I found out my friend was gay...so it does happen. Just to put it up again heres the website for my site: http:/ no1schizofanfiction. Webs. com / just remove the spaces. I'll have some previews for chapter 7 up by the end of tonight.