Sorry sorry sorry about the long delay. Real life is kicking my ass as well as working 6 days a week. I just want to sleep whenever I'm home. Once again this chapter isn't Beta'd for those who read my facebook she couldn't get back to me in time so I posted the chapter without her. Hopefully it's not too terrible. Thank you to all who reviewed last chapter and stuck with me through the hiatus hopefully I'll have next chapter out way sooner.

Disclaimer: Don't own Glee just OC's.

Chapter 17: Dalton: Safe Haven or Hell?

"How did it go?" Nikel asked as he and Zach sat against the wall a few doors down from Kurt's room.

Blaine sighed and took a seat next to them, "I couldn't get him to come out of the bathroom."

"What did you say to him this morning?" Nikel questioned Zach looking at the blonde boy, who was staring at his dorm door.

"Nothing, I think he had a nightmare. He just ran into the bathroom and wouldn't come out no matter what I did. So I left his some clothes outside the door and got Blaine, but that didn't fix the problem. You'd think he'd sleep better knowing Karofsky's in custody right now."

"Nobody will sleep well until we know for sure he's in jail."

"We can't stay out her all day we have to get to class soon." Nikel mumbled, "We can't force him to come out of his room. We, however, have to go or we'll be late."

Slowly Nikel and Zach got off the floor and made their way to class each glancing at the door housing Kurt as they passed. They just didn't know how to do get through to him. The attack occurred over a week ago and Kurt finally returned to Dalton late last night. Blaine couldn't help, but think maybe it was too early. Disheartened, he got up as well and followed the other two boys for breakfast.

Kurt stood in the bathroom, staring into the mirror, As soon as Zach left he grabbed the clothes that were left for him and started to change stopping when he saw all the bruises and wrapped ribs. He grimaced as he poked a bruise along his side. He was disgusting. Deformed. He didn't belong in such a perfect place as Dalton. Karofsky was right; he was garbage.

He struck his hands out and all the products on his counter fell, scattering all around the floor. He collapsed then, his eyes closed trying to block out the images with little success. When he opened them he was staring straight as his razor. It gleamed in the bright lights of the bathroom. He slowly reached for it. When he touched it he didn't pick it up instead he just rubbed his fingertips across it, almost stroking it. After a few minutes he finally picked it up and brought it close. He felt strangely detached as he stared at the blades.

A knock at his dorm door knocked him out of his thoughts. He froze hoping whoever it was would go away like everyone else before them.

"I can stay out here all day, Kurt; I wasn't planning on going to class anyways." Sammy's voice drifted through, "Also unlike everyone else I'm not afraid to break down the door. I've done it before, ask Gabriel."

After much debate he put the razor on the counter again, put on a shirt and walked to the door. He opened it to see Sammy standing there, looking half-asleep. A bottle of vodka was in his hand; obviously he had no concern of being caught with it.

"Come on." Sammy ordered, stumbling away towards the back of the building. Confused, Kurt followed slowly behind. His eyes never stopped moving, waiting for Karofsky to jump out and attack him.

Sammy led him to a door he never seen before and opened it to reveal a staircase. He proceeded up the steps, Kurt still quietly following behind. After some turns, he opened another door and walked out onto the roof.

"The roof?" Kurt asked, watching Sammy prop the door open before sitting down leaning against the guard rail. Cautiously Kurt went over and sat a few feet away from him.

Sighing, Sammy pulled out a cigarette and took a few drags, "It's quiet. It's somewhere I can go and think and nobody will bother me. Nathan showed it to me. I use to wonder why he didn't just jump instead of…what he did. I figure both had about the same success rate going for them."

Kurt stretched and looked over the ledge. It was about a 3 story drop to the concrete below. He turned back to Sammy, "What is wrong with you? Are you seriously contemplating different ways your BROTHER could've killed himself?"

Sammy shrugged and switched back to the vodka, "Who the fuck cares? He's dead either way. Left me like a fucking pussy. Turned tail and ran." He put the bottle down and stared right at Kurt, "So Kurt are you going to turn tail and run like Nathan."

"What?" The intensity of the stare startled him.

"You remind me of Nathan. Sometimes you have this look in your eyes -especially when you opened the door today- just like he did, like you're going to give up. If you're going to give up then do it already. The longer you wait the more people get to know you and they begin to like you. Then it's just harder for them to let go when you're gone."

"You-you want me to kill myself?" He felt like he had been slapped. Sammy was supposed to be one of his friends.

"No." Sammy snapped out, throwing his bottle across the roof. It smashed against the ledge on the other side, "I couldn't stop Nathan, my own brother, I don't have any hopes of stopping you. I can't lose another person I care about, Kurt. My brother was irreplaceable and he's dead. You may not realize it but you're pretty much irreplaceable to Blaine. Don't destroy him like Nathan destroyed me, destroyed Gabriel."

Sammy unsteadily rose to his feet and staggered his way back to the door, before he paused, "Just a quick hop over the ledge, Kurt, make up your mind."

Kurt watched Sammy disappear, but didn't move. How could he be so cruel? What if he did jump? He closed his eyes as he actually thought about it.

If he jumped Blaine would be alone, having to deal with his boyfriend's suicide like Gabriel. Kurt shuddered, thinking about Blaine turning into Gabriel. Zach would be devastated; Nikel too, probably. Then there was his parents and all of the New Direction...Santana would resurrect him just to kill him herself if he did that and Brittany would be so confused and lost. He stood and leaned over the edge looking at the ground below. A lot of people would miss him. Was that what Sammy was trying to get at?

Sighing he moved away from the ledge and headed back into the dorms. He could make it to the second half of his classes if he went right now. He paused outside of Sammy's room wondering if he should check in on him. He recalled something about Sammy using drugs, but he couldn't really remember. It felt so long ago. Then he remembered the last time he checked in on Sammy and decided against it.

Instead he went into the school and headed towards the cafeteria knowing they were just about to get out.

"Kurt?" He looked to his left to see Gabriel approaching him.

"Hey." He replied quietly suddenly very nervous. He didn't think this through.

"You look…"

"Horrible I know."

"I was going to say exhausted actually."

"Well I spent the beginning of my day talking to Sammy who was probably high as a kite and drunk off his ass."

"Sammy never…dealt with his issues. Will you come with me somewhere after school today?"

"Where?"

"I'm going to visit Nathan." Gabriel replied, looking at something past Kurt's shoulder, "Just meet me here after school if you want to go." With that he strolled away.

Kurt turned around just as Zach reached him.

"Hey Zach. Sorry about this morning-" He was cut off by Zach's arms wrapping around him in a gentle hug.

"This has been the worse week of my life and that's saying something. I was so scared for you. You are never leaving my sights again, do you understand me?"

"Sorry Zach. How are you feeling?"

"How am I- Really Kurt. You were unconscious for a week and you're worried about how I am? You are, by far, the strangest boy I know." He pulled back to look at Kurt, "I'm fine, Kurt. I'm almost done with Chemo. They'll probably start in on Radiation or some other crap next. Don't worry about me. Now come on, we have a couple of minutes before class, you need to see Blaine."

With that, he grabbed him by the hand and dragged him off. The look on Blaine's face was priceless as they approached. His whole face light up and a smile stretched across his face. With purposeful strides he moved towards Kurt and grabbed him in a tight hug. Kurt tensed for a second before relaxing into it. This was his boyfriend, familiar and safe.

"Are you okay?" He whispered to Kurt.

"I'm working on it."

Kurt made it through the rest of the day with his friends by his side. Loud noises made him cringe and he even tried to make a run for it at one point but they stuck with him. Finally the school day was over.

"Where are you going?" Blaine asked as Kurt walked towards the front of the building instead of heading towards the dorms.

He sighed, "Gabriel asked if I wanted to meet Nathan."

"Oh." Blaine looked at him with an indescribable look on his face, "Are you sure you're up for it?"

"I think…I think it will be okay. It's something I want to do."

"Okay then. Just…be safe." Blaine approached Kurt and drew him into a hug, "If it gets to be too much…call me or something." He kissed the side of the other boys head, "I worry about you."

"I'll be fine."

He reached the front just as Gabriel looked ready to leave, "Gabriel, wait!"

Gabriel didn't say anything; he just waited until Kurt was near him then continued on his way. Together they walked in silence to the car and the silence remained all the way to the cemetery.

"If you get uncomfortable, Kurt, just tell me and we'll leave." Gabriel said before getting out and leading the way to Nathan's grave.

He leaned down and gently ran his hand over the top of the stone, "You know his parents almost weren't allowed to bury him here."

"Why." Kurt whispered kneeling next to Gabriel looking at the grave. 'Nathan Paul Atra. Loving Son, Brother and Friend. He was taken too soon.'

"Because he killed himself. It's frowned upon you know," Gabriel huffed, "I was at his funeral, it was…awful. His mother started screaming, they had to sedate her. His father just stood there, ignoring his wife, Dalton allowed any students who wanted to go to the funeral a free pass to miss class. It was packed."

"What about Sammy?"

Gabriel looked at him, sadly, "He didn't go. He was placed in six months of involuntary confinement. He was completely catatonic. Of course that was after he tried to jump from the roof of Warwick dorms. Nathan and he use to sit up there together just to talk."

"He…"

"Nobody knew that he tried to jump though. Nikel, Zach and me covered it up saying he just went up there to remember his brother and in his grief got to close to the edge but we know different. The confinement was because he wasn't dealing with Nathan's death well. Still isn't."

"Why did you bring me here?"

"Because we're scared for you, Kurt," Was his only reply, "Nobody could save Nathan. I should've known something was wrong but I wasn't there when Nathan needed me the most. I was off messing around with Jamie while my boyfriend hung himself. I won't feel helpless this time." They stayed out there for another half hour, Gabriel telling him stories he could remember off the top of his head about Nathan, Nikel and Zach. They left the cemetery in a surprisingly good mood and the ride back wasn't nearly as awkward as the ride there. Kurt actually found himself relaxing.

"I'll see you later, Kurt." Gabriel nodded at him before leaving to head towards Maxstoke dorms to change before dinner started. Once he was out of sight Kurt headed towards Warwick, knowing Blaine would probably be there waiting for him.

"Wow you do get around, don't you."

Kurt turned to see Jamie approaching him, a scowl on his face.

"Excuse me?"

"Well you're dating Blaine aren't you? Yet you hang all over Zach and getting back from a date with Gabriel isn't that a little obvious."

"Aren't you supposed to be Gabriel's friend? We were just hanging out."

"You're a little slut, Kurt. Stay away from Gabriel he doesn't need your fucked up shit." Jamie moved to stand right in front of Kurt, "Trust me when I say I can make your life a living hell here. I liked you better when you were in the closet. Quiet and out of the way. I rule this school; don't let anyone tell you different."

"St-stay a-a-away from me." Kurt stuttered out backing up a few steps.

"Listen Hummel, if you don't butt out I'll ruin you." Jamie smiled and it looked all wrong on his face, "I'll take care of you like I took care of my brother and like I took care Nathan."

Kurt was shaking, his breath was coming out in quick little puffs and he could feel a panic attack rising. What did Jamie mean? Nathan…killed himself.

"JAMIE!"

Jamie took a few steps back and turned around. Kurt, who collapsed on the floor, looked up to see Loretta with the scariest expression he had ever seen on her face.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? He just got out of the hospital!"

"I'm just joking with him. He's one of Nikel's friends anyways. He can take a joke."

"Leave him alone, Jamie."

"Why do you care? Nikel dumped your ass."

"I broke up with Nikel thank you very much. I came here because you asked me to hang out with you, not make fun of Kurt. I like Kurt; he's feisty, so leave him alone."

"Fine." Jamie said easily before looking back at Kurt. The look in his eyes belied his words, "Come on Loretta, I'll take you out for dinner instead of eating here and you can tell me how horrible Nikel is."

She gave Kurt a tentative smile before following the red head out of the room. Shaking Kurt barely managed to stand up but then he was running. Running faster than he ever had, his ribs screaming in protest. Instead of going to his own room he ran to Blaine's and managed to knock on the door.

He was lucky Blaine opened the door instead of Sammy because he rushed him, throwing his arms around Blaine's waist and just sobbing. Blaine moved them backwards onto the bed and laid there as Kurt curled up beside him still crying.

They laid there for an immeasurable amount of time; Kurt crying while Blaine quietly rubbed his back and cooed soft words in his ear. Finally he calmed down enough to speak.

"Why does the world hate me?" He whispered, tearing still in his eyes.

"It doesn't. You have a lot of friends who care about you: Nikel, Zach, Sammy, the Warblers, the New Directions, Santana and Brittany. I care about you, Kurt. One person who's a scared little boy shouldn't even be on the radar compared to all the people who love you."

Kurt knew Blaine was talking about Karofsky, but he pretended he was talking about Jamie. There was something really wrong with that kid and he knew Nikel knew something about it. He couldn't tell Blaine though. He didn't quite believe it himself.

I know not much Nikel and Zach in this chapter. They'll be next chapter as well as more Blaine and Kurt. Also Russian Roulette chapter is coming up, it'll be interesting.

I told you, Jamie is about ten times worse than Loretta. Now it's getting fun.