The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage

by Nekogigi

Yukino is your above average medical ninja working under the employment of the Akatsuki as their new medical specialist, however, life in a notorious criminal organisation isn't what people believe it to be. Join Yuki as she attempts to stay at least half sane among all the crazyness that is the Akatsuki in this random and cractastic story. Rated M just in case

8. Chapter 8

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 8

Author's Note: A commercial airliner flying through local airspace disappeared today only to reappear in the gymnasium of a local school during basketball practice, disrupting practice quite badly. The jet roared through the small gym for only a fraction of a second, and before it could strike any players or structure, it vanished again…

Journal Entry: 07. Oct 24

Dear Diary,

I don't think I'll ever eat sushi without feeling guilty.

It turns out the chapping Kisame was experiencing was actually a severe case of sunburn. Poor little guppy.

After wasting forty-five minutes on searching for my industrial sized calamine lotion which was confused with strawberry milk and drunk by a certain alcoholic who wishes to remain anonymous (Hidan), my fish friend and I trudged down to the local supermarket where I spent over an hour arguing with the manager who refused to sell me a bottle of calamine lotion because I didn't have a "calamine licence". They kept the stuff in a glass box where you'll usually find the cigarettes, such fools these mortals be.

Anyway, in a fit of rage, I set the manager on fire and stormed out of there leaving behind a wake of destruction. The manager is suing for damages, Kakuzu is countersuing him for being an asshole.

And so, by the time we got home Kisame's sunburn was so uncomfortable that he soaked himself in soy sauce, had me wrap him in plastic and toss him into the freezer for an hour, however, when I went to check on him I found he had turned into sushi, and I was tempted to eat him. I actually did try to take a bite, but the howling wail of pain he let out made me feel a little guilty.

But no worries, dear diary. We did manage to get him back to the way he once was by means of black magic rituals and a blood pact with the devil. In about ten years my soul will be destroyed.

Also, Hidan has a pet goat named Gladys. He found her in the back yard and Zetsu wants to eat her. Hidan claims she was sent by Jashin-sama so that we may be blessed with milk, butter and cheese. He's in the kitchen now churning like a farmgirl because "it's the fucking will of Lord Jashin." Moron.

While I was delivering a bottle of eye drops to Itachi, I caught Deidara reading the Uchiha's diary. I couldn't help myself, I read it. His handwriting sucks. The Journal contains explicitly detailed plans of mass murder, copious amounts of baby brother complex, multiple statements along the lines of "I hate Orochimaru" and something about a woman. He even has vividly romantic dreams about her. Uchiha and romance don't gel as well as Hidan's hair does.

But alas, Deidara is our resident prankster and has made it an effort to embarrass the apathetic bitch. The 2 hour fight that ensued resulted in severe injury, scorch marks ,a charred goat and two comatose patients I must now care for. Hidan is not an amused farmgirl, however, dinner was exceptional, kudos to Kuzu and Konan for making the best of an almost amaterasu'd situation.