The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage

by Nekogigi

Yukino is your above average medical ninja working under the employment of the Akatsuki as their new medical specialist, however, life in a notorious criminal organisation isn't what people believe it to be. Join Yuki as she attempts to stay at least half sane among all the crazyness that is the Akatsuki in this random and cractastic story. Rated M just in case

9. Chapter 9

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 9

Attention all shoppers, will the parents of a three year old toddler named, uhm Beelzebub is it? Yes Beelzebub, please remove their child from the manager's office. He is staring at me with glowing red eyes and floating five feet off the ground. The black miasma surrounding his body just shot out a lightning bolt and vaporized my assistant Trisha. Trisha will be missed.

Oh never mind folks, the child just disappeared through a portal that opened up beneath him. No biggie.

Journal Entry: 08. Oct 25

Dear Diary,

I accidentally dyed my hair pink today.

I ran out of shampoo and had to use some of Deidara's, since his comatose form wouldn't mind. Of course I had no idea Hidan had tampered with the bottle's contents, so now I'm walking around looking like a fucking candyfloss explosion. Sasori provided the chemicals used to make all this pinkness possible so I will be threatening him with a jar of termites if he refuses to cooperate and give me the Crabby Patty formula to reverse this uglyness. I have sued Hidan for compensation. He told me to go fuck myself, I told him I'd fuck him if he paid me. He came back with a sack of counterfeited banknotes with goats on them. Like I would whore myself out to a sadomasochistic psychopath like him, access denied. He's tried to rape Kakuzu on multiple occasions, but it's not considered rape if it's consensual. Yes Kuzu, I hear the lustful moans that escape that stitched mouth of yours at night, I never knew you liked it rough.

Zetsu's garden is a truly wonderful place. The rhododendron azaleas are in bloom and I've discussed arrangements for cultivating them to produce a poison which we will be using in Sasori's Hiruko puppet as an offensive feature. We begin experimentation in 2 weeks. Hidan will be our test subject since he's so resilient.

I was bitten by a dragon fly earlier this evening, the ever growing lump on my forearm has since started glowing, throbbing and whispering notions of death and despair . The microwave exploded and every time I walk by the telephone it rings, but when I answer it I hear nothing but heavy breathing and static.