A/N: Here we go, bitches. Chapter 9. I went over what happened in The Miller's Daughter and made it sadder. (Yay for me.) At least I've given Regina someone to hold her. (*cough* Emma *cough-cough*)
I don't think there are too many chapter left in this story... But I've been working this thing with the end in mind. Also (and y'all can relax) I will be all but ignoring Nealfire. That's a headache no one needs. 'Cos I'm the author, that's why.
I've used italics for inner commentary thingies (because that's what I always do), and also for Emma and Regina's main dialogue, just because they're whispering. The 'flashback'-y bits are bold, and segmented off, just to separate Regina's recollections from what's actually happening in the scene. It took me forever to figure out how to write this chapter, so I hope it's okay and I hope it reads well.
Also, it's twice the size of prior chapters, so there's that.
WARNING: SUPER FEELS AHEAD.
This, I Find In You
Chapter 9: Solid Ground
It was fourteen minutes past midnight.
Emma lay awake in the dark, staring up at the ceiling.
For once the night was perfectly still.
The apartment was quiet.
And the fucking kitchen tap just wouldn't stop dripping.
Regina still wasn't home.
Snow and Henry had returned, ashen faced, a little after midday.
Neither of them had said a word, and their silence hung in the apartment like so much fog.
Seconds turned into minutes.
Minutes turned into hours.
With each tick of the clock, Emma's anxiety ratcheted up a notch.
Regina still wasn't home.
She would have gone along to the mausoleum had she been able to stand without fainting.
But she couldn't, so she didn't.
And something bad had happened.
…Something terrible.
Regina still wasn't home.
Fuck.
She'd tried closing her eyes somewhere a little past eleven.
Just to see if sleep would take her.
But imagination had run away with her instead.
So, sleep was out of the question then.
…At least until she knew.
Emma rubbed at her eyes.
Someone needed to be looking out for Regina.
Someone needed to be out looking for Regina.
And she couldn't.
Fuck.
For a second, Emma considered shooting up a prayer to a God she didn't really believe in.
She supposed that a year or so in Catholic school would do that to you.
Instead, her eyes traced the lines in the plaster above her.
…Thinking to herself that David really needed to fix that goddamned tap.
And then she remembered.
Fuck.
Just… Fuck.
It was twenty-two and a half minutes past midnight.
And the apartment door creaked open.
And was very carefully snicked shut.
At first she didn't recognise the footsteps.
They were soft.
The clicking of heels distinctly absent.
"…Regina?"
The foot-falls ceased at her whisper.
"I'm sorry for waking you."
Her voice sounded suspiciously husky.
"You didn't. I would've had to have been sleeping for that."
The dark silhouette moved to stand at the foot of the bed.
"…You can't sleep?"
A beam of moonlight fell through the window, illuminating Regina's face.
The tear tracks on her face shone silver.
She looked like she'd been through hell.
And she was worried for Emma's insomnia.
"Nope. Doesn't look like you'll have much luck either."
Regina froze for a second, her shining eyes bleeding sorrow.
She shifted onto her other foot and tried to smirk.
"Yes, but I'm not the one that needs twelve hours and a caffeine drip to function."
Her smirk was more a grimace, and Emma was sure that her own was no better.
She reached out and flicked down a corner of the blanket.
Patted the mattress beside her in invitation.
"…How about we not-sleep together?"
Regina frowned.
"Emma, I –"
"C'mon. Get in."
Emma ceased her attempt at levity, green eyes becoming sad and serious.
And compassionate.
Regina looked like she'd been caught in headlights.
She blinked – once, twice – before shedding her jacket and hanging it over the foot of the bed.
Emma tried to keep her eyes from following the line of her neck down over her shoulders as she kicked off her shoes and turned to walk around the bed.
Failed miserably.
Silently, the blankets were pulled down and stockinged feet were pulled in.
They lay there side by side, staring up at the ceiling.
After a moment Regina let out a shuddering sigh.
…It was amazing how much a sigh could say.
Emma reached out under the sheets and found her hand.
She squeezed gently, and was returned a death-grip.
"I know I nearly died, but… you don't need to be 'okay', Regina. Not for me."
Steady breathing began to shake.
"…Okay."
Emma shifted slightly onto her side, and turned her head to look at her bed-mate.
Her whole body was shaking with the force of suppressed sobs.
The tears that had begun to streak across her face were picking up speed.
Emma slowly raised her arm, lifting the blankets that lay between them.
"C'mere."
There was a beat, when wide brown eyes locked onto her with a look akin to astonishment.
Just a beat, before she melted at the proffered kindness.
Without a word, Regina rolled into Emma's arms.
One hand rested at the nape of her neck, the other sat at her waist.
Emma didn't have much experience with crying women.
But she knew enough to know not to shush away these kinds of tears.
These tears were important.
So she held on tight.
Regina neither spoke, nor sobbed aloud.
She shook and buried her small, keening wail in Emma's chest.
Emma wasn't the only one holding on tight.
Regina clung to her like she was a drowning woman.
…Like she wanted to disappear into her and never re-emerge.
Emma didn't dare speak.
She could feel the tears soaking through her shirt.
A twinge in her side reminded her of her physical state.
She rolled onto her back, bringing Regina with her, settling the woman on top of her.
Her thumb began to sweep a rhythm against her side, smooth and slow.
She tucked her head under her chin, pressed her ear against a beating heart.
Long fingers wove into dark locks, began rubbing in small circles.
"…I'm sorry."
Two words.
Two small words.
Someone was sorry that her mother was dead.
Someone was sorry that she was an orphan now.
Someone cared.
…Two small words broke the Queen.
Regina had always prided herself on being able to cry quietly.
She ought to have been ashamed on the noise she was making now.
Ugly sobs.
Half words.
Unintelligible noise.
But Emma did not make her feel ashamed.
There was no recrimination for her mourning.
No reproach for her vulnerability.
She was… safe.
She was a woman cut adrift, and Emma was solid ground.
A cool hand was brought to her cheek in a soothing caress.
Her head was gently tilted back.
Two lips pressed a kiss to her forehead.
They two stayed there, locked in each other's arms for a very long moment.
Arm to waist.
Face to chest.
Palm to cheek.
Lips to forehead.
Emma could feel the exhaustion overtaking Regina.
The tension ebbed from her body with each breath.
Emma hated to ask, but she needed to know.
"Snow didn't… Did she?"
Regina shook her head.
They'd found Emma's mother in good time.
She'd been seated on a step in the vault, clutching Cora's heart in her hand.
Contemplating the woman that lay on the ground before her, battered and bruised.
Cora would shift, make to rise, and Snow would clench the heart a little tighter and the movement would cease.
"…I thought you said 'no promises'."
"Can I help if I'm a little conflicted?"
"It's simple Grandma, just give it back to her."
Snow's silence had perturbed her. She waved a hand over the pulsing organ.
The stench of dark magic clung to it.
Rumpelstiltskin.
She'd had to take a moment to reign back the explosion of fury before she could speak to her son.
"…It's not so simple, Henry. Her heart is cursed. It goes back in… she dies."
Regina hiccuped and gasped for air.
"That bastard… he… he… he poisoned her heart."
And her mother had begged for it back, regardless.
"But you'll die. We can find another way. Mother… I can heal you."
"I don't want it any other way. Regina. Give me my heart."
Her mother told her that she would rather die loving her daughter, than to live forever never having loved her at all.
"B-but she didn't care…Sh-she said she wanted to… to…"
"…She wanted to love you more than she wanted to live."
Regina nodded meekly.
She'd been the one to press the heart into her mother's chest.
She wouldn't allow Snow White to take another thing from her.
Cora had gasped as everything rushed back in.
Her eyes came to life just as a grey pallor settled over her skin.
Her hands immediately reached for her daughter's face.
It wasn't the grasping, possessive caress she knew so well.
It was hesitant.
Reverent.
"And she… sh-she did."
Her mother loved her. Her mother loved her so much.
More than riches.
More than magic.
More than power.
…More than life.
"Sh-she told me… told me that I was… I was enough."
Regina's voice trailed off into tears.
Her mother had apologized.
She'd apologized for everything.
It had hurt.
It had healed.
She'd denied for so long that her mother had truly been the one to blame.
But then, for so long she'd also been denied the validation of her pain.
Her mother's control.
Her lover's death.
Her husband's abuse.
It was wrong, all of it.
It shouldn't have happened.
It was madness, and she had deserved so much more than that.
The gentle brush of finger tips at her temple slowly eased the tautness from her body.
Regina took a deep breath and relaxed into the warm body beneath her, burrowing her face into Emma's chest.
Her mother… her mother had met her grandson.
"I-is that him?"
"Yes, mother."
"He's beautiful, my love. You must be so proud."
"I am."
"…His name?"
"Henry, mother."
At that, her mother had wept.
"And our son… she loved him too."
Emma's heart warmed at her choice of words.
"…And me?"
It was a joke, but Regina was grateful that the darkness of the apartment hid the color of her face.
"Your Emma-Girl, is she good to you?"
Her cheeks had flushed then too, and she'd ducked her head.
"Mother… she's not my Emma-Anything."
"…You share a child?"
"It's complicated."
"Nonsense, my love. There's nothing complicated about it. But tell me…" she'd crooked a finger under her chin, seeking out her daughter's eyes, "…is she good to you?"
"Yes."
There had been no reply to that, just a sob and the tightening of fingers behind her neck.
"…She liked you."
Emma shrugged.
"I'll take that."
Regina idly traced a pattern across Emma's rib-cage, dancing her fingertips over the newly healed bones.
Her mother had gathered her into her arms.
And all of a sudden, she was a little girl again.
Her Mama was there, and everything was going to be okay.
…Only her Mama wasn't there anymore.
.
.
.
Mama had slipped away from beneath her grasp.
Regina closed her eyes and inhaled Emma's scent, steeling herself for the words of her own confession.
"…She's gone, Emma. She's gone and I couldn't save her."
Emma frowned.
Her voice was smaller than she'd ever heard it.
"But you couldn't have…"
"I should have… it worked before… with the turnover. Why not a heart?"
The answer to her own question was obvious to her.
True Love's Kiss.
It had worked for Henry.
It had not worked for her.
Why would it work for The Evil Queen?
She'd pressed her lips to her mother's forehead.
There was no pulse of blinding light.
There was just a desolate woman holding her mother's corpse.
Emma could feel sense the slumber falling over the other woman, just she could sense it falling over her.
Just as she could sense the subtle notes of Regina's heart's despair.
"Listen to me, Regina."
"…Mhmm?"
"You loved your mother as best you knew how. No one can ever ask for more than that. You loved her more than she deserved to be loved by you, and she knew that. That was all she needed, and you gave that to her. Not everyone is as strong as that."
Emma buried her nose into Regina's hair, eyes growing heavier.
She shut her eyes, and allowed her body to relax.
It was some godforsaken hour in the morning.
And Regina was home.
Her imagination couldn't run away with her, the proof was lying in her arms.
.
.
.
But she wasn't sure if she imagined the small voice that whispered,
"I love you."
A/N: Phew. I'm wiped out.
Drop me a line, let me know what you thought, if you have any ideas, what-have-you.
I've really been trying to nail the relationship between Cora and Regina, and I've been trying to do it justice. Regina's just been so conflicted about it the whole way and now, with that climax of sorts, I hope that you've been able to believe it (what with what we know from the show).
Next chapter I think we'll be piecing together the reason for why Rumple did what he did (Snow missed a bullet there).