The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.
Chapter 12
Journal Entry: 10. Oct 27
Dear Diary,
There's a fish swinging from the chandelier.
We received a mysterious package in the mail today. Being the impetuous fool that he is, Fishfingers decided to slice open the box with his big ass sword. Turns out it's Orochimaru's birthday and the snakebitch sent US a present instead of the other way around. For a genius he's quite the idiot. What's in the box? Oh just a nest of angry snakes. Kisame refuses to come down from the chandelier and Tobi is still hopping around the base on his pogo stick. Deidara and Itachi have remained in their respective comas, despite all my best efforts at electro shock therapy and, Kakuzu is yet to come out of the bathroom. Maybe he's dead. That sometimes happens to 86 year olds.
Sasori is cursing me and my future children for setting a party of hungry termites on him. Sir Leader please come home and save me from the idiot brigade.
Also, it turns out the glowing green liquid of doom Hidan drank turned him into a dog. He's been humping my leg, barking and licking my toes since 5am. Zetsu is not happy. He's still rooted in the terra cotta pot where Hidan has opted to piss into. Zetsu is now sprouting little multi-coloured flowers from his head. Poor Mr Monochrome, I'll have to trim his hedges.
And now for a word from our sponsors: Greetings humans, I have approximate knowledge of many things. For instance, I know that I am possibly going to slay you and munch on your eyeballs. You're trespassing on my dungeon Earthlings, and I'm the thing you should be afraid of. I'm going to unzip your skin and wear you like a coat… this message was proudly brought to you by Cartoon Network.
