The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 17

Random Journal Entry: 04. Date Not Specified

Dear Diary,

Itachi's mind is a dark, dangerous, depressing place. I would hate to be one of his split personalities.

As you know, dear diary, I've been taking time out of my daily schedule to occasionally read through the weasel's journal, and so I hereby bring you an excerpt from the accursed object.

"Dear Diary,

Mood: Apathetic.

My life is spiralling downward. I couldn't harness enough chakra to paint the walls red with Deidara's blood or suffocate Hidan with my intimidating presence. It sucks, cause torturing them is one of my favourite afternoon activities. I like to stab Hidan in the chest cause I hate him and rip his soul apart while listening to 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab' on my me-pod. And it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing that it usually does. Some days, you know.

I'm an emo kid, contorting reality with my ultra super bloodline power. You'd be able to do it too if you had eyes like me. I have paint on my nails and lines on my face, I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs. Coz I feel real badass when I'm dressed in a black cloak with red clouds. I call it freedom of expression, most just call me a rogue nin.

I may look like a chick and am good friends with a dyke, but at least I'm not a transvestite.

Stop my breathing and slit my throat. I must be emo.

I'm dark and troubled with an obsession with being killed by my foolish little brother. Being around my partner makes every day feel like Halloween.

I have no real problems, besides the hereditary disease I'm suffering from. I'm supposed to steal my brother's eyes to cure my illness.

Reading Lovecraftian cult novels and Icha Icha are my hobbies and I can't get through a Kidneythieves album without sobbing. Girls keep breaking up with me, it's never any fun. They say they already have one murderer, they don't need another one. I usually end up trapping their minds in an eternal loop featuring images of Might Gai jogging.

My genjutsu is just a black abyss, you know, it's so dark. Grabbing a hold of you and tightening its grip. Tighter than a pair of Yukino's Jeans (which look great on her by the way).

When I get depressed I throw shuriken and kunai in every direction. I write in a journal and wear thick rimmed glasses. I like to glare and kill villiagers. My nakama and I all wear cloaks. My father never got me you know, he probably never will either, cause he's dead and I was the one who killed him.

I think my brother's gay, I saw him kissing a guy. And he lives with Orochimaru, God I hate that serpent. Why couldn't he stay with Naruto? I mean yaoi fangirls like that kinda thing anyways. I don't know diary, sometimes I think you're the only one who gets me. You're my best friend…

I feel like dango."

That fucking bastard! I am not a dyke, I'm just slightly tomboyish.

I like Kidneythieves , they make me wanna sob too.

Author's Note: This chapter was based on the youtube video by Adam and Andrew called The Emo Song. A big thank you to Tian Kong Shang De Cai SeHippo for all the wonderful ideas you've given me. As always, most of the concepts and characters depicted in this fanfic are not the property of Black Void Productions (a non-existent publishing company I just made up on the spot ten seconds ago because I thought it would sound cool to name a company that, don't you?). They belong to their respective creators and any copyright infringement you may come across is completely unintentional, or maybe it is intentional and I'm just doing it to fuck with you and piss you off,you'll never know.

Itach: So this is how you knew about the tape. You've been reading my damn diary you bitch!

Nekogigi: It wasn't me. Yuki-chan sometimes tells me things I don't wanna hear, like about that uhm,rash you've got going on, for instance.

Itachi: Sh-she told you about that? Well there goes my street cred.

Nekogigi: more fibre sweetheart!