The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.
Chapter 18
A/N: I haven't updated in a while, and for that dear readers, I apologise profusely. Hontoni gomen'nasai.
Hisagi: She's not sorry, she's been having a blast assisting me whip squad 9 back into shape.
Nekogigi: I regret nothing! Ran-chan, wait for meeeeeh!
Rangiku: Stop flirting with readers Shuhei, the sake isn't gonna drink itself. KAMPAI!
Journal Entry: 13. Oct 31 - Not So Special Halloween Special (it isn't even Halloween )
Dear Diary,
It's Halloween in the Land of Waves!
We received a letter in the mail the other day inviting us to Orochimaru's annual Halloween party, Konan says Akatsuki attend every year just to ruin the party by killing as many of the guests as possible and drinking all the punch. Our crazy ginpatsu priest decided to dress as the grim reaper, he already has the scythe so all he had to do was get a cloak from one of the hooded figures in the dog park, he's the only one who can actually communicate with them. How he understands static is beyond me. Kids kept ringing our doorbell asking for candy, Hidan tried to reap many of their souls because apparently it's his candy and no one is allowed to have any. Evidently, he ended up with a sugar rush and we had to lock him in the bathroom, he was yelling, kicking and screaming unintelligible garble at Kakuzu for an hour. Too much cheap candy I tell you, too much!
Itachi's dressed as Dracula, its cute how he trusts my judgement and lets me call the shots when we go out shopping, fangs are quite 'becoming' of him. Dei and Sasori are dressed as Barbie and Ken, Sasori simply transplanted his heart canister into the chest of a life sized Ken doll we stole from the Toys-Đ¯-Us in town and we forced Deids into a sparkly pink cocktail dress I may or may not have shoplifted a couple of weeks ago, it looks better on him than it does on me, I think I may have scorched his hair when I was ironing it with the clothes iron out of jealousy and spite. Konan and I are cosplaying as Loli Maids, the silky royal blue and black lace corset is eating into my flesh and my boobs are touching my chin. The maid thing was Pein's idea, the fucking bastard isn't even dressing up, neither is Kuzu, he says it's just a waste of time and money and wants compensation from whoever came up with the idea of Halloween and inconveniencing him, buzzkill. Zetsu has mysteriously disappeared, he just left a note on the fridge which read "SA'NARA BITCHEZ". You know what diary, he's been wondering off a lot lately. Kisame and Tobi are already scary enough as it is. Kisame's all blue and toothy, and Tobi is in costume all the time, so the two of them decided to wear three piece tail coat tuxedo's with cravats, though Tobi still insists on wearing that wretched mask, they look like employees at a host club. Mega dish delish… Did I just admit to finding those two attractive? fuck me sideways, I did. Unfortunately, Frank was not allowed to participate in our Halloween celebration because "prisoners are not allowed to have fun." master Pein insists. Our plans for mass murder and excessive drinking were soiled however, on account of a sandstorm sweeping over Grass Village from Suna. Also, the void seems to be particularly active this time of the month, it dropped eighteen raccoon carcasses over the past three days and transported an elderly couple. wouldn't want to end up in the Bleach universe like L Lawliet or in Fairy Tail like Ichigo with no way of escaping. Too bad Orochi, I don't think you'll be having any guests over tonight. It's such a pity though, Itachi was really looking forward to seeing his foolish little brother again.
Anyways, Tobi is painfully diabolical. He kept complaining about how boring his "senpai" is and how playing monopoly is no fun if Kuzu keeps winning. He insisted that Pein Almighty rent movies and order pizza, (since we have a new tv now, eighty-four inches of ultra slim touch screen technology. Kakuzu's still pissed at Pein for getting it, but we needed a tv because Sasori was sulking over not seeing Ketsuno Ana every day, he really likes her and threatened to murder us all in our sleep, or poison us, brat!) Sir Leader, irked on by the aggravating whine the lollipop man emitted from behind his mask, complied, if only to get the annoying motherfucker to shut the fuck up. And so Tobi was given free reign over what should be watched and forced us all into having a family movie night as a way of 'bonding'. At the end of Pinocchio, Sasori was leaking sawdust from his eye sockets and after we watched Jaws, Hidan, who had finally been let out of the bathroom, was still high from all the sugar and the thought of all the blood and pain and was jumping up and down on the coffee table, eventually breaking it and falling flat on his ass while Kisame was crying for his mommy. I fell asleep on the shoulder of an already sleeping Deidara half way through Twilight and woke up in my bed a few hours later. According to Konan, Itachi had carried me to my room and tucked me into bed. At least he didn't rape me, Pein the magnificent would have him castrated in the most painful way possible if he ever tried, and Zetsu would probably eat him, Pein-niisan and that Venus fly trap are ever so overprotective of me.
One more thing, I stashed a bag of cheap candy under my bed. I'm gonna sneak off to Dei-dei's room with it and we're gonna stuff our faces, yay!
Shit there's gum in my hair, damn Jashinist!