lost memories

*Disclaimer* I have no rights to the characters or the show.

Emma could feel a breeze sweep through the tension leaving her staring into the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen. Their breaths mingled face to face, nothing left to say, where moments ago they could have ripped each others throats out. Fighting, they always began fighting, about their son, about their town, about anything that brought them this close. Always ending in this, looking deeply into each others eyes.

Emma could see she was so similar to her. She was probably the only one to see her deeper than her anger. She was broken, alone, and afraid to lose the one thing that made her happy. Now the woman's eyes drifted down Emma's body taking the full of her in. Emma didn't take her eyes from hers until they returned. Then she flickered her eyes over her body to her favorite spots.

Even in their present admitting gaze they never took their feeling into action, yet both felt it existed. The short haired brunette huffed and turned to walk away. Emma couldn't have that.

"Regina, wait!" She turns back to her, shifts her weight. "I- I wanted you to know I want to be your friend. I'm sorry, I get angry."

"Friends." Her arms which had been crossed fell in surprise to her sides. A smirk crossed her face and she brought her arms back crossed in attempt to recompose. "Indeed sounds tempting Who says I don't like it when are angry too." With that she continued walking away leaving Emma unsure what just happened.

An alarm blared ripping Emma awake. She groaned as her eyes uncontrollably peeled open. Like every morning she forced herself up from a wonderful dream and got Henry ready for school. Passing Henry's room she heard him stumbling around getting ready. After they moved and he decided he wanted to take his own way to school and a few incidents when Emma hadn't woken up to her alarm he got one for his room.

Entering the kitchen she began breakfast, healthy mostly, but this morning she was in the mood for French toast. Henry behind her began water the house plants fully ready for school. He moved around the room and then paused.

"Mom, maybe I don't remember this person from when I was younger," he waited for her to look at him. "but have you ever been friends with someone named Regina?" It took her a long minute to answer, returning to the slightly to crisp French toast and flipping it.

"Well I don't know but I suppose why?" Her voice betrayed her cracking. She didn't understand how the person in her dream was mentioned not just by someone who she use to know and now her son. Just a hint of fear crept up that should could having feelings for someone real. Behind her Henry shrugs and moves to the next plant as though he's unsure how to explain.

"I think I remember her when I sleep is all. I don't remember her from when I was a baby but I dream of her," he became afraid to say he dreamt of her as his mom, and sometimes of both of them being his mom that would break his mom's heart. "But I'm not a baby in my dreams I don't know why."

"Maybe we both forgot.." She meant to whisper it to herself but he heard. She spun around and gave him a determined look. "We are gonna leave today. Get packed, forget about school."

"What about breakfast?" He asked pointing at the frying pan.

"Oh, shit." She turns takes the slice out and her piece is burnt. "Um.. Well you eat ill pack ok." She places his good on the table and hurries off to her room. Henry is left wondering what she meant that they 'both forgot'. Why had the name seemed to make her want to go away even more. He could hear his mom pulling things hurriedly into a suit case. A moments pause and then returning to the activity of packing.

"What are we going to need? Where are we going? How long are we gonna be." He listed off questions before digging into his plate of food. Emma's head poked out of the room.

"at least a week maybe more. Neil mentioned a boat, so might be chilly. And he kinda hasn't said where yet." She gave a sheepish smile. Henry's face went cold pale.

"We're just gonna go, he hasn't said where and we're going anyways?" Emma frowns and walks out sits a crossed him.

"I know you think of him as the guy that hurt me, he did, but I believe him. I can handle him I promise I won't go without making sure you're safe the whole time." He couldn't doubt her but it really didn't seem normal for her to do something without precautions. "I need to go, but not without you. So do you trust me."

Of course her trusted her after all he was his mother. She jumped as her phone buzzed. Looking at it and then back at Henry. She was asking him if he trusted her not because she felt he didn't trust but she wanted to know if he would trust her choice enough to go with her.

"Yes, I trust you." Instantly she tapped away a response he assumed it was his father. He frowned as he continued eating. "I'm going to call school make sure they know you'll be out for a bit, and my job, it can hold for a week or so." She began dialing and looked at Henry one more time before returning to her room. "We'll come back don't worry."

One year ago:

Regina woke with a start her sheets tangled around her. Her chest heaving from her dreams. Her stomach flipped and clenched at the thought. Struggling to relieve herself from the sheets she rushed to the bathroom, flinging herself over a basin. As if her guilt was in form of her vomit. Wiping her face she weakly cleaned up.

She returned to bed having settled herself down. Her dream had been a fierce memory of Emma and Henry, leaving the behind, and erasing their memories. When she remembered about Emma and Henry she had hoped it would be them smiling and her beautiful laugh not this. She decided breakfast wasn't a good idea but at least walking may help and let her think of a solution.

Walking through the halls she realized how much she liked the idea of being queen again. This time she was different but without Henry and Emma how could she be the person she was suppose to. She would have to make herself be that person for when the returned.

Once she reached the dinning hall she found snow and James already seated. Snow looked up first and her brows frowed. James followed and he practically mimicked his wife.

"Regina did you sleep well you look a little pale." He asked his monotone voice somehow sounded soothing.

"Yes just I slept, I have no appetite though do to stomach problems." She sat and excepted a drink. And grabbed a second cup. She swished and spit into the second cup as she would have in Storybrooke. "Sorry, had to lose the taste."

"Oh, so have you had time to think of a way to return and bring Emma home." He shifted towards her while a plate was set before him. His attention yet to leave her.

"We would need to find a portal. I have a few places to look, maybe hook can use his ship but I don't have an accurate understanding of how his ship travels through worlds." She contemplated possibilities quickest ways were most preferred but she wanted efficacy.

"Yes we shall find him hopefully he isn't to far." He said satisfied and began eating beside him Snow already had started. She understood why James gave her the proposition of ruling instead of Snow. It would be hard to do it alone for the first time and having a speechless wife was no good. "And.." He started with a mouth full but finished after swallowing. "My request? Have you given thought."

"Yes I would be glad to but only if you both were to make sure I was not straying. I'd prefer to be good still when my family comes home." He nodded and agreed.

"They will be home soon don't worry."

Present:

Arriving at the docks Emma quickly got out of Neil's car and opened the back door and rounded to the trunk. She left the car at home for safe keeping. She assured Henry at least twenty times that she believed Neil wasn't going to pull anything. Maybe she was a little quick to trust the man her betrayed her before but it wasn't about him, or her parents, this had to do with who was Regina.

Emma actually had expected a tiny boat, nothing fancy but big enough to travel. To her surprise she was lead to a huge ship. It looked much like its owner very pirate like. He waved from the top of the stairs she wondered how was this ship not catching more eyes than her sons and hers.

"Just let me show you around the bottom. The rooms, kitchen, and bathroom." Neil said taking Emma's bag, Henry still reluctant to trust him. He drove them mostly in silence he thought that after Emma asking questions about the trip he'd know he was telling the truth but it seemed he didn't have the same ability that Emma did when it can to lies and truth telling.

After the tour and walking up to the deck Emma saw Henry relax, a little, but relax no the less. She smiled pulling him into a hug. Facing the man she hardly had to question was steering she asked.

"So who are you?" She was cold and direct making Henry shiver not really used to her sounding so.

He pulled a few ropes she wasn't sure what for, and moved the wheel. Progressively they left the port. She felt uneasy at the lack of response.

"Killian jones," he smiled and turned the wheel more making them reach further from the docks. "Also know to some as hook, Captain Hook." Emma's face drained color. He wasn't serious was, did I just set sail with a looney Henry's hand clenched hers. Neil came up beside her and seeing her face he thought best to get things going before she jumped deck. He gave hook a small nod.

"Emma, he's not crazy." He assured her as though reading her thoughts. "I promise just hold on we are going now. Hook take 'er away."

"What! No wait what you mean not crazy! He said hook! Like as in the Peter Pan fairytale! That is crazy, come on Henry." She was shouting not noticing the portal beside the ship yet. "We are getting our things you take us back to the docks now."

"Sorry Em, I can't, it's to late." He pointed to the swirling green blue sea whirl pool. "This is how we get to your parents."

Shit she gripped Henry and ran to a pole on the deck shouting for home to hold on. Am I fucking dreaming this shit. She thought as she watched half the ship fall in to the hole and drag the rest of the ship in. She expected waves crashing, flailing while holding on, but she just entered into a unconscious darkness.

One year ago:

Regina entered into a old castle, one that she was sure to find empty. Rumplestiltskin being dead meant she wouldn't find him waiting for her. Inside it was cold and dark. She wondered if she might find belle while searching his things. She flicked her wrist lightly bursting open the curtains around the room.

Her eyes fell to the area she heard a gasp. A balled figure sat in a corner, she knew it to be belle but called out.

"Belle?" She walked slowly at first but when the girl lifted her face and she saw the swollen cheeks stained with old tears she rushed to her side. "Oh dear, what are you doing alone where is Neil?" She tucked the brunette a hair behind her ears. A few fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I don't know I was alone when I woke up." She didn't ask how she was here not I where she was when the curse started. Not wanting to sound cruel. She assumed maybe she placed some people in better situations than they where, where they belonged. Belle sniffed and wiped her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Regina took the woman into her arms. Lead her to a real chair to be comfortable. Sat with her for a moment letting her support her as a friend would. She looked around Neil wasn't here but if he wasn't where was he?

"Belle dear I need to find something.." She paused unsure if the use name of his name would be worse or not. "Thought best chance I might be able to find it here." When belle wept again she felt she had offended by not using his name or maybe that she had just came. "Would you mind? You can help maybe take your mind off it for a moment."

It took a moment for belle to nod and agree to stand. She held Regina's hand and let her body follow as if she were a ghost. They entered a room she remembered and hesitantly walked into behind Regina. Belle hadn't want to let go of her hand still wanting comfort but she did realizing she had been holding it tightly.

"What are you looking for?" Belle whispered.

"A portal of some kind." Regina was sure if she could find something she'd be ok to get Emma back soon.
"You know I'm sure Neil is close, he'll be around once he can probably just has to figure out where he is and where to go." Regina began scanning the room. "You should come back with me, we can leave him a note, and you can stay till you're comfortable."

"Your castle? That's far from here-" she started.

"No no," Regina cut it with a light smile. "Snow is unable to speak. James wasn't to focus on helping her and he has never ruled alone. We've agreed to let me rule so long as I'm as good as I was being mayor." She felt a tear drip from the line building up in her eyes. Quickly she wiped it away. Belle looked at her with sympathy.

"It's not easy, to think about there without thinking of them.." Belle said it wasn't a question she knew that's what it was for Regina because it was the same for her. She picked up a mirror just as Regina gave her an agreeing nod.

"Yeah it is," noticing what she was seeing she gasped. She took the mirror with rudely but said sorry before looking it over. It was a portal held magic properties but when she tried to activate it noting happened. She frowned and gentle gave it back. "It should work.." A few minutes of searching again passed.

"Something you said before to Emma, about the curse making it impossible to return. Could that be true with the portals." Belle waited as she saw sorrow take to Regina's face. Trying to produce a little bit of hope she added. "Maybe just the once here in the part that was taken and returned."

"Yes it's possible, I'll just have to find all of them that I can until one works."

Present:

Emma woke with a gentle Shake from Henry. It took her a moment to register his voice calling her name. Her eyes fluttered open seeing Henry smiling and Neil behind him. She groaned realizing she wasn't dreaming. She bolted up and clamored to her feet stepping between Henry and Neil.

"Mom it's ok." She could practically hear the smile in his voice. She took a moment to look around where were they. The see was crystal blue. Trees lined a distant horizon, at least she thought it was distant. After a moment she couldn't think of anywhere around where they left port that looked like this.

"How long have I been out. This isn't close to the docks." Henry looked at his mom shocked she didn't find it amazing they went through a whirl pool and appeared somewhere else. Neil had explained it to him, magic. He had seen the whole thing and unlike Emma who knocked out right away.

"Only a few minutes mom. This isn't back home though, it's a new world. Neil says it's the enchanted forest." His grin spread. "You kinda hit your head when we fell in the whirl pool."

Emma glared at Neil ready to beat his face in for lying to Henry. Fortunately or him Henry quickly tugged her arm.

"I saw the whole thing you gotta believe me ma." He looked at Neil hoping he would explain things.

"Uh Neil! We have a problem." Hook shouted coming down the stairs. He looked at Emma and Henry. "Not serious, but looks like the portal brought us to her kingdom."

"Gezz, just great, how far is it to the white kingdom?" He asked

"Way further, at least three days." He looks to the land ahead. "Should I turn us toward the white kingdom?"

"Emma, I need to talk to you now that we are here I can explain things." He guided her and Henry inside the captains cabin. "We were suppose to arrive for you to see your parents they wished to speak to to first. There is something they believed you could do though. Sit.."

"You mother and father asked us to bring you home you was sent away as a child to another land do to a curse. You broke the curse but after a few things took place we had returned by force to our land and you had to stay with Henry, when we left, you and Henry lost your memories." He saw how both their faces brightened at the mention of lost memories. "Have you remembered anything? It wasn't suppose to be it could"

Emma's mouth dried and made her response unspoken. Henry as nervous as his mother took a moment to word his dream right. Opened his mouth and then closed it and shook his head afraid it was just a dream not a memory. Neil sighed and continued.

"There's a queen she cast the curse but she changed and when we came back she was suppose to stay that way but she was to hurt, alone, and things got worse over the past year we have tried to get back to you." Emma butted in slightly angry.

"You say we like you were around when it happened." She didn't believe him for a moment that she would have let him around.

"I was only for a few months before Henry and you had to stay behind." A lot has happened to much to explain you have to get your memories back." A little longer and he had explained what had happened and Emma eventually agreed to help.

6 months ago:

"This is getting ridiculous, there is no portal here that will work, Neil hasn't been much help, and hook well if he gets your message is in Neverland." Regina stomped from one end of the royal court room to the other.

"Hook will come." Snow spoke up wishing Regina could keep believing. She had able to find Neil, she had been able to reach the blue fairy, seek out tinkerbell and find out if hook was over in Neverland. She had promised to give him a message to come to the white kingdom urgently. "Give tinkerbell time to give him the message."

Regina spun on her heels. She couldn't glare at snow anymore. She was frustrated at her often but still she had gained some sort of bond with her over the past months. Unfortunately every time she looked at Snow she also was unable to hold back her tears. She could see how Emma look like her, it broke her heart just to see parts of her. Every time Regina looked at Snow it reminded her for a second time what it was like to lose love.

Emma acted nothing like her but more her father which he too understood his presence disturbed Regina more so he stayed away. Only around her when needed. She didn't mean to be cruel but she couldn't stop seeing her everywhere. even in a place she had hardly been in.

"Snow I can't keep doing this," she knew it sounded like she was giving up. "I need to think clearly not rule. I'm going to my castle look over my things for a while, maybe I can find something." Snows mouth hung a little and as she closed it she felt the silence seeping into Regina pulling her further away. "Not today, and not forever just a few days. You can take care of things for a little bit." Her robes whooshed around her as she left the room removing herself from a reminder of Emma.

The longer she spent without her the more her hope dwindled and her pain grew. Enter her room she expected it to be empty but instead found a brunette friend waiting for her. She took a soothing deep breath so she wouldn't burden or worsen belle with the same pain she was feeling.

"Belle dear are you doing well, you have been a little quieter than normal?" She crossed the room and took a seat next to belle.

"Of course, I just been trying to feel better move on." Belle lowered her face as if in shame.

"No need to rush moving in." She felt her bond with the brunette had been getting stronger knowing she too had lost a love that day.

"Oh I'm not, it's just sometimes I wish there was a way.. To forget, you know. Make the pain easier or something." Belle searched her friends eyes for answers, she was met with a look as if she had an idea. Regina had an idea but quickly pushed it aside knowing how bad it would in turn make everything else.

"I'm sure one day belle you'll be able to find someone who understands your pain." She later back and let her body relax against the bed. Belle stood and went to the door after a few moments.

"Yes maybe I know who but I'll have to accept things first." She closed the door leaving Regina alone in the dark. Her mind filling with her pushed aside idea.

A few days later she left the white kingdom and in a swirl of purple smoke she was in her old castle walls. She had been afraid to come back like maybe old habits would surface. With a little more focus already than she had when in the white kingdom she started her work.

She looked at her magical items maybe creating a portal would work, but she didn't have that kind of items to enchant. It came to mind that maybe no one would be able to cross if they was from this world. Hook was the only person she could think of. One looking for Portals come up with nothing she looked through her spells book. Looking for a spell that could make transporting, world jumping, or maybe pulling them here instead if travel but she found nothing.

Flipping a few more pages before giving up she turned to the a familiar page, she had used it once before and it was effective. This wasn't a spell for travel or transportation but a potion. She closed the book in a attempt to refuse the idea. Forgetting wasn't the answer. No body could Emma without her.

She sunk into a chair and contemplated her choices she had left. Neil had been comforting belle, was quite useless in magic even with her training, hook the idiot was off in another world probably just a much help, and her world had no portal that would work. She had no more hope of finding a way back to Emma.

"You should just do as you have always done, rule!" A voice shattering her thoughts said. "I made it happen for you now you would go against everything I taught you, for what? love?" The familiar voice cackled, she turned and found a figure faintly leaning against her fireplace. "I've told you! Love is weakness!"

"No mother, I feel weak now without her." Her body shook unable to explain why it was her mother couldn't let her be happy. Again the voice laughed wickedly.

"My dear child, she has made you weak, dependent, and now unable to do the one thing your good at, be a queen!" The figure faded as her eyes blurred and tears spilled. In her head she questioned the truth in her mothers words. Looking at herself she was not strong but was that because Emma made her stronger when around or would she fall apart more becoming weaker with her.

Her hands gripped the book in her grasp. Her trembling fingers traced the words on the page she had closed. Standing up she couldn't make her legs stop, they walked to her potion rack. Plucking out ingredients without thought.

Review

This chapter kinda long but as you can see important.

regina is tempted to forget Emma will she.

Next chapter emma decides if she wants to see her parents or start her quest First. Bella scene hope you enjoy