Away From Atlantis
Disclaimer I don't own John, Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, Todd or anyone other then Lt. Slomski. But more OCs will come. Remember Kolya's still around waiting to pop up.
Chapter Fifteen song Running Out Of Days by Three Doors Down
(Week Twenty Six of John's Change)
That evening John stood next to Carter as she stood over Chuck as they watched the Wraith hive drop out of hyperspace.
"The Wraith ship just dropped out of hyperspace."
"Are they powering weapons?"
"Negative. They're sending a transmission."
"Rodney you're on."
A minute later Rodney spoke up, "Sam that's it."
Sam smiled at him seeming glad his guess was right, "Security, have the Wraith escorted to Dr. McKay's Lab."
After McKay got started and he checked in he went to his room and started thinking about the letters he needed to write. Teyla, Rodney, Ronon, Carter, his brother, his father... Nancy. All of them deserved letters, he'd even write one for Carson when he got out. Siting down he grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, thinking hard he figured he might as well start on the letter he had been thinking about writing for some time now.
Dad
I've been thinking about writing this letter for coming on two years now,
I just hadn't gotten around to it yet, so here it is.
I admit I'm too cowardly to talk to you even just over the phone, not after that last fight.
I know you think being in the military ruined my life, the life you had planed for me.
But its the best thing that ever happened to me, yes it finished my marriage with Nancy and I haven't spoken to you or David in years. But I have a family here at my base, the best family anyone's ever had. I can't talk about the stuff I do or even see here, but even knowing what I do now I would do it again. And even again. I don't think I would change anything except maybe have written this letter years ago. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you more after mom died, I know you always said I was more like mom then you, and I think you're right. I know you always blamed her work at the hospital for her getting sick, I know it made you angry at times she would rather help random strangers then spend time with us. I think that was why you were so furious when you found out I had joined the Air Force.
You told me, that's a road to no where, you were more right then you knew, especially since I never could stomach following orders regarding leaving men behind. But then something happened, I was told go on this mission, you know one of those missions you never are expected back from. But I, and most my expedition made it back. I know I never told you, but I don't know if you know I'm... I was made a Lieutenant Colonel. By the time you get this letter it won't really matter, rank doesn't do you any good on your own. But I thought that was something you might respect.
I'm really writing this letter to tell you you were right, I'm only good at running away.
So this is goodbye, love, your son.
He sat back and read it over again, he knew it didn't get to the point really, but it was pretty much his thoughts, things he'd been thinking about for years. He knew if his dad read it one of two things would happen, he would crumple it up and throw it away, or he would keep it but ignore it. Maybe pull it out those dark nights his Dad never talked about, but either way, by the time his father got it, it wouldn't really effect him.
He had a bit more to say to his brother;
Dave,
Wow, not really sure what to say, you're my big brother, I looked up to you, you seemed so cool.
I only wanted you to be proud of me, but you sided with dad that day I left.
Now I look back and understand why, but it doesn't change the fact I was hurt when you never called.
It was great that day before I married Nancy, just us, drinking, hanging out. But then when you and dad found out I wasn't leaving the military despite being married to Nancy, things went back to the harsh silence. I can just see your face when you get this letter, Rodney and probably Teyla or Ronon will be with him, maybe even both, and they'll go 'your brother John Sheppard is now listed as MIA'.
You'll just be like what did the idiot do now?
Of course knowing them, they won't take it well, probably say something rude, well Teyla might not but Rodney or Ronon will. So I'm sure you'll be offended and after they tell you as much as they can you'll have pissed them off and they'll have pissed you off, so when you finally get around to reading this letter. Which I bet you'll either do right away or wait a week it sitting on your desk or dresser, some place where you can look at it, I just want you to know it wasn't really anything personal. They'll be worried about me. And Rodney has said worst about me to my face I'm sure.
I can't tell you much, but I just want you to know I found my place in the universe. It was at their sides, the four of us could do anything. You know how you always were so mad at me when I was a kid 'cause I was always getting hurt or getting you in trouble, well I still haven't lost that talent but they always helped get me out of it. And we helped a lot of people doing it.
I know I told you that day the military was my late night shift, but now it's more then that, I wanted to stay here till I died. That just wasn't possible, when they tell you MIA what they mean is for some reason they don't know I ran away. Just like Dad always said I was doing.
He always said I was selfish, and at the moment I can't help but agree, but at the same time I'm trying to protect my friends, my other brothers, and my sister. My friends here on the base, and... I can't say more. But I hope in the next few years you get remarried, have those kids you always wanted and live a happy life.
Your brother.
He reread his letter and then realized he had been at this for three hours, he should go to bed. Folding the letter for his brother he put it under his magazines with the letter to his father. No need for anyone to see them before he left, which ever day he decided to make a run for it he'd put those and whatever other letters he had finished on his bed.
(Week Twenty Six and Three Days)
He was surprised when called for a meeting between him, and Carter and her, walking in she had a strange look on her face. Sitting down she said, "Davos' cancer is in remission."
He and Carter shared a confused look.
"But I thought you said he was terminal?"
She nodded, "He was, then after he was brought in after collapsing in the cafeteria, his next scans showed it had shrunk. I was shocked and after checking everything I could think of there was no logical explanation. And even though he was in a much better state he still needed surgery, so that's what I did. He is almost well enough to leave the infirmary."
"So you're saying, half his cancer vanished, and he suddenly was back to a time where he was treatable again?"
Dr. Keller nodded, her eyes wide. "It's impossible. It's a miracle, one I can't explain."
John remembered he had held the man up before he went to the infirmary but shrugged it off, he hadn't tried to heal the man and if he had he wasn't saying anything.
(Week Twenty Six and Five Days)
He had to admit some of the stories or reports he was getting from the security shifts on the Wraith were funny, Rodney apparently was still frightened by the Wraith never mind his hands were chained at all times. But he was politer to him then any other person on the base.
He wan't too surprised when Carter told him she was pretty sure the Wraith was holding something of the code back. He told her straight out then, as good as the reasons they had to distrust the Wraith the Wraith had ones just as strong to distrust them. She didn't argue. But she didn't say any more either.
Then he heard about the other hive ship.
He, Carter, Ronon, and McKay with Woolsey in the background confronted the Wraith; however uncomfortable with Ronon in his face, gun to his chest he felt, he stayed calm.
"I swear I know nothing of this."
"You gave our position away to another hive ship." he said it, but he just wasn't sure that was the case. Davos had given Keller a vision of a hive ship being blown up, so he was pretty sure either they had been betrayed or this other hive was an enemy hive ship and the two would fight.
"Why would I betray you now, just as we're beginning to trust each other?"
That comment could have been general, but he felt like it was focused on him, made because the Wraith was looking at him rather then looking around the room.
"We're not, really, are we? You held back some of the virus." McKay sounded miffed about that.
The caught the Wraith off guard, he was surprised he been found out so early, he had underestimated Rodney, he supposed it wasn't hard to do, given how nervous Rodney got around him.
"Just a small portion, nothing that keeps us from completing our work."
Just enough to keep us from thinking you're expendable. The sharp look he got made him realize he had projected it.
"And once that is done, I will gladly transmit the remainder."
"I say we kill him right now." Ronon growled.
"I agree." Woolsey said.
The Wraith looked over their faces, John could see he was nervous, he really had not expected to be called on it so early.
"I had no way of knowing you would not simply take the virus and then turn against me."
"I am offended you could even think that."
He got a swift glare, and low chuckle.
"The point is, you lied. How do we know you're not lying about the ship?"
He noted the Wraith didn't seem to like looking at Ronon, probably the blood lust, it probably bothered him to know it was for his death.
"Wraith are divided into many camps. There is much suspicion and mistrust. The last thing I need is for another Hive to appear before I can complete this work."
That snarl sounded genuine.
Rodney snapped his fingers, "That's it, that's why they're coming. They're tracking his ship. Think about it, a single hive off by itself, out in the middle of nowhere, orbiting a supposedly uninhabited planet. It's bound to raise a few eyebrows."
Then Rodney looked at the wraith, "I mean, if you guys.. uh, had them."
He got the feeling that, that amused the Wraith, or that Rodney in general amused him. Or maybe all of them did. Who knows?
The Wraith stared down Ronon and took some pleasure in exhaling into his face, like some smokers do, "There is only one solution, you must cloak the city."
Two Hours Later Carter's Office
John found himself reclining in one of Carter's chairs again, listening to Woolsey panic again, maybe panic was too strong a word but the man couldn't seem to keep a cool head in this at all.
"We cloak the city, we lose shields. We'd be completely vulnerable to attack."
"And what if he is telling the truth?" Carter asked strongly. Clearly she was with him on the thus far everything the Wraith had lied to them about had been in fear for his own preservation. "If we don't cloak the city we're giving away our position."
"He'd been playing us from the start. This is what he's wanted all along."
"And Mr. Woolsey if he wants us blown out of the water why hasn't he come up with some excuse to leave? We die, he dies, did you ever think of that? And didn't you think just a little while ago the Replicators were going to destroy the city, and now you think it's the wraith? Which one is going to do it?"
"How long until the second hive gets here?"
"Less then two hours."
Carter stood, he could tell she felt conflicted and he didn't blame her, this job was hard, he knew how often Elizabeth struggled, he'd been there almost every time. She dismissed him and Mr. Woolsey, but he wondered where she was going, so he drifted after her. He found her in the infirmary, talking to Davos.
"Hello again."
"Hello Colonel, it's nice to see you. But I am afraid I can't offer any more insight into future events. These medicines dull my mind."
"That's alright. That's not why I came. Although I did want to ask you a few questions about your visions, if you feel up to it?"
"Of course."
"Have you ever been wrong?"
"No."
"Knowing how events play out, you haven't been able to change the future, or... Or avoid it?"
Davos chuckled, John got the feeling that was something a lot of people thought about but didn't ask him about. "I'm afraid not."
"What about the culling on your planet?"
"I never saw a culling, I saw merely the Wraith Ships coming, and that is exactly what happened. Dr. McKay's vision happened exactly as he saw it, it was his interpenetration of what he saw that was incorrect."
"Pretty hard to misinterpretation what I saw."
"I make no judgements, but I do know it will come to pass."
John closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, what good or kind reason could there be for him to be on the Wraith's ship over Atlantis? How could he misinterpret a feeding slit in his hand? Maybe Carter saw a Replicator Atlantis blowing up, they had proven they could build them... of course why Replicators would be blowing other Replicators up seemed far fetched but it could happen.
"It's hard for me to except that. You're telling me that the future is predetermined, I've always believed that the future is what you make it."
"Perhaps both are true. Perhaps the future is predetermined by the character of those who shape it."
That made a lot of sense, it was just so hard to balance the idea of seeing the future when you know of other places where that could never happen.
"One thing has been clear to me from the moment I set foot in this city. The galaxy is at a crossroads. Never before have I sensed that the future of so many worlds can turn on the actions of so few."
He let Sam walk past him, before he walked in. Davos looked up at him; "John."
"Davos."
"You were listening."
"Yes."
"Then you know it will happen and it can't be changed."
He sighed, "I had a feeling of what I would see when I touch your hand, I knew it was coming, it just was unpleasant to see it."
Davos smiled, and took his hand again, "Have a little faith, I worried because things had changed so rapidly, but as it settled, this is a future I had never even dreamed of."
"What do you mean?"
Davos smiled, "Have faith, you are not the monster you think, you and I both know why I am better."
John closed his eyes. "So I was right, you have seen more. More of what I will have to do."
Davos and squeezed his hand, "Just as anyone can take life, it is far harder to give."
Dr. Keller walked over, and frowned a little, "Are you okay Col. Sheppard? You look a bit pale."
He swallowed and worked up a smile, "Just a little talk about things already decided."
She nodded, a quizzical look in her eye. He decided to leave, leave her to take care of Davos.
An Hour and Five Minutes Later
John walked out on the balcony, Carter was looking over the edge, thinking hard. He walked up till he stood behind her and waited for her to speak.
"The other ship will be here soon, you should be in the chair room."
"I'll go there soon, are you saying I should start shooting?"
"No I have not decided we're taking them out, I am having a hard time deciding anything at the moment."
He thought for a moment, "You know what the problem is? Too much information."
She looked up at him, "Really?"
"There is only so much information you need to make a decision and anything after that only complicates it. Like these visions are they making things better or worse?"
He supposed if he spent enough time as a hybrid and he was right and he is Wraith enough not to age he would probably join up with one at some point or another, the worrying thing was they were over Atlantis. Why would he do that? Be there?
"Well, they helped you avoid being captured by the Wraith."
"Did they? You know as well as I do we would never walk into a trap unprepared, even if McKay hadn't seen it.
"The future is predetermined by the character of those who shape it."
"What is that?"
She looked at him and then shook her head, "Nothing."
"Look technically Woolsey is correct. The safety of this expedition and the city is our first priority, and based on that there is only one decision, take out both the hives as soon as possible."
"But..."
"But, what the hell is the point of being out here if we're not going to help people? We're going to be safe and sound while the rest of the galaxy gets slaughtered?"
"So, play it safe, or take a chance with the Wraith and possible save millions of lives."
He stayed silent, she needed to decide this herself he wasn't going to be around forever. His clock was ticking, he could feel it, soon he'd have to run.
"This kind of decision used to be easy, but then I was just making it for myself. Now I'm asking a lot of people to take a chance with me."
"Everybody on this base chose to be here, and they did so because they believe in the same things you do."
"So if anything goes wrong...
"I'll be ready and waiting in the chair."
She nodded and he knew she was ready, he walked off heading for the chair room.
Fifteen Minutes Later
He felt Rodney and his tech team engage the cloak, he had known she could take the brave step. "I'm in the chair Colonel."
"Understood."
Five minutes after he climbed in the chair Rodney spoke over the intercom, "Second hive just dropped out of hyperspace."
"Come guys what's happening?"
"Stand by."
"They're still just talking."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. We got a problem."
"What is it?"
"What's going on?" He hated being kept in suspense.
"Both ships just powered weapons."
"Should I fire drones?"
"John wait."
He felt his fingers tense, but let the city stop half way to firing, he waited for the first alarms to blare but nothing came. The city just told him the two ships were up there.
"Colonel Sheppard, as a ranking officer of the IOA I am assuming command of this base. I order you to lunch the drones now."
If Woolsey thought he was going to follow that panicked order he had breathing way too many fumes.
Belay that order!" Carter shouted. Not that he had gone to follow.
Thirty seconds of silence and Rodney spoke up, "Hold on, something's happening."
Another pause, "The hives are firing on each other."
"And not pulling any punches either."
A longer pause. "They just destroyed each other."
"I guess the other Wraith didn't buy their story."
He sighed in relief and let the city nudge the chair upright, Carter had now passed the first test of her command, her instincts would now be trusted by the expedition. Sure she had handled small tiffs, and internal things but this was her first big test, and she passed with flying colors.
(Week Twenty Six and Six Days)
He walked down to the brig to supervise the Wraith being taken to McKay's lab again, as normal, he liked to be there every morning since it was his advice the Wraith was there. The Wraith seemed annoyed by the general feelings of relief everyone felt at not having a hive over head. "So all it took was the destruction of my ship for you to finally trust me."
"Not true, I still don't trust you."
He watched as the belt was put on, and then followed as they took him upstairs, he had to admit to himself, he could probably break those cuffs if he wanted too, it if nothing else reassured him the Wraith was serious, he wanted to be trusted here. He wasn't out to cause harm.
Having seen the Wraith to the lab he hurried up to say good bye to Woolsey, reaching the gate room he saw Carter leaving. "Where's Woolsey?
"Oh, you just missed him."
"That hurts my feelings, I didn't even get to say goodbye yet." He fell into stride next to her.
"How's McKay doing?"
"He and the Wraith are back at it, but I guess they're having a problem getting this virus thing to work."
"I hate to think this was all for nothing."
"Well we got out alive, the city's location is still secret. That still counts for something."
"Hmm."
"Still thinking about those visions, hun?"
"Yeah I can't them out of my head. Speaking of which I heard you had one."
"That was personal, nothing to do with the city at all. But not one I'm going to share."
She looked at him slyly. "You and Teyla having sex?"
He glared, "No."
"You and Ronon."
"That's it, I'm leaving."
He turned down a corridor and she called after him, "You and Rodney?"
He gave her the one fingered salute, her laughter echoed back at him, he just was glad she had picked to tease him about that rather then trying to guess seriously. And he was glad he had distracted her from worrying about being blasted by Replicators. He was going back to his office to work on some paperwork, then he was going to slip off to his room and finish his letter to Nancy.
Nancy, bet your surprised to get a hand written letter,
you always said I was never one for communication. So here I am communicating.
I bet a nerdy man is handing you this letter after telling you I am MIA, that's mostly true,
the reasons for it just aren't the ones you're thinking. But I'm not writing this to talk about that, I just want to say things I should have said before. I love you, not passionately, not any more. But I think of you fondly, I suppose your memories of me are a little more unhappy and thats my fault. For that I'm sorry. I just want to say, where ever you are, whatever you are doing I hope you're happier then I made you.
Goodbye, John.
He reread it, he wasn't happy with it, there was more to say, but this was all he could say, she wouldn't want to read him saying sorry for the year he missed their anniversary, she didn't want him saying he'd wished he'd given her a kid, she had never wanted one. She had wanted him home, or working at an office, top secret, fine she didn't care if he couldn't talk about work, it was his not being there that got to her. And her wistfulness, her demands, had killed his passion, he supposed he should have thought it through, she was the sort of girlfriend who wanted to know when she would see you, not I'll be home soon, meaning two weeks, not I'll be gone for a trip, she needed a timetable, something he hadn't been able to give.
He supposed that was why he had nursed a far away love for Elizabeth, they had some sparks, and sure they didn't agree on a lot of things, but they had more they could have shared. Had she not been the boss. That was why he had been so surprised when Ronon said he'd always thought him and Teyla would get together. He supposed they were very close, and she was very beautiful, but she didn't have what Nancy and Elizabeth had, even if she looked a fair amount alike to Nancy. He folded the letter, he would put it with the others, his letter to his Father, his brother, and his letter of resignation. He just had Ronon's, Rodney's. Teyla's, Lorne's, Carter's and Carson's.