Just Always Be Waiting For Me
Chapter 6
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and all rights go to their respective owners.
Harry had fallen into the routine of napping after class and in between homework or whichever activities he had planned that afternoon. He usually faired two or three hours of sleep until Severus nudged him awake at dinner time. Most of the time he skipped going to the Great Hall at all and had whatever the house elves fancied bringing him. He'd then carry out whichever activity he was responsible for that day and his Head Boy duties. He'd then come back and sleep a bit more on the couch in the sitting room where Severus was reading. Severus would usually wake him and send him off to bed. It wasn't exactly ideal, and he'd fallen asleep in more than one lesson, but for now it was what was working best for him.
When Severus sent him off to bed he usually stayed awake as long as he could manage. He did as much coursework as he could manage and was already weeks ahead of where he was meant to be. The worst part of being a part time defense instructor was the grading papers part, he didn't really blame Severus for thinking that they were all dunderheads. He knew that they were first and second years who were still learning, but that didn't change the fact that he felt like they weren't even trying. After coursework and grading papers, he'd usually do lesson plans until he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. A few hours later he'd wake up screaming and Severus would rush in with a calming draught and force him to drink it. He had given up the Dreamless Sleep entirely and was suffering the consequences of said decision.
On top of all of this he was also actively avoiding Draco Malfoy. It wasn't as if the boy was actively seeking him out or anything, but if he was coming down a corridor and saw Draco coming as well, he'd turn on his heel and take off the other way. It was sort of getting ridiculous, but he didn't want Severus, an already highly suspicious person, to think that there was anything on going on between them at this point. They hadn't even spoken to one another since it'd happened, and Harry had expected to never see him but in passing and well here he was everyday. The only damage control that he really needed to do was to spit it out already, but he couldn't even manage that much.
The weekends were his favorite part of the week. Quidditch matches hadn't started yet, and that meant that he could lounge around and nap as much as he liked. He and Severus had decided to temporarily postpone their weekly dinners until they had both properly settled into their school year routine. It wasn't a big deal, and they still spent more time than Harry had originally anticipated together.
His biggest problem at the moment was that he could only manage to be nightmare free when he knew that Severus was in the room, he wasn't sure if the man had noticed this or not. When Severus was in the room he could sleep in peace and he felt safe, it was an odd sensation and he wasn't even sure what to make of it yet. It was a bit embarrassing that seemingly the solution to his problem was that his Potions Professor/Husband was the answer to his biggest problem. If they'd willingly entered into this marriage it might not have been any trouble at all to admit this, but with things the way they were he wasn't sure if he was ever going to being able to just blurt that out. He was also unsure of whether or not Severus had noticed this, and what if he had? Would he even mention it? It was all entirely too frustrating for Harry to deal with alone, but who was around to share it with? Ron and Hermione were off living their married life and he was here with Severus Snape.
"Weekends are the only bit of the week that I enjoy," Harry yawned as he curled up on the sofa in front of the fire.
"Why so you can laze about for the next three days?" Severus retorted without even looking up from the stack of essays he was bestowing his fury upon.
"Git."
"Brat," Severus shot back. "Might I remind you that trainers are not an approved part of the school uniform."
"Might I remind you that I don't care," Harry shrugged and yawned once more.
"Might I remind you that I could give you a detention."
"Might I remind you that I continue not to care at all."
"I think you should see a therapist," Severus said suddenly, all but shattering the playful air of the room.
"What?!" Harry asked sitting upright.
"You're clearly suffering. I know about your sleep schedule, you're refusing Dreamless Sleep, and you wake up screaming every morning," Severus said putting aside the papers he was grading. "I think that it would help you greatly to talk about what happened and if you do not feel comfortable talking to me or anyone else perhaps a professional would be beneficial to you."
"This only happens here at the school!" Harry protested. "Almost the entire summer I was fine!"
"I think this summer was a fluke and that you were repressing these nightmares, but now you can no longer do that now that you're faced with the scene of the crime. I think this will help you in the long run. I believe if you talk to someone about it then things will get better, you will stop blaming yourself for thinks you had no control over."
"Fine, I'll give it go, but first I'm going to have a kip," he groused and settled in for a nap.
It was the following monday that Harry found himself bunking off classes and sitting in a therapist's waiting room with Severus. The man had taken the liberty of finding him a therapist and scheduling him an appointment, and part of Harry suspected that Severus had done this before even talking to him about coming, and cancelled his morning classes, to many a first year's delight, in order to accompany him along to his first visit. He wasn't going to lie, he was really thankful that Severus had decided to come along with him, if he'd had to come on his own he felt that he might of done a runner and lied about coming at all. Severus probably knew that of course and that alone was probably the reason that he came along at all, but Harry wanted to believe that he had come along in a show of support and not because he had a lack of faith in him coming at all.
He was very nervous and his leg bounced in anticipation as they sat and waited. After awhile Severus put a hand on his knee in order to still him. He sighed softly and picked up the nearest copy of Witch Weekly and immediately let out a laugh. The magazine was claiming that Harry had been spotted in Bulgaria with Viktor Krum. They had a few long distance photos of Viktor with a dark haired boy that sort of resembled him, but was clearly not him. He couldn't wait for one of his classmates to sell off the fact that he'd been missing classes and he'd probably gone to see Viktor in favor of going to Transfiguration.
"Apparently, I'm having an affair on you with Viktor Krum," he smiled and handed the magazine to Severus.
"Mindless dribble," he scowled and tossed the offensive magazine back onto the table.
"Don't be jealous now Sev, I'm sorry I couldn't make it to Potions class I was on a date with international Quidditch superstar Viktor Krum," he grinned impishly.
"Don't call me Sev.."
"Harry Potter?" The receptionist called, effectively cutting Severus off. He stood up nervously and with a nod from Severus followed her into an empty office. This was it.
The therapist's office reminded him in a way of how Dumbledore's had been. There were loads of bookshelves filled with thick volumes and magical trinkets that he had no clue as to what they did. It was kind of comforting to find himself in a such a familiar environment. The desk was neatly organized with a name plate that read: Healer Kester. It didn't really grant much to the imagination or to who the person might actually be.
After what felt like ages to him, the door behind him opened and shut with a quiet click. A bald middle aged man, who wasn't that bad looking, sat in front of him at the desk. The man took a long drag off of a cigarette before putting it out on the tray in front of him and offered Harry a small smile. He nervously smiled back, and was anxiously waiting for the man to break the silence that had settled between them. This Healer Kester seemed nice enough so far, but he hadn't actually spoken a word, but he did feel his nerves start to subside a fair amount.
"Hullo Harry, I'm Healer Kester," he smiled again and set about opening a diary.
"Hi," he replied softly.
"I want this to be as casual as possible. There's no need to be nervous. I don't want to press anything and you can talk about whatever you like."
"I have nightmares," he said immediately and looked down at his feet. "Like proper terrible nightmares, the kind where you wake up screaming. I haven't been sleeping because of them."
"What sort of nightmares, what happens in them?" Kester asked scribbling down some notes.
"They're always about Voldemort...I hope you don't mind that I use his name," Harry said stopping for reassurance.
"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself," Kester said reassuringly.
"Hermione always says that," he grinned at the man.
"Now, back to these nightmares, what happens with Voldemort?"
"They're always about the final battle and everyone who died, and sometimes people who didn't," he shrugged, really not wanting to go further into it.
"I see and have you tried to take Dreamless Sleep. It's not a long term solution, but in the short term it might be immensely helpful."
"I have, but I stopped because I know it can become addictive and I don't really want to be dependent on anything like that."
"Okay, and is there any time that you've noticed that you're not prone to nightmares? Is there anything that you do that you've noticed that is helpful in curbing their effect on you?" As Kester asked this he could feel his cheeks going a deep scarlet color and looking down at his shoes again.
"Um...well..." he started. "When Severus is in the room, like if I'm asleep in the living room and Severus is about I don't have them. I don't know why really, I just guess I feel safe."
"Is there any reason you feel like you're safe when Severus is about?"
"He's just always been there, when I was mucking things up he was coming along behind me picking things up and fixing them, and I didn't even realize it for longest time," he said twiddling his thumbs.
"And have you told Severus this?" Kester asked interestedly.
"No, I don't want him to mock me or think that I'm childish or something like that. We've had bit of a sordid past and I don't want to make things more difficult for him. I mean I guess I already am by waking him up screaming every night, but I don't mean to do that."
"You should tell him what you told me. You should tell him that you feel safe around him. I doubt that he would think any less of you for it. It's only a temporary solution, but I think it will help you."
"You don't know Severus Snape like I do," Harry grimaced at the thought. "I mean he's changed loads, but I still don't know how far his niceness extends where I'm concerned."
"You're married, even if it wasn't your typical union, I don't think he'd object as much as you think that he would. Give it a try, I think it'll do you a world of wonder. It's not a long term solution, but it will help you."
The rest of the session went much the same way, with Kester teaching him meditation methods, and instructing him to clear his mind before bed. He also continued to encourage him to speak to Severus about his nightmares. He had to admit that so far he was definitely starting to like the man. Kester told him that their next meeting would be on the following Monday after his classes were finished and to floo right into the waiting room. His receptionist would take care of him from there.
When he came back out into the waiting room he found Severus reading the paper. He smiled hesitantly at the man who stood up and smoothed out his robes. After telling him he was ready to go, they flooed back into their quarters. He had to admit that he was definitely feeling a little lighter after talking to Kester.
A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!