A/N: Thank you, CharlietheCAG for the beta on this chapter, and all the others.
After Maura left, I realized I still had almost an hour before breakfast. I pulled out the tablet computer and surfed to my bank's website. I pulled up my bank account information for the first time since my accident. My settlement from the NYPD still hadn't come through, but my disability payments had been accruing there the entire time, and even though the payments were small in comparison to my normal pay, there was more money in my account than I anticipated.
I wasn't sitting on a goldmine, but I was sitting on enough money to make two purchases that I needed to make. My first order of business was to go to a floral website and pick out a bouquet of flowers to have sent to Maura at work as a nice surprise for her to find when she got in. I picked out an arrangement that was pretty but not too romantic, and a reasonable price.
Next I went over to a police supply website and picked out a leather badge holder for Frankie. I had always promised him I would buy him that when he got his gold badge. I hoped he didn't already have one. I had the badge holder shipped in my name to Maura's address. I had them ship it express, so it would be there by the time we had our little gathering on Sunday. The express shipping fees were ridiculously expensive, but since I didn't have the option of going into a store to buy it, it was my only choice.
Once my shopping was done, I put the tablet away and picked up my crutches to go get dressed. I wanted to be ready and waiting for the morning nurse. I did not fall over when getting changed that morning, though I was far more careful than I was the night before.
When the nurse came to meet me after breakfast, we walked down to the elevator and the aquatic therapy center on the first floor. I did my therapy with a renewed vigor that morning, and every morning up until Thursday. I didn't ask for or use the wheelchair once all week.
Thursday afternoon came around a lot faster than I thought I would. The weekend pass that Doctors Gilfried and Grossberg had talked about stayed at the forefront of my thoughts since they told me about it. I had worked really hard in therapy, and I know Derrick was impressed by my use of the crutches. I did every exercise with Maura's house in mind. I followed every instruction with the thought of spooning against Maura all weekend long at the forefront. I spoke to Dr. Gilfried in our sessions about my hopes for the weekend and the progress I was making that week.
So by the time Thursday afternoon rolled around, I was totally, completely exhausted, but I had still managed to keep myself from 'overdoing it' like Dr. Grossberg had said. My final hurdle was to get through therapy with Dr. Gilfried that afternoon. I knew Dr. Grossberg would also stop by to do a physical assessment. I was very nervous when I walked into Dr. Gilfried's office.
"Hi Jane," she smiled at me.
"Hi Doc," I said.
"What's wrong?" Dr. Gilfried gave me a concerned look, obviously able to tell I was very anxious about something.
"Honestly?" I asked.
"That's the only thing you're allowed to use around here, Jane. Honesty." Dr. Gilfrie's response was cheerful and not condescending.
"I'm nervous about this session today. I worked really hard this week, and all I can think about is going home for the weekend. If I didn't earn this pass, I'm going to be heartbroken."
"Well, tell me about your week," Dr. Gilfried suggested calmly.
"Maura came by on Tuesday night and we had dinner and watched a movie. I talked to her about what you told me to talk to her about, and she was very understanding. She said she really wants for me to come home to her, but that I could decide where I sleep- whether it's with her or in my own room- and that if I felt like our living arrangements were not working out, she would gladly help me to make other arrangements. But she also emphasized that she understands we've been apart for a long time, and that we both will have things we have to get used to."
"And how did that make you feel?"
"Mostly relieved. I'm relieved that she agrees with me, and that she wants to take things slowly. I also feel a little bad though, because even though I didn't mean to, I think I scared her a little, and made her feel bad when I told her I thought we were moving a little quickly. To her credit though, in the end she took it in stride, and was more than willing to accommodate me to make me feel better. Maura's always been wonderful like that," I said proudly.
"So you're okay with the idea of going home to her when it's time for you to be released to outpatient therapy?"
"Absolutely. I trust Maura, and I know she has my best interests at heart. If she says she's going to do something, she follows through with it." There was no doubt in my mind that Maura was going to go above and beyond to make me feel at home.
"And what about you? What accommodations are you going to make for Maura?"
"How do you mean?" I really had no idea what the doctor was asking.
"Well, it's not all about you, Jane," Dr. Gilfried said with a smile.
"Well, I'd do anything for her that I could. She hasn't really approached me with any fears, so I don't know what kind of accommodations she would want me to make. But if she did approach me, I'd listen to her and reassure her that I'd do anything I could for her."
"Don't you think you should ask her if she has any fears?"
"Uh, I guess so. I didn't really think of that. I've never been really good at talking about feelings. Now I feel like I'm being selfish," I admitted.
"Well, that will be your assignment for this weekend, to talk to her about how she's feeling about all of this."
"Wait, does that mean… Am I going home this weekend?" I asked, excitedly.
"You have my approval, you just need to earn Dr. Grossberg's when she gets here," Dr. Gilfried cautioned.
And as if that was her cue, Dr. Grossberg knocked on the door and let herself into the office.
"Hello Jane. Dr. Gilfried." Dr. Grossberg was all business, and it made me even more nervous.
"Hi Doc," I said. Dr. Gilfried nodded her greeting.
"So Jane, how are you doing?"
"I'd say I'm doing well. I haven't used the wheelchair since Tuesday when I left this office. I had a really great aqua therapy session this morning, too. Every day I use the crutches, I feel stronger. I still rely on them a great deal for support, but I already feel stronger than I did at the beginning of the week."
"That's good." Dr. Grossberg said. "Let me see you walk."
I stood up without the crutches and then put my arms into the cuffs. I walked the length of Dr. Gilfried's office and back.
"Once more, please," Dr. Grossberg requested.
I walked the length of the office and back once more and, at Dr. Grossberg's nod, sat back down on the couch.
"Very good, Jane. Though I'm going to ask Derrick to address that limp with you. Do you have pain when you use your right leg?"
"No, but I do notice that my gait doesn't feel right."
"It's normal, after injuries like yours, to have a lurch or a limp. We'll work out as much of that as we can in therapy."
"Will it have an effect on my weekend pass?" I asked.
"Not at all. You can go home this weekend, provided the place you're going is ready for you?"
"Yes, Maura's been preparing all week. She got a list of supplies from the day nurse and she's even had my prescriptions filled for me. She's really excited that I'm coming home."
"Terrific. This Maura is a doctor, right?"
"Yes. Well, a pathologist, though she's worked so many emergencies- including some of my own- that if she wasn't the world's best medical examiner, I'd say she missed her calling in emergency medicine."
"That's reassuring," Dr. Grossberg said. "You can go home tomorrow after therapy. Be back by 10pm on Sunday, Jane. And be careful. It's going to be very tempting to overdo it while you're home. Don't give yourself a setback."
"I won't. Thank you, Doctor. Both of you, thank you. I can't wait to go home!" I was so happy I thought I could float up, off the couch.
"Don't forget you still have to do therapy in the morning. Let's have a follow up in my office on Monday after your physical therapy. Is that all right, Dr. Gilfried?"
"It's fine with me. We'll resume our regular schedule on Tuesday, Jane."
"Okay. I won't forget about therapy in the morning. Maura is going to come and pick me up at noon, once I call her to give her the okay."
Dr. Grossberg got up and gave me a smile. "Have a good weekend, Jane."
"Thanks, Doctor." I couldn't hide my elation.
I looked over to Dr. Gilfried. We weren't even a half hour into our session, so I knew I wasn't escaping anytime soon.
"You really want to call Maura, don't you?"
"Yes." I was barely able to suppress my grin. I was going home for the weekend!
"All right. We'll make this short. Is there anything you want to talk about before you go home?"
"Not really," I said truthfully. "I'm thrilled."
"Nothing making you anxious or worried at all?"
"Should there be? I mean, I've just been picturing it like it was before Maura met William. Just a weekend on the couch, watching movies. My family coming over on Sunday for dinner. Is there something I should be nervous or anxious about?"
"Well, not that I want to upset you, but what if things are not exactly like they were before William showed up? A significant amount of time has passed and Maura's had her fair share of problems too. It's possible that either she or the environment in her home may somehow be different than you remember it."
"Then I'll spend my time there getting to know her, and the environment again," I argued.
"All right, then," Dr. Gilfried said, satisfied.
I fidgeted.
Dr. Gilfried smirked at me. I shifted in my seat and looked at the clock. Still twenty-five more minutes to the session. I looked back at Dr. Gilfried and fought myself not to grimace.
"Oh just go, Jane! Go call Maura. And have a great weekend." Dr. Gilfried laughed.
"Thank you!" I bellowed as I jumped up and nearly fell over.
"Be careful, Jane! You can't go home if you get hurt!" Dr. Gilfried's face registered panic on my behalf.
"I'm fine!" I grinned, grabbing the crutches. "I promise to be careful!" I called over my shoulder as I hustled back to my room as fast as my wobbly legs would carry me.
"Jane?!" Sara stood up, surprised I was back in my room so soon. "Are you all right?"
"I'm going hoooooooommmee!" I yelled, excitedly.
Sara jumped up, clapping her hands together. "That's terrific, Jane!"
"Well, just for the weekend. I got my pass. I gotta call Maura," I said, reaching into the drawer in the bedside table for my phone.
"I'm so happy for you! You're going to have such a great weekend," Sara said as she stepped out of the room to give me some privacy while I made my call. Before I dialed though, I quickly read through the messages Maura had sent while I was in therapy.
My fingers are crossed. Have a good day in therapy and please let me know about the weekend pass as soon as you can.
Your mother wants to have everyone over on Sunday. Would this be okay?
The wait is killing me. I know you're in therapy, I just wish they'd tell you.
If you can't come home, (but I am hoping you can) I will come and spend the weekend with you.
By the way, did you have a package shipped here?
Any news yet?
Disregard my last message. Just realized you're still in therapy. I'm not usually this impatient, I'm just excited at the opportunity to have you home for the weekend.
I grinned. Maura was just as excited as I was. I imagined her pacing back and forth in the morgue, her phone on a metal tray next to her autopsy implements, trying not to reach, once more for the phone to check for messages. I finally hit send on her number, and she picked up before the phone even finished its first ring.
"Jane?" She breathed into the phone.
"Hi Maur," I schooled my voice, keeping it neutral. I was so excited about going home, but I didn't want to freak out over the phone.
"Oh no, it's bad news, isn't it? Well, it's okay. We'll still see each other this weekend. I'll come by tomorrow night and-"
"Maura!"
"-we can have a sleepover and I'll bring Jo with me."
"Maura!"
"We can watch movies and I'll bring us dinner from wherever you want," Maura continued, trying to do her best to assuage the disappointment she thought I was feeling.
"MAUR-RAH!" I bellowed into the phone.
"Oh Jane, don't be so disappointed, I know this is upsetting but maybe they'll let you try again for next weekend?"
"Maura, have a little faith in me, would you? And be here tomorrow at noon to come and pick me up," I laughed as I said it.
My announcement stopped Maura's consolations in their tracks. "You're coming home?!"
"Yes I am. Just for the weekend though," I cautioned.
"But you're coming home! Oh Jane! This is wonderful! You're coming home!" I could feel Maura's elation through the phone. It matched my own.
"I can't wait to see you. And since when have you started making assumptions?"
"The tone of your voice made me think that. I drew a hypothesis based on your- OH WHATEVER, JANE. I'll be ready and waiting for you at noon tomorrow. I'm so happy!"
"I'm happy too," I effused.
"What would you like for dinner tomorrow night? I should pick that up on my way home tonight so I have it here." It didn't take long for Maura to get right down to business. Already she was making an effort to make my short stay at home the best it possibly could be. My heart melted at the thought.
"I thought maybe we could have pizza for dinner tomorrow? Since it's going to be a big day, we won't have time to cook." I just wanted to spend every moment with Maura. I didn't want her to be put out, or spend too much time in the kitchen, where I would surely be in the way. Not when I first got home.
"That's great. And Saturday, if you feel like it, we can cook together. Sunday your mother wants to have everyone over before you go back. She wants to have a little party. For Frankie," she added to clarify.
"That's all wonderful. I just have to be back here by ten on Sunday night."
"I will get you there at precisely ten. Not a minute later, but not a minute sooner because they're not keeping me from you for any longer than necessary," Maura proclaimed.
"You're so romantic," I said it sarcastically, but I really did mean it.
"Hush. You know you're going to be begging me to let you stay home," Maura flirted.
"I know I will be too," I said honestly. "But I prefer not to use the term begging. Requesting is more like it."
"You mean demanding," Maura deadpanned.
"I can't wait to see you and all of your new sarcasm in your natural environment."
"I'm telling you, so many months alone with your mother here and she starts to rub off." I could hear Maura's breathy laughter. "Oh, by the way, thank you for the beautiful flowers. Your mother now thinks I have a secret admirer." I imagined Maura trying to get out of that conversation with my mother without lying. It must not have been easy.
"Oh, she saw them?" I was surprised. Did my mother go down to the morgue to visit Maura, now that she didn't work in the cafe anymore?
"Well, I brought them home with me without thinking. She saw the card, and of course she had to read it." I could sense a tinge of irritation in Maura's voice. Maura was as much a part of my family as Frankie or Tommy was, but she still liked her boundaries, and Ma made it a habit of crossing them every single day.
"I'm glad I didn't sign the card 'Love, Jane' like I had originally planned, then."
"She thought what you wrote was quite sweet though. She can't wait to meet my 'gentleman caller'." I could hear the laughter in Maura's voice. She had no fear about telling my mother about us, it seemed.
"Won't she be surprised," I deadpanned. "I should probably tell her this weekend. I really don't want to hide anything from her." That was the truth. I was just wary of her reaction. My mother's Catholic upbringing aside, her reactions a few weeks prior when I told her about Maura and I speaking again had left me wondering what she was going to do and say when I finally admitted my feelings about Maura to her.
"If that's what you want to do, we can do that," Maura said, interrupting my thoughts. "I think letting your mother and brothers know first is best, then perhaps Frost and Korsak?"
"Yeah. Maybe we can tell Ma on Sunday morning while she cooks, and then the boys at the party?"
"Sure, if you want." Maura was definitely going to leave this all up to me. I was just glad she was there for support.
"I guess we'll see how it goes. It's hard to plan for these things. It would be nice to say 'this is when we'll tell them' but somehow plans always change. I want to tell everyone when we feel the time is right, and not by some deadline we set for ourselves," I explained.
"We'll do it when we're both ready, Jane. There's no rush. Though I do agree that doing it sooner, rather than later, is probably the best idea."
"You're right, as always," I said, the smile evident in my voice.
"I'll see you tomorrow. You don't have to pack anything, I have clothes and toiletries and your medications here," Maura said, changing the subject.
"You're wonderful, you know that?" God, how I loved her.
"I do know that, but I don't mind hearing you say it." The flirtatious tone was back in Maura's voice and I loved that, too.
"You're so humble too!" I laughed, and I could hear Susie Chang start speaking to Maura in the background.
"I love you Jane. I have to go, but I will be there to get you tomorrow. I can't wait!"
"I can't wait too. And I love you, too. Thank you," I said earnestly.
"Bye for now." I could almost hear the wink at the end of Maura's sentence.
"Bye Maur."
I hung up the phone and actually sighed like a teenage girl that just got off the phone with her crush.
I spent the rest of the evening fidgeting, unable to sit still but unable to get up and do very much. Sara did her best to keep me occupied, even offering to stay until I fell asleep again, but I told her to go home at the end of her shift. As much as I appreciated her kind offer, I didn't need an audience to watch me fidget. Sara told me she'd see me on Monday afternoon. I didn't even want to think that far in advance though. For me, the only thing that existed was the following afternoon, when Maura was coming to get me.
Eventually I fell asleep, but I woke up often, wondering if it was time to get up for my last physical therapy session before heading home.
For the first time since I was a child, I felt the same excitement I did when waiting for Christmas morning. And when it was finally time to get up, I was just as exhausted as I usually was on all those Christmas mornings of my childhood. I didn't let it stop me when I got up for therapy though.
Physical therapy that morning was rough. I don't know if it was because Derrick was trying to cram in as much therapy as possible before the weekend, since I'd be missing my weekend sessions, or if I was just exhausted from sleeping poorly. Either way, I wasn't really up to par and Derrick noticed it.
"You're going home like this?" he asked, frustrated when I'd let my pelvis get out from under me for what felt like the twentieth time that morning, but was probably only the fourth or fifth time.
"I'm sorry. I guess my mind is already on the weekend pass," I admitted sheepishly.
"Well, bring your mind back here," he said gruffly. "You can't even do the parallel bars this morning. How am I supposed to send you home?"
"C'mon Derrick, if you make me nervous and threaten me with not going home I'm just going to screw up more," I whined.
"Then concentrate," he demanded.
"I am, I am trying."
He grunted and we continued working. A few minutes later I had made my way from one end of the bars to the opposite end when I felt the air behind me change. It was so subtle, but I knew that the physical therapy assistant that had been following me back and forth across the bars wasn't there anymore. I turned around to look, and Maura had taken her place.
"Oh my god, you can't be here," I stammered.
"Why not?" she asked. "I'm a medical doctor. I'm just as qualified to walk behind you as the assistant was."
"No, no, no! I am having an awful day today and you can't be here to see this. It's embarrassing!"
Derrick grunted, as if he was agreeing with me, and I started making my way back across the bars, even more self-conscious than I had been.
"You seem to be doing fine to me. I've been watching you for almost an hour. You look tired though. Did you not sleep well?" Maura asked, concerned.
I realized we'd made it to the opposite end of the bars again and I hadn't fallen. I couldn't fall now, not with Maura right there to see me make a fool of myself.
"You've been here for an hour?" I was mortified. She'd seen me fall. Repeatedly. She probably heard Derrick yell at me too.
"Yes," Maura said simply, placing her hands on my hips and guiding my gait a bit.
"Maura," I breathed.
"What, Jane?"
She was completely oblivious.
"I can't concentrate when you do that."
Derrick laughed. For the first time since I had met the man several weeks ago, he let out a belly laugh so loud that it echoed through the entire physical therapy hall. People stopped and stared.
"What's so funny?" I demanded.
"She should do that more often. She should come here every day and do that for you, because look at yourself. You're not lurching at all!"
I paused to look down at myself as I walked, and promptly let my pelvis swivel outward, causing me to start to fall.
"Easy, I've got you," Maura said, hugging me to her as she lowered me to the ground gently.
"You're a mess today, Detective. But I haven't laughed that hard in years. Get up. We still have fifteen minutes, and I'm not letting you leave here until you make it back and forth twice without falling."
I groaned and I heard Maura's laugh behind me as I got up. I turned around, ready to walk back to the other end of the bars, and Derrick let Maura lead me this time, with him behind me. She placed her hands on my hips, applying gentle pressure as she walked backwards. "See how keeping your hip in check allows you to walk with a normal gait?" she asked.
I nodded. I'd heard her, but all I could think of was Maura's hands on my body.
"Take your hands off the bars, Detective," Derrick said from behind me. I did as he instructed, and held my arms out in front of me.
"Put them on my shoulders," Maura instructed.
"Yeah, 'cause that won't be distracting at all." I mumbled, but did as I was told as Maura grinned at me.
We made it all the way across, and I paused at the end of the bars to wait for Derrick and Maura to change places. We maintained our positions for the way back, and before I knew it, I had one of the two repetitions done. At the end of that trip, Derrick and Maura switched places once more, and we made it across for the third time.
"One more," Derrick said.
Derrick and Maura switched places once last time, and I made it across once more. At the end, Derrick clapped me on the back.
"Way to go, Detective. You did it, and you did it you come back on Monday we're going to do more gait training like this. It's clearly beneficial to you. Now, go have a nice weekend, and don't you dare hurt yourself while you're home."
"Yes, sir!" I said, turning around to face him and grinning. He grinned back at me before leaving Maura and I on our own.
I turned back to Maura and grinned at her. She pulled me in and kissed me quickly. "You're really doing well," she said, as she pulled away, handing me my crutches. "You're making excellent progress. And the gait training is going to get rid of that limp before you know it."
"I was doing really badly today, actually. I think I was nervous about going home," I admitted, embarrassed.
"Well, I'm glad I could help," Maura said sweetly. "Now let's go grab your phone and anything else you need and let's get out of here."
When we got back to my room, there was a brand new winter coat and a pair of winter boots waiting on the bed for me.
"Maura!"
"What?" she asked innocently.
"I have a winter coat and boots." She was spending way too much money on me. This had to stop.
"Actually, you were wearing both when you were on the train. They had to be disposed of," Maura said gently.
"I have other coats and boots though!" I'd lived in Boston all of my life, minus the six months I'd spent in New York. Did she really think I had just one winter coat?
"They're in storage," Maura explained. "It was just easier to pick something up for you than to bother Walter to give me authorization to get into your storage facility and then ride all the way over there to dig through boxes to find it."
I held the coat up. It was stunning, something only Maura could pick out. And afford. "Maura, you've already done so much. Please, please from now on if there's something I need, pay for it out of my account. Please. I'll make sure Walter Laffler has whatever paperwork he needs to make that possible for you to do." I took my arms out of the cuffs on my crutches and started putting the coat on, but Maura took it from me.
She wrapped the coat around me and I threaded my arms through the sleeves. Maura stepped back to take a good look. "This fits you nicely. The hip length of the coat really flatters you. You look great, Jane. Hopefully the boots will be comfortable."
"Maura, you're just ignoring what I asked of you," I said quietly.
"Well, you know I can't lie, and you know I can't help but get you what I think you'll need, so I can't promise you anything."
I sighed. "Thank you, Maura. But you've done so much for me already. Way more than what I deserve."
She bent down to help tie the laces on the boots. "I wouldn't do it if I didn't think you deserved it, Jane. It's just one of the ways I have of showing you how much you mean to me."
"What are some of the other ways?" I asked.
Maura stood up, putting her own coat on.
"Come home, and I'll show you," she said, holding her hand out to me. I squeezed her hand before grabbing hold of my crutch again.
We went down the elevator together and walked slowly out of the rehab, the entire weekend and all of its possibilities ahead of us.
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