Hey guys, thanks for the reviews. I'm sorry but I've lost the desire to write detailed scenes of Kensi undercover with Jack. Perhaps I will write them through flashbacks further on in the fic if inspiration stikes, we'll see what happens. Just a note - there is a mention of suicide in this chapter, so please read with caution. Thanks :)

"Jack what is going on? Please just talk to me, you've been acting weird for days." Kensi pleaded as she followed him around the house. He had been avoiding her persistent questioning for the past two hours. She was nagging him now, desperate for some kind of response.

She had noticed a change in his behaviour. It had began gradually as Jack became more and more secretive about the text messages he was receiving, often leaving the room to reply. He had been very short-tempered going off at her over the smallest little thing. Kensi knew that it was because of what Ames had asked him to do yet she was powerless, unable to help him. Each and every time she had pushed him to talk she would just get an excuse.

"I'm tired."

"I haven't been feeling well."

The empty excuses made Kensi feel more and more helpless as the days went by. It was the exact same feeling all those years ago as she watched him struggle with PTSD.

"Nothing is going on." Jack replied, pushing past her as he headed towards the door.

Kensi sighed knowing that this could be her last chance to convince him to stop what he was doing. She had to reach out again, she owed it to him, she owed it to the love they had shared all those years ago. "I can't do this with you again Jack..." Kensi said sadly, tears falling down her cheeks as she spoke.

It was now or never, he was facing the rest of his life in jail if he walked through that door and she knew it.

"When I couldn't help you last time I felt useless Jack, please don't make me feel like that again." Kensi said. She was shaking as she watched him contemplate his next move. "You leaving just about killed me." Kensi confessed. It wasn't exactly a lie, Jack leaving had just about destroyed her. Yet she had moved on with her life, slowly but surely she had regathered herself, joining NCIS. She had forged a successful new career, solved her father's murder and found a place she truly belonged. Yet looking at her former fiancé Kensi couldn't help but feel guilt about her success when here he was, on the verge of spending the rest of his life in jail unable to deal with his own personal demons.

Jack sighed slowly turning around to face her. Kensi noted immediately the agony on his face, the pained expression said more than words ever could. The inner conflict was wracking his body and was evident in the way his hand shook uncontrollably. There was a light coating of sweat across his forehead as he searched for words. "I'm sorry." Jack said, turning around and never looking back.

Kensi collapsed slinking slowly down the wall to the floor below as she watched him walk out.

A myriad of thoughts were swirling around her mind as she sobbed.

"Should I go after him?"

"What more could I have done?"

Meanwhile Deeks tailed Jack as he sped off down the street. Deeks couldn't help but wonder what had happened, desperately wishing that Kensi had been wearing her ear wig. Jack had looked distraught as he entered his car, sitting inside it for a full five minutes before leaving.

Deeks watched as Jack pulled up outside Ames' house, slamming the car door as he stormed down the driveway.

Deeks drank from his super sized cup of coffee waiting for Jack to come out of the house. The hours passed slowly, made worse by the fact that his partner wasn't there. Kensi always made stake-outs much more bearable. Deeks couldn't help but think about her, he wondered what she was feeling right now. He wondered if she thought about him at all while she was with Jack. He wondered what was going to happen once the operation was over. He knew that it was about to come to a head yet he had no idea how Kensi was going to cope with the fallout.

Deeks' thoughts were interrupted as Jack exited the house. He was locked in a heated discussion with Ames as he carried two very large bags outside placing them into the trunk of his car. Deeks continued to snap photos, sending them to Eric.

"He's building the bombs?" Kensi asked. Her tone was shaky, she looked downright dejected as she sat in front of Hetty. Deeks' surveillance photos were placed in front of her on the desk. She scanned her eyes over them wishing desperately that things were not as they seemed.

"It appears so..." Hetty replied solemnly.

"Can you let me talk to him one last time?" Kensi asked, feeling like she had failed him.

"I don't think that's a good idea"

"Please, Hetty." Kensi pleaded.

"You going back in could blow this entire operation, I am not willing to send you back. We have enough information to arrest them. Ms Blye, Jack is a national security risk, the man you used to know does not exist anymore."

Hetty's words were harsh yet Kensi needed to hear them. While she might be able to convince Jack not to make the bombs, what's to say that he wouldn't be tempted again in the future? Who knows how he would react to her being an agent. There were too many variables for Hetty to allow her to go back. Besides, Hetty wasn't interested in putting her agent's into harms way if the risk was greater than the reward. She was far too weary after the case with Sidorov and the stolen nukes.

"The raids will take place as planned this afternoon." Hetty said standing firm in her decision.

"And no, you will not be involved." Hetty added.

Sam and Callen led the raid on Ames busting into his house with a full team of NCIS agents behind them. They were taking no chances.

"I haven't done anything!" Ames yelled as Sam threw him to the ground. "Try conspiracy to commit a terrorist act." Sam replied cuffing him.

Meanwhile across town Deeks was with another unit of NCIS agents stationed outside Jack's house.

They breached the door, rushing inside.

"Jack Matthews, you're under arrest." Deeks shouted, aiming his gun at Jack's head.

Jack freaked out and decided to make a run for it heading for the open window in the bedroom. Deeks ran after him tackling him from behind and punching him as he squirmed on the ground trying to break free. Sure, Deeks could have asked for more help in restraining Jack, yet the punch was so much more satisfying.

Deeks cuffed him, handing him over to another NCIS agent to lead outside. Deeks needed a minute to control himself. The throbbing pain in his hand was intense as was his pulse after the encounter with Kensi's ex.

Deeks took a moment to look around the room as the rest of the team started their search of the house. Deeks immediately noticed Kensi's bra sitting on the bed. He fought back the pangs of jealousy walking out the room leaving another agent to search that area.

Deeks urgently needed a distraction so headed over to the bags Jack had received from Ames earlier. He bent down, slowly unzipping each one carefully. There were a number of electronic wires strewn inside one of the bags while the other housed a timer and explosive material.

"Gotcha." Deeks thought. Yet whatever happiness he might have taken from making the arrest he knew that his partner must be going through hell right now.

"Shut up and sit down." Deeks growled pushing Jack forcefully towards the chair in the interrogation room of the boatshed.

"You wanna tell me why you were in possession of bomb making equipment?" Deeks asked taking a seat opposite to Jack, placing photographs of the equipment in front of him on the table.

"I'm not saying anything until I get a lawyer." Jack replied.

Outside Callen, Sam and Kensi were watching the live feed as Jack continually refused to answer any of Deeks' questions.

"I'm going in." Kensi announced.

"Are you sure?" Sam asked, blocking her path. His face was full of sympathy for her situation, wanting to let her know that she didn't have to do this if she didn't want to.

"Yes." Kensi replied, determination in her tone as she strided towards the small room.

Kensi knocked a couple of times letting Deeks know that she was about to enter.

Jack looked up with shock watching as Kensi walked into the room and over to Deeks.

Kensi pulled Deeks into the corner of the room, whispering quietly into his ear. "Deeks, I got this." She gently placed her hand on his arm, trying to assure him that she was strong enough to proceed.

"Are you sure?" Deeks asked, trying to read her facial expression, while she looked confident he could tell that she was anything but that right now.

"Yes." Kensi replied.

"Okay." Deeks gave her a weak smile before turning around to face Jack again.

Overcoming his initial shock, words finally found him. "Kensi? What are you doing here?" Jack asked.

"It's Agent Blye to you douchebag." Deeks said pointedly, exiting the room.

Kensi squeezed her eyes shut. She had wanted to break the news to Jack a lot gentler. Yet she didn't really blame him for his outburst. It was exactly the same as her reaction to Monica afterall.

Deeks knew that it was pathetic, jealous, spiteful even, yet he couldn't help the words coming from his mouth. Callen and Sam were glaring at him as he returned to watch the feed yet he didn't care.

"Wait, what?" Jack's jaw dropped as he looked at Kensi for an explanation for Deeks' outburst.

"I'm an agent, Jack." Kensi sighed, taking a seat in front of him.

"With NCIS?" Jack questioned. He was slowly beginning to put the pieces together.

"Yes..." Kensi's tone was calm and relaxed despite how she was feeling.

"So you finding me wasn't a great big coincidence afterall?" Jack sighed, leaning back into the chair, he felt like a complete and utter fool.

Kensi nodded her head.

"So everything was one great big lie?" Jack asked.

Kensi nodded again, taking the ring he had given her off her finger and sliding it over the table towards him.

Jack fought back his emotions, taking the ring in his hand. "I should have known you wouldn't forgive me that easily." Jack smiled softly at her. She was the daughter of a marine, a strong, independent woman that wouldn't take crap from anyone. Yet she had simply forgiven him and carried on like nothing had happened. It was almost too easy. Well, it turns out that it was too easy, she was undercover. Jack felt a deep sense of betrayal having learned the truth.

Kensi broke eye contact with him looking down at the table in front of her. Finally the lies were over, she could be upfront with him.

"Blondie's your partner huh?" Jack asked.

Kensi nodded.

"That's why he punched me..." Jack reached a hand up to his bruised jaw, enlightened about the resentment he received from the detective.

Kensi watched Jack carefully, unable to think about Deeks' actions for the time-being, she simply concentrated on Jack's reactions. "Look, we're not here to talk about me, why did you agree to help Ames build those bombs?" Kensi asked, remaining professional in her approach.

"What? You actually think that I'm going to talk to you after everything you did?" Jack asked.

"After everything I did? You're the one who walked out on me." Kensi replied.

"What was I supposed to do Kensi? I couldn't cope with you constantly smothering me, asking me if I was alright..."

Kensi interruped him. "I'm sorry for caring." She said, sarcasm heavy in her voice.

"Oh come on don't do that, don't try to play the victim here." Jack said.

"You left me Jack!" Kensi yelled.

"I had to!" Jack replied matching her with tone and aggression.

"Why?" Kensi asked. The calm demeanour returning to her voice as she setlled back into her seat.

"I couldn't stand seeing what I'd done to you..." Jack confessed sadly. "I couldn't cope once I got back... I was a broken mess and I took it out on you... I couldn't stick around and bring you down with me..."

Kensi watched him closely as he talked. She could hear the genuine remorse in his voice as he spoke. "Where did you go?" Kensi asked softly.

"I lived on the street..." Jack replied looking up at her before he continued. "Like you did..."

Sam and Callen looked at each other, sharing a confused expression. "Kensi lived on the street?" Callen questioned. Both men turned to Deeks who continued staring at the feed unphased by the news. "You knew?" Callen asked, noting his reaction. "She ran away after her dad died." Deeks stated simply.

"How does he know that?" Sam mouthed to his partner, feeling a little hurt about not knowing this piece of information about Kensi. Callen simply raised both eyebrows as he shrugged. The silent conversation between the two was interrupted as Kensi continued with her questioning.

"How did you meet Ames?" Kensi asked.

"I met him in rehab..." Jack replied looking up to gauge Kensi's reaction to the news. "I started doing drugs to cope with everything..." He confessed softly, almost ashamed to admit it to her.

Kensi gasped slightly, unable to hide her feelings as tears began to fall down her cheeks.

"Ames was the only one in rehab who had served as well." Jack said.

"So you two developed a pretty strong friendship?" Kensi asked, keeping her questions somewhat open-ended in order for him to elaborate.

"He saved my life." Jack replied.

"What do you mean?" Kensi asked, leaning closer to Jack, trying to get him to look at her.

"We were room mates..." Jack continued to look down at the table as he recounted the story. "One night I had this horrible nightmare about being back there..." Jack breathed in, closing his eyes, reliving it. "I was going to kill myself..." Jack confessed.

Kensi squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to block out the stabbing pain racking her entire body. "Please be a lie, please be a lie." She repeated to herself over and over again.

"He stopped me..." Jack let a few tears fall as he remembered that night standing alone out on the bridge. "He pulled me back up from the ledge." Jack choked out.

Kensi took several moments to compose herself before asking him another question. "So, what happened after that night?"

"He introduced me to the anti-war movement." Jack smiled yet the tears kept flowing. "I finally found something that made me feel human again."

Kensi couldn't help but feel immense pain and mourning for the man she had once loved and lost. Another casualty of war, scarred so much from his experience.

"So when he came to you about his plan to blow up the conferences how did you react?" Kensi asked.

"At first, I told him he was insane, that I wouldn't help him." Jack replied.

"What changed?" Kensi pressed.

"He told me that I owed him my life." Jack's voice was full of sorrow.

"So you agreed to help?" Kensi asked gently.

"Yes." Jack hung his head in shame, tears falling from his eyes. He began breaking down. "What's going to happen to me, Kensi?" Jack asked desperately, his entire body shaking as it was overwhelmed by emotion.

"I don't know..." Kensi rushed out of the room quickly, running out of the boatshed and collapsing against the outside walls pulling her legs tightly into her chest, lightly rocking back and forward, trying to comfort herself from the overwhelming guilt.

Deeks was about to go running after her but Sam told him to "let her go."