"Matt...please tell me what's wrong...please...I don't want to loose my best friend..." He begged softly, hoping...hoping that Matt will tell him the truth. Please Matt...please don't lie to me...
Matt close his eyes tightly for awhile before opening them and smile "Nothing is wrong, Mello. I was just wondering how it feels like to get shot in the head and I was stupid enough to think it was a good idea. I'm sorry I worried you. I promise it would never happen again."
Mello's heart sank when he heard Matt lie through his teeth. Why Matt? Why are you lying to me? I always tell you my problems but you never told me any of yours. Why? Why don't you trust me enough to tell me?
Matt smile nervously as he gently rub the back of his neck "Well...err...I am really really sorry I wasted your time, Mello. I'm sure you have a lot of work to do and-" He didn't get a chance to finish as Mello punch the wall right next to his face.
He stare at Mello fearfully as he glare at him angrily. "Stop giving me that bullshit, Matt! Do you think I'm an idiot? I know something is wrong so why won't you let me help you!?" Mello clutch his fists as he shake in anger.
Matt close his eyes sadly as he look away "I can't..."
Mello narrow his eyes "You can't or you won't?"
Matt open his eyes and smile sadly "I can't tell you..."
"Why not? Don't you trust me, Matt? Is that it? You don't trust me enough to tell me?" He look upset as he wait for am answer.
"Please don't ask anymore, Mello. I can't answer your questions...and I don't want to lie to you..."
Mello took a deep breath and stomp out of the room.
Matt look down as he slide onto the floor and cover his face, trying to hold back his tears. He looked up when he heard the front door open, he runs into the living room just in time to see Mello walk out of the house with his things.
Matt's eyes widen in shock "Me-Mello? Where are you going?"
Mello narrow his eyes as he glance towards him "It's none of your business but if you must know I am going to Near's house. Call me when you're ready to stop giving me your bullshit!"
Matt sank onto the floor as he watch Mello walk out of the house. His eyes tear up and he broke down crying when he can no longer hear the sound of Mello's motorcycle...
Mello walk into Near's room and hugs him closely. "Near..."
Near leans up and gently kiss him "Hello Mello. What are you doing here?"
"What? So now I can't visit my boyfriend?" He rise his eyebrow.
"Of course you can but people don't usually bring all their things along with them if they are just visiting." He twirl his hair as he glance towards Mello's bags.
"Yeah well I can't stay with Matt any longer but let's not talk about him." He picks him up and gently lay him on his bed. "I haven't seen you in awhile."
"Do you not trust me, Mello?" Near look up at him.
"Can you blame me for not trusting you?" He unbutton his shirt and gently kiss his chest. "You're all mine."
"All yours, Mello." Near leans up and kiss him...
Matt curl up in the corner of his room with his blanket wrap tightly around him. How long has he been sitting there?
He open his eyes which were no longer shining bright blue but now blood red and dull, his once lively eyes no longer hold the happiness and love that made it shine but is now filled with pain and sadness.
I am so sorry, Mello. I could tell you why I'm depressed, why I cry and hurt inside. But that would reveal everything I've tried to hide. I could tell you what is wrong. But I'm so used to quietly and sweetly lying to you. I could tell you how much I hurt inside, how I really feel. But that would make the pain real.
I'm so sorry, Mello...but even if I did tell you...you won't be able to help me...won't be able to save me from this heart break...
After all...you were the one who broke my heart...
Am I not good enough?
What makes him so special?
Were you lying when you said you love me before?
Did we make love or was I just your fuck buddy?
...Why Mello?
Why did you make me fall head over heels in love with you?
When you had no intention to catch me?
Why can't you love me?
Why do I love you?
...Why?
I was there for you...even when you didn't wanted me to...I was there for you when you found out that Near was cheating on you for Gevanni...when you were doing drugs...when you were cutting yourself...I was always there, I never left your side...
So why?
After everything that he did...after everything that I did...
Why do you still love him?
Why can't you love me?
Why Mello?
...Why?
Why must I listen to you?
You don't like that I cut myself...but you were the one who started cutting first...
It hurts...
Why?
Why must you hurt me so badly and take away the only thing that comforted me?
I want to cut again...
It feels good...
It is beautiful...
The blood flowing down my wrists...
The beautiful red that I have been addicted to...
That I am still addicted to...
But I can't cut because I promised Mello I would stop...
But why should I listen to him?
He who has hurt me deeply...who has walked out of my life more than once...
Why?
Why!?
WHY!?
Why do I follow him everywhere he goes!?
Why is he the one I am loyal to!?
Why is he the one I love?
Why...someone please tell me why...I don't know how much longer I can stand this before I completely loose my sanity...or maybe I have already lost it?
Who knows...
I sure as hell don't...
What am I to do?
What can I do?
After all...
I am nothing more...
Then a heartbroken dog that is wishing for the impossible...