A/N: Update's a little early tonight. I did a lot of driving over the last two days and it has all caught up with me. I am predicting an early bedtime, so that means an early update for you all. It's also a super long update, which I hope you'll enjoy.
Thank you, CharlietheCAG for the edits on this chapter.
The final chapter breakdowns for this story have been done, and the story, including an epilogue, wraps up at chapter 58. The story itself has been completely written for months now, but I work with my SuperNinjaBeta CharlietheCAG on one chapter at a time for final edits, and this past weekend I pulled each chapter out separately so we could start editing the last ones. That means there's just about 2.5 more months left for this story. To those of you sticking around for the ride, you have my sincerest gratitude. Everything that ended up in this story wound up there for a reason, and I'm thrilled that you're sticking around to read it. Thank you so much for that!
And now, without further ado, chapter 41. ;)
I was completely exhausted the next morning, but so thankful that the night had been uneventful. I went off to do my physical therapy with Derrick, and Frost left to go home and then to work. Provided they weren't called to a scene, Korsak would come and stay the night with me, to wait and see if William came back before he was due. I felt terrible that they had to do this for me. I also felt lost without my phone. I was worried about Maura not having a way to get in touch with me.
Mostly due to my lack of sleep, my physical therapy session was a complete disaster. I was making mistakes that I hadn't made since my first week of therapy. Derrick had been informed of the situation and was aware of what was going on with William, so he didn't give me as hard of a time as he normally would.
"How much sleep did you get last night?" Derrick asked after I fell flat on my face for the fourth time. We were less than an hour into our session and I was bone-achingly exhausted already.
"None," I answered honestly. "I was too worried about Maura."
"Come on. Get up. I'll bring you back to your room. You're done for the day." Derrick's voice carried no bite at all, but I still felt like I was disappointing him.
"No, Derrick, please. I'm sorry. I know I'm frustrating you. I really am trying. I don't want to miss out on more therapy. Please, Derrick!"
"You're a danger to yourself in this condition. You're too tired to function and you're going to injure yourself if you keep falling down. You really need some rest. You can't stay awake forever. Come on, I'll walk you back. We'll pick this back up on Monday." He didn't sound mad at me at all, but I still felt awful about canceling our session.
"Please, Derrick." The last thing I wanted was to be alone in my room with nothing to do all day.
"It'll be all right, Detective. I won't hold it against you. We'll take you back to your room and you can get some sleep. You're in good hands here."
Derrick and I started walking back to my room, and I made it a point to carry my crutches instead of using them.
"You're really out to get hurt, aren't-"
Derrick couldn't finish his sentence. We'd walked back into my room, me a few disappointed steps ahead of Derrick, neither of us noticing the guard wasn't stationed outside. We looked around the room, and the phrase SHE'S MINE was written on the walls, on the comforter of the bed, on the closet doors, and on the bathroom mirror, in what looked like blood. The blood was still fresh, and it was dripping down from the bottom of each letter that was scrawled on the walls, making long streaks.
"Oh my god," I gasped.
"Jane, get out of that room!" Derrick bellowed from behind me.
I turned to look at Derrick, standing outside, and then we heard it. The closet door swung open and William Sheridan charged toward us, knife in hand.
I did the only thing I could. I flipped over one of my crutches so the cuff was down at the bottom, and swung it at William, golf club style. I hit him square in the chin with an uppercut that would make any fighter proud. William swung up, off of his feet, and landed flat on his back. Pieces of the plastic cuff on the end of the crutch shattered and scattered all around the room.
"Call the police!" Derrick was screaming behind me.
When I'd hit William, the knife had flown out of his hand and clattered to the floor next to him. Instinct kicked in and I jumped on William to subdue him, my pelvis and legs unused to the type of movement I needed to make, causing me to cry out in agony. I pinned William down, but he was stronger than me. He shot up, hitting me hard over the eye with a violent headbutt. I was knocked backward, off of him, and I momentarily saw stars, but stayed coherent enough to notice that William was already turning over to crawl over to the knife.
I shook myself, trying to catch my bearings and jumped back up. I could hear a commotion behind me as I dove onto William's back, pushing him back down, flat against the floor. Painfully, I swung one leg out and kicked the knife across the room. My pelvis was already in pain from my first jump on William, and I once again cried out in pain. That seemed to fuel William along.
William continued to struggle against me, pushing up with one arm while trying to reach for the knife with the other. I grabbed the arm that had been grabbing for the knife and pulled it up behind him at an unnatural angle, his hand now so close to the back of his head he could have touched it if he'd tried. The angle I held his arm in kept him wailing in pain and frustration. He screamed, and tried once again to push up with his left arm. I was now straddling his back and was finally able to kick his other arm out from under him, then grab it and pin it behind him.
William's face slammed into the linoleum flooring when I had yanked his arm out from under him, and I wasn't the least bit sorry when I heard his nose crack.
It felt like it had taken hours to subdue him, but in reality, it had taken just mere seconds.
"Derrick?" I yelled.
"I'm right here Detective," I heard from behind me. He sounded unsure of what he should do.
"Help me hold this piece of shit down until the cops get here," I said calmly.
"Yes ma'am," Derrick said, stepping around me and kneeling down to push against William's shoulders. "That was something," he said, grinning at me. "You all right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I didn't feel fine, but I knew I would once the police arrived.
"He didn't get you with the knife, did he?" Derrick asked, looking me over as William mewled beneath us both.
"Nah, just with his head. He butted me hard, but I'm okay."
"We'll suture up that cut you've got as soon as the police get here," he said, looking me over as he pressed down harder on William's shoulders. Both of us were oblivious to William's cries of pain. "Damn Detective, I never thought I'd get to see you tackle a perp." Derrick was beaming at me, and it took me a moment to realize exactly what I'd done.
"You haven't seen anything yet, Derrick. This wuss?" I said, pressing his arms up even further behind his head and smirking at the reaction it got. "He was easier to take down than a house of cards."
Derrick laughed. "It's good to see you got your mojo back, Detective."
I scoffed, but on the inside, I was beaming.
Two uniforms responded to the scene first, and cuffed William. They'd called in detectives and a crime lab team, but I didn't get to stick around for the excitement.
Dr. Grossberg refused to let anyone take a statement from me until she could assess my head injury. I kept trying to tell her I took bump to the head and didn't have a serious head injury, and she kept saying something about me being more susceptible to a brain injury because of my pre-existing head injury. She had me wheeled down to the radiology room on a stretcher despite my very vocal protests.
Finally, after the CT scan came back clear, I was sutured up, given an ice pack and was sent up to Dr. Gilfried's office.
"Jane, are you all right?" she asked me, concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm glad we got that psycho. He can't hurt Maura now," I said forcefully.
"You mean you. You caught that psycho, and he can't hurt you." Dr. Gilfried smiled. "Derrick said all he did was help you hold him down until the police got there. He specifically used the term 'badass' to describe how you handled things."
"I need to go home, to see Maura," I said suddenly, jumping up from the couch and nearly losing my balance. What was left of my crutches were still in my room. "Did anyone even tell her?"
"I don't know," Dr. Gilfried said honestly. "But Jane, you can't-"
"No, Doc, listen. I am not spending another night in that room. I mean, right now it's a crime scene, so I can't even go back in it if I wanted to. But once it's cleaned up? I'm not staying in it. I'm not staying here. I'll come here, I'll do my therapy, I'll get better. But I'm not staying in this place another night. I'm not having another night like I had. I'm ready to go home." I wasn't taking no for an answer, and my tone reflected that.
"Jane," Dr. Gilfried sighed. "You are ready to go home. But that's not my decision to make."
"Well let's get the people in here who can make that decision! I'm not sticking around. So either we do this the right way, or I walk out of here AMA," I demanded.
"Jane, don't make threats. Let me call Dr. Grossberg, okay?" Dr. Gilfried said calmly.
"Fine. But let's do this. I'm not staying here today. Not this weekend either. Monday morning I'll be back for therapy. But I'm done living in this place. I need to go home. I need to be home so I can take care of Maura. So I can take care of my family."
"Okay," Dr. Gilfried said.
"I'm not afraid of this place," I said quickly. "I'm just done living here."
"I know, Jane," Dr. Gilfried said as she dialed Dr. Grossberg's extension.
It took a little while for Dr. Grossberg to come up. She was with another patient when Dr. Gilfried had reached her, but she promised to come up after she was done. I asked Dr. Gilfried if I could use her phone while we waited, I wanted to call Maura. I tried Maura's cell and got her voicemail. I tried her office phone, and her home phone, and got her voicemail too. I tried all three numbers again before giving up. Frustrated, I dialed my mother's number, and she picked right up.
"Ma? It's me," I rushed into the phone.
"Janie? Are you all right?" Ma sounded exhausted, but her concern for me was also evident.
"Yeah," I said, the exhaustion evident in my voice. "We got William. Everything is going to be okay now. Do you know where Maura is?" I asked her in a rush, before Dr. Grossberg got there.
"You got him? Is everything all right?"
"Yes, it's fine now. Where is Maura?" I asked again.
"She just left to go to a crime scene," Ma answered, the relief evident in her voice.
"I guess that's why she's not answering her phone?"
"I'm sure she's fine, Jane. Barry and Vince were with her. They came to pick her up. They wouldn't let anything happen to her."
"Okay. Ma, listen. I need you to come here, to the rehab. I know you're probably busy and exhausted from last night, but I need you," I said, trying to keep my voice from wavering.
"What happened, Jane?" Ma asked, instantly worried.
"I'll tell you when we're on the way home."
"Jane, we don't know if you can go home-" Dr. Gilfried said loudly behind me.
"Ma, just come and get me, please," I begged, ignoring the doctor behind me.
"I'm on my way," Ma promised.
"Ma?"
"Yeah Janie?"
"Come right up to Dr. Gilfried's office. Have a nurse or a security guard take you right to her office. Don't go anywhere else," I said sternly. "Just come right here to this office."
"Janie what happened? I thought you said they got William?" Ma asked, more worried than ever.
"Yeah, we got William. Just come and get me, Ma."
I hung up the phone and looked at Dr. Gilfried, standing up straight and looking at her much the same way I would look at a perp in an interrogation room. I was going for intimidating, and while I don't think I missed the mark, Dr. Gilfried remained very neutral.
"Listen, Doc, I have to get out of here. So When Dr. Grossberg comes up here, if she tries to keep me here, I'm walking out. It's nothing against you, or her. But right now, I can't be here."
"Okay, Jane. Take it easy. You're in a safe place, you understand that, right?" Dr. Gilfried eyed me, her worry starting to make its way through her calm facade.
I ignored her. "Nobody's going to try and stop me with a tranquilizer dart or something?"
"What? No. Of course not. Don't be ridiculous!" Dr. Gilfried said, stepping back around her desk to where I was standing. "Why don't you have a seat? Dr. Grossberg will be here any minute."
"Good," I said, starting to pace back and forth, ignoring the request that I sit down.
"But let's try to do it the right way. I'd rather see you discharged to outpatient therapy than have you walk out against medical advice. If you do that, you probably won't be able to finish your therapy here," Dr. Gilfried said rationally.
"I'm not making any promises," I said warily.
"I know, Jane," Dr. Gilfried comforted. "When Dr. Grossberg gets here, let me do the talking at first, okay? I'm on your side, Jane."
I looked over at Dr. Gilfried, and I believed her.
Dr. Grossberg came up, and looked at me expectantly, visibly upset that there was more drama happening in her facility, but it was Dr. Gilfried that started talking on my behalf.
"Jane wants to be discharged to outpatient therapy, today. And while our original plan was for her to be here as an inpatient through the next three weeks, Jane makes a compelling argument for her discharge today that I am constrained to agree with.
"She has regained complete independence with regard to her activities of daily living. She bathes, dresses herself, eats, and is ambulatory on her own.
"Psychologically, she's stable. She's encountered moments of severe stress and has handled them rather well. She has been home to her family and knows what to expect and what is expected of her.
"Physical and emotional well-being aside, Jane's room is now a crime scene. She cannot return to it until the police have processed it and released it, and Jane has expressed no desire to return to the room, even after it has been completely sanitized. The facility itself is at capacity, and it would be difficult, if not impossible, to find her another room here on such short notice.
"Although the decision to discharge her ultimately rests with you, my recommendation is to allow Jane to return home as she wishes, and continue her physical and psychological therapies on an outpatient basis starting on Monday."
Dr. Grossberg looked at me while she mulled over what Dr. Gilfried had told her. She seemed to take an inordinate amount of time. I stood there with my arms crossed, not even realizing I was standing without my crutches. It did not go unnoticed by Dr. Grossberg though.
"I suppose anyone who can tackle a knife-wielding sociopath and hold him down until the police arrive is physically capable of being discharged to outpatient therapy," she acknowledged quietly. "I have several conditions though."
I nodded at her.
"First, you will be back here at 8am on Monday morning ready for physical therapy. Your therapy schedule is not changed. You will have your usual course of physical therapy, you'll eat lunch in the dining room with the other residents, and then you'll have your usual session with Dr. Gilfried. You are not yet at a point where we can reduce the number of hours or days per week that you receive therapy. After your session with Dr. Gilfried each day, you can return home. I will not tolerate you being late or missing therapy sessions," Dr. Grossberg said sternly.
"Okay," I said.
"Next, no driving. Is someone home that can bring you back and forth here every day?"
"Yes, my mother is," I answered.
"Third, if I feel that this arrangement is not to your best benefit, I reserve the right to put you back in inpatient therapy."
"Okay," I agreed, but everyone in the room knew once I walked out those doors, I was never walking back in them as an inpatient.
"All right then. I have paperwork I have to process for this to happen. Call your family, Jane. Tell them you're coming home."
"Thank you." I smiled at her, leaving out telling her that my mother was already on her way.
Dr. Grossberg stepped out of the room and left me with Dr. Gilfried.
"Thank you," I said to her. "You didn't have to go to bat for me like that. I appreciate it."
"I only told her the truth. I think you've been ready for outpatient therapy since you came back from your weekend pass. It's one of the reasons why I let you sneak out for dinner the other night. I think you're ready."
"Thank you," I repeated. I was so grateful to her.
"Don't get lazy, Jane. Don't screw this up," Dr. Gilfried warned.
"You think I'm going to screw this up?" I asked, bewildered.
"No, I think you're going to try harder than you have up until this point to make it work. And I know it's going to work. I have faith in you. You asserted yourself today, more than once. Today alone you made more progress than you have in months, but that's a good thing."
A nurse knocked on the door before I could answer. "Dr. Gilfried? There's an Angela Rizzoli here?"
"Send her in," Dr. Gilfried responded.
The door opened and Ma came rushing in to me, pulling me into a tight hug before she started with her worrying.
"Oh Janie, what happened? There are police all over downstairs and there's a crime lab crew in your room!"
"I told you to come directly here, Ma!" I chastised.
"I had to walk down the hallway past your room to get here, Jane. And what happened to your forehead?" Ma asked, reaching a hand out to touch the sutures along my head. I gently pushed her hand away.
"I'm fine. And I'm coming home. For good. Well, as long as you can drive me to and from outpatient therapy every day," I said proudly.
"Today?" She asked me, shocked.
"Yes, today. Can we go home? I just want to go home. I haven't slept and suddenly I'm exhausted."
"Maura's going to be so upset, she wanted to have the house ready for you!" Ma worried.
"Ma, as long as the house still has four walls and a roof, it's ready for me. I just wanna go home. Let's go home," I said wearily.
We said our goodbyes to Dr. Gilfried and walked back toward the elevator.
"We need to get your coat and boots," Ma said as we approached my room.
"We can't. They're part of a crime scene now. Over the weekend, maybe you or Maura can drive me to the storage facility where the stuff from my apartment is and I'll get one of my old coats and boots. By Monday they'll probably clear the scene and I can pick up my things after therapy. For now my sneakers and this outfit will have to do," I said, trying to hurry her along.
"You're going to freeze in the car," Ma worried.
"It'll be fine, Ma. The heat still works in the car, doesn't it?"
"Yes, but take my coat anyway," Ma insisted, pulling her coat off.
"No, just leave it on. It's fine. I promise. Let's just go home before they change their minds, okay?"
We walked out to Maura's Prius, with Ma simultaneously trying to hold me up and take her jacket off to force it on me. We finally got to the car and Ma turned the heat on to full blast. As she drove us home, I told her the story of taking down William Sheridan.
"That's awful Jane," she said, her voice full of wonder.
"It's great, Ma. It gets him away from Maura and from me. Plus it was kinda nice to tackle somebody. Makes me think I haven't completely lost my touch."
"Of course you haven't lost your touch," Ma said, like it was obvious to everyone but me.
"I have a long way to go Ma," I warned.
"And you'll get there Jane," she reassured.
I grunted. I was so exhausted I couldn't even think of arguing with my mother. I just wanted to get home and sleep. In Maura's bed. No, in our bed.
Ma pulled up in Maura's driveway and let us into Maura's house. It was shortly before noon. The security detail that had been assigned to Maura and my mother had been called off when William was taken into custody.
"Do you want me to make us something quick for lunch?" Ma offered.
"Let's make something quick together. Then I need to sleep for a little while. I didn't sleep at all last night."
"None of us did," Ma replied.
"I really wanted to be here, Ma. I'm sorry I wasn't," I said sadly.
"Don't be silly, Jane. Frankie was here and there was a police officer right outside. We were all worried about you. I'm glad you weren't more hurt than you were."
"It's just a cut, my face will be fine," I said bravely. What was one more scar at that point anyway?
We set about making grilled cheese sandwiches.
"Can I ask you a question?" Ma asked suddenly while we were eating.
"Of course," I said with my mouth full. Ma gave me a look, but then smiled.
"I don't want to sound insensitive, but I just want to ask, okay?"
I looked at my mother warily. "Okay…"
"Are you and Maura gonna have kids?" she blurted out.
I laughed. I knew my mother wouldn't be able to stay away from the grandbabies thing for long.
"Why are you laughing?" she demanded.
"What, Ma, TJ isn't enough for you?" I said with a smile.
"Well, you know I'd be happier with more."
"I know Ma," I said seriously.
"So are you?" she pressed.
"We talked about this when I was home last weekend. Kids are more sensitive of a subject for Maura than they are for me. And the way we left it was, maybe. Maybe someday we'd like to try. Right now though, she and I have a lot of things to work out. It's weird, Ma. I mean, she still feels like the same Maura she was before William showed up. And she is, really. But we have a lot of lost time to make up for, and a lot of changes went on in our lives during that time that we need to understand and work through. Things are great between the two of us right now, but I feel like this is some sort of honeymoon phase and that once it's over, she might realize I'm not the person she fell in love with."
"I think she sees who you are, and she loves you no matter what," Ma said sincerely.
"I think so too, Ma. But she deserves someone that can support her in the lifestyle she's used to living, and she deserves someone who can protect her. I can't do either of those things."
"Maybe she does," Ma said with a shrug. "You might not be loaded with money, Janie, but you're rich in other ways, ways that she sees. And I think this morning proves that you can still protect her."
"It's not the same as it was though," I disagreed.
"No, it's not. People change. Circumstances change. People who love each other adapt to those changes and move on. The two of you are more than capable of doing that. You've already started doing that."
"Can I ask you a question now?" I asked.
"Go ahead, Jane."
"How come you and Pop didn't adapt and move on?"
Ma sighed. "We both changed. And we both moved on. Except for us, we moved in two different directions."
"What if Maura and I move in two different directions?" I worried.
"You won't. You spent years running from one another. You've spent the months since your injury running to one another. The only places you two are going, you are going together."
"But how do you know?" She seemed so sure, and all I wanted was to feel as sure about it as she did.
"Because I've never seen two people search each other out when they enter a room quite like the two of you do. Even while Maura was with William, she'd come into the house, and if William and you were here, she'd look for you first. I've never seen two people as protective of one another as the two of you are. I've never seen two people that know what the other is thinking quite the way you two do.
"The first time you brought Maura home, I thought for sure you were going to tell me the two of you were dating. I think the two of you were dating and you didn't even know it. Do you know how many times I walked in here and found the two of you fast asleep on the couch in each other's arms? How many best friends do you think actually do that? Jane, you two were made for each other."
"You really think that?" I was happy that she saw that, but I didn't quite believe her.
"Of course I do."
"But why were you so upset when we told you?" I asked gently, not looking to start a fight with her. Ma seemed to sense that.
"I think that, like the two of you, I had resigned myself to the fact that you two were going to just keep chasing after men instead of each other. So when you finally both woke up and went for each other, it was as much of a shock to me as it was the first day you brought Maura home. I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I really am."
"It could have been so much worse," I said vehemently. "You could have disowned me."
"I would never do that," Ma said with a scowl, insulted that I'd say such a thing.
"Really? I spent six months in New York that felt like I'd been disowned," I spat back.
"I still called you. I still made sure you were okay," Ma pushed back.
"It wasn't the same, Ma."
"You ran from us, Jane. You hurt Maura. I understand now, why you did it, but that doesn't make what you did okay," she argued.
"And look at the price I paid for it," I shot back bitterly.
"You're right. I'm sorry. But she paid a price too. Don't forget that. We all did," Ma said, holding up a hand to try and calm us both down.
"I know. It's something I have to live with every day for the rest of my life," I said trying to make my tone gentle.
"Remember what I said, Jane. Circumstances change. Adapt and move on. Just make sure that this time, every choice you make, you make it with Maura in mind. She already does that for you."
"I will," I said solemnly.
We cleaned up from lunch and Ma went back to the guesthouse to sleep for a little while. She had looked as exhausted as I felt when she left, and I knew she was probably going to sleep for a few hours. I hoped to get a few hours of sleep myself, but my conversation with Ma had left me with a lot on my mind. As tired as I was, I knew I wasn't going to be able to fall right to sleep.
Instead, I slowly made my way upstairs where I showered and changed my clothes. Then I made my way back downstairs, one tremulous step at a time. I had destroyed one of my crutches when I swung it at William, and in the confusion of it all, and in my rush to get out of that rehabilitation center, no one had gotten me a new set. I didn't want them anyway, but going up and down the stairs by myself with no one else in the house with me was more frightening than I wanted to admit. I didn't even want to think of what could happen to me if my pelvis gave out on the way down. With me as exhausted as I was, and with the way I had been falling during my brief therapy session that morning, it was quite possible that my pelvis could give out. I held onto the banister and actually sat down at one point about halfway down, just to give myself a rest.
Once I made it to the bottom landing, I went over to the couch and turned on the television, silently thankful I had made it back down again and happy to be able to try and unwind a bit.
A few minutes later I heard the garage door opening, and a car door slam.
"JANE?" Maura sounded absolutely panicked as she came running into the living room, dropping her expensive purse on the floor near the door without so much as a second thought. "Oh my god, there you are. WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME? What did he do to you? Let me see your face." She was practically on top of me, her hands moving over my face both to check it for injury and to reassure herself that I was really there.
"It's okay, Maura. Everything's okay," I said to her calmly.
"You can't have a head injury, it could make your existing injury worse! Why aren't you icing that laceration?" she cried.
"They did a CT scan at the rehab. It's fine. Really, everything is fine. Come here."
Maura stood over me, half crying, half yelling. "Sara called and said your room was a crime scene! And that you were nowhere to be found! Nobody at the scene would tell her anything so she called me! And I didn't know! I didn't know if he'd gotten you! Why didn't you call me, Jane? WHY?"
"I did, Maura. I called you three times, from the rehab. I tried your cell, the house and your office. You didn't pick up. Ma said that you were working, so I stopped trying to call from the rehab. And Frost has my phone, remember? I'm sorry that in all of the confusion I forgot to get in touch with Sara. We should call her, let her know I'm okay."
"When I got to the rehab they told me what happened, and I told Sara. She's okay now. Since you've been discharged to outpatient therapy, she's going to start working with her new patient sooner rather than later. I told her I'd call her once I was sure you were all right, and we'd make plans to have dinner sometime soon, so you could say goodbye to her."
Maura paused, and I was silently grateful that she would think of something like that in the midst of all of the panic and confusion. I would like to have the chance to thank Sara for being there for me. It really would be sad if I didn't have the chance to say goodbye to her.
Maura interrupted my thoughts. "Have you really been discharged?"
"To outpatient therapy, yes. There was no way I was spending another night there. I told them if they didn't discharge me to outpatient therapy, I was leaving AMA."
"I saw what he did to your room. I would have been furious with you if you had left AMA, but I don't think I would have allowed you to stay there any longer. They were supposed to have a guard on duty outside of your room. They assured me that they would." Maura's tone told me she was sorry that they didn't.
"I was lucky Derrick walked me back. In the guard's defense though, I wasn't due back for at least another hour. Derrick called off our session because I hadn't slept and I kept falling down. He thought I was going to hurt myself. If he hadn't been there, I don't know what would have happened." I shuddered at the possibility.
"From what I heard, you took care of things all by yourself." Maura looked at me proudly. "You really hit him with one of your crutches and wrestled him to the ground?"
I shrugged, unwilling to acknowledge what Maura already knew, lest she try to make a bigger deal out of it. "He can't try to hurt you anymore, Maura. He's going to go away for a long time. I'm going to make sure of it."
"He tried to hurt you, though. He tried to kill you. How are you so calm about all of this?" Maura asked in awe.
"He did all of that to hurt you. He tried to stab me to hurt you, Maura. I'm more angry with him than I am scared. The danger is over. You're safe. He learned not to mess with the people I love. "
"But you don't know the half of what he did, Jane. I was there, with the crime scene techs after Sara called. The reddish brown stains all over the walls, the bed, and the mirror, were made with your blood. Apparently he managed to get the vials that were drawn while you were at the hospital after they were tested. He used his own keycard to get into the phlebotomy lab and steal them before they were disposed of. As a hematopathologist, it wouldn't be seen as unusual that he was down in that lab. The crime lab found the empty vials labeled with your name in the room. He wanted to hurt you, but he wanted to send me a message too. He was spreading your blood. He wanted to spill your blood." I watched Maura shudder, and pulled her to me, even though she remained standing above me while I sat on the couch. She was too agitated to sit down.
"While he was hiding in your closet, he shredded your winter coat with the knife he'd been carrying."
It was my turn to shudder.
"He found your stack of photos in your nightstand and shredded them. Except the one of us together at the dirty robber. He smeared your blood all over you in that photograph and left what appeared to be a semen deposit on the part of the photograph that had me in it. The lab results are still pending for that."
I retched, absolutely revolted, and Maura saw it before she continued speaking.
"There's no doubt in my mind he was there to kill you, Jane."
"But I stopped him. It-" I paused, trying to choose my words carefully. "It felt good to stop him. I felt like I'd taken control of a situation. For so long, I've felt like everything going on around me has been out of my control. I put a stop to that, today."
"Today wasn't the first time you did that, Jane." Maura looked at me pointedly. "One of the reasons I was so grateful that you got us out of the restaurant the other night was because I'd seen him tense up when he spoke to you. I heard what he was saying, and the sincerity in his voice when he wished you well, but his body sent a different message. You saw it too. That's why you got us out of there. You took control of the situation then, and did what was right for us both."
"That was something so simple though Maura," I said, shaking my head. All I did was decide it was time to leave that night at the restaurant.
"No, it wasn't that simple. The William that we saw at the restaurant that night was the William I was going to marry. Saying one thing but letting his non-verbal cues say another. I could swear that he wasn't like that when we first met. He really was that innocent and that sweet, but I think the more he saw us together, the more jealous he got, and I did nothing about it. I just let it be. But you saw what was going on and made a decision to get us out of there, Jane."
I shook my head gently, still disagreeing with her.
"That William we saw at the restaurant the other night was the precursor to the William that showed up the day you were leaving for New York," Maura continued, her voice low and sad. "The William that held me back and tried to keep me from running after you. The William that tried to take my baby away from me before it was even born."
Maura shuddered, holding in her tears. "He is a sick, controlling man who hides behind an awkward, gentle persona. And I almost married him."
"You didn't know, Maura," I tried to console her.
"I thought after Dennis Rockmond, I was more careful. I paid attention to the quirks and the signs. But William played me for the fool that I was."
"Maura, you fell in love with him. You genuinely loved him and I know that he hid all of this from you. Don't you think I would have said something when you introduced me to him for the first time? You can't blame yourself for forgiving his temper if his temper never flared like it did until the day I left," I said, pulling her toward me once more. She still remained standing though, tethered to my hand but still trying to pace back and forth in a more restricted space.
"I just keep thinking that if I had tried harder to keep you from leaving, or if I had tried to let you know I had feelings for you before I had even met William, none of this would have ever happened. You would have never left. You would have never gotten hurt. We lost so much time together, Jane. And I feel so guilty for letting you go," Maura began crying, the tears she'd been holding back finally spilling over.
I took her hand and pulled her toward me more forcefully than before. "Come here. It's okay. Everything with William is over now. It's just you and me, and we're okay."
"But it should never have happened, Jane."
"You said it yourself, Maura. We can't go back. What's done is done. We can't change the past. But we can build our own future. We can learn from our mistakes and not make them again. I don't ever want there to be a day when you don't know how much I love you."
"I was so scared today, Jane. I was so scared that William took you away from me permanently. I was just as scared as I was the day I heard you were involved in that derailment and they thought you were among the dead passengers."
I pulled her down into my lap gently, and she didn't try to stay standing. I inhaled a little sharply at the sudden pressure there, but it didn't hurt. Maura's skirt had ridden up her thighs when she straddled me. Neither of us cared, and I stared at her, taking her in.
"Jane?" she asked, unsure of where I wanted this to go.
"Shh, it's okay," I said as I leaned in to kiss her. "Everything's okay, Maura." I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly as she settled in my lap. "Everything's okay. We're okay. He can't hurt you anymore, and we have each other," I whispered again before capturing her lips with my own.
"You're really home for good?" Maura asked against my lips between kisses.
"For as long as you'll have me," I promised.
"Is forever good for you?" Maura asked sweetly.
"Even forever isn't long enough, Maur."
She pinned me against the back of the couch as she kissed me again, and I ran my hands down her sides and under her sweater. She gasped at the feeling of my hands on her back, and pulled away from my lips long enough to reach down to the hem of my t-shirt. She stopped and looked down at me, and I gave her a small nod as I removed my hands from under her shirt. I raised my arms to let her pull my shirt off, and did the same with her sweater. She stared down at me, her eyes taking in every inch of my skin. For the first time, I didn't feel self-conscious under her scrutiny.
She leaned back down to kiss me again, and I reached around her to unclasp her bra. She sat back and let me pull her bra down, off of her shoulders and away from her body. I reached a hand out to touch her, and grinned as one of her nipples hardened under my touch. She leaned in and started kissing my jawline, tracing a path to my earlobe and giving it a nibble.
"I love you so much, Jane," she whispered against me as her hands found their way behind my back and unclasped my bra. "So, so much."
She eased my bra off of my shoulders and pulled it away, dropping it behind the couch, presumably where my t-shirt had landed earlier. She leaned down and took one of my nipples in her mouth, sucking on it gently before releasing it and leaning back to gaze at me. I smiled at her, content to have finally reached this point with Maura. I took her hand in mine, and brought it up to my breast, encouraging her to continue touching me. She cupped my breast and I moaned, letting my head drop back to lay against the back of the couch.
"God, Maura," I rasped, amazed that just a simple touch from her could start such a reaction within me.
Maura took her hand from my breast and started drawing a line with her finger from the crook of my neck down, between my breasts to the waistband of my yoga pants, where she stopped and hesitated.
"I love you, Jane." She paused, punctuating her words with kisses. "Please, let me show you how much," she said before she kissed me again.
I kissed her back, pulling her tightly against me, and didn't protest when she slid her hand inside my pants, and into my underwear. I moaned against her lips as Maura traced her fingers through my curls and into my folds. I was wet for her, and she seemed to purr at the realization of it.
She stroked me tentatively, almost teasingly slowly, and I sucked in a harsh breath at the sensation, making it sound like I had gasped. Maura mistook it for hesitancy on my part.
"Jane," Maura whispered, "I love you." She continued tracing a line from my center up to my clit and back again, and I kissed her in encouragement.
My hands found their way up her thighs, pushing her skirt up around her waist. I traced a lazy circle with my fingers on the outside of her underwear, feeling her own wetness seeping through the expensive fabric. Maura moaned, pressing herself up against my hand.
"Please, Jane."
I cupped her mons over her underwear and she stroked my clit once more. She rocked up against me as she kissed me, and I pushed aside the fabric of her underwear. I slid two fingers up and into her, gently, and she moaned at the sudden intrusion. Maura was so wet, so ready for me, that it sent a shiver down my spine. She kissed me again, her tongue tracing the same steady pattern her fingers were tracing over me, and my eyes fluttered shut. Maura began to rock back and forth against me, and she kissed a trail from my mouth down my neck to my collar bone. She stopped and bit the skin there, then laved over it with her tongue. Just as I was about to do the same to her, she slid two fingers inside of me, and I tensed up.
"Jane?" she asked quietly, pulling away slightly to look at me.
I smiled at her, then kissed her. She hadn't hurt me, she'd simply surprised me with her boldness. Having her inside of me, wrapped around me, and kissing me felt better than anything I'd ever experienced before. "Don't stop," I whispered to her, and she leaned into me, breaking our kiss so she could wrap her free arm around me and nuzzle into my neck. I felt her smile against me when she noticed my pulse quicken, along with the rate I was rubbing her center as she started grinding up against my fingers.
"You feel so good," she said to me as she nipped my earlobe and circled my clit a bit harder. We were working each other at the same rhythm, and Maura was breathing hard right up against my ear. The tiny, exhaled "ah" that she let out every once in a while was more erotic than anything else I'd ever heard.
I was quickly coming undone, the sensation Maura was creating within me was almost too much. Maura sensed this, and she moved faster against my hand while she slowed her own ministrations down. "Wait for me," she whispered, "I'm almost there."
She kissed me again and curled her fingers up inside of me, pressing up against my inner walls, and I cried out, unable to wait any longer. Within seconds I felt her contract around me, and together we tumbled over the edge.
In that moment, I wasn't broken. In that moment I was not an out of work homicide detective with life altering injuries to overcome. In that moment, I was everything I had always wanted to be. Strong. Tough. Protected. Loved. Oh, so loved. In that moment I was simply Jane, and the only other person in the world that mattered was Maura, and she was right there with me. She was all I needed, and for that moment, I felt whole again.
I was finally home. I felt alive again. I was among the living.