"Chief, do you have a moment?" Sharon asked, opening the door to Pope's office.
"Can it wait?"
"No… it can't. I'm supposed to get on a flight to Atlanta in two hours and I just got a notice that I wasn't granted the time off. I assume that's in error."
Pope set down the papers he'd been fussing with and looked squarely at her. "No, Captain, it's not. I need you here. The whole business with the leak is coming to a head and I need you."
"But Chief, Brenda's mother…" Sharon blinked at him in disbelief.
"Yes, I was very sorry to hear about Brenda's mother but that doesn't change the fact that I need you here. You signed a waiver stating that your relationship with Chief Johnson would not impede your work."
"That was to guard against favorable treatment in any potential IA investigations – I have been lead on four investigations into Chief Johnson, her team and her subordinates and have always maintained my objectivity." Sharon stated, "the LAPD manual allows for the spouse to take time off to attend a funeral and I know that Chief Johnson and I aren't married but-"
"And even if you were, California doesn't recognize same-sex unions. Captain, I'm sorry but I really have to deny your request for leave."
Sharon had to fight to stay in control of her emotions. "Chief Johnson is in no condition to be on her own right now."
"I was under the impression that her father would be accompanying her back."
"Sir, her father is still recovering from cancer and he just lost his wife. Hell, I just lost a good friend and my mother-in-law. She was as much my family as my own mother. I loved that woman."
"This conversation is over, Captain. I have a conference call with the mayor." Pope picked up the phone receiver and looked pointedly at the door.
Sharon turned on her heel and exited the office. Once she was out in the hallway with the door closed firmly shut behind her she felt the tears spring to her eyes. Trying to bite back the sob that was trying to escape, she got in the elevator and tried to slow her breathing.
The elevator doors slid open on the IA floor and she beelined for her office. She crossed through the bullpen of FID to get to her little interior-windowless office, her head bowed.
"I thought you were going to Atlanta." Sgt. Elliot said, puzzled as Sharon passed in front of him. "Hey, are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She snapped, stepping into her office and slamming the door shut.
The sound startled a few extra officers who hadn't noticed her enter. Sergeant Elliot blinked with apprehension. A pissed of Captain Raydor was never a good Captain Raydor to try to talk to.
She flopped down at her desk and tossed her glasses aside, taking her face in her hands and willing herself to calm down. When she looked up her body heaved with a silent sob as the tears rolled down her cheeks. She turned around and grabbed the framed photo of her and Brenda and her parents and clutched it to her chest, no longer caring about how loud she was or if her entire division could hear her.
Oh, she could have killed Will Pope.
Sharon had been utterly consumed by her work, more determined than ever to discover the leak. She needed work to avoid thinking about how she wasn't able to be with Brenda. Nightly conversations during which Brenda cried into the phone and whispered how much she wished she was there broke her heart over and over again.
The one advantage to being left behind and having Brenda safely across the country was that she could examine the Major Crimes boys without Brenda's mother hen protectiveness.
Sharon had her nose in the file folder, staring down at the information on the page. She rounded the corner and startled when she saw Brenda at the whiteboard.
"Brenda… when did you get back?" Sharon blinked.
Brenda chewed on her lip, "I got in this morning. I tried calling the house phone."
"I spent the night at Angela's."
"Oh, yeah, you did mention that last night when we talked."
"So what… are you doing? Are you… back?"
"Um, yeah," Brenda fidgeted. "I'm back at work. I- I've got a serious public safety issue in front of me. And I… I couldn't be in that house anymore… I needed to be here… at work and I need to be here… with you."
Sharon gave Brenda's shoulder a squeeze. Brenda cleared her throat, "so, um, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Will you be taking your entire division out with you?"
"That was the plan."
"How long will you be gone?"
"Well, that depends on how long the subject takes to apprehend." Brenda shrugged.
Provenza interrupted, "is there anyone in particular you'd like us to leave behind?" His words weren't quite sarcastic but Sharon knew better than expect manners from this man.
"Chief, got an address for Carolyn Loitts." Gabriel said before Sharon had a chance to object, standing and grabbing his coat.
"You mind if we pay Ms. Loitts a call? Shouldn't take long." Brenda smiled at Sharon weakly. Chief Pope stepped into the murder room, "oh, Chief Pope. I'm sorry, Sharon, excuse me. Chief Pope, I have a special request."
"So have I. Will you come with me please? Excuse us everyone."
Sharon was grateful that Brenda was leaving again and taking the whole division, she didn't want to deliver the bad news. She glanced at her watch, Ann was supposed to arrive before too long.
Sharon was aware that she'd gone soft. Where once was a cold, lump that she passed off for a heart there was now a warm, gooey actual heart. Of course she'd always loved her children and whomever she'd been in a relationship with but never had she let work get so personal.
Brenda loved each and every one of her boys and Sharon couldn't even remember Sergeant Elliot's first name. It had just been this last year, since the whole leak mess began, that her and Brenda's relationship got mixed up with their work relationship.
Sharon's cell phone vibrated in her pocket and she jumped, cursing herself. "Captain Raydor… Oh, yes, thank you. I'll be right there."
"Brenda?" Sharon leaned against the doorframe. "Honey, it's quitting time."
"I know." Brenda sniffled. "I just… I… maybe we should get a motel room tonight? I'm not ready… I can't…"
"I understand you're feeling-"
"I really can't go back home right now." Brenda objected, her voice cracking. "You were gonna sell the house, right? Why don't we move?"
"We can't run away."
"Why not?" Brenda pleaded.
Sharon shut the door behind her and pulled the blinds. She held out a hand to Brenda; Brenda bit her lip but took Sharon's hand. Sharon pulled Brenda against her and held her tightly. "I miss your mother too, but your mother is not at our house."
"I know," Brenda buried her face in Sharon's shoulder, "I just… I just…"
"Come on, I'll drive us home."
"My car…"
"We can pick it up tomorrow," Sharon coaxed Brenda's face up to look at her. "Let's go home. I've missed you; Joel misses you."
"I do miss Joel, but…"
Sharon stroked Brenda's cheek. "You are the most fearless person I know. You're not going to let a house beat you. A house where we've had so many great memories; a house on which you made a million fifteen offer just to talk to me."
Brenda smiled. "I would have bought it, too."
"I know you would have, you're just crazy enough to do it." Sharon kissed Brenda's temple. "Let me take you home."
Brenda nodded.
When Sharon pulled into the driveway the empty garbage can was rolling around in the street. "I just have to grab the can." Sharon cut the engine.
Sharon took it by the handle and dragged it to the side of the house. Brenda had already let herself into the house when Sharon entered. She stepped in and set her keys down. The light spilling into the corridor gave away Brenda's position.
She was in the guest room.
Sharon walked into the room and sat down next to Brenda, putting an arm around her.
"You all right?" Sharon asked softly.
"Last time I saw Mama she asked me if I had a minute… and I didn't have the time just then." Brenda let out a sob, "and now I'm the one who could really use a minute and she has no time at all."
Sharon pulled Brenda into her arms again. "It hurts; I know it does." She stroked her hair soothingly. "And it never completely goes away but it gets easier to smile and remember the good times."
"You're still sad about your mother?" Brenda lifted her head.
"Of course I am." Sharon nodded, "she was the first person who loved me and she was my first confidant. There are still days when I reach for the first number in her telephone number. I see so much of her in Angela and it's like she's still with me."
"I wish I'd been able to meet her."
"She would have loved you." Sharon ran her fingers through Brenda's hair. "I see a lot of Willie Ray in you."
"You do? Like what?"
"Well, your love of Merlot, for one." Sharon smiled.
Brenda laughed and wiped at her eyes. "Let's open a bottle in honor of mama."
"I think we can swing that." Sharon stood and held her hand out for Brenda. "we'll call out for Chinese and we'll have some wine."
Sharon sipped her wine. "I was just thinking about when I first met your parents. We'd been dating for three or four months and we'd just been exclusive for a couple of weeks. You were so determined to tell them that we were together before they got here and then we were all standing face to face and you couldn't say 'girlfriend.'"
Brenda covered her face with her hands with a smile.
"You introduced me as your friend Captain Sharon." Sharon laughed and reached across to take Brenda's hand. "By the end of their visit your mother pulled me aside and she asked me if I ever dated women. Took her about five minutes to ask… I was stunned and I said 'sure. Why?' and she said 'I've seen the way Brenda Leigh looks at you.'"
"She didn't!"
"She did! I thought it was important for you to tell your parents so I feigned ignorance."
"You knew she knew and the two of you both let me suffer?"
"You remember when you did tell your parents though?"
"Of course I do." Brenda smiled. "I flew us to Atlanta because I was mad at myself for chickening out."
"You walked us up to the front door, rang the bell and when they opened it you just blurted it out. I was so pissed off at you for a split second because you sprang it on them before I even got a chance to put down my luggage but that was before your mom hugged me."
Brenda wiped at her eyes, still smiling, "she hugged you so tight I almost cried and then she hugged me and daddy shook your hand and you looked so shell shocked by all the sudden physical contact."
"And our first Christmas all together."
"You got her diamond earrings and she got you a blender. You didn't understand each other at all yet."
"Hey, I ended up getting good use out of that blender." Sharon insisted, "for a while it was the most used appliance in the house."
"Until you and Angela broke it crushing ice for frozen margaritas."
"We made some great cocktails in that blender." Sharon agreed. "And your mother wore those earrings to every fancy occasion we all went to. That first Christmas we all had together was the first Christmas without my own mother; it was really nice of you to share yours."
Brenda set her wine glass down and took Sharon's hands, "everything I have is yours. I want to share everything with you."
"Except your candy drawer." Sharon teased.
"You don't even like candy!"
"Well what if I develop a taste for it – for Reese's, in particular! – would your candy be my candy?"
"You know, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay?"