Author's Note: God I'm sorry for taking so long with this. It's been like a few months, hasn't it? Well no matter, because here you go! Enjoy the update!

#15: You'll never be me!

Kajiko had her hammer on her shoulder as she walked up the last flight of stairs. She looked back at the other Kanji, who was angrily waving his hands at a group of Shadows, sending lightning bolts haphazardly into their midst. "I'm running out of spell-power here!" coughed Shadow Kanji. "Can we please get on with it?"

"I'm waitin' for you!" Kajiko snapped. "Stop wasting your time with those guys! We got other things to worry about." She leaned against the wall and took a few seconds to breathe. "You sure Kanji's right behind this door up here?"

"Oh, I'm fabulously sure," said Shadow Kanji vehemently. "Trust me, he was just thinking about me." But he was straying back anyway. "Can you… go on ahead without me?"

"What?" said Kajiko. "You kiddin' me?"

Shadow Kanji looked abashed. "I… y'see… like you said, it's a bad mix, a person and their Shadow in the same room together…" He clenched his fists. "I already… can hardly resist going in there and…"

"I get the picture," Kajiko sighed. "Thanks, I guess." She lifted the hammer and crept up the last few steps. "Now get outta here."

"Who, me?" said Shadow Kanji. His features writhed with indecision. "Oh. Haha. Me, of course. I'll just… I'll just be down here. Waiting. I mean… just… waiting."

Kajiko tried the handle of the door. Locked, not to her surprise. She raised the hammer high over her head.

"Use the key," Shadow Kanji hissed at her shoulder. "The one we found from those—"

Kajiko paused. "Weren't you gonna leave?"

"Yeah, totally…" said the Shadow unconvincingly, flapping down the steps. "Here I goooo…"

Still wary, Kajiko turned and, after a few fumbles, unlocked the door. Its bolt snapped back and when the girl put all her strength behind it, it flew open with a crash.

Seeing the light-haired figure kneeling on the ground, Kajiko sighed with relief. "Yo! Kanji-kun!" she shouted. "You okay?"

Something rushed by her and beat her out to reaching the prostrate youth. Shadow Kanji flew by with a whoop and slid to a halt in front of his human self. "Oh, you poor dear!" he cried gleefully, pursing his lips and placing his hands on Kanji's shoulders. "You look simply awful! Having a little existential crisis, are we?"

"Dammit! Get off me!" yelped Kanji reflexively.

"That scheming little creep," Kajiko snarled, and then charged into the room. "You said you weren't gonna do this! You promised!"

Shadow Kanji glanced up at her. "I'm sorry," he said, "but I simply couldn't stop myself." He began to back away when he saw Kajiko raising her hammer. "All right! All right! I did promise I wouldn't do anything… too impolite."

Kanji shot to his feet and straightened his jacket grumpily. "G-good!" he said grumpily. "'Cause… there's some things I want explained. Right now."

Shadow Kanji raised an eyebrow. "You want to talk to me?" His eyes welled up and he wriggled with anticipation. "Oh, I'm so flattered!"

"Ugh! Stop actin' so… so…" Kanji shook his head. "Okay, listen. There's just one thing I… I gotta know." He scowled furiously. "Am I really… you know… like that?"

"I don't know," shrugged his Shadow. "Are you?"

Startled, Kanji lifted his eyes up to meet his Shadow's stare. "What!?" he squawked. "I thought you were the one with all the answers! You're sayin'… what, it's up to me?"

"That's what you've been suspecting all this time, isn't it?" asked Shadow Kanji. "Maybe it's not something you can just know. Maybe you're one thing, maybe you're the other, maybe you're a little bit of both." He spread his hands out. "Or maybe all this business about being a man doesn't even matter. You're only fifteen, after all."

"Huh?" Kanji crossed his arms. "What, and bein' fifteen means I ain't a man yet?"

"I don't know," the Shadow repeated. "What does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be 'manly'?"

Kanji breathed out slowly. "Huh…" he said.

"I'll tell you what it means," said a new voice. Kajiko froze, and her gaze slowly focused on the figure in the corner of the room. "It means to you, a girl like me ain't worth shit."

It had to be her Shadow, Kajiko though numbly. The mad expression, the uncanny resemblance, the yellow eyes. This was the voice she had heard in the prison the last time she'd been here.

Kajiko took several long strides backwards, carrying her almost to the door. "That ain't true! I'm worth something!" she retorted angrily. "I'm worth as much as any guy!"

"Not to them, we ain't," said Shadow Kajiko, stepping out of the gloom. "And I don't really think I'm worth anything either."

"No…" whispered Kajiko. "No! Shut up!"

"Kajiko Tatsumi can't do anything except get in trouble," the Shadow went on mockingly. "So you know what I say? I say, embrace it! I don't care what they think! I don't want to have to be better than average just to earn a tiny little bit of people's respect. I want to be bad."

"I don't!" said Kajiko. "That's bullsh—that's not true!"

Kajiko's Shadow clenched her fists. "God, how I hate men! They're so entitled! That's why I go out of my way to get into so many fights. I just want to punch in their dumb smug faces. Teach them to think of me as inferior."

"I don't hate—" Kajiko tried to say.

"Except that I am," whispered Shadow Kajiko. "That's what really stings, isn't it? I can't be as good as them because I can't be as good as anyone."

Shadow Kanji stepped between them. "Cut it out!" he growled, and Kajiko had to look and watch his lips moving to be sure that it wasn't actually Kanji speaking. "You put it like that, it's no wonder you ain't gonna get accepted. Leave her alone."

"Oh," said Shadow Kajiko. "It's you. My male self, is it? Or at least, that what they say you are… I'm not so sure about that…" She crossed her tattooed arms. "You think you can tell me what to do, huh? You think you're better'n me, just because you're a guy?"

"I don't really—" the other Kanji started to say.

"You're the one that wants to transcend gender barriers, huh?" interrupted Kajiko's Shadow, grinding the heel of her shoe into the floor. "Well you know what? You're not 'transcending' any goddamn gender barriers at all! You're doing the opposite!" Flinging her arms out in wild gesticulation, she added, "In fact, you're just like all the other men in the world! It don't matter whether they say they like women or not, because they never really do!"

"What the hell does that mean?" asked Kanji, bemused. "Guys… don't like girls? How could you know that?"

"Because I'm a girl, dumbass!" Shadow Kajiko shouted. "And I know what men think of us… They might not put on lisps and prance naked through saunas, but they might as well! Maybe they aren't in love with other men, but they're all in love with the idea of manhood!" Her shoulders were shaking with pent-up anger and anguish. "It ain't about romance at all! It's about goddamn respect! I don't know which is worse… a guy who treats you like you're some kinda fancy shiny trophy to win, or just plain shutting you out, like you don't belong at all! Either way, it's pretty clear that you're not worth shit to them for who you really are! Talk about rejection! They don't even give you the chance!"

Kanji's Shadow was staring at the other Kajiko like she was a completely different person. His voice came out sounding choked and angry. "You… do you really think you have any idea what it's like to be shut out like this? What I've had to go through?"

"Maybe I do!" insisted the Shadow girl. "If you're him… and he's the same as the girl, and she's me, then aren't you me as well? I should have a damn good idea, then, yeah!"

"I don't think that's how it works," said Shadow Kanji.

"I don't really think so either," agreed Shadow Kajiko. "Because there's no way in hell that—"

"No way that you're—" Kanji's Shadow screeched.

The two were fighting to say it first. "There's no way!" the Shadow girl repeated shrilly. "That! You're! ME!"

And the shadows in the room began to move, becoming Capitalized, swirling towards the two human-forms in the center of the room and filling them with glowing blackness.

Kanji looked at Kajiko. "We gotta get out of here," he said, eyes wide. "Seriously, like, we gotta get out now!"

"Yeah, I know it!" the girl exclaimed. She wheeled around, but the door swung shut with a booming clang. "Shit!"

The two humans pressed their backs to the door, straining with all their might, but it was useless. "You don't have any of those keys, do you?" asked Kanji. "You got in here, didn't you?"

"I did," Kajiko complained. "Damn thing broke in the lock once I got the door open! Ain't that typical?"

The two K. Tatsumis turned around and watched their Shadow doubles with identical expressions of terror. "Well, it was nice knowing you," said Kajiko, extending a hand.

"Same," said Kanji, and shook it. "You really helped out with… a lot of stuff I was going through. So, uh… thanks."

"Nah," Kajiko told him. "No way. I didn't do anything. You're the one who made me realize that what I really needed wasn't to be tough. It was to be strong." Her knees were wobbling, her vision was going fuzzy. "H-hey," she added hoarsely. "Look at that. I'm…"

"M-me too," Kanji admitted, wavering. "Guess this is it…"

Kajiko tried to respond, but she had lost her voice. Her body was shutting off, bit by bit. She tried to stay upright. If they let this unnatural sleep take hold, they'd be easy pickings for the smaller Shadows. Instead, she turned her eyes to the massive figures emerging in the center of the room.

The room, which unfolded before their eyes into an arena, stretching as far as the eye could see, with hazy struts and pillars in the distance. It was like the prison knew it could never be large enough to contain the two combatants, and so redesigned itself.

Kanji's Shadow burst into form first. His body was stocky and ludicrously muscular, with coal-gray skin. Rather than a head, the neck of the form sported a bed of many-colored roses, in which the naked human form was encased. His titanic arms were wielding a pair of Mars symbols, which made Kajiko roll her eyes. How blatant of him.

Then the smoke cleared, and Shadow Kajiko stomped out. Her form was – and there was no getting around this – absolutely terrifying. Her tattoos had merged together into a black shell, but beyond that broken carapace, nothing but bone could be seen. She had become a skeleton, held together by pure darkness. Electricity crackled out of her joints and wreathed the wrecking ball of a blackjack that she was swinging around her head.

The two Shadows circled each other, starting with feints, testing the waters. Then Kajiko's Shadow grew impatient, and she smashed her blackjack down. Shadow Kanji dodged backwards, cackling. "You can't get me so easy! The only way this is going to end is if one of us accepts the other, and that's never going to happen!"

"Not if I tear you to pieces first!" screamed Shadow Kajiko, and she charged at her male counterpart. "You scared of me, punk?"

Normal Kanji and Normal Kajiko, in the meantime, had sunk to their knees "I can't… I can't stay up!" Kajiko growled. "Come on, dude, knock some sense into me!"

"H-huh?" said Kanji. "Whuh…?" He flopped down to the floor. "Ugh… I'm too tired…"

Kajiko grabbed Kanji by the shoulders and then bashed her forehead into his. "Wake up!" she shouted murkily. Sparks popped in her vision, but it seemed to have done the trick.

"Ow!" Kanji yelped, rubbing his skull. "Yo, I mean, was that really necessary—?"

"Yes!" Kajiko jumped to her feet. "Those two are gonna tear this place apart!"

"You're sooo in denial," Shadow Kanji said, as he lunged at Shadow Kajiko. "You don't want a gang! You just want people to forgive you for being born a girl!"

"You're the one who's deluded," rasped the armored skeleton. "You don't even know if you're gay or not! You just went with that because it's easier to accept than the idea that you might be lonely!" She caught the Mars disk by its arrow and turned the strike down into the floor, then swiped at the air, trying to snatch Shadow Kanji's human form out of his nest of petals. "And you kid yourself with the idea that GIRLS are the problem! We're no better off than you!"

"Kanji! Watch your six!" Kajiko tried to lift her hammer up, but her arms felt like lead slabs. "There's a Shadow tailing you!"

"Yeah, I see it." The boy's face turned into a grimace, and he put up his fists, his fatigued feet sliding into a fighting stance. "Bring it on."

The oily mass lunged up and struck out at Kanji with a set of smoky claws. He tried to dodge it, but was too sluggish. The Shadow raked a set of glowing marks through the boy's face. The marks faded quickly, but they left Kanji reeling.

Kajiko considered throwing her hammer, but felt that might be taking the risk of hitting Kanji instead. So she forced her legs to move, taking a few dreamy steps forward.

Something struck her from behind and cast her down to the floor. Wincing, Kajiko tried to look behind her. It was a robed figure in a jester's hat, wiggling a pair of giant hands that spread out from its back like wings. Another Shadow, she woozily thought, feeling so helpless it was like a physical pain, a dull ache in her chest.

Cloth brushed against Kajiko's cheek. She raised her face and stared into the mask of the Laughing Table. It was struggling towards her, flat on the ground.

"What happened to you, girl?" Kajiko asked miserably. "Your legs…" A fierce mask came over her features. "It was my Shadow, wasn't it? Dammit! I'll kill her!"

"You'll never be me!" howled Shadow Kajiko, splintering the floor with her massive blackjack as she chased down the rose-encrusted figure. "Did you hear that? Never!"

"And you'll never be me either!" Shadow Kanji shouted back, nearly in tears. "Boys and girls are just too different! That's a fact!"

"That's bullshit!" spat Shadow Kajiko. "You just want to let people simplify everything for you!"

The two giants were grappling, digging their heels into the floor, sparks flying from their weapons. Shadow Kanji had Shadow Kajiko by the neck with one of his Mars rings, but she soon twisted away and dealt him a solid blow to the kneecap. Neither one seemed to be gaining much ground.

Kajiko rolled away from another blast of energy cast by the sorcerous Shadow. At first she thought that she was seeing double, then realized that it was the Shadows themselves that were multiplying. More bad news…

She felt a rush of wind over her head and then the floor lurched. Shadow Kajiko landed firmly in front of her human counterpart, and then the bony hands were reaching out towards their prey, the jaws of the skull coming unhinged as its bite widened to an impossible degree.

"Bring it… on…" growled Kajiko, struggling to stand. "I'll… frikkin'… end you…"

"Kajiko! Little help here?"

The girl turned, and saw Kanji backing up to the wall, cornered by his own muscular grinning Shadow.

Suddenly the armored skeleton leaning towards her didn't seem even close to being the worst of her problems. "Hey!" shouted Kajiko, enraged beyond imagining. "Leave him alone!"

Shadow Kanji froze. "You're commanding… me?" he said incredulously.

"Yeah, I am!" said the girl. "I'm telling you to back the hell off!" She balled her fists. "I can't believe this! I thought we understood each other!"

"Yo, bone-bitch!" Kanji yelled to the skeleton, not caring in the slightest that his Shadow was currently mere meters away. "Get away from—agh!" A lesser Shadow reared up behind Kanji and dealt him a terrific blow, sending him reeling forward. From the ground, he croaked, "You don't have to do this! You don't have to be bad… just because you aren't perfect!"

Shadow Kajiko's gaping jaw slowly clacked shut, and the behemoth scrunched itself inwards, as if warding off a blow. "Don't… treat me… like I'm human..." she growled.

"Yeah, but you are!" Kanji insisted, struggling to get to his feet. "You're a part of her, a part of Kajiko! And that means you're human too! You ain't a monster!"

"She's not part of me!" exclaimed Kajiko, her face twisting up with misery. "I don't… I'm nothin' like her!"

Kanji reached out a pleading hand. "Listen… Kajiko…" He felt his consciousness crumbling away as the Shadows around him began to wrap around his body, strangling away any form of thought. "I… know you… an' I know her… and…" He struggled against the darkness. "It ain't anything to be ashamed of. Bein' bad at…bein' good. I mean, what does being 'good' really mean, anyway?"

The girl clutched at her hair, shaking her head frantically. "I'm not a thug! I'm not a shameless disgrace to my family! I won't accept that!"

"No! You ain't… any of those things!" Kanji coughed, with his last shred of thought. "You might not act the way most girls do… but you're a good person…" His head dropped to the floor; his tongue had grown heavy and hard to move. "You shouldn't be scared of accepting yourself, Kaji-chan… Only a damn fool would ever think… that who you really are… is worth being ashamed o—"

He didn't finish. The Shadows wreathing him dealt their final blow, cutting him off, and Kanji's limp body seemed to darken, as if a spotlight coming from within him had been shut off.

Kajiko looked up into the glowing eye-sockets of the armored skeleton standing above her. She felt detached, impassive, like a cord linking her thoughts to her emotions had been severed. Something was holding back the reservoir of anguish and terror that should have been crashing through her right now. Instead, she felt bone-dry – empty, drained.

It was probably shock, but she didn't care.

"What does happen?" she asked hollowly, "to a Shadow when its source dies?"

Shadow Kajiko lifted her blackjack high into the air, ready to smash the girl kneeling on the ground in front of her massive body… but she never brought it down.

A boy lay sleeping in his bedroom. Outside the windows, a thick fog covered the streets. A gray jacket had been draped over his television set, but it didn't disguise the light as it flicked on, entirely of its own accord.

Yu Narukami's eyes slowly opened, but he didn't want to look over at the screen. It would only tell him what he already knew, which was that he'd failed. Kanji Tatsumi would become another lifeless body hanging from the wires somewhere. Yu wondered if he could ever bring himself to face the world again.

"Well… well… well… such naughtiness…" A voice; low, dangerous, strangely sensual, and definitely familiar. As if Yu could escape the shame. Shadow Kanji would be gloating, of course. He'd won.

But then a second voice, a distorted female one, spitting with shock and indignation. "What the shit do you think you're doing?"

Yu sat up straight in his bed. What!? Where was this other voice coming from!?

Shadow Kanji again. "I'm not going to let you take her. So come at me… bone-bitch."

Yu half-turned his head towards the TV. That hadn't sounded very in-character for Shadow Kanji. He'd sounded angry, genuinely outraged. And he wasn't addressing the camera like Shadows normally did in the Midnight Channel. He was speaking to someone else.

The female voice. "You'd give up your chance… to take your own prey… just so you can play at bein' some dumbass hero?"

Shadow Kanji. "You got it. Now back. Off."

Unable to contain his curiosity, Yu slid out of bed and scrambled over to the TV, yanking the makeshift cover off. But before he could make anything out, a bright flash of white light blanked out the screen, and Yu fell back, wondering just what it was he'd nearly been privy to seeing.

Just so you guys know, I've got some awfully long things to try to finish (work-related) and I might not be able to be very prompt about my next update. So just hang in there until the next chapter - #16: RISE UP