Very early Sunday morning, I woke up tangled up in Maura. I was half on top of her, with one of my arms, which was now fast asleep, tucked under her pillow, and the other splayed across her stomach. Our legs were wrapped up between each other, and we'd kicked the blankets off the bottom of the bed as we slept.
Considering that the two of us had fallen asleep after making love the night before, we were both stark naked, and I shivered involuntarily in the cool air.
Maura felt it and woke up. Her expression when she woke up to find me looking back at her was enough to make my heart feel like it fluttered down into my stomach. In that moment, she reminded me so much of a child waking up on Christmas day and realizing Santa had been there. I grinned at her.
"You're beautiful when you wake up," I said to her. "I don't recall you waking up so happy in the past."
"That's because you're here now," she said quietly, pressing her lips to my neck, just under my ear.
"I've woken up with you in the past," I said knowingly. "How many nights did we spend on your couch together?"
"Yes, but you were never naked and we didn't have sex on three separate occasions within a twenty-four hour period before," Maura said matter-of-factly, her grin spreading even wider.
"I see," I said, grinning back. "I don't think I've ever had this much sex in such a short period of time," I admitted.
"We have a lot of lost time to make up for." She gave me a sly grin, and was just leaning in to kiss me when her cell phone rang on the nightstand behind her. I recognized the ringtone, and knew it was dispatch calling her. She gave me an apologetic look and I sighed as I rolled over away from her so she could reach over and grab her phone.
For a split second, I had expected my cell phone to ring too. I realized at that moment that I was going to be feeling like that a lot: itching to catch a case, and disappointed when Maura would get up to leave without me. Maura realized this too, and squeezed my hand as she answered the call. I listened to her end of the conversation with the dispatcher.
"Dr. Pike is on call this weekend," Maura said firmly.
"What do you mean, he's refusing to go to the scene? He's on call!"
I wanted to find Pike and shove my foot so far up his ass that he'd feel my toes wiggle against his tonsils. This was Maura's time off, something that had become a rare commodity for her. That man was a perpetual dick, as far as I was concerned.
"And Doctor Popov?" Maura asked. I could not hear the dispatcher's response before Maura started speaking again. "Fine. I'll be there within the hour."
Maura hung up and looked at me. I sighed.
"I'm sorry," she said simply.
"Duty calls."
"No, duty was supposed to call Dr. Pike. Do you know he is refusing to go to the scene because he wants to go to a breakfast buffet at Denny's and it ends in an hour?"
"How is that man still employed?" I asked, exasperated.
"His brother is friends with the governor, apparently. And Doctor Popov is getting pickled on vacation back in the motherland for the next two weeks," Maura said with an eyeroll.
"Well, you should go, because the sooner you go, the sooner you can come back. I'll help Ma get ready for dinner tonight. Will you call if you and the boys are going to be late?" I kept my tone encouraging. Maura was going to get called to scenes a lot. It was part of her job and we both knew it, and the last thing I wanted was for her to feel guilty for getting called into work.
"I will," she promised.
"I wish I could go with you," I said wistfully.
"I wish you could too, Jane. Soon though. Hopefully soon," she encouraged.
"Hopefully," I said, sadly.
Maura got up and pulled the blankets up from off the floor, covering me up. She pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I had such plans for this morning."
"Did you?" I asked, surprised.
"Yes, but I'm keeping them to myself. Maybe next weekend we can do them," she said with a wink.
"They won't interfere with Naked Saturday, will they?" I asked with a laugh and a raised eyebrow.
"Ha! No, they won't," she grinned.
"Good."
She gave me one last kiss and then walked into the bathroom. I wrapped the blanket tightly around myself and drifted off to sleep. I didn't wake up when Maura left, but there was a note from her on the nightstand when I woke up a little while later.
I love you.
The simplicity of the note combined with the truth in her statement made my heart feel like it was going to swell up out of my chest. I reached for my phone and sent her a single text:
I love you, too.
Then I got up and filled the bathtub for a much needed soak in some very hot water. Afterward, I got out, got dressed, and made my way very slowly down the stairs into the kitchen.
Ma hadn't come over yet, so I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat at the kitchen island to eat it. I wondered how the opened box of Lucky Charms had found its way into Maura's kitchen. She would sooner kiss a frog than she would put that sugary cereal in her mouth. I made a mental note to ask her about them.
It was still early yet, just after eight o'clock. Once I was done eating and had washed and dried my cereal bowl and spoon, I used my cell phone to call over to my mother.
"What are you doing?" I asked her when she picked up.
"Just straightening up the house, why?"
"Would you mind taking me to the grocery store?" I asked her. "It'll probably take a while. I want to grocery shop for Maura."
"Sure. Give me twenty minutes and I'll be right over," Ma said cheerfully, happy to spend some time with me.
I took the list Maura had on the refrigerator and grabbed my debit card. I sat on the couch watching hockey on Versus while I waited for my mother. She arrived not long after, knocking on the door before I called her in.
"I'll try not to take too long," I said to her as we pulled up in front of the grocery store. "I just figured since Maura got called into work today that I could help her with this. She had planned to grocery shop today anyway."
"That's sweet of you," Ma said, impressed with my thoughtfulness.
"Plus if I pay for it, I won't feel like she's buying everything," I pointed out smartly.
"Good thinking," Ma answered.
We each grabbed a cart and split the list in two, to save time. I picked up a few additional items that were not on the list, including a bouquet of flowers for Maura and some snacks that I enjoyed but knew Maura wouldn't buy for herself. She'd made her list thinking I was still going to be in rehab, but I knew if I had asked her, she would have bought the snacks for me. Since I was buying this time, I decided to stock up.
About an hour later I met my mother in front of the self checkout and I paid for everything, including a few odds and ends my mother had found for herself. It was the least I could do for my mother at that point.
Ma told me the bouquet of flowers were romantic. I decided not to tell her about the racy greeting card I'd gotten as well. We loaded up Maura's Prius and headed back to her house, where Ma and I put all of the groceries away and I brought the bouquet up to the bedroom, along with the card, which I would write out later.
"Is Maura going to be home in time for dinner tonight?" Ma asked when I made my way back downstairs.
"She said she would call if she and the boys were going to be late."
"So, should we make the gnocchi?" Ma asked hopefully.
"Absolutely. Do you mind if I sit while we make it?" I asked, pulling out one of the chairs at the kitchen island. I was already exhausted, but there was no way I was missing out on making the gnocchi with my mother.
"Not at all. Sit. I'll get the ingredients together," Ma said happily.
We set about making the gnocchi, and I enjoyed pounding the boiled potatoes and adding the seasoning that was unique to my maternal great-grandmother's recipe. Ma mixed in the egg and flour, while I spread some flour on a large wooden cutting board and onto my hands.
Ma poured the mixture onto the cutting board and we both took some of the hot concoction and kneaded it, making our own separate piles of gnocchi dough. While it was still warm, we each pulled off fist-sized lumps and rolled them in the flour, then cut them into bite size pieces.
Typical of Ma, we wound up making enough gnocchi for a small army.
"I figured I'd make enough for next week too, and we could just freeze it," Ma said as she watched me look over the gigantic trays of the pasta and began wrapping one of them up to place in the chest freezer Maura kept in her garage.
"Good plan," I said, impressed with our finished product. It had been a long, long time since I felt like I'd done something so productive and been satisfied with the end results.
We had worked in a comfortable silence up until that point, and then all of a sudden the conversation began to flow.
"You know, Mr. Stanley is retiring," Ma said.
"I've heard. I think you should make a bid for the cafe. I think you'd do wonders with that place," I encouraged her.
"It's a lot of money, a really huge investment," Ma said nervously.
"How much does Stanley want for it?" I asked.
"He's asking $400,000, but Maura's financial advisor says the cafe isn't worth that, and we should try to talk him down to about $250,000."
"She's got her financial advisors in on this already, huh?" I wasn't surprised.
"Yes. It was very kind of her, though I felt funny accepting when she offered," Ma said. "She and I, we got really close while you were gone, Janie. But then I pushed her away when you got hurt and she tried to prevent me from taking you off of life support. I apologized to her, and we made things right between us, but after all of that, I felt funny even coming back to live here. She never made me feel unwelcome though, and she also volunteered the services of her advisors before I even thought about making a bid on the cafe."
"She's generous to a fault," I remarked, leaving out how curious I was about Ma's falling out with Maura while I was in a coma. Maura had never even mentioned it before the previous night, which made me think it was all water under the bridge at that point. Still, I was curious.
"I know. She also offered to co-sign on the loan. My credit's not bad, but I don't think I have enough credit to get that loan by myself," Ma said, interrupting my thoughts.
"When my settlement comes through from the NYPD, I could sign it over to you. You could use it to buy the cafe," I offered.
"I'd rather you keep that for yourself," Ma said gently.
"Why? I mean, if Maura's going to give you money, I could too." I admit, I was a bit disappointed that she didn't want my money.
"Because you might need that money, Jane. Maura's in a better position to help me with the loan. Then I'll be responsible for the bank's money, not yours and not Maura's money."
"I could give you a portion of the money, so you don't have to take out as big of a loan," I offered.
"We'll see, okay?" Ma said gently. "Let's see how much of a business loan I can qualify for, and whether or not we can get Mr. Stanley to negotiate down. If he doesn't come down on his price, it's unlikely to be a good investment."
"I'd like to help you as much as I can, Ma. I think it would be great if you owned the cafe."
"It really would be terrific. And once you go back to work, you, me and Frankie would all be there together. Maybe I could even get Tommy to work with me there," Ma said with a smile.
"Tommy seems pretty happy doing the contractor stuff," I reminded her.
"But I could probably pay him better than what he's making, and it would be more regular hours," Ma countered.
"Just keep in mind that if you offer him a job, he may turn you down. Don't be insulted by it," I said gently. I doubted that Tommy would want to work in the cafe. He seemed to be doing quite well in his current job, making friends and learning skills that would keep him employed. All he needed to do was get himself into a union so he could get health benefits, and he'd be set. I knew he was working on that, and was proud of him.
"I know," Ma said. "I just think the work in the cafe might be easier for him, that's all."
"When will you find out more?" I asked, changing the subject slightly.
"Maura's people are making inquiries with Mr. Stanley. They're going to try and feel out whether he has had any offers, and how negotiable he is. I warned them that he's very stubborn. They told me they would get back to me in a week or so."
"Good luck, Ma. I'm excited for you!" I was excited for her. This was a big thing. Major. It was about time something good happened in her life.
"Me too. It's exciting but it's scary too," she admitted.
"If anybody can take that place and turn it into something wonderful, it's you," I said proudly.
Ma grinned at me. "Thank you, Janie."
We made ourselves each a peanut butter and fluff sandwich for an early, light lunch, and then started making the sauce and the meat to go with dinner. Provided everyone wasn't going to be late for dinner because of the case they'd caught, we would probably eat at about three o'clock, typical of an Italian-American Sunday dinner.
I sat there and rolled meatballs while Ma made the sauce. Once the sauce was simmering on the stove and the meat was in it, Ma told me she was going to go back to her place for a little while. I went upstairs and wrote out Maura's card, and placed it on the bed next to the bouquet I'd left on her pillow. The bouquet was small and the flowers weren't all that exotic, but I knew Maura would be happily surprised by the gesture. I wondered if she knew how many times I had wanted to bring her flowers before she'd met William. I wondered if she'd understood back then that the little random surprises like coffee in the morning or fudge clusters on tough days were not just things a best friend did. They were my substitutions for cards and flowers and kisses. I wondered if she ever wanted to bring me flowers. I wondered if any of the little random surprises she'd had for me back then were meant to be the same things mine were for her. She probably had meant them that way. There was something slightly reassuring in knowing that she did love me, even way back then.
I napped for a bit then got up and got dressed for dinner. I made my way downstairs and started heating the sauce up. I was just starting to boil the water for the gnocchi when Ma came back over.
"Don't tell Maura, but I took the best nap when I went back," Ma whispered conspiratorially.
"Me too! But why wouldn't we tell her?" I asked, puzzled.
"She doesn't seem like the napping type," Ma said, looking around, lest Maura spring up suddenly and overhear her.
"She's not home yet, Ma. And actually, she once told me that napping has several health benefits. I also know that she uses the couch in her office to catch some rest when she's sleep deprived. I just think she's too active to nap regularly," I said, proud to know Maura so well.
"Good to know," Ma said as she lifted the lid off the sauce. "Oh, that smells good."
"Yes, it does. I've got this if you want to set the table," I said, pointing to the stacks of Maura's china on the table. I figured it would be easier for me to stand at the stove and cook than it would be to make my way around Maura's table with her fine china. It would be hard to use the crutches and not drop the good dishes, I explained. Ma agreed and set off to set the table.
At around two-thirty the doorbell rang and Ma answered it. It was Frankie, carrying two cases of beer.
"Two?" I asked him as he made his way into the kitchen and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"One of them is non-alcoholic. Since you still can't drink, I thought you might enjoy having a cold bottle of something that resembles beer," he said with a sheepish grin.
"Thanks brother, that's good thinking," I said, touched at his thoughtfulness.
We both knew it wouldn't be anywhere as good as the real thing but it was sweet that he had thought of me.
"I heard you knocked the daylights out of William," Frankie said as Ma opened the door for Sean Cavanaugh.
I paused before answering Frankie and pointed subtly at the front door, where Cavanaugh was leaning in to give Ma a peck on her lips.
"Gross…" Frankie whispered, childishly.
I laughed softly. "Careful, we may be calling him Daddy at some point."
"You think?" Frankie asked, pondering the possibility.
"Maybe. He seems to make Ma happy. He better not hurt her again though," I said threateningly.
"I don't think he will," Frankie replied, still whispering. "I think that seeing Ma almost lose you reminded him a lot of losing his son and wife, and it brought them closer together."
"Maybe," I said, partially convinced. I was going to need to see him with my mother more to make a final assessment.
I was a bit torn. My once and future boss was back to dating my mother, which would complicate things at work, if I was able to return. But at the same time, it made me happy to see my mother loved by someone. Cavanaugh definitely put a smile on my mother's face, and she deserved someone that would treat her better than my father had. In the end, I hoped that person would be Sean Cavanaugh.
Ma and Cavanaugh felt Frankie and I staring at them, and Cavanaugh gave us a little wave as he made his way into the living room.
"Sir," I said, waving as he sat down.
"Lieutenant," Frankie added before he started putting the beers in the fridge. "Would you like a beer?" he asked.
"I'd love one. Thanks, Frankie." Here in Maura's house, Cavanaugh was friendly and kind. Not that he wasn't at the precinct. But at the precinct he was boss to all of us. At Maura's, he was just part of the gang. He was trying hard to prove that, and I appreciated it.
Frankie took a beer out to him and they sat down to watch football on Maura's television. I stayed in the kitchen to cook, and Ma continued setting the table in between letting the rest of the family into the house.
Maura arrived home at about quarter to three, and made her way upstairs to get changed after greeting her guests and giving me a peck on the cheek. I followed her up, slowly, and waited in the doorway to the bedroom as she threw open her bureau drawers to look for a new outfit to wear for dinner.
"Messy scene?" I asked her. I thought the outfit she was wearing was fine for Sunday dinner and didn't see any reason for her to change.
"No, but I just don't like the idea of eating in these clothes after handling the body at the scene," Maura said as she took out a shirt and turned toward the bed.
"Jane, are those for me?" she asked when she turned and spotted the bouquet on her pillow.
"No, I bought them for myself," I quipped, grinning.
Maura tossed me a smirk over her shoulder before walking over to the bed and picking up the flowers and the card.
"Did you have them delivered here?" she asked me as she sat down and held the flowers up to her nose, smiling at me as she inhaled deeply.
"No, I picked them up at the grocery store. I know they're grocery store flowers but there's no florist near there," I said shyly.
"They're beautiful regardless Jane," Maura said sincerely. "Thank you for thinking of me. How did you get to the grocery store?"
"I asked Ma to drive me. I picked up everything that was on your list and a few other odds and ends I thought we could use. I wanted to make myself useful," I said with a shrug.
"Thank you, Jane!" Maura said, jumping up to give me a hug. I would never get tired of her hugging me.
"It's my pleasure," I said as I squeezed her. "Save the card for later," I whispered to her as we hugged.
"Oh, okay," Maura whispered back with a giggle.
Maura changed into a pair of jeans and a clean sweater, and reached out to wrap an arm around me for the trip back downstairs. I pulled her toward me and gave her a searing kiss on the lips. Maura moaned slightly against my lips, sliding her hands under the back of my shirt and pulling me closer to her with her hands on my bare back.
"I missed you today," I told her as we drew apart after our kiss.
"I missed you too. I can't wait until we can go back to work together," Maura said, slightly out of breath from our kiss.
"Me too, Maur," I grinned at her, enamored with the smile she was giving me. I wondered, idly, if we had time for a quick romp before dinner.
"GIRLS! Dinner!" Ma bellowed up the stairs. There was my answer.
"That woman," I groaned, and Maura laughed as she helped me down the stairs. I knew she'd been asking herself the same question before Ma had yelled up for us.
I have to admit, dinner that night was fantastic. It was more than just being surrounded by my family. It was more than just the laughter that rippled back and forth across the table. Part of it was enjoying a meal I had helped to create from scratch, something I hadn't done in many months, and sitting next to Maura.
I'd never really taken much pride in cooking before. It was something I had always done simply because I needed to eat. I cherished my mother's recipes and I tried to cook to her standards, but I never considered myself a chef. Ma was the cook of the family, plain and simple. But several months before that night my independence had been stripped from me, along with my career. Cooking with my mother that day helped me to realize that I was still capable of some of the things I had done before my injury. I realized for the first time that night that my entire life hadn't been stolen from me. Sure, there wasn't anything I wouldn't have given to go back to the way I was physically before I was hurt, but I realized that night that I was still capable of many things, and that my life was far better at that point than it had been in nearly two years.
The other highlight to that night was Maura. Maura and I had sat next to each other at every Sunday dinner since we'd started them years before. What made it different was that night, for the first time in Sunday Dinner history, Maura was mine, and I was hers. I had nothing to hide from her, and she had nothing to hide from me. There were no more secrets. And no more fiancés, either.
In between forkfuls of gnocchi and sips of my non-alcoholic beer (which, I had to admit, wasn't as bad as I had thought it was going to be), I let my hand drop to Maura's thigh under the table. She'd squeeze my hand every now and then, or she'd rub circles on my thigh just above my knee. We would grin at each other occasionally, when something in the conversation would remind us of an inside joke we'd shared between us at some point.
"So I think it must be a Rizzoli tradition, chasing perps, and having their pants rip away to reveal that they're not wearing any underwear underneath," Frankie was saying.
I heard him, and I'd even started to laugh at him, but I'd gotten caught up in Maura's gaze, and we were both just kind of mesmerized by each other. We'd all but forgotten there were other people in the room with us.
"Would you look at that?" Frost said from the opposite end of the table. I could hear the grin in his voice.
"Yeah, you two, get a room!" Tommy barked, his mouth full of gnocchi that he continued to shovel in even as he was speaking.
"Tommy!" Ma yelled, and Maura and I snapped out of it. "You two really are adorable," Ma added when we'd both looked down and blushed.
"Yeah, you're right, Frankie. Sorry," I said, tearing my stare away from Maura, but not before I'd squeezed her hand under the table. "It has become a Rizzoli tradition."
"I wonder what kind of stuff you're going to get into when you come back to work," Korsak mused out loud.
I looked down, afraid to acknowledge that I might not get into anything.
"Yeah, Jane. Maybe there's a three hundred pound tweaker's head for you to break a chair over," Frost added, trying to be encouraging.
"Yeah. Maybe," I said, getting up to clear my plate. "How about dessert? Tommy brought cannoli." It was obvious to everyone I was trying to change the subject.
"I'll do that," Ma said, getting up and taking the plate from me. "Sit. Relax," she whispered to me as she walked away.
I sat back down and felt everyone's eyes on me. Frankie came to my rescue.
"So, Janie, we hear you've been moved to outpatient therapy. You gonna stay here?" he asked.
"Yeah. It turns out that Maura's house feels the most like home," I said quietly, and smiled at Maura. She gave me a huge smile in return.
"What are you going to do when you're not in therapy?" Cavanaugh asked.
"I don't know. I guess I'm going to try to keep busy, somehow. I can't drive, so I probably won't go anywhere," I said, shrugging.
"You could learn Finnish," Maura suggested. "Since you didn't the last time you were laid up," she pointed out helpfully when I have her a puzzled look.
"Um, that's not really on my list of things to do," I said. I left off the "Really?" that had been begging to make its way out of my mouth.
"You could come work in the precinct, help out with the backlog of paperwork that these two have," Cavanaugh said, jerking his thumb at Frost and Korsak.
"I still have therapy five days a week though," I said gently, reminding him of what I'd told him the night Frost had taken my statement at the precinct. "And I'm not sure how I would get there since I'm still not allowed to drive."
"What if we sent some paperwork home with Maura every night? Simple stuff. Forms and whatnot. You could work on it and send it back with Maura whenever it was finished," Korsak suggested.
"Wouldn't I have to be reinstated for that?" I asked. "I can't just work on open investigations. Even simple paperwork is subject to chain of custody issues."
I watched Cavanaugh, Frost and Korsak exchange a look. Then Cavanaugh spoke. "Yeah, I guess you'd have to be reinstated for that. And you'd need a doctor's note for it. Why don't you talk to your doctor about clearance just for restricted desk duty? Then we could file the paperwork on our end and you could do administrative stuff, from here for the time being. It would be good to get you back on payroll."
I wondered what that look had been, between my old partners and Cavanaugh before he'd answered me. They all looked like they were about to say something. I mulled it over before I answered them.
"I see my doctor next week. I'll ask about it. It would be nice to have an actual paycheck coming in, and not disability payments."
"Good," Cavanaugh nodded, encouraged, and then glanced up as Ma came in with a carafe of coffee and started pouring cups.
Later on, when everyone had left and dinner had been cleaned up, I approached Maura before bed.
"What was that today, with Cavanaugh?" I asked her.
"What was what?" she asked, genuinely confused.
"That thing he did with Frost and Korsak when we were talking about me doing administrative stuff for them."
"I didn't see it. What did he do?" she asked me.
"He looked at them. Like he was telling them to keep quiet about something," I answered, replaying the moment in my head again.
"I didn't see it, Jane. I'm sorry. I don't know what they would possibly be keeping quiet about though," Maura shrugged as she pulled the covers down on the bed.
"I didn't like it. I mean, I get that I left and I don't work with them anymore, but I definitely felt like they were keeping something from me. Something important."
"I'm sure they weren't, Jane. They wouldn't do something like that. Please, come to bed." Maura tapped the bed next to her.
I made my way over and got into bed, and Maura rolled on top of me, snuggling in tightly and laying her head on my chest. She sighed in contentment, and I closed my eyes, but it took me a long time that night to fall asleep.
It wasn't just the apparent secret that Korsak, Frost and Cavanaugh looked like they were keeping at dinner. It was the prospect of starting outpatient therapy in the morning. The next leg of my journey was ahead of me, and I worried about what it would take to overcome it all.
Maura squeezed me in her sleep, as if she was reassuring me, and it was then that I finally let go of my thoughts long enough to fall asleep too.