Dear Friend,

When I got my friends back, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would stop loving Sam because he had a boyfriend and he didn't need me to love him. I'm finding that promise very hard to keep.

Three nights ago, when Sam, Gabriel, Meg, and her new boyfriend Azazel (what an odd name) were going on a double date to a movie, I had come over to hang out with Dean.

"Charlie," Meg addressed me seriously. "I know this is hard for you, but I'm dating Azazel now and we're happy. He talks to me and we have deep discussions. I hope you're able to move on." She genuinely looked sorry for me, like I was the victim instead of her.

"Thanks… I'll try." I humored her. She walked over to where Gabriel and Azazel were standing. Gabriel kept looking at me like I took the last cookie or something.

"Is Sam ever coming?" Meg asked.

"I'll go check." Gabriel disappeared up the stairs.

A few minutes later, Sam and Gabriel appeared and they all said goodbye to Dean and I.

"Why don't we get outta here, Charlie?" Dean smiled.

Dean hadn't been his usual self lately. He tried to joke and smile, but when he thought no one was looking, he looked sad and alone. That is why I'm spending more time with him. I know what it's like to be alone and I don't want Dean to feel like that.

We got in the Impala and drove. Somewhere along the way to the mall, we found ourselves at the park. Dean pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"Charlie, why can't you save anybody?" Dean asked out of nowhere.

"Some people don't want to be saved, I guess..."

"I know I should just get over Cas, but I can't. I still love him and every time I think about him, I keep picturing his beaten and bruised body standing and protecting me and I-" Dean's voice went horse and he had to stop talking. I think he was afraid to cry in front of me because he looked like he was going to cry, but he didn't.

"Did Sam tell you that Castiel visited me in the nurse's office after the fight?"

"No…"

"He wanted to thank me. He said that he didn't help you because he knew those guys would eventually get stopped."

"That makes it okay?"

"He said that he saved you from being killed by his father... I think he knew that you could handle some jock douche bags, but if they were really a threat, I think he would've protected you from them too."

"I'm not some stupid girl who needs to be fucking protected!"

"I know that and I'm sure he does too. I think he could've just sat there while his dad hit you, but he didn't, Dean. He could've just not done anything, but he risked his life for you. He stopped his father from killing you."

"Are you making excuses for him?"

"No…" I said calmly. "I'm telling you that you need to stop obsessing over some stupid ass jocks and realize that Castiel did all he could. You don't ever have to talk to him again, but you should at least be able to forgive him for being an idiot. Dean, he loves you."

"I'm going to take you home, Charlie."

Dean still hasn't talked to me since then. I think he's mad because he knows that I was right.

Sincerely,

Charlie Bradbury

Dear Friend,

I had a good day.

I was over at Sam's house because Sam found out that Gabriel has been cheating on him since they started dating. I tried to feel bad for Sam, but I couldn't stop feeling excited, relieved, and happy.

"Charlie, do you ever wish you could just pause life sometimes?"

We were in Sam's room, sitting on Sam's bed and talking about nothing in particular.

"I used to."

"Why don't you anymore?"

"Well, I used to want to stop life completely and then one day I realized that if I did, I would miss out on things like school, dances, parties, friends, and all the little things I've ever wanted to do. Have you ever seen a commercial for some place and say 'That looks like a nice place.'? You may never plan on visiting, but by stopping your life, you eliminate any chance of ever going. Even if you hadn't planned on going, you never even could fantasize about going. I don't care about the big things. They will find me when they feel like it. I don't want to miss eating milkshakes and talking to you and hugging puppies. They're too important to give up."

"You are wise beyond your years, Charlie Bradbury." Sam smiled absently. He was still hurting.

"Do you want a milkshake, Sam?" I smiled.

"I love you." Sam looked me in the eye.

"I love you too." I said it before I even thought about it.

"Why?" The question meant more than just what was implied.

"I don't know, Sam." I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

"Charlie,"

"Yes, Sam?"

"I love you in that way." I pulled back and looked at him, confused.

"What way?

"The way you love milkshakes and puppies."

"Sam, I love you way more than milkshakes and puppies." I giggled a little.

"Me too."

"You love yourself more than milkshakes and puppies?" I joked.

"You know what I meant." He kissed me. It was short and sweet, but I conveyed everything we were both feeling.

I do love him with all my heart. I love him so much.

Sincerely,

Charlie Bradbury

Reviews are like candy... some good, some bad... Review?