Over the next several weeks, I developed a routine with Maura. I'd do my four hours of work and she'd come up and meet me at noon if she could. I never went down to the morgue. Maura had plenty of opportunities to come up and see me when she was dropping off paperwork, and we made do with those visits. I wasn't trying to tempt fate with human resources or with Cavanaugh by going down to see Maura in the morgue. If Maura wasn't at a scene or doing an autopsy at my noon quitting time, we would either go out to lunch somewhere together or she'd drive us home and we'd have lunch there. If Maura was at a scene or doing an autopsy, Frost, Korsak, Cavanaugh, or Frankie would drive me home.
Several times during the course of my paperwork I came across hidden leads for Frost and Korsak to pursue. Each time it resulted in them bringing someone in for questioning. Whenever that happened they invited me to stand outside the two way mirror and listen in. If the lead was a really hot one they gave me an ear piece to talk to them through. Quietly, they'd found a way for me to skirt around the restriction on questioning perps, and I dug in and got right back into my questioning skills. I'd go home those days with such a high, that more times than not, Maura would ask me if I'd "taken some sort of a substance". She wasn't thrilled that we'd found a way around one of the restrictions that had been placed on me, but she was always happy when I was happy.
It took a lot of getting used to, but in those first six weeks, I found comfort in doing the work I was given. I still wanted to be out on the street, carrying my gun and the full weight of my badge, but I was working, and I was so happy to be back there doing what I was doing. It broke my heart whenever Frost would squeeze my shoulder on his way out of BRIC to go make a bust or take down a perp, but I was still a part of their team and they never made me feel like I wasn't equal to them.
I looked forward to my four hours a day, twice a week, and was sad when I had to leave at the end of my shifts. I was bored more than I wasn't, but it was still work, I was drawing a paycheck, and I had my partners back. It had been a long, long time since I'd taken that much pride in my work, and felt that comfortable among my coworkers. I was slowly starting to get my groove back.
One afternoon though, I ran into a glitch. Everyone was out at noon and no one was available to drive me home. I could have requested one of the patrol officers leaving during the shift change drop me off, but I didn't want to take someone off their patrol just for me. I knew Maura would be back to the precinct soon enough, so I made my way down to the precinct gym. I looked around and everything was the same as it had been before I left. I wandered over to the precinct gift shop and purchased a pair of BPD shorts and a t-shirt, then went back to the gym and changed. I didn't have sneakers with me, so I walked barefoot over to one of the tactical dummies and taped up my hands. I spent the next hour boxing with the dummy, and I even got in a few kicks, just to test myself.
It felt really good to kick. It allowed me to work on my balance and enhance the flexibility I had lost after my pelvis had been rebuilt. When Maura arrived later and got the message I'd left for her about being in the gym, she was shocked and a little worried by what I was doing. Once I explained to her that I was just passing the time, and that it felt good to work on some tactical stuff without overdoing it, she started to encourage it.
That day I started a new routine. Each morning that I worked at the precinct, I'd pack a gym bag. I'd do my four hours in the office, enduring Crowe's stupidity and malicious comments, and the boredom associated with non-stop paperwork. Then I'd eat lunch with Maura if she was available. After that I'd head to the gym for a little while. If someone was available, they'd drive me home afterward. If not, I'd call Ma, or I'd hitch a ride with a patrol officer.
I was up front with Derrick about what I'd started doing those two afternoons a week. I told him I wasn't overexerting myself, and was just looking to tone up and get my reflexes in order for my physical qualification exam in a few months. Derrick was on board with it, and the day we talked about the workout routine I'd started at the precinct gym was the day we started tailoring my physical therapy to match what I'd need to do to requalify for duty. I described to him in detail the tasks I'd have to complete to requalify. Derrick took a ton of notes, and the next time I had therapy, he had an actual tactical obstacle course set up for me. I had just over four months before the next academy class was set to graduate, meaning I had just over four months to work my way to readiness for my physical qualification exam. Derrick and I started working hard on getting me up to par. It was terrifying at first, because we both realized that while I'd come very far in my recovery, I wasn't in tip top shape like I needed to be. We both had our work cut out for us.
About six weeks after I went back to work on restricted desk duty, I was given clearance to start driving again. Because of how injured I'd been, I actually had to go take a road test, but I passed it with flying colors. Maura and I got my car insured and put it back on the road, and there was nothing more freeing than being able to drive myself around again. On Maura's rare weekends off, we'd take off on a road trip, just so I could drive us around and we could spend some time together. It was perfect in so many ways.
One Friday afternoon a month, Maura and I went to the tactical driving course offered by the police academy. It was available to academy cadets and officers that needed to take their annual qualifications. It was easy to get Maura and I signed up for it.
At first Maura just wanted to ride along, but after the first time we took the course, she excitedly asked if she could drive it too. It turns out that for as slow as she drives on main roads, Maura Isles is an incredibly talented tactical driver. Her attention to detail and her extensive knowledge of physics gave her an edge I didn't realize she would have. We started competing against each other each month leading up to my requalification exam. She never beat me, but there were times when she came really close. She became the perfect incentive to keep improving, and together we really became experts that impressed both the instructors and the other students. What impressed me more than anything else was Maura's ability to Googlemouth while doing the tactical driving course. She would be in the midst of completing an S-swerve while pontificating about the differences between all wheel drive and four wheel drive. And I'd be more interested in what she was saying than where the car was actually going. Maura never fails to amaze me, even to this day.
We had so much fun out there on that course, and it was really terrific to see Maura learn new skills. Maura loved to learn, regardless of the subject matter, and I enjoyed seeing her having so much fun. She became just a little bit more aggressive behind the wheel of the car on the road when she needed to be too, though I still ribbed her for driving like someone's grandma, and she ate it right up. Not a day goes by that she and I don't have some sort of teasing banter.
In those first few weeks of work after I got my driver's license back, I also started taking my gun to the firing range a few evenings a week. Once I was able to drive myself, it was easy to head out and do things like that on my own. If Maura wasn't busy, she'd come with me. I enjoyed showing her how to fire a gun, though I have to admit that so many months without any practice had left me rustier than I thought I would be. Over the course of several weeks though, I gained my precision back, and I felt better about showing Maura the ropes. Maura took to learning to shoot the same way she learned tactical driving. She researched the hell out of it first and then Googlemouthed her way though the actual firing process. I was as impressed with her ability to learn to shoot as I was with her tactical driving skills.
Sometimes Frankie would meet up with me at the range to fire a few magazines, and we'd compete to see who was the better shot. In the beginning, Frankie was kicking my ass, but by the time we'd been competing for a while, I'd retaken my crown from him.
It was during one of those days at the firing range that Frankie accidentally let slip that he was getting a lot of flack from some of the other detectives because his "sister couldn't cut it in New York" and was now "freeloading in homicide" while scores of officers waiting for their gold badges got turned down the for the position I'd retaken.
I was stunned. Frankie felt awful that he'd let it slip, and apologized profusely.
"Which detectives?" I asked him, putting my gun down on the table next to us and removing the bright orange safety earmuffs from my around my neck, where I'd lowered them when we'd started talking.
"It doesn't matter," Frankie said, taking his own earmuffs off. "I'm handling it. They're just a bunch of assholes. I mean, you did great in New York from what I heard, and it's not like anyone could honestly think that you'd purposely gotten on that train so you could get hurt."
"Still, Frankie, I have to put a stop to this," I said forcefully. I had a reputation to maintain and Frankie had a reputation to build. Neither of us needed that kind of trouble at that point in our careers.
"No, Janie. This is something I gotta take care of myself. I'm not just sticking up for you. I'm showing those fools that I'm my own person, capable of my own good work, and that all Rizzolis are a force to be reckoned with."
"I'd still like to know who it is that's talking about me like that," I said calmly.
"Don't worry about it. Like I said, I'm really sorry I even brought it up. I didn't mean to."
Frankie was contrite, and I could see the worry on his face. I started worrying then too. If I didn't pass my physical qualification exam in a few months, what kind of flack would he get then? He deserved better than what he was getting. He should only have to prove himself, and not that he could live up to his sister's reputation, or that he had to do better than the sister that tried to come back and failed.
More than anything, I also wanted to track down the assholes trying to sully my reputation and kick the shit out of them. I'd been through too much to have them talk about me that way. I'd show them a thing or two, if I ever found out who they were. I had a feeling they were all friendly with Detective Crowe, who had been relentless in his taunts since the moment I'd gone back to desk duty, and if that was the case, it wouldn't be hard to find them.
We wrapped up at the firing range and headed out, meeting Maura and Tommy for dinner that night at the Dirty Robber. It didn't come back up again that night, but the issues Frankie was facing, and indirectly, that I was facing as well, weighed heavily on my mind.
Maura could tell I had something bothering me, and when we got home that night she tried to get me to talk about it.
"Maur, it's nothing, okay? You don't have to worry about it," I told her.
"If it's worrying you, it worries me, Jane. Did something happen at the range today? You were fine when you left work, so I'm thinking something happened at the firing range."
I sighed. There was no point in trying to hide it from Maura. She would worry more if she didn't know what to worry about than she would over something she knew about and could analyze.
"Frankie's been getting a lot of flack from other detectives about me. People are saying I couldn't handle things in New York and that I'm freeloading in homicide now because I am on desk duty."
"That's terrible!" Maura was clearly upset. "It's immature and foolish. They know nothing about your time in New York! And what do they expect you to do? Go out to tackle suspects in your condition?"
"See? I knew it would upset you. Try not to worry about it, Maura." I stepped up behind her as she hung up the sweater she'd been wearing in the office. I wrapped her up in my arms and kissed the back of her neck lightly. "Frankie and I are going to take care of it on our ends."
"You shouldn't worry about what other people think anyway," Maura added.
"I worry about what you think. And what Ma thinks and what my partners think and my brothers think… and I worry about what the people at work think of me too. I used to be the best of the best, Maura. It's hard being a nobody now."
"You're not a nobody," Maura said, turning to face me and grabbing my shoulders. "You're far from nobody. You're my world, Jane Rizzoli!"
I hugged Maura to me as tightly as I could.
"And you're my everything, Maura. You always will be. I just hope I'll always be yours, even if I fail miserably at trying to go back to work."
"My love for you is not contingent on your employment status, and it never will be, Jane."
I hoped that was the truth. I knew Maura believed it, else she would have fainted or been covered in hives, but it was possible her love for me could change, or even disappear, if I didn't pass my qualification and go back to full time work. It was very possible, even if Maura couldn't imagine it happening.
And losing her love was my biggest fear of all.
A/N: And so begins the wind down. Chapter 58 ends the story and is the epilogue, so just a few chapters left to go! Thanks for being here, for reading this, and for all of the encouragement you've given along the way. Special thanks go to CharlietheCAG for her beta skills, which are always appreciated!