After Christmas break, things get back to normal with one small exception: every few nights Carwood and Ron hang out. It's never anything extravagant, but it is a lot more fun than Car's had in a long time. They watch movies or sometimes eat together. It's nothing like any of Carwood's failed dates. For one, there's no pressure to seem desirable. Not that Carwood ever really tried that hard, because he believes in being honest with potential boyfriends, and he's not going to be someone he's not, ever. But the feeling was still there, every date, the one where he knew deep down he wasn't attractive enough or exciting enough for the men he was out with.
With Ron, though, none of those feelings are there. They just hang out together, no pressure. And it could be the fact that it's not a date, but Carwood has a feeling it has more to do with Ron himself. For all that the man doesn't talk often, he's surprisingly easy to talk to. If he asks, Car knows he'll spill his deepest secrets, his darkest desires, without even hesitating.
Case in point: Ron is at Carwood's apartment, and they're making dinner together in about mid-February. They've been doing this more often than going out, lately, just one of them going over to the other's place and cooking together. It's usually a great time, though not very exciting, which is honestly fine with Carwood, because he's always been something of a homebody. Tonight, though, something unusual does happen, because as they're sitting on the couch together after dinner, watching a documentary about Lewis and Clark on PBS, Ron looks over and asks him a question.
Now, Ron is the quietest guy Carwood knows, and even when he does talk, the things he says don't always make sense. Some of the students have repeated back the stories of his classes for Car, because students love gossip more than life itself, and while Ron is apparently an excellent teacher, his answers about homework or assignments are sometimes confusing. Like the one time after a lecture on Beowulf, when Perconte raised his hand and said, "But Mr. Dike told us it meant this…" Ron had replied, "Mr. Dike told you that, huh? Well then, forget what I said," then offered them all candy. Carwood takes this to mean Ron has a very subtle sense of humor and the self-confidence to embrace the rumors about himself and joke about them, but the kids had all been terrified.
But tonight, Ron turns to him and asks, "How did you get your scar?"
Carwood blushes, and brings a hand up to his face, where the scar is. He's never told anyone about how he got the scar, mostly because everyone he knew as a child knew when it happened, and no one in his adult life has ever asked about it, probably worried about being rude. Ron, though, he doesn't think like other people, and Carwood feels comfortable enough with him to answer.
"I was in a car wreck when I was ten. I was lucky, though. My father was killed and my mother was paralyzed." It only hurts a little to say, after so many years, but Carwood remembers the terrible grief of those first few years, the pressure of trying to keep his shattered family together. He thinks they were all happy together, before the accident, but for years afterward, all he could remember was the sting of shattering glass and the sound of the horn blaring.
"Where's your mother, now?" Ron asks.
"A nursing home downtown. Her health isn't so great, but she's still sharp as a tack. I'd have her stay with me, but I'm just not qualified to take care of her. I visit, though, every day before supper."
"Oh," Ron says, quiet. "I'd like to meet her. If you don't mind."
"I'd really like that," Carwood tells him. He feels inexplicably warm at the offer. He's known for months now that Ron is a great guy, but now he thinks, huh, this might be someone I could fall in love with.
Ron notices the change in Car a few days after asking about his scar. He shouldn't have, he knows, from the look he got after asking. Car wasn't upset, though, just surprised, and the way his eyes got distant and wistful when talking about the accident made Ron want to hold him. He didn't, knew he couldn't make his arms gentle enough, his touch soothing enough. Car deserves someone who can hold him the right way, and Ron wants to be that man, he does, but it's all wishful thinking.
The change afterward is in Carwood's smiles. He gets a new one, one Ron's never seen him use before. It's only sometimes and it's only ever toward Ron, and it makes Ron's breath catch, to know there's a smile just for him. It's a soft, sweet smile, and Car's eyes do this thing when he's using it that makes Ron think he's being seen through, down to his deepest secrets and worst fears. Car's never used that smile on any of the guys he's gone out with, since Ron's known him, and even though he hates to do it, Ron feels hope.
That smile is the reason Ron looks forward to Academic Bowl practices, but it's okay in other ways, too. At the very beginning, the kids had all stared at him the whole time, nervous and fidgety. It's different when he's teaching, because there are enough kids in the classes that none of them feel too close to him. Practices are more intimate, though, and that scares them, the same way it scares Ron.
Lately, though, the students at practices have stopped fidgeting quite so badly when Ron is around them. Even on the days Car isn't there, none of them stare at him anymore, afraid or nervous. Now, they just get on with the practice, memorizing and learning, preparing for the competition in March. They're getting better, too, all of them, answering more and more questions correctly, and for all that Ron doesn't have to talk much for them to improve, it still gives him that happy feeling, the one he gets whenever someone scores 100% on a test.
Plus, even though Car's not there every practice, Ron knows he'll probably see him in the evening. They're not dating, but they are together in a way Ron can barely believe is real, sometimes. When they're side by side on the couch, or watching each other from across the table, Ron just wants to take Car's hand and hold it, to cling and never let go. He wants to say silly things, to tell Car everything about himself, even the things he doesn't like to think about. He wants to cry and laugh and run around like a crazy person.
It's love, he thinks, and it's not a thought he's ever had before. Back when he was just watching Car from afar, brushing arms with him in the cafeteria or staring at his dates, it was a hunger, a desire. Now, though, after they've spent so much time together, learned so much about each other, it's become a feeling so deep inside him that it's hard to breathe, sometimes. He wants to feel this way for the rest of his life. If only he could make himself tell Car the whole truth about what he's done, everything would be perfect. Until he can work up the courage, though, he's going to just let himself feel this, feel love, and bask in it.
Nix makes the worst mistake of his life at the end of February. It's all because of Valentine's Day, really. All day, between his usual tasks of answering phones, sorting mail and responding to e-mails, he delivers valentines to the faculty. There are always a crazy amount of them every year, flowers and cards and candy, and once even a giant stuffed teddy bear. Most are from people outside the school, lovers, spouses and the like, but some are sent from within the school, from other teachers or even students. There was an especially memorable one last year that a blushing George Luz gave to Nix to deliver to Lip anonymously. He'd made Nix promise not to tell, but Lip grades enough papers to recognize a student's handwriting, and they apparently had a long talk after that about what was and wasn't an appropriate student-teacher relationship. Lip had been distraught about the whole thing, because he's a good guy who hates to hurt people's feelings, but Luz seems to have accepted the whole thing with good grace and he and Frank Perconte got pretty close after that.
Not all of the valentines from students have romantic undertones, though. The student council does this thing every year where they all pick out the name of a faculty or staff member and give them secret little gifts for every holiday. It's a nice thing for them to do and it really breaks up the monotony of the year. Nix has narrowed his down by this point to either Shifty Powers or Gene Roe, while Dick's is definitely David Webster, who has a unique and slightly pretentious style that would be recognizable anywhere.
Lip and Speirs have valentines from their own student council secret admirers, Popeye Wynn and John Janovec, respectively, but funnily enough, they also both have valentines from each other, anonymous, of course. With Lip it makes sense, because he's sweet and likes to make other people feel good, but Nix just can't imagine Speirs being the type of guy who would send someone a valentine.
Though, on the other hand, Nix isn't really the type of guy to do that, either, but that doesn't explain the anonymous valentines he's sent to Dick every year since they met. It doesn't explain the expensive Christmas presents, either, though at least he's able to play those off as just him having too much money to burn. It also doesn't explain the house just outside town that he's been thinking about buying for the simple fact that there'd be plenty of space for little redheaded babies to grow up in, or the wedding ring he's been eyeing up for over a year that would look so good against pale, freckled skin. It doesn't explain any of that, and none of it even makes any sense, because Nix loves Dick, but they're only friends and they'll never be anything else.
Or, that's what he thinks, anyway. Except, when Dick licks his lips during lunch and says, "Want to come over, tonight?" Nix can't help but feel like he's been asked on a date.
"Sure," he says, anyway. "No point in both of us being single and alone on Valentine's Day." It's just a dinner between two friends, he tells himself, a little desperately. They do it all the time. It doesn't matter what day it is and everything will be just like normal.
But, when he gets to Dick's apartment that night, things aren't like normal. The lights are dimmed, for one, and there are candles and a nice, fancy dinner all set up. Dick's a great cook, just like he's great at everything he puts his mind to, but this must have taken hours to put together.
"What's going on?" he asks, suspiciously. He's torn between nervousness and excitement. This isn't what he thinks it is, can't be, because they're just friends, nothing more.
"We're having dinner," Dick answers, like nothing's out of the ordinary at all. "Come sit down before it gets cold."
So Nix does. He goes and sits down and they eat. The food's spectacular and the lighting's a bit odd, but it's just a meal, something they always do together. So they eat and then they watch a movie, something romantic, in honor of Valentine's Day, probably. But, after the movie, things get weird again, because instead of putting on the news or going to do the dishes or any of the things Dick usually does, he turns to Nix, puts a hand on his face and kisses him.
It's like Nix can't help himself after that. He kisses back, moans into Dick's mouth, then pushes his hands up underneath Dick's shirt, feels the heat and the strength of his back. It's not too much trouble, after that, to get Dick's shirt off completely. He admires the pale skin, the strong shoulders, touches his chest reverently, because this is something he never thought he'd get to do.
His heart almost stops when Dick pulls away from his touch, stands up, but then Dick takes his hand and drags him back to the bedroom, to the bed where they've slept together before, on opposite ends and not touching. It's never been anything like this before, but Nix goes with it, taking everything he can get. He gets Dick out of the rest of his clothes, gets rid of his own. Then, head swimming, he does something he's wanted to do for years and lays Dick out on the bed.
The condom and lube appear out of nowhere, but Dick pushes them into his hand and says, roughly, "Fuck me." He blushes when he says it, though, all down his chest, and Nix loses several minutes just nuzzling into his ribs, enjoying the heat, before he comes back to himself and gets down to business. He gets fingers inside him first, probably too quickly, but Dick bucks up against them, trying to get them deeper and Nix shivers a little, caught up in how perfect this is. Nix wants, he's always wanted, and when he gets his cock inside, he loses his mind a little with the tightness and the heat and how Dick cries out when he hits just the right angle. Then he gets a hand around Dick, strokes him in time to the roll of his hips, and the cries come with every thrust, now. Then Dick comes, tightens around him and it's just way too much and Nix loses it, too.
It's not until afterward, lying together, holding each other close like Nix has always wanted to do, that he realizes what a mistake this may have been. They're friends, they've always been best friends, and this, it's not something friends do. It's for the best, he thinks, and sneaks away after Dick's asleep. He leaves a note as he goes, though, because Dick's his best friend, and nothing is ever going to change that, not if he can help it.