Chapter 16

Even If It Kills Me

"What?" I asked, sinking to the floor. Cato rushed forward and took the box, looking closely at it.

"She's right." he finally said after a long pause. "Clove, I-"

"No. This can't be real. I can't be pregnant! I had my period-" I thought for a moment. I couldn't even remember that last time. "Shit."

"We need to get you to a doctor and- and-" Cato started pacing, his blonde hair coming out of its slicked back style.

"And what? have them tell me the same thing we just found out?" I rested my elbows on my knees, hugging them closer to my chest.

"It's time." Sam was looking at her watch. "The reaping. You have to go now." she said. "I'm sorry Clove. I'll see you after." Sam scurried out of the house.

"Well, you heard the girl. We have to get to the reaping." Cato said. He reached down and pulled me up, holding me closely, but so gently. As if I would break.

But I was breaking. To bits and pieces on the inside. Careers weren't supposed to have children. Victors weren't supposed to worry about things like this when they had all the money in the world.

"Come on." he whispered softly, linking his hands into mine. We walked towards the door and I was utterly silent. We reached the reaping and I signed in. Cato and I stepped off to the side before separating. "Clove," his hands moved in mine. ", whatever happens. With this baby, I know we can handle it. We're mature. We can handle it." he reassured me.

"Yeah." I tried to shake out of my daze. "I- I know we can." I nodded. He kissed me and walked to his side, my hands feeling cold where they had detached from his. I went to my section blindly, not thinking about the people standing next to me. All I could think about was the baby.

Something living. Inside me. Something Cato and I had made. Something the Capitol would destroy. My child would have to go to reapings. To live this horrible lifestyle. I wasn't even sure about what kind of parents we would be. For so long it had been just Cato and me. We weren't even married yet! And now we were basically supposed to drop everything and have a child. Would we even keep the child? I could barely handle my own life drama, but having a kid? Having them ask me all these questions in life? Asking me for relationship advice?

Me. Tucking in a child at night. Me. Sending them off to the training center in the morning. I couldn't be the loving mother everyone expected a mom to be. I couldn't be caring. I was a cold hearted career. "Clove," a soft whisper was in my ear. I closed my eyes. "Clove, stop crying." there was a soft hand on my cheek. "Shhh, it's okay." Enobaria's voice rung in my mind. "You have to go now, okay?" she nodded at the stage.

"What?"

"Clove. They called your name."

"No, I didn't hear-"

"Clove? Ah there she is." said Herb, the escort. "Come on up." the sea of people parted and Enobaria shoved me in the direction of the stage.

"No, Enobaria. You can't make me do this." my face burned from the tears.

"I'm sorry Clove." her eyes were rimmed with tears as well.

"No, Enobaria, you don't understand." I reached towards her but she flinched away. "I'm pregnant. I can't go in the games."

"I'm sorry." she said again. My throat felt like sand paper as I was led towards the stage. I mounted the stage and Cato watched from the crowd. His eyes burned bright blue from the tears around them.

"Clove. No." I saw his lips move, but I couldn't hear the words. He rushed forward, restricted violently by the peacekeepers. "No!" he shouted. Blood pulsed in my ears and my head throbbed. He shoved the peacekeepers out of the way quickly and ran up on stage. He cupped my face and looked in my eyes frantically. He wrapped his arms around me and I heard the words I couldn't bear to hear.

"I voulenteer." his chest vibrated when he spoke. I grabbed a fistful of his shirt, gripping it tightly.

"No Cato." I said so only he could hear. "No, you can't"

"We will have this child Clove. Even if it kills me."

"That's the thing, Cato. It will." I bit my lip and it started to bleed.

"I won't let you go in alone. We're a family." an absent minded hand drifted down to my stomach. "And you're my wife. I won't let anything happen to you." a tear escaped his eye now and rolled down his cheek.