Chapter 17

Just Promise Me

We were led to our separate visiting rooms and I sat on the floor, trying to hold back tears. Sam burst through the door, running past a peacekeeper. "Clove!" she shouted. "Clove, I'm so sorry!" she was crying now, but I didn't feel like comforting her. I was trying to comfort myself as it is.

"It's fine, Sam. You couldn't help it." I shrugged, trying to hide the fact that my voice was shaking.

"I know, I know but-"

"Sam, you should probably go home. It's late." I droned. She clamped her mouth shut, looking at me with wild eyes before standing up. She knew I didn't want to talk.

"I'm sorry. Clove" she said again as she stood int he door way.

"Me too." I replied. She shut the door behind her and I sprawled out on the ground, staring at the ceiling. I had found out so many things that day and my brain was on overload. Cato and I had had a hard enough time putting up with each other last games, but now? With a baby? I wasn't even sure I could survive the first couple minutes of the games. Who knew what a baby would do to my physical shape? How would I protect myself?

Of course, Cato would eventually throw himself into the battle to save me, but I didn't want him to. If one of us was going to die, it was going to be me. No matter what Cato said.

Then I thought about the baby. We didn't necessarily have to keep the baby. It's not like this is the life I would want for my child. A life with career parents who could barely manage to love each other? My child living in a world of violence? I couldn't do that. As a matter of fact, Cato and I had talked about being parents when I had my pregnancy scare last year. We had both agreed we would be horrible parents and when we found out I wasn't pregnant we were kind of glad.

But I also remembered the tinge of sadness when I found out. Like I had lost something. But It's not like I had lost something that was ever there. I wasn't actually pregnant last year.

But this year, I was. And I wasn't sure how I would survive the games with a child. Of course they would put me in, even if I was pregnant. It just made the show all the more interesting.

"Time to go" a peacekeeper's voice broke me out of my reverie.

"Coming." I replied, rolling over and pushing myself off the floor. The peacekeeper lead my way to the train and I walked in, watching as the door shut behind me. I recognized the waft of Capitol food throughout the cart and Cato was sitting in a big blue arm chair. When he saw me, his eyes flared a bright blue before he rushed forward and held me close. He buried his face into my hair and I could feel my own sobs choking in my throat.

"You okay?" he asked and I could hear the pain in his voice.

"No." I replied, gripping at his shirt. But no matter how close I got to Cato, it couldn't comfort me.

Brutus and Enobaria had avoided us ever since we boarded the train. They just milled around, pretending that they were busy. I knew Enobaria couldn't bring herself to talk to me. And for that I was a bit glad, because I don't know if I could have prevented myself from clawing out her eyes if she tried to talk to me. So Cato and I had both gone off into our bedroom and we were laying together, so close I could feel his heart beat. His cold finger tips thrummed against my back as he looked into my eyes, as if trying to memorize them. I cast my eyes downward.

"Clove." he breathed.

"I don't know what to say." I replied with an almost robotic tone. He shut his mouth with a pained expression.

"Well, for starters, do we even want to keep the baby?" Cato began. My hear sunk a bit at the fact he had brought up the question. There were so many reasons for us not to have a baby, but I kept thinking how could I get rid of something the Cato and I made? How could I ever forgive myself?

"Do you?" I asked, peering up at him.

"Yes." he replied instantaneously. "But what do you want?"

"I don't really know. By keeping the baby, that automatically means I'm gonna survive the games. That's only a meer possiblity. So it's better if we just get rid of the baby." the words stung in my mouth.

"But aren't you even curious? What it would be like to be a family?" he asked.

"Yes, of course I am, but Cato, we can't be a family. In a matter of weeks, one, or maybe even two, of us are going to be dead." I sighed. He stroked me hair with his fingers, completely emotionless.

"You would be a great mom."

"Oh yeah, and how would you know?" I smirked, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Because of how you were with Timmy." he replied. I tensed, remembering the little boy Cato had killed in last years games. We never talked about Timmy, but for some reason, Cato had brought it up.

"I guess." I shrugged.

"Clove, if in a couple days one of us is going to die, and chances are it'll be me-" Cato began. I was about to protest when he placed a finger over my lips. "-then I want to get married. For real this time, before the games start. Clove, I want to call you my wife, even if it is for a couple days. I want to die knowing that you are my wife and you'll raise our family."

"Cato," I blinked hard.

"Just," he looked so conflicted. ", promise me." I nodded my head.

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