A/N: This may be the second last chapter. This fanfiction will not be long.
PewDiePie POV:
A couple days passed and cry was still writing me. He made sure I ate properly, slept normally, and had a social life. He was like a mother.
As I walked up to the calendar which hung on a nail in the wall my eyes saddened. It was that day. Quickly I shook the memories of the past years out of my head and turned to a clock
The clock told me that I had an hour to get ready before I had to leave. It felt as if I didn't have a spirit anymore as I trudged over to my rather large closet. Every action took much more energy then it should need. What should I wear...
I ran a hand through my blond hair with a depressed sigh. I knew exactly what to wear but I didn't have the heart to take it out. My closet was filled with clothing, fancy and casual. I remembered one specific shirt cry admitted to love seeing me in. I wanted to wear it for him.
The door creaked a bit as I opened it further so I could step through and have more space to look. Green striped... No... Plain red... No...
"There you are...," I bit back my tongue as the hanger came off the rail with little force. The shirt was set off to the side. My eyes scanned the closet once more in search for the next article of clothing; pants. I searched my memory for what it looked like. It wasn't until a metallic taste filled my mouth did I realize I was biting my tongue a bit too hard. That habit seemed to come when I thought too hard.
Instead of the pants I found the black coloured blazer I was going to wear. My eyes looked through the fucking jungle of a closet in search of those damn pants! They were nowhere in sight. Wasn't that fabulous?
I kicked a pair of black polished dress shoes out of the closet. I was starting to get frustrated... Fast.
"God fucking dammit!" For the truth sake, I wasn't frustrated because of the pants situation. Actually; I wasn't really that frustrated. I was stressed out. Maybe some ice cream would help... Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
The muscles in my arms stiffened along with the rest of my body. stressed spelt backwards is desserts. A sound came chocking out of my mouth as I realized... Cry would say that to me every time I was stressed. He would sit next to me and offer a cheeky smile and say that exact line. It would make me laugh and I felt better. Fuck...
I shook my head "Just find the pants Felix. Find the fucking pants" with an aggressive force I pushed back half the hangers of pants and just to my luck I found the ones I was looking for. Thank you God. The pants soon met up with the rest of the outfit. It looked fine together. The blazer was completely black along with the pants and shoes but the shirt that belonged under the blazer was a delicate hue of blue.
That was the shirt cry loved.
I sniffled a bit while remembering the last time I'd worn it. The memory bubble popped before I let it grow bigger and rounder until it had my brain in it, making me remember the moments my heart couldn't bear remembering. The only thing I let myself remember was that cry said the blue in the shirt brought out the blue in my eyes.
With only forty minutes left I stripped down to my boxers then changed into my almost all black attire. Wasn't there a rule that at funerals you had to wear all black? I shrugged. My blue shirt would be apart of my attire no matter rules or not. It was for the sake of cry. So fuck that.
The long mirror on a stand showed myself from head to toe. My clothing looked fine but something was missing. I just couldn't put a finger on it. Oh a belt! Swiftly I tugged a belt through the loops of my pants and latched it tightly around my waist. Again, I looked into the mirror. Something else was missing.
My shoes were fine. Pants were fine. Blazer was fine. I would fix my hair after. Hm. I tapped my chin in thought. It was something that was complicated to put on- to tie on! A tie was what it was. I went back to the mess of a closet and looked at the specific hanging rack for ties. There were no plain ties...
I glanced over my shoulder at a door at the other side of the room. It looked untouched and cold. My breath hitched as I walked over to it. Hesitantly my warm hand grabbed a hold of the sickening cold metal and slowly turned it. With a click the white door opened to reveal a closet that looked to be untouched for months; which it was. It was Cry's closet.
I took a breath in through the nose and my blue hues watered a bit at the scent; the scent of Cry which still lingered in a taunting way. I wondered if "cry" was in the room.
I let out a shaky breath and I hit the light switch with a fist. Everything illuminated and became more clear to see. The closet was probably half ,or close to it,filled with hoodies. Cry did love his hoodies. I found it cute how everyday he either wore one or had one tied around his delicate waist.
Ever so quickly I walked to the hanging rack of ties and took a pure black one then I turned back. The lights were shut off in the same manner they were turned on. I then closed the creaky door behind myself and hoped to recover quick.
I took the tie in two hands and brought it around my neck and tied it to the best of my abilities; cry would usually fix it...
The material around my neck gave off a scent that burned my nostrils, in a good way. The scent was of cry; I did always love the way he smelt. It was hard to explain but his scent was unique like nothing I've ever smelt.
Burning nostrils and watering eyes were the side affects of cry's tie. Along with the painful memory of him wearing the exact material. So long ago... But only a few months in reality.
Looking back in the mirror I deemed my clothing ready to be seen in public; the next thing that needed to be worked on was my hair. Because I was extraordinarily lazy that morning I still had a major case of bed head that didn't match my attire.
As I walked into the bathroom it still felt a little warm from the steam of the shower I had the previous night. Warm water against warm tears; my regular showers.
I got out a brush and brought it to the monster that was my hair.
"Time to tame the beast," I muttered then pulled the poor brush through my locks until one section was smooth and knot free. By the time my hair was just about knot free my hand was sore and the brush felt as if it was going to snap and break at any moment. With one last tug my hair was smoothed out and just a bit fluffy. Just as if a small dog was on my head.
I brought my sight to the drawers as I searched for any tools to use for my hair. Usually my hair wouldn't look like that but since I had a shower and went to bed with a wet head of hair, it just dried as an afro.
All I could find were a few bottles of... I don't even give a shit about and a straightener. Why did I even have a straightener? I don't think cry ever needed it; his hair was always natural. Maybe it from when Marzia and I were dating all those years ago.
With a shrug of the shoulders I carelessly plugged in the straighter cuz why the hell not? Like they say... When Pewds finds a straightener...
It turned out that the straightener takes a while to heat up so I walked out of the bathroom and trudged down the stairs; almost tripping on the second step.
I had twenty minutes to get ready.
My stomach growled angrily reminding me that I forgot to feed it again. I made my way to the kitchen with a plan to make toast. After two or so minutes some bread was in the toaster. As I waited for the toast I debated on wether to have peanut butter, jam, or Nutella. Peanut butter sounded a bit too dry for the morning, Jam was a bit sweet, so I went with Nutella.
My fingers tapped against the counter until I noticed a piece of paper on the table. Walking over to it, I picked up the white sheet and read the note.
Mornin Felix! Do you remember? September? Haha. I certainty do. Happy anniversary, love! This is not at all how I thought I would spend it. But hey at least I still get to see you.
I heard you set my funeral and to be today. If you don't mind could I come? I know it sounds weird; attending my own funeral but... I just want to.
Love you Pewdie
-Cry
I bit my bottom lip harshly and counted up from one to whatever number I felt better at; At 564 I decided it was useless.
"Y-Yes Cry... You can come if you really want to," As if on cue, the toast popped out of the toaster. I walked over to it and grabbed the crumbly piece of food. The nutella spread on like butter and soon enough I devoured two pieces. I grabbed a napkin and wiped my face then threw it out.
Just then I realized that the straightener was on. With ten minutes to do everything else I sprinted into the washroom and grabbed the straightener. How did it work? Remembering back to when Marzia straightened her hair helped me figure it out. Grab hair, get straightener, put hair in straightener, clamp down and pull until my hair was straight. I had to say; Genius Pewds striked again. I was glad I was able to crack jokes in my head once more.
After a while my hair looked pretty straight so I sprayed it with some random shit spray which smelt awful. Looking back in the head to toe mirror I looked pretty spiffy. My hair matched my attire pretty well.
I grabbed my toothbrush and paste then started to brush my teeth as quickly as possible. After finishing I put everything away.
The time said I had a minute yet.
With a loud mutter of shit I grabbed some cologne and put it on. I made sure I remembered to turn all the hot stuff off and I grabbed my keys, heading out the door.
The car door opened and I slipped into it while closing the door behind me. I jammed the keys into the car and turned them, making the machine turn alive. The gears switched and I began driving to the church were the ceremony would be held.
A half hour later I was inside the church along with plenty of other people such as; cry's family, his friends along with youtube friends, and a bunch of other people whom I couldn't find a category for.
In every row were three tissue boxes which were going to be well needed. Mostly everyone was red nosed and has moist eyes already.
I was fine until... Until the brown wooden rectangle covered by a white sheet with a cross was rolled into the room and caught everyone's attention. The church's music fit the scene all to well. Because I was seated in the first row, the box which contained cry's body was rolled right beside me. By then I was already a goner. My nose stung along with my eyes. The sight of the priest was getting wavy with the more tears that filled my eyes.
Tears kept coming and coming and coming. They overfilled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. The salty wet substance dripped down my chin; some down my neck and others onto my blazer. The voice of the priest was stinging my ears. A minute in and I was silently sobbing; not wanting to disturb anyone else.
The ceremony went on and I heard the priest say there are some people who would say a little speech. I wiped my eyes with a kleenex and pocketed it while waiting to hear the speeches. First was one of Cry's best friends. He talked about how awesome cry was. The next was his mother. She said how blessed she was to have such an amazing son. The next person shocked me.
"Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg," I nodded and walked up to the podium and my mouth went dry. I was used to so many people looking and listening and watching me but it was so much different then. With a deep breath I began.
"W-We all know of this amazing person, cry. He was and is such an important person in all of our lives... In different ways for each of us. For some; he was a great son. For others; he was an amazing friend. But for me... For me cry was everything. He was and most definitely is my everything. I don't even know where I would be if I never met him. I am certainty glad I did. Our first encounter was over the internet, most of you know we were gamers on youtube. We played video games together and even though we never even met in person, we instantly became best friends. Cry would always be the one to cheer me up over Skype when I was down even if it was four AM in the morning for him," I paused for a moment and chuckled.
"Then that amazing day when we met in person. That's when I fell in love with him. His laugh, his smile, his everything and entire being. I couldn't point out a single thing I didn't love. A few months passed and I moved in with cry. I was the most happy I've ever been. A person couldn't ever make another happy more than cry made me. He was perfect. He means the world to me. That awful day when he passed... I have to say that I blame myself. I wasn't there to protect him from the dangers of this world. I wasn't able to do that for him. I regret it more than anything. I love cry so much and ever so dearly. If I could I would trade my life fore his. Even after he has passed I still feel his presents.
I have a question for all of you. How differently would your lives be if you never met cry? It would be a sad difference. Whenever Cry was around he brought a smile to all of our faces.
He was a good man. A great one. He cared and was kind to all. We send our regards to you Cry; we all love you," I bowed my head and went back to my seat, sniffling and wiping away the tears that came to my eyes during my speech.
It was nothing compared to what I could of done. I wasn't prepared but I hoped it was okay. All around me I heard sniffles and chocks of tears. The priest bowed his head for a moment, looked to the sky and made the sign of the cross.
Five minutes passed and the priest said a blessing above cry's coffin then began to release fumes around it. At first I had no Idea what it was, but it smelt pretty awful. I tolerated it for cry.
The funeral ended a while later with the coffin being rolled back down the isle and into a black limo. I was directed to sit in the limo and I did. The next thing I knew we were at a graveyard most likely to barry Cry. My limbs went numb once we parked and a man who was cry's father had to use force to get me out of the car, he as well escorted me to the hole in the ground where Cry was to be placed.
Some rituals(?) happened and the next thing I knew Cry was being placed into the hole in the ground.
"N-No! Cry no! P-Please C-Cry please don't leave!," I started to wail "CRY! COME BACK CRY I LOVE YOU NO PLEASE!" I was sobbing. Someone tried to calm me down but I started to thrash around. My knees grew week and I fell to the ground in a heap, sobbing my heart out.
"Cry goddammit w-why? Why!" Tears were flying and hands were all over me, trying to send myself comfort; it was not helping at all. After ten minutes or so I was reduced to sniffling until I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Here dude," I was handed a rose to place on the coffin. Hesitantly I shifted to my knees and looked at the coffin. I said a prayer and a goodbye to cry and with a kiss, gently placed the rose on top of the rectangle wooden structure.
I was unmoving while dirt was being poured on top of Cry. I whimpered and my bottom lip quivered. Then it was time to go home. Cry's father knelt in front of myself and took a hold of my shoulders, looking directly into my empty and soulless eyes.
"Felix, son, It's alright," He said reassuringly.
"N-No it's not... He's gone... Forever. I-It's all my fault," The sentence came out as a mere whisper.
"It is not your fault; there was nothing you could do. From what I was told you were not aware of the incident,"
"It doesn't matter! I should've been there for him! I wasn't! I'm horrible! I'm the one that deserves to die not Cry!"
"Felix. Felix get a hold of yourself. Cry is in a better place. Don't worry about him. I'm sure he wouldn't want to be the cause of your grief. Just live life on; it gets better. Remember that. Now you should get home it's getting late," Cry's father stood and left, leaving me to sniffle and think about what he said.
At around one AM in the morning I returned home. I was tired, depressed, stressed, and miserable. I didn't want to live. No. Not without Cry. I knew what Cry had said but my mind was in a blur. Everything was fuzzy. All my senses were weak. I went to the spare drawer and opened it, grabbing the black gun, it shook in my shaking hands. Collapsing onto the couch I lifted the weapon. I was scared. But I knew I had to do it. The barrel was to the side of my head and my finger shook against the trigger.
I felt someone else in the room with myself. It was probably Cry trying to stop me but it was too late. My mind was set and there was no going back. I took a breath and said my last words
"I'll be with you soon, Cry," My voice shook along with my sweaty hands. A finger grazed along the trigger and pushed down just hard enough.
And then BANG! I felt nothing and I saw nothing as the force of the blow pushed me onto my side.
A/N: I'm rather proud of the chapter. Next chapter is the last or second last one! I don't know yet ^~^
Why is it that I stay up so late to write?