The next day at school, I saw a boy wearing black Tripp pants and a black Simple Plan t-shirt with a pair of black combat boots. He had his dyed black hair in spikes and he was wearing a pair of red contact lenses. My body got all hot and cold, kind of like an erection, only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko!

I couldn't resist myself and I jumped on him and started to screw him.

"Get off me you mouldy slut!" He thundered. I gasped, it was WIL WHEATON!

"OMFG Wil Wheaton, you know I am taken stop trying to screw me!" I exclaimed slapping him. I smirked when I saw that prep Howard standing there with tears welling up in his preppy eyes, he had heard EVERYTHING!

"I didn't try to screw you! You came onto me!" Wil Wheaton exclaimed before he ran off to go find his preppy fiancé.

Leonard, Bernadette, Amy, and I started cackling meanly.

"That was like sooo mean." A prep said, we put up our middle fingers at her.

"So, Raj said he's hosting a séance at his house tonight." Amy said.

"Those things are a bunch of hooky." Sheldon said rolling his eyes and we blasted him out into space because he's so annoying! Sheldon soon died from lack of oxygen and everyone started to celebrate except for Leonard who started to cut himself with his glasses while crying. I then caught on,

"Oh my gosh! You're in love with him aren't you?"

"No, it's not that." Leonard said.

"Yea right! I wouldn't get all depressed if Amy died, I'd just go get some pancakes or something!" I yelled.

"Hey!" Amy said angrily.

"I'm not dating Sheldon." Leonard said with annoyance.

"Yea right! Whatever, I bet the Hulk would be a way better lover than you anyway!" I said before stomping off.

Leonard's POV

I didn't know why Lilac was so mad, I didn't get mad at her for dating Bernadette and besides, I wasn't even dating Sheldon; he's dating that stupid prep Priya. Anyway, he is so not my type, I like women; I like knockers, hooters, honkers, vaginas! WOMEN!

Lilac's POV

I ran to the hallway and started to cry on a locker where I had lost my virility to Leonard. I couldn't believe it! I then pulled out my mobile and dialled the incredible Hulk.

"Hello?" He answered; I could hear some girl that sounded just like my sister moaning in the background!

"Is Ebony there?" I wondered.

"The pale skinny goth girl with the rotting teeth and pockmarks?" The Hulk asked. I knew right away that it was her, Ebony had done so much drugs, like Meth, Coke, Heroin, etc that it completely destroyed her looks. She was only eighteen but she looked about thirty and almost all of her teeth were gone and the remaining ones were about to rot out. She had a lot of acne and sores and scars on her face too. She looked just like someone out of a Faces of Meth campaign. She was a total bitch though so I didn't care if she got help or not.

"Tell her that she's a bitch, anyway, I decided that you can kill Leonard but leave Bernadette out of this." I said.

"You got a deal." The Hulk cackled. I smirked before hanging up the phone; that will teach Leonard! I thought to myself as I walked to my next class.