Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from SOA. I just like playing with the hot bikers.

A/N: Big thanks to everyone as usual, you readers are the best.

CHAPTER SIX

"Babe, where's the playpen from Kenny and Ellie?" Opie questioned as he pawed through the fridge looking for something to eat. He'd just come off a twelve hour shift at the mill and all he could taste was saw dust, he needed something to get the taste out of his mouth.

"I think it's out back in the shed, why?" Donna leaned against the door frame. "Not the cold cuts, they're for the kids lunch for school. I think that there's some pasta left in that bowl."

Opie took out the bowl, there was pasta in it but it wasn't going to be enough to make up for the fact he hadn't eaten since breakfast that morning. "They're letting Abel home soon, Jax doesn't have one so I told him he could have ours if he wanted, not like we're using it."

"We could be," Donna told him with a small smile, "we always said that we wanted three and we're not getting younger."

Opie placed the bowl into the microwave. It was true, they had spoken about having another kid, it had even been mentioned when he was inside but with the state of things since he came home he'd all but forgotten about it with the current icy state of their relationship. "We're not," he agreed.

"Now that you've got a good job with benefits and steady hours I think it's something we could put some thought and practice into."

The microwave beeped and Opie ignored it completely. "The mill job isn't a good job Donna, it's a shit job and I'm making shit money," he sighed. The state of the fridge told the tale better than anything else could. "We're still drowning in bills and barely scraping by."

"It's an honest job. Honest money." Donna placed her hands on her hips and Opie knew that there was no way getting around the fight that was about to happen.

"We're barely feeding the kids Donna!" He shouted the words, motioned at the fridge. "I could be earning enough that we don't have to worry about if there's enough for all of us to eat dinner and still pay the god damn mortgage."

"Earning with the club?" She said the words with venom. "We've spoken about this Opie, that is not our life any more."

"You talked about it," Opie pointed out, "I told you, the club..."

"Screw the club! I need a husband and our kids need a father! I'd rather starve than have you earning from them."

"They're my family Donna," he kept his voice low with effort. The second the words left his mouth he knew that they were the wrong thing to say. Donna's eyes widen, anger flared in them and he knew there was no way out of this fight. It was the one that they'd been avoiding since the day he came home.

"I'm your family, the kids are you family." Donna screamed the words, her voice actually cracking from the volume. "They're the assholes that got you locked up which is why your kids don't even want to be around you."

"It was on ME," Opie roared. "I made the choice, I knew the risk. It was on me, not them. They had my back, that's the only reason I even made it home. They're my Brothers, my family."

"You can't have both Opie," Donna crossed her arms over her chest, "you're going to have to choose."

"Don't give me an ultimatum," Opie told her, "you knew the deal when we got married. I'm just trying to take care of us Donna, I just want to give you and the kids the life you deserve."

"I don't want anything from them, anything! You want to take care of us than be here, stay alive! Don't throw the second chance you've got away Opie. I'm serious, you need to choose or I'm taking the kids and I'm leaving. We'll go to my parents, they'll help me."

Rage unlike anything he'd ever experienced before rolled through him. "Don't threaten me with that Donna."

"It's not a threat," she replied.

There was no telling where the argument would had gone if Ellie hadn't walked into the kitchen rubbing her eyes. "Mom?" Her voice shook, she looked at her father with an expression of distrust. He stepped forward and she all but threw herself into Donna's arms.

Opie wanted to stay and comfort her but knew that his presence would only make her more upset. The realization of it was like a sharp kick to the stomach. What the fuck had become of his life when his own daughter didn't come to him for comfort?

Without another word he left the house, got on his bike and began to ride.

3

There was a copy of a bridal magazine waiting for her when she got into Jeremy's car. Sarah looked down at the glossy pages, somehow managing not to let out a sigh. He'd promised not to push her on the wedding issue and he'd started to break that promise two days later.

He'd called her his fiance several times since, twice in front of people that he knew well so the basic assumption of his circle of friends was that they were already engaged. She'd gone so far as to hang the engagement ring on a chain around her neck but still he didn't let up. "Some light reading?" Sarah questioned as she stuck the magazine deep in her purse.

"The newest dresses are in there. My sister said that you needed to have it."

"Jeremy, I thought that you were going to give me time to think about it," she kept her voice kind with effort. Part of her wanted to reach out and simply shake him but she didn't. Instead she folded her hands on her lap and waited for his answer.

"I can't help myself Sarah, I'm so excited. Besides, I've got a good feeling about you saying yes. I love you and you love me."

"I do love you Jeremy," and it was the truth. She did love him but knew that his feelings were stronger than hers. It was something that she'd thought long and hard about because she had no doubt that he'd be good to her if she said yes, perhaps in time her love would grow stronger after all she wasn't getting any younger. "I just need more time."

"How much more time Sarah? I mean, why don't you know the way that I do?"

"It's a big decision," she replied.

"I think that we should move in together," Jeremy dropped the bomb as he pulled away from the curb. "I mean, that's a good step for us. I get that you'd worry about it being we only spend the night with each other. We should be under the same roof."

"You want to move into my place?"

"Of course now, your place is too small. I figured you can move into the townhouse. We can redecorate however you want," he was smiling widely. "My place is closer to your job anyway and the complex has the pool and tennis court. Hey, maybe we can pick up a raquet today. Have you ever played?"

"Back in high school," she admitted. "You're putting a lot of pressure on me right now Jeremy."

"I don't mean to put pressure on you, like I said I'm just excited." He reached over and turned the radio on. "I won't say anything else, I promise. I think my sister might have told my parents though."

Of course she had, Sarah didn't bother to hold back her sigh this time. "I'm not in the mood for the movies tonight Jer, I need a rain check."

"Do you want to rent something instead?" He suggested, concern on his face.

"No, I'm just really tired all of a sudden. I had a long work day today."

"You should find a new job, something with better hours."

"I like my job," the hours at the consignment shop might have been long but managing it was the best job she'd ever had. She'd had it since that bitch Natalie had gotten her position at the auto parts store down sized and she hadn't missed it at all.

"No need to get testy," he smiled over at her. "Should I stop so you can grab something for dinner?"

"I'll have one of my frozen ones," she replied.

"Those aren't food. Why don't I just cook you something while you relax on the couch. We can watch a movie."

"Kill Bill?"

"I hate that movie, too violent and gory for me."

"What were you thinking?"

"What about Speed?"

Sarah wasn't surprised by his choice, Speed was a good movie but they'd watched it just the week before. "Sure," she'd intended on going home alone but he hadn't picked up on that. He didn't pick up on a lot of things.

3

Opie could still taste the fucking sawdust from the mill, two hours on the road hadn't driven the taste away and neither had the three beers he'd downed since sitting down at the bar at the clubhouse. He must have had a look on his face that said stay away because only the bravest crow eaters had come close to him, he'd grunted in response to their questions and they'd backed the fuck off.

He had no such luck with Jax, his best friend knew his moods well enough to know that he was in a bad one but sat down anyway. He placed a bottle of Jack Daniels on the table between them.

For a while they simply sat in silence, drinking glass after glass until the bottle was almost half gone. "Saw Tara again today," Jax broke the silence and lit a cigarette.

"Wendy still in rehab?"

"Yeah," Jax blew out a stream of smoke, "swears that this time it's going to stick but I've heard that shit before."

"You talk to Tara about shit?"

"What is there to say? She took off, she made her choice." Jax didn't look pleased at the memory and poured himself another glass of Jack. "If she'd just stayed.."

If she'd stayed she wouldn't be a doctor, Opie was sure of that. She'd have given up everything and being with Jax would have been enough for a while but time would pass and she'd grow resentful just like Donna had. "She's back now."

"Yeah. Sometimes I see her and it's like no time has passed at all, it's like..."

"Like you still love her," Opie knew the feeling all too well. "That shit doesn't just die."

"No, it doesn't." Jax agreed, his expression turned serious. "You want to know something Op?"

"What?"

"I saw Sarah when I was in Tacoma a few years ago, gave her shit about writing you and I was wrong." It was a rare moment when Jax Teller admitted his faults so Opie said nothing and let him continue. "I guess I get it now, time passes but some shit doesn't change."

"It's different with you and Tara," Opie replied, "you can still do something about it. I can't do shit."

"Do you want to?" Jax stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and lit another.

"Doesn't matter what I want. I've got a wife and kids to think of." Even if she was a wife who seemed to hate who he was at the core, she was still his and he loved her. "Donna's not too thrilled with me right now."

"About club shit? Can't say I didn't see that coming Op. She's never gotten what the club means to you. I'm not sure she ever will."

"Yeah," Opie agreed, "me neither."

3

Kozik ran his hands over Sarah's legs as they watched Kill Bill, it was the first time that they'd hung out alone in a while and he knew that there was something on her mind. "So, gonna tell me what's going on?"

"The Bride is trying to avenge the deaths of her wedding party and unborn child," she replied in a deliberate attempt to avoid the question. Sarah knew that Kozik would pick up on it,he always did. "It's nothing," she sighed, "it's Jeremy."

"You were right the first time, it's nothing if it's about pretty boy." He didn't like the man, especially didn't like the little things he was noticing in him. "It about the ring?"

"Yeah," Sarah looked down at the stone glistening on her finger. Truth be told, she hated it. It was too gaudy even on her right hand so she didn't have to answer a million questions about her engagement. "We talked again last week. I told him that I... I'm still not sure. He said take all the time I want to decide."

"You need to man up," Kozik replied after a moment of thought, "you know what I mean. It's time you decide what you want and go for it Sarah."

She laughed, reached for the joint on the coffee table and lit it up. Sarah exhaled a long stream of smoke. What she wanted? Well she couldn't have what she wanted, who she wanted. The time that had passed since she cut ties with Opie didn't matter anymore than the number of years she'd been gone from Charming.

Sarah was well aware that it wasn't a sign of good mental health to still be hung up on someone that she'd never had but that didn't change the facts. It was insane, pathetic and something she kept hidden deep down inside. Even Kozik who knew everything about her because he was the best friend she had didn't know the way she felt. Now didn't seem like the time to tell him. Never sounded like the best time.

Kozik shook his head when she went to pass him the joint. "Nah, go ahead."

"Suit yourself," Sarah took another pull, "I love Jeremy, I do but I'm pretty sure that love isn't enough for us. At least the way I feel for him isn't enough, I'm pretty sure he loves me enough for it to be enough."

"You can't put it off Sarah, you've got to make a decision even if you don't want to hurt him," Kozik watched her closely. "You don't love him," he debated what he was about to say and then decided to not mince words, "you're still in love with Opie."

"I never said that!" She flew into a sitting position as if someone had lit a fire under her ass, nervously she took several deep hits off of the joint. "I am..." she sighed, dropped the joint into the ashtray. "I am not."

"If you say so," Kozik smiled at her.

"I do say so," Sarah glared at him, "if you're going to call me a liar you can go."

"Nah, I'm comfortable and The Bride is pretty hot."

"I'd be insane to be in love with him, he's married and happy at home with his wife."

"Not so happy," Kozik corrected as he recalled the scene when he'd gone to Charming. "I'd say that there's serious trouble in paradise there." He'd also say that Opie wasn't any more over Sarah than she was him but he'd only say that to himself.

Sarah wanted to ask what he meant but she didn't. It wasn't her business even if it made her sad that there were problems. The idea that she could be responsible for some of the problems by writing Opie occurred to her and that was something that she couldn't deal with.

Kozik noticed her silence, stroked her legs when she settled back down. "You're right about Jeremy, I've got to end it."

"Good girl, he's a bitch anyway. I really can't stand him but you already knew that."

"Yeah," Sarah admitted, Kozik had never really hid his feelings from her on the matter. "I probably should call him now but I..."

"Hey, tonight is us." Kozik squeezed her ankle. "Let's order Chinese and you can get shit faced."

"That might just be the best idea that you've ever had," Sarah smiled at him, glad that she had him in her life because she truly couldn't imagine it any other way. "You know I love you right?"

"Of course you do, have you seen me?"

"Douche," she told him, she should have known better than to try to be serious with him. Kozik liked to turn things into a joke, maybe that was one of the reasons he'd never settled down with anyone.

"You know I love you too. I just want you to be happy Sarah."

3

Opie forked up another bite of meat loaf and looked around the table. When he'd come home half an hour before exhausted and covered in saw dust Donna and the kids had been in the living room laughing and playing the Wii system that he'd brought from Juice as a surprise for them. Juice had been tired of it but the kids couldn't get enough.

It had been nice to watch his wife and kids smile, laugh and have a good time. It had been heart breaking for that to stop once they realized he was in the doorway. Donna announced she needed to get dinner out of the oven and the kids found something to do in their rooms.

He'd headed for the shower, stayed there even after he was clean and realized that he didn't want to face them. In all the day dreams he'd have of what life would be like when he came home, none of them had been this. In his thoughts he'd come home to find a loving family, not kids who didn't want to know him and a wife who wanted to change him.

Opie couldn't even blame them. He'd said it to Donna during one of their fights, he'd made the choices that landed him in jail. Sure, he'd thought that they were the right choices but now he realized right or wrong didn't matter. The choice couldn't be undone and he'd lost more than five years of freedom. He'd lost his family and as far as he could tell there was no chance of him getting them back.

Now sitting at the table he wondered if he should just throw in the towel and leave. He looked to Donna and desperately wanted to see something in her eyes. Something that told him the woman who'd fallen head over heels in love with him was still there.

Instead he just saw a tired woman, one putting a false smile on her face when looking at him but at least the smile was real when she looked at the kids. Somehow he made it through the meal, offered to wash the dishes when it was over.

Donna looked surprised but thanked him and when he went into the living room after to find her and the kids sitting on the couch watching a movie she moved over so he could sit next to her. He didn't imagine the way that she stiffened when he touched her.

Opie bit back a sigh. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I love you Babe."

"Love you too," she replied but her eyes never left the screen.

The animated film seemed to go on forever. Opie had no clue what the plot was if there was even any plot. About half an hour after he'd sat down Donna got up to use the bathroom. When she came back she sat on the other side of the couch. Once the movie was gone and the kids were tucked into bed she turned to him.

"We need to talk." Her face held no real expression but they were the four words that no man really wanted to hear especially when things were as cold as they'd been.

"Alright Babe, talk." Opie sat down on the couch and held his hand out to her but she didn't take it. Donna reached into her back pocket, pulled out an envelope and held it out to him. "What the hell is this?"

"Open it," she cleared her throat and he realized that she was nervous.

Opie opened the envelope and unfolded the papers inside. They were divorce papers. "What the fuck is this?"

"You can see what they are Opie. You can't be surprised, not with the way things have been."

The thing was, he was surprised. "Jesus Christ Donna, this is what you want? How long have you been planning this?"

"This was never my plan," she told him, "but it's the only way I can go if you're not willing to make the changes we need to make this marriage work. I told you, I can take the kids and go to my parents."

"If that's what you want, there's nothing I can say to stop you." Opie folded the papers, shoved them back in the envelope but really he wanted to tear them into tiny pieces and throw them around the room. He wanted to grab her and shake her. He'd never felt the slightest hint of violence towards a woman before but right now he had to breathe deep. "You knew who I was when we got together. You knew what the club meant to me. If you weren't up for it, you should have never said yes."

"I was pregnant Opie, nineteen and pregnant. I thought that you'd grow up once we had a family."

"No, you thought that I'd change. You knew who I was Donna. You can't deal with that then file the papers." Opie rose to his feet, he didn't trust himself to stay there any longer.