Disclaimer: I do not own SOA in any way shape or form.

A/N: Big thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed or made this a favorite story. I can't say how much I appreciate it.

CHAPTER NINE

Sarah didn't make it to work that day or the next. On the third day when she called out her boss told her not to come back, ever. "Thanks Jill, I'll talk to you soon." With a smile she hung up the phone and glanced over at Opie. He was on his back, one arm flung over his head and the other out to the side.

Getting fired wasn't enough to take away the sheer bliss she felt at the moment. She'd find another job and she had some money saved to get by on. The job wasn't anything compared to whatever time she got to spend with Opie.

Sarah had no delusions that he was going to stay in Tacoma. He couldn't, his life was in Charming. It wasn't that she doubted he loved her, no she knew that he did and she loved him. She snuggled against him once she dropped the phone on the table next to the bed, pressed her face to his chest and shut her eyes. She really was still tired, the night before she'd been kept up by dreams that she didn't remember but she hadn't been able to settle back down after even with Opie holding her.

He'd told her about his kids the night before, mostly about his decision to let them go live with Donna's parents like they'd asked the morning they'd buried Donna. Even if some people thought he was a shitty father for doing so, it was the right thing to do. Kenny and Ellie didn't know him. More importantly they didn't want to know him and he was aware that they might never. It was a heavy discussion and after which Opie had fallen asleep with her held close against him. He'd slept soundly and eventually she'd scooted away from him so that she wouldn't wake him as she remained up, unable to stop thinking about all he'd gone through.

Sarah felt him stir and shut her eyes. The last thing she wanted after no sleep was more of a discussion, especially it it got as deep as the night before. Her heart was aching for him but she didn't know what to say to make it better. Was there even anything that could make it better?

Opie hand drifted down her leg, her body pressed against him in response. "You up Baby?"

"Mmm," she replied as she opened her eyes to meet his. "Morning."

"Want to make it a good morning?"

"That depends what you had in mind for a good morning," Sarah brought her hand up to trace along the ink on his collar bone. She contemplated using her tongue to trace the words but before she could Opie had moved her once again. He was strong enough to move her without effort.

"I'm sure that I can think of something," he assured her. "Who was that on the phone?"

"I was just calling out of work," Sarah replied. "You want me to go and make some coffee?"

"Think I'd rather you stay here in bed with me," he pulled her close. "I know that we talked a lot last night but there's something else that I have to tell you. It's something that I haven't told anyone else."

Sarah heard the change in his voice, he was serious and sad. "Okay, I'm listening."

"The night that Donna died, her plan was to take the kids and leave me. She wanted a divorce and I wasn't going to fight her. No one knew. We were at the party and things were almost normal, she wanted to help with the dishes and they were out of dish soap. I told her I'd take the kids to the house and she said... she said she'd be right there to get them. Next thing I knew I got the call. How was I supposed to tell anyone that there were bags packed in my hallway? That she was leaving me?"

"You wanted to protect her memory. She might have been leaving you Opie but that didn't mean you didn't still love her. I am sorry. I am so sorry that things got that bad between you."

"I was blindsided by it but I also felt relief," he sighed and pressed his face into her hair. "How fucked up is that?"

"It's not fucked up," Sarah assured him. "You had no way to know what was going to happen when she left to go to the store."

"Charming isn't known for drive by shootings Sarah," his voice hardened, "it was either about me or the club that someone would go gunning for her. She hated the Sons, hated me being one and ended up killed because of what she hated most. How is that not fucked up?"

"You didn't pull the trigger Opie, this is not on you." The tension in the room was rising. Sarah felt it and tried desperately to find a way to back track to them talking calmly. Opie had moved away from her, his expression one of sudden anger. "Her death is the fault of whoever pulled the trigger, not you."

Both of them jumped when the front door slammed. "Sarah!" Kozik's voice carried from the living room.

"Again? Jesus Christ, does he come over every morning?"

"So what if he does?" Sarah shot back.

"Does he?" Opie's eyes narrowed.

"I'm not having this conversation again. He's my best friend." Sarah got of the bed and picked up Opie's discarded shirt from the night before.

"You're not going to put on pants?"

"In two seconds, I'm going to take off this shirt and walk out there bare ass naked. Stop with the attitude about Kozik."

Opie pulled on his jeans from the day before and followed her out the door. He knew that he had no right to be pissed about Kozik coming and going as he please but he was. And it was going to stop. They'd have a man to man talk about it, Sarah would never have to know.

Kozik wore a serious expression when Opie stepped into the hall. "Hey Brother, sorry to interrupt but we could use your help with something."

"Of course," Opie replied, whatever he was feeling personally had nothing to do with the club and even if he was a little pissed, he still loved Kozik like a brother. "Give me a minute to change."

"Sure," Kozik watched him walk back into the bedroom, turned his attention to Sarah. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is fine." She replied.

"Guess I should have knocked or used the bell," Kozik reached into his pocket and took out his keys.

"What are you doing?" Sarah demanded, voice nearly shrill as he began to remove her key from the ring. "No, I don't want it back."

"You sure? Op didn't look too thrilled that I just walked in."

"Well, that's just tough for him. I don't care. You're my best friend Kozik, I'm not going to let anything change that."

"Alright," he slid the keys back in his pocket, "we'll be gone a while, probably back tonight."

"I'll make dinner for all of us," Sarah replied, a plan starting to form in her mind. She could make dinner, both of their favorite things, and the three of them could talk and settle things. Kozik meant too much to her to lose though she wasn't exactly naïve, she knew that things would have to change and they'd figure that out together.

3

Opie ducked down behind the cover of a junk car, bullets tore through the rusted metal all around him. Knowing that the cover he'd chosen wouldn't last forever he made a move and began to return fire.

Kozik had said it was a simple shit kicking mission, both Lee and Lorca had called it the same but this wasn't simple shit kicking. This was a god damn ambush. They were out gunned, out numbered and in a really shitty spot for either.

They weren't all getting out of this and they knew it. Opie couldn't help but think that fate would have to have a fucked up sense of humor to send him here to his death, leaving his children orphans. Leaving Sarah when he'd just found her again.

He couldn't take the chance of either thing happening so he lunged for a different car, took down two of the other guys but caught sight of another he hadn't noticed. Fuck, that put the count at eight now, ten when they'd rolled up just the four of them.

"Even numbers now!" Kozik shouted out, he was happiest when they were in battles that weren't obvious he was going to get out of. He moved up to the car behind Opie. "We got to get behind them somehow. Lorca's hit. We need to end this and get him out of here."

"Let's do it," Opie agreed without hesitation.

They moved on the count of three. One of Opie's shots went wide but the other one went straight through the throat of the largest man they were up against. For the first time he relaxed enough to think that they were going to make it out whole.

The next second, all that changed. Kozik was slightly in front of him and to the right, directly in the line of sight of one of the shooters. "Kozik!" Opie tried to warn him but the shout was drowned out by the shots.

Kozik took the hit dead center to his chest. He hadn't been wearing a vest, none of them were expecting this. With a roar Opie moved to his fallen brother, one look was enough to know there was nothing to be done so he grabbed Kozik's gun and began to battle once more.

###

Sarah placed the chicken pot pie in the center of the oven and eyed the dial. She could not burn this damn thing. It was made from scratch, she didn't do made from scratch because short cuts were her best friend but this called for scratch. The macaroni and cheese was ready to go in and she'd made a really good Italian bread into garlic bread. There was salad because there needed to be some sort of vegetable.

She had a chocolate cake in the kitchen, there was no way she was subjecting them to her baking so she'd brought one and it looked good. The freezer was stocked to the brim with ice cream and the fridge was loaded with beer.

They were going to have a good dinner, a good talk and all would be right with her little corner of the world again.

It had to work out that way, it just had to because there was no way that she could ever live with herself if she had to choose between them in any way. Sarah loved Opie, being with him now was like living a dream but Kozik was her best friend, he'd been the only person to actually be there for her. So choosing wasn't an option. It couldn't be. It wouldn't be because they both loved her and each other.

The front door opened and she looked at the clock. "You two are early! Dinner's not even finished yet." Sarah turned away from the oven slowly, wiped her hands on a dishtowel and tossed it on the table. "I'll grab beers."

Sarah was reaching in the fridge when she heard footsteps behind her. "Sarah." Opie's voice sounded... off, really off. The moment she turned and saw that he was with Lee, not Kozik.

"No," she shook her head rapidly back and forth, "shut up!" She didn't realize that she was shouting. With the two of them standing there, grim looks firmly in place and no sign of Kozik it could only mean one thing. "No."

"I'm sorry Sarah," Lee was the one to step forward. "We lost him." He caught Sarah when she crumbled. "Easy Girl, just take a breath."

Sarah pushed away from him. "Don't. Don't tell me to fucking breathe! What happened? It was just supposed to be some ass kicking! And don't you dare give me that club business bullshit!"

"Sarah!" Opie said, shock obvious in his tone.

"It was an ambush," Lee spoke plainly, "we were pinned down, out manned and out gunned. Kozik lived for shit like that, took him back to his military days. If it wasn't for him, it's likely that none of us would have made it out."

"He was the hero." Sarah was half sobbing and half laughing. "He went down fighting."

"That's right," Lee smiled as he leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead. "He is a hero and he's gonna get the send off that he deserves. Gonna need your help with that, he'd have wanted it that way."

"I know what he wanted," Sarah inhaled deeply.

"This is for you," Lee reached into the inside pocket of his cut. "It's his letter."

Sarah took the envelope, she knew that most of the guys had just in case letters as well as she knew what it meant that Kozik had left his for her. "Thank you."

"Clara and Olivia will come by in the morning, help you get things sorted."

"Can I see him?"

"I'll make sure that you get to see him when he's cleaned up," Lee promised.

"No," Sarah shook her head. "I want to see him now."

"Sarah," Opie cleared his throat, "you see him like that and you're never going to see him any other way. It's going to be the picture that sticks with you, trust me."

"If someone told you that when Donna died, would you have listened?" Sarah demanded heatedly. "Would you have waited until she was cleaned up and laid out? Would that be a better fucking picture?" Her head turned to Lee. "I want to see him."

"And you will, might want to turn the oven off first though." Lee pointed out gently.

Sarah turned, saw the pot pies baking through the small glass window and the reality that Kozik wouldn't eat the food she'd made him or any food again. She was brought down to her knees.

3

She'd never seen Kozik so still before, he'd always been the antsy sort forever tapping his feet or moving his hands. Sarah stared down at him, wishing that he'd just open his eyes and tell her that it was all a joke but she knew that it wasn't. They'd removed his cut and she could see the blood sticky and dried on his tee shirt.

"This isn't right," she looked over to Lee and Opie who were standing at the door. Neither had said anything, they were just watching her and she knew that they were waiting for her to fall apart.

"What's not right Sweetheart?" Lee stepped forward.

"They can't take him like this," Sarah knew that once she was done saying her goodbye he'd be taken to the crematorium. "He wouldn't like it. I don't like it."

"What do you need Sarah?" Lee questioned.

"I want to get him cleaned up first," she looked between the two men, "please."

"Of course Sweetheart, we'll get you what you need."

"Thank you," it barely registered with Sarah as they left the room. She sat down on the rooms only chair and felt something crinkle in her pocket. It was Kozik's letter, the one that Lee had given to her.

Dear Sarah,

If you're reading this, well I'm gone and I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I know that you're hurting and I hate to see you hurt. I'd do anything to keep you from feeling like that. I don't know what happened but I'm pretty sure I didn't go warm in my bed. However you see me last, that's not how I need you to remember me.

I need you to remember the good shit Sarah, the times that we spent together because if there was any time for me to think of anything at the end that's what I'd have thought of. I'd think of you and nothing else would matter.

I love you Sarah, not in the way that you think. Not just as a friend. I can't say when I fell in love with you but I could never tell you. It wouldn't have been right because I know that you didn't feel the same towards me and it would make you feel bad. I never want you to feel bad.

Live your life Sarah, enjoy it and enjoy every moment of it. I'm always going to be with you Sweetheart, just know that. Know that you're never going to be alone.

Kozik.