a/n: I have a bit more of an idea of where I'm going with this now. also i decided to alternate lily and james perspectives. thanks for reading, reviews are lovely.

disclaimer: nothing is mine

the one where train wrecks are not exactly accidental

...

It went without saying that losing your memory was a terrible thing, but James felt as though he'd pinpointed perhaps the worst thing about it. If he was being honest with himself, he had no idea who he was. Not really. Lily had told him things, of course, but the things she described felt as though they'd been lived by another person entirely. James Potter, absolute bastard, troublemaker, Gryffindor, stuck-up Quidditch hero whose four close friends knew him as 'Prongs' (what the ever-loving fuck?)... it all seemed so removed from the body and the mind he now had. Had he really outscored the snitch in the last Quidditch match of the year, when now he could only vaguely remember the rules for the stupid sport?

The discovery, also, that he'd made earlier that morning after coming out of the shower was a bit worrying. James Potter, apparently, could turn into a fucking stag (which explained Prongs at least). He'd just been thinking about the little china deer Lily's family kept on the bathroom shelf, changing into the least stodgy of Lily's dad's clothing, and then he'd changed species entirely. It was probably safe to assume that Lily didn't know about his ability since she hadn't mentioned anything of the sort. The Serious bloke who was s'posed to come get him might know, and could possibly offer some sort of fucking explanation. After trotting round the bathroom for a while in escalating panic, James had managed to turn back somehow. Thank fuck, because that would have been a hell of a tricky thing to explain to Lily.

"No reply still." Lily appeared thoroughly brassed off, which was understandable. James wouldn't exactly want an arrogant bastard etc etc staying in his house either. He might've even tossed him out before now. Although, technically since he (the arrogant bastard) lived there full time that point was sort of moot. "It's definitely reached him by now, there's no owl more efficient than Yorick."

"Your friends don't exactly seem concerned about your situation, do they?" She crossed her arms over her stomach, turned from the window to face him. She really was gorgeous. James couldn't remember any specific girls her age, only a general image of girlhood, but he was certain she was probably one of the prettiest he'd ever met. "Strange, really, you always seemed so close. Was it all just a pretense?"

"How should I know?" He didn't think so. If The Real James Potter's friends knew he had a secret double-life as a ruminant mammal and bestowed upon him relevant nicknames, they were probably all fairly chummy. "Look, if he hasn't responded by now, shouldn't we head to London and see if we can find the wizard hospital?" What was it called again? St. Minges. Hold on, definitely not. "St. Mungo's."

"I don't know where it is." Lily said.

"Me neither, but we could try asking someone in Diagon Alley."

She nodded, accepting the plan. "Coming?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay here." James joked, eliciting a small but definite smile. Such a nice smile. He decided he liked making her smile. He briefly wondered if The Real James Potter liked making her smile, but then remembered that arsehole only seemed to make her unhappy.

"What d'you mean, there's no trains?" Lily demanded. Anger positively radiated off her in waves. The poor spotty youth on the other side of the ticket window looked terrified for his life, and James didn't really blame him. "There's always trains to London."

"Er- no, there's been an- an accident, up by Winton." Stammered the vendor. "Train just completely derailed. They've stopped all the trains round South-East Dorset."

"Accident?" James repeated.

"Yeah, yeah- nobody was killed, luckily, but it was pretty nasty-"

"How the hell are we s'posed to get to London then?"

"Er- I-" It was obvious the vendor didn't have an answer, and Lily wheeled around in disgust.

"Let's go!" She said, grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the station.

As they walked Lily seemed to cool off, replaced by determination. Somehow, James realised that she was steeling herself for something, although he wasn't sure what for. They passed a corner shop, and takeaway strewn in the street in front of it, along with some birds squabbling for it.

"Eurgh, I can't believe nobody's cleared that up yet." Lily scrunched up her nose in disgust.

The more James stared at the bird battlefield, the more something seemed... off. It was all a mess of feathers and chunks of lamb, but it also was awfully bloody. And was that an entrail? There was one rather large bedraggled bird in the centre, James noticed, that wasn't moving at all.

"Murderous birds you've got in your town." He commented to Lily.

"What?"

"They're killing each other, look."

Lily grimaced, approached the scene of the crime tentatively. The birds scattered at her approach, except of course for…

"Oh, god." Lily's hands flew to her mouth in horror.

"What?" She didn't reply. "What is it, Lily?"

She pointed at the dead bird. "It's Yorick." She said miserably. "It's my owl."

James's first thought was 'if he didn't get the letter, Serious Black could still be decent', because he was a selfish prick apparently. The letter in question seemed to have blown away because it was nowhere in sight. "Lily, I'm so- I'm sorry."

"Mary and Marlene bought me that owl." Lily said. "I used to make Shakespeare jokes at him, you know-" She held a hand out. "Alas, poor Yorick."

"How did this happen?" She asked, staring at the sky as if it might rain answers. "How did my owl just fall out of the sky? It's like… like…"

"Magic?" James said, grimly.

Lily scoffed at that. "Don't be daft. The only wizards for miles are the Snapes- Severus's family."

"Severus. The Severus who we all hate." James said, raising an eyebrow.

She only pushed the notion away. "No, Severus wouldn't. He may be the equivalent of a sack of shite, but he's been trying to get back in my good books since last term. I don't see how murdering my owl helps with that."

Back in her good books. Once, Severus Snape had been in Lily's good books. Had James Potter ever been in her good books? James briefly wondered if Snape was attractive.

Lily looked down at Yorick again, her eyes full of sadness and- fuck, was that a tear? He suddenly felt immensely guilty- if he hadn't lumped his predicament on her, her owl would probably still be alive.

"I'm sorry." He said again.

"If I find out you did this memory thing to yourself, then you'll be sorry." He was inclined to take that threat seriously. "Come on, let's go."

As they walked James noticed the houses getting shabbier and the streets getting narrower and darker. Scrawny cats clawed at overflowing rubbish bins, there was graffiti sprinkled around various buildings, several of which were boarded up/falling down.

"Spinner's End." He stated.

"How'd you know?"

"Yesterday you said it was the bad part of town. Where Severus lives."

"Do you remember everything I say?"

"There's not a lot else I've got to remember." James pointed out. "I've got plenty of available space for new memories. Why are we in Spinner's End again?"

Lily took a deep breath, steeling herself. "Look, we're going to Severus's house, see if we can use his fireplace to floo to London."

A flux of mixed emotions hit James at that revelation. On the one hand, he was about 99.9% certain that he despised Severus and didn't particularly long for his company. On the other, Severus was another figure from the past he'd forgotten, another part of who he was supposed to be. Besides, he had to see if the tosser was more attractive than him or not. The good seemed to outweigh the bads.

"Alright, then."

Looking surprised at his lack of argument (obviously he really really hated this guy), Lily indicated an alley. "Down here."

Round the corner there was a door, and upon this door Lily knocked.

The person who opened the door was presumably not Severus, as she was a sour-looking woman with thin iron hair framing her face. She gave them a surly once-over, then turned and yelled into the gloom of her house "Severus! That girl is here with some bloke!" Lily and James exchanged a grimace at their respective descriptions.

"It's alright, Severus is 'that nasty boy' at my house." Lily said after Snape's mother had sat them down on a grubby sofa and left the room.

"And what am I?" James asked, jokingly.

"I think you're 'the kid Lily used to whinge about in her letters home'." She replied. "Believe me, though, it's taken me a long time to convince my dad I don't fancy you."

He couldn't resist a grin, and she went slightly pink.

"I'll bet you did fancy me." His mood was suddenly a stark contrast to the depressingly dank Snape home.

"You are so full of yourself." Her heart wasn't in the indignation, as she was obviously fighting a smile.

"Yeah, and you liked it."

"I did not fancy you!" There was a moment's pause. "Much."

Honestly there was probably (in James's opinion) no better time for Severus Snape to enter the scene.

Lily spied him first, sobering up at once.

James realised he'd worried needlessly. Severus was sallow, stringy, dark- his hair was even worse than his mother's because of a greasy quality. It was petty, extremely so, but James felt slightly relieved. Snape just looked downright unpleasant. Even James's deer form was more attractive than him.

Lily stood up, smoothing her trouser legs anxiously. "Hi, Sev." Sorry to-"

(Sev?)

"I thought we weren't friends." He said, his eyes roving from Lily to James. There was only the merest flicker of surprise before they darkened in anger.

"We're not friends." Lily replied. "We just need-"

This was shit, he was making her ask this guy she hated for help on his behalf. He stood up too.

"No," He said, standing up. "I need your help. We need to get to London."

Sev's lips curled in a sneer. Merlin, he hated this prick. "What's he doing here?" It was derisive, pointedly addressed to Lily.

"Marlene had an accident." Lily lied without hesitation. "He volunteered to come and get me because he's an idiot." There were obvious holes in their story, and everyone present knew it.

"Right." Snape said, making a small noise of disbelief. James had never wanted to punch anyone so badly. Well, he probably had and just didn't remember. "What am I s'posed to do about that?"

"Let us use your fireplace." Lily said. "C'mon, Sev, you owe me that much at least."

Severus's face shifted almost imperceptibly. James really did not like all this 'Sev' business.

James turned to Lily, said quietly so Severus couldn't hear: "Look, if he's as big a twat as he seems, I don't think all should be forgiven just to help me."

She snorted, not bothering to lower her voice. "Believe me, he'll need a lot more than a free floo trip in order to forgive what he's done."

James glanced up to gauge Snape's reaction to that, but he'd left the room. He returned a few seconds later, looking bitter.

"You can't." He said. "Someone's disconnected our floo. I don't know how it happened, my father's been trying to make it work all day-"

Something seemed off, but James couldn't figure it out. He glanced at Lily. Her expression was stormy

"Fine. Let's go, James." She grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the door.

"This can't be a coincidence." Lily said outside the Snape's house. "First the train, then Yorick, now Severus's floo is mysteriously disconnected- this is all deliberate. Someone doesn't want you getting to London."

"You reckon that's the same someone who did my memory?" James knew where she was headed.

"You must've… seen something, or figured something out, and they wiped your memory and don't want you getting it back."

"Why'd they get rid of my whole memory?" Asked James.

"Maybe they're just rubbish at spells."

Lily sounded furious, and he didn't blame her. "Look, thanks for your help, but I shouldn't drag you into this anymore. I'll get to London on my own."

"Oh no you won't." Lightning crackled in her every word. "This is personal now. They killed my owl. They stopped the South East Dorset rail, which means I can't go shopping in Bournemouth for the rest of the week. This is bloody personal. They involved Lily Evans in this, the fucker's going to pay."

Fuck, he loved this girl.

Lily scanned the area critically, looking for something. James didn't ask because she still looked too angry to tolerate questions. Finally, she pulled her wand from her pocket and pointed it at a nearby car, a battered mustard-yellow affair. The doors swung open and the engine thudded to life.

"You're mental." James said, earning him a glare.

"We'll bring it back when we're done." Lily said, slamming the doors shut and starting to back the car up. A great cloud of fumes reared up behind them.

"Couldn't we have nicked something a bit more functional?" James asked, trying not to breathe in too much.

"Our options were limited. We can only do magic round the Snape's house, otherwise the Trace will pick it up." She replied, eyes trained on the rearview mirror. "The underage magic detector."

"What, it picks up all sorts of magic?" James said nervously. He had turned into a stag right in the middle of Lily's bathroom, he didn't want to get her in trouble for that. He didn't want himself to get in trouble for that.

"Most." She said. "If it's a spell that's permanently in effect, and you just activate it, or if you use a magical item…"

"So for example, an animagus. That's a permanent spell, right?"

"Yeah. Aren't you s'posed to be the transfiguration master?" James shrugged in response, although it made sense that he could become an animagus if he was really a transfiguration master. He could remember a lot of it if he focused. "But underages can't be animagi anyway, so it's sort of already illegal."

Oh. That bit he hadn't remembered.

Lily slammed on the gas and they shot away. Well, maybe trundled. Trundled slowly.