Let You Go

B.O.B. ft. Ryan Tedder

Chapter 9

….

Adam kept his hand in his pocket as he made it to the bathroom. Little things like this made his life harder. He couldn't say he had cramps right now. Or that he felt bloated. Luckily he would play it off as food poisoning, but what about next month. All he could hear was his father's voice in his head. Reminding him this was God's way of saying he should be a girl…

"I love you Gracie, but I just don't understand what you get from this." His father watched the boy ignore him again.

"Its not for you to understand dad." The boy put his tampon in a little tin can.

"Boys don't have periods Gracie." Mr. Torres stood his ground.

"And parents are supposed to support their children. Guess we are both wrong." The boy spat back as the man huffed.

"Dad….i don't know why you keep talking about this with me. As if my opinion will change. I am sick of this. I'm not going back to Gracie…that's it….i'm not going to burn again just to satisfy you." He looked him in the eye.

"Adam I know I can be a little forceful…" The man began.

"A little. Are you serious dad? I burned my self because of you." He showed him his scars as the man tried to avoid them.

"They can't be overlooked…..and you know it…and you never even said you were sorry for pressuring me. I have done everything you have asked but you can't overlook this one part of me."

"I'm sorry you hurt yourself. I really am. But my opinion doesn't change about this…."

"Don't you dare call me that name again." The boy turned his back to the man as he looked in his drawer again. Seeing the lighter as he snuck it in his bag.

"Look…i…." The man tried to be softer towards his child.

"Just stop. Because I am so sick of this. I am so sick about all my problems being about me being trans. Mom treats me like a boy. Because I am one. And nothing is ever about my physical state with her…..it's you who is the roadblock in my life." He grabbed his bag as he left the man behind.

"Adam." Marisol playfully bumped into him as he dropped the tampon. "Sorry." The girl handed it back to him. "You alright? Do you feel another nosebleed coming on?" She asked with concern as the boy rushed off. Something wasn't right about this.

"Next Top Model what's on your mind now?" He read her uncertainty as she sat beside him.

"Nothing….." She shrugged seeing the tattoo under his sleeve. She had the urge to touch it. Biting her lip, she shook her head. This was about helping not…..touching him…..wanting to kiss him.

"So now you are lying." He looked at the word in from of him. Seeing her lips with his peripheral vision. He knew they were soft to the touch. He wished she was closer to him. Since when did a girl have such a great effect on him.

"No…Adam just dropped a tampon that's it." She tried to help the boy sound it out.

"I wonder why he didn't put it on inside the cabin?" Mike wondered.

"Maybe because people are squeamish of blood….and do you really want to see a boy with a tampon up his nose." She inquired as the boy shook his head.

"I guess not….but still…is he just going to hide in there until it stops…" He asked.

"Maybe he will wait for less people to be outside then he will comeback…..now….no more stalling…..let's start off with letters first….." It was good to know the boy was letting her be there.

…

Serena sat on the dingy couch as she drank her coffee. Looking at Barbara take a seat beside her. A look of regret on both their faces. The mother. The woman who couldn't protect her daughter from the monsters that haunted her. She couldn't look at herself in the mirror. And the pack of cigarettes she needed everyday could not make her live this failure down.

"Thank you for coming to see me….how is she?" The mother asked as the woman was obligated to tell her.

"She's good….." The police officer tried not to judge the woman beside her, but it was natural to only do so. Bianca was just like many girls who feel into a tragic cycle. And she was strong enough to break it.

"that's good…I wish….I could just…." Memories flashed of the torture she put her daughter through to keep a man. The screams she heard at night…

"Let me stop you there. You can't get any money off of her Serena. So let's not do this. What is the real reason you want to see your daughter? Do you want to trade her for fixes….." Barbara knew this con from many mothers before. It never got old. Nor did the cycle that they created for their children. Some escaped…but most did not.

"No…..the woman cried. The tears didn't make this go away. It couldn't make her erase time.

"Well then stop the crying and tell me now….for years you abandoned her. Did the man you chose over her drop you? Are you trying to get him back by using her again…I won't allow that to happen." The officer stood up as her eyes blared into the other woman. She was not a mother…not ever a person at the moment.

"No…no….I need to make this right….I have…." Serena began to panic as her heart quickened.

"How dare you….there needs to be more done than making this right. Bianca is a girl who has been raped, pimped….and anything imaginable…and you can't just come back in her life when things are looking up for her."

"I know it is not that simple…but maybe now she can actually listen to me. She can let me be there for her. I need her like she needs me….we have so much unresolved. Please let me go with you….I need my daughter."

"You need her for your conscience….nothing more or less. " The good woman gathered her files.

"No I don't…I need to love her…like I wasn't able to do…I let him hurt her. I looked her in the eyes and told her that it was all in her imagination. Everything I did to her….I don't want this weight on her."

"more like yourself. Is this what you think will prove yourself to me or her. I don't think so. I checked up on her….and I told you she was fine. That is all you are getting from this. You let her go a long time ago….leave her be…" The concerned woman couldn't believe she was still talking to this delusional woman.

"I cant do that…..you don't have children you wouldn't understand." Serena yelled back to her.

"How dare you say that? I have been more of a mother to her than you. Even when she was reluctant to my guidance. I didn't give up on her. That's what love really is. You have no idea." The woman left the apartment. She broke the first rule of this job. Never get close to the parolees but she knew Bianca was special the minute she saw her…..

Bianca ran from the loud siren as she continued to eat the sandwich. She hadn't eaten in days. And the lack of nutrition caused her to not think straight. Or breathe….It caused her to not even try sneak the sandwich from the store. Feeling her heel break, it didn't stop her legs.

Why did Ben have to be killed at this time with her money low? Tripping over a rock, she picked herself off as she attempted to run.

"Drop it. Now" The woman held her gun up as the culprit stopped in her tracks. Walking slowly to the figure, she grabbed the food out of her hand as she turned the girl around. Her eye bruised. Her neck with bruises. And crumbs on her mouth. Her torn clothes.

"Good job. You caught me." Her smugness and hard eyes made the cop take notice. Didn't this cop have anything else better to do than to arrest people who actually had legit reasons for stealing?

"Let's see what we have here. A girl who likes to steal from convenience stores." Barbara pushed the girl against the wall. "You have the right to….."

"Skip the Miranda rights…and get this over with." The prostitute felt the handcuffs tighten as her hands were behind her back. "Don't you have real criminals to catch? Like wife beaters….child molesters….this is bullshit." She recognized the woman's badge.

"What's your name?" the woman ignored her words.

"Bianca….Desousa…" She tried to turn her head to look at the woman. "I know who you are Officer Barbra Stone." She smirked as the officer turned her around.

"You have caught me before….stealing food before…you don't even remember." The badass huffed. "Just take me down to the station. I know the drill…one month in juvie…" the woman placed her in the car as she heard her stomach growl.

"you could have at least let me finish my sandwich. I haven't eaten in three days."

"That's not my problem. If you were in school and not misbehaving you wouldn't here."

"You mean…if I my mother hadn't thrown me away….I wouldn't be here. So judgmental." Why did cops think everyone had the same advantage. As if with hard work and little bit of endurance, you could make it out of the gutter. She just wanted to survive.

"Shut up back there." The woman said as she knew she sounded cold hearted. But this was the normal routine on her job. Girls being found who were abused. Products of their environment who were forgotten. But she had a job to do. She couldn't just stop the car to pick her up a decent meal even if she wanted to.

"Why because it's the truth….law enforcers are never pragmatic." Barbara noticed her word choice.

"You guys only fish out the prostitutes in this area anyways. What about the pimps who beat us? No you guys let them run free. They are the best informants and some of you use us too. Bet you didn't know that did you officer. What's the purpose of having the badge if you cant use it properly." The teen faced forward as she looked at throw the barrier between them.

Even then, the girl was intending to go down for something she believed in. She only wished her mother would have done the same thing.

…

Katie let her mind drift away as she felt the lips of her affection on hers. In her bed they lay. The rebel on top of her as she felt her hands in her hair. Her mind was becoming fuzzy by the minute. Feeling the girl's lips on her neck, Katie felt her own hands reach for Bianca's shirt. Their tongues battling for dominance, moans could be heard in the room. The girls could only hope Mare wouldn't try to stop this. Lifting Bianca's shirt over her head, Katie lay on top of her. This was everything to her. She was everything to her as she felt the rebel touch her lower back as she too lifted her shirt over her head.

Bianca wanted this girl in more ways than one. She didn't think their feelings would explode like this. She didn't think their lips would fit together so perfectly. Or that their hands would do the best they could to become familiar with each other's bodies. But wait…..she didn't want to ruin this moment…and it had to come to a stop….

"What?" Katie felt the girl gently push her off.

"Katie…you are running on adrenaline and instinct right now?" Bianca informed as Katie was still in a trance. Both girls in their bras.

"No…it's ok…I want to." The athlete met her lips again as the two laid on the bed.

"No…no….Katie stop." Bianca said out of the breath as she felt the red head's lips on her neck. No she couldn't….give in to her wants right now.

"Wait…wait…." Bianca pushed her back as they both sat up.

"Did I do it wrong? I mean…I have never been with anybody before…I…"

"It's not you…I promise." Bianca reassured as she grabbed her hand….as she saw Katie come back to her senses.

O God what had she done to this girl. This wasn't too much for her…it was too much for Bianca. With everything, Katie didn't mean for the girl to feel pressured.

"I'm sorry….I…I just lost control…I know you have through a lot. The one thing I don't want to do is to cause you to have flashbacks…or to make you think I am like Luke…I'm not….."

"One thing I don't want to be is confused either." Bianca began. "I don't want you to think that I am taking advantage of you. I'm not…..I really care for you."

"I know you do Bianca….trust me….I do too. I think I knew it the minute I saw you. I honestly feel more of myself with you than by myself. I hope that makes sense…." The red head stated.

"It does…" the rebel blushed as Katie hissed her forehead. "Were you really ready to give you my virginity or were you caught up in the moment."

"A little bit of both." She reddened.

"It's alright. I would never take that away from you." Bianca folded her lips.

"Bianca I know I can't erase what that man did…..but I can at least be here for you."

The rebel smiled at the thought of actually having someone there for her, but then she realized…..this would not be forever. And her smile turned quickly into a frown.

"You say that…but what will happen when we leave here." The girl shrugged as they looked at each other for the answer.

"Why don't we just cross the bridge when we get there. We take this slow…because that is all we both can afford." Katie stated as the other nodded. Why couldn't this place be there end? Why couldn't it be the only world they knew of? Amazing how they made this place home. It was amazing how they wished this was truly a prison because no one wished to leave.

"So what do we tell the others? Especially Luke?"

"Why don't we just tell Mare for now….and ease it in on the boys." The girls rested their heads against each other.

…..

Gwen looked at the scenery on the exquisite balcony. Feeling the arms of her lover around her. The beautiful sun in the sky as he handed her the champagne. kindly taking she sipped as she thought of her daughter who she deprived of. She was a coward. Running away from what truly mattered.

"What's wrong? Is Katie alright?" the man asked with concern. He never understood why the woman of his dreams always avoided talking about her child. He knew she wasn't ashamed of her…

"Yes…she's fine dear….." the woman reassured her love.

"I told you we can postpone the wedding." Winnie heard the proclamation as she continued to dust.

"That would be a good idea Ken." The grey woman intercepted. The man felt the tension between the two women as he looked at both their faces. He was always scared of bringing up Katie's ordeal to Gwen. He didn't her to think he was judging her. He was just waiting for her to tell him.

"No….." Gwen said suddenly. "When two people are in love they should be together…I want us established when I introduce you to Katie. She will just love you." The blonde glowed as the man eventually nodded.

"I don't see how. She barely knows him." The maid whispered as her employer shot her a look.

"Look I should go." The man kissed her as he left. The two woman looked at the other.

"Ken did nothing wrong." The blonde woman folded her arms.

"No…but you are setting him and your life up for failure. You can't have your cake and eat it to. If you love him how can you get him involved right now."

"Look…how I choose to live my life is none of your business."

"When I am taking care of your daughter…it is…think about this Gwenie….you expect Katie to have to share you with another man. She barely knows you now….."

"It can work." The business woman pleaded.

"No it can't….you think Katie-kins is going to run in your arms….forgive you for everything that has happened….and then embrace this stranger as her father."

"I can bring him with me to Family day…."

"Don't you dare do that to her. It's bad enough you didn't tell her about the wedding. Now you just show up out the blue…..do you want her to try to kill herself again. Robyn and Cliff really twisted your…."

"Don't you dare talk about my parents. You have no right. Without them you wouldn't have a job." Gwen spat out as the old woman's face did not change. She was still firm

"You can fire me now…but who would you get to take care of Katie. As a matter of fact why don't you just give me custody of the girl? We can move out. You can pay for her schooling….it is nothing less than what you do now."

"Why are you making me into this horrible person. I just want to be…."

"You are a mother who needs to stop playing childish games. I hate how they took your childhood away from you. You were always studying. Always in these organizations. You never had the chance to figure out who you truly are. Now you are in this midlife crisis. I hate it for your daughter….." Winnie left the woman. Why did they constant get into these arguments. Nothing would ever change.

….

Bianca let the girl rest her head in her lap as she read her letter again. She didn't know why she did it. It wasn't going to change. It never would. But at least this girl's presence would help her cope. Feeling the girl play in her hair, she took another deep breath…..

Katie. I know I am not the real thing. And I never will be. But I want you to know that I truly do love you. You have always had to grow up faster than you should because you felt you had too. You felt as if you had to fend for yourself because you mother wasn't there. And that is her fault. It has nothing to do with you. I wish I could take you away from this world. I wish I was there to stop you every time. But I still want you to know that I know you are strong and that you can beat this. And when you do. I will be there. See you soon.

"Bianca…." Katie held onto the girl as the rebel held her back.

"That was beautiful." She smiled bitterly at the girl.

"No…its not. It is never beautiful when a woman doesn't want her child. It is never beautiful when a woman wishes she could give you the world but she can't. No matter how hard she tried." The red head sat up.

"Katie…I know you miss your mom….believe me….I still miss mine too….but be grateful with what you have. You are so busy looking at what you are lacking. You need to focus on what you have….I mean….look at you. Your gorgeous…you are going to make it with soccer or not….."

"Stop that Bianca…"

"Stop what?'

"Degrading yourself. You can't even see what I see."

"and what's that."

"A strong girl who helps others no matter how much they hurt her. You have been put through so much pain."

"…that explains why I look so rough compared to you." Bianca looked at the ground as her dark humor hurt the girl beside.

"No…you and Mike think alike in so many ways. I see you for who you are. Not what you are. You have to believe that. And you are smart. And I am pretty sure that there are GED programs if you apply. You have so much promise. And I would hate for you to make your life an excuse."

"Katie….everyone is not like you…..i mean after this…"

"I thought we said wouldn't think about that. We would…" Katie hated how she kept retracing her steps.

"I know….time passes so quickly…and even now I know this is the best thing that has happened to me." Bianca rested her head on the athlete's shoulder.

"I know…me too…."

"How would Winnie feel about this…even if this were a fling….do you just want me to avoid you on Family Day?"

"No….no….This isn't a fling….I can assure you that. You are so use to people walking out on you. I am not like that. And I could never avoid you. Know that. And Winnie just wants me happy. I mean…I'm sure she knew something was up. I never really showed interests in boys before." The athlete shrugged.

…..

Adam took a deep breath as he heard someone walk in. How could he forget to lock the door. Damn it. Wait. All he had to do was stay in the stall. Hidden. Biting his lip, he hoped to the teen would leave soon.

"Adam." Mike found the boy's shoes under the stall. He had almost been in here for thirty minutes.

"You alright?" The black boy asked in concern.

"Umm…yeah….." The boy hated how he had to keep up his lie. The minute he got in the stall he realized he had to walk back in the room with a tampon in nose. He knew Mare would tell Mike. Nosebleeds don't just stop in a minute. Damn. Damn. Damn.

Mike noticed he didn't smell any blood in the air. When did he become a bloodhound?

Adam stepped out when he heard Mike at the urinal. All he had to do was to walk passed him. And then nothing would have to be said. Guy Code.

Walking to the door, he left. Hoping Mike was too preoccupied to notice.

Mike caught up with boy. That was really odd. And he knew the boy was avoiding him with all his might? Why? He was a criminal. Well ex criminal. He wasn't scared of blood. And it must have stopped as he didn't see a tampon in his nose.

"Dude calm down….not everyone freaks out at blood." The cocky boy noticed no trails of it no his face. Maybe he was just paranoid. Adam could have just washed it off.

"Mike….." The nerd opened his mouth. Hoping he could find the courage.

"What…..Luke is just an asshole...but lately has become…more not like himself." The handsome leader observed.

"nothing….." Adam walked off at the boy caught back up with him.

"What's up? Why are you so on edge." The leader demanded an answer, but he couldn't give him one. He couldn't trust himself or them for that matter. He hated lying….so badly.

"I'm not….i just…."

"Adam….its just a nose bleed." Mike stated as he hoped Adam would just come clean and trust his friend.

"Yeah…that's all…a nose bleed." The boy left him behind as the leader followed him with his eyes..

….

Mr. Dallas watched his wife take the cornbread from the oven. Folding his arms, he watched her ignore him. The tension in the air. He waited for her to say something.

Seeing her husband redden, the woman continued to cut the cornbread out of the pan. She would not give up on her son. She loved him. And as long as time moved on, she had faith that he could change. Hearing the man tap his feet, she looked at him. Her eyes showing her digust of him.

"Don't look at me like that." He ignored her eyes as he watched her grab containers. He knew he was the bad guy. And he wanted to believe his son could change…but he knew it was a wish wasted. Now all he wished for was not to get that one phone call that would ruin him to pieces.

"They are my eyes. I can look at them anywhere I please." She placed the food in the containers. Keeping her mouth closed, she was scared she would say something to hurt her love's feelings. Yes, she did love her husband, but he had to understand that a mom could never leave their child. Never.

"You know all of this will not make…." He hated how their son always dashed his wife's hopes. It wasn't fair to good hearted woman who did nothing wrong. It was him who gave up on his son.

"No it will not make it better, but you being there with me can." She pleaded with her eyes seeing the father and son resemblance.

"I told you my opinion of the situation." The man stood strong.

"So then…leave it be….and let me do as I please." She made up her mind as well.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt again. Over and over and over again."

"I just don't understand how you could just…turn your back on your son like this." Camille began as the husband rolled his eyes at her.

"I didn't. I want more than anything for him to come to us….but I want him changed….I want him to make that choice….you were the one who had to write him." He accused.

"Last time I checked this relationship was a partnership." He folded his arms as she looked at him for his comment.

"It is…me and you were supposed to be a team." He pleaded.

"We are a team. You are just too stubborn. And you hold grudges Michael."

"Camille…..how can you blame me for wanting to give my child tough love. This is more than a grudge. What about the many nights he snuck out of here. The many fights he got into…you make this sound like a slap on the wrist…who knows what else he has done."

"I agree whole heartedly, but we can't just abandon him. Throw him away….like Jordan's parents did." She emphasized.

"Let's not even bring that up to him…..when we go see him." He finally gave into her.

"Jordan is not a 'that', he is a person…..and I won't tell him. At least…not now…." She was grateful he was coming with her.