Monster
Chapter 11
Paramore
...
Mike never thought he would be the man to enjoy this. To enjoy the soft touch of girl. To enjoy just the emotional connection to one….rather than just the physical. But this was true. And this was only because of Marisol. Testing their tongues together, he held onto her neck as he felt her take hold of his waist. Both not wanting to let go….and though he was happy…he still felt the void.
The void of his parents not there with him. Never did he ever expect that to be true. But it was. And as much as he wished Jordan were here. He would settle with what he could get. Though he did wonder what if Jordan came to visit him? What he have said? Probably that he was some sell out. But it wasn't like that. And he hated himself even more.
"What's wrong?" Mare pulled away from him as he saddened. "I'm sorry they didn't come." She bit her lip as she read his mind. She knew their feelings couldn't erase the fact but at least he knew he wasn't alone. Hugging him, she looked into his eyes.
"I guess…." He tried to shake it off. Just go back to your parents. I don't want to take you away from them." He said with concern as he kissed her.
Mare didn't want to leave him, but he was so sure of himself that she reluctantly nodded.
"I will have you all to myself tomorrow." He kissed her forehead.
Camille held the bag in her hand as she walked up the stairs. She knew they were a little late. But better late than never. And at least they came. At least Michael was trying to start anew. At least Mike was staying out of trouble. So she hoped. Knocking on the door, no one was there. This was the cabin on the map…but the lights were off. Looking at her husband, he did nothing but sat down and waited.
"He will be here dear…..he will." He grabbed her hand as they sat down together.
Mike let the tears fall down. He missed them. He really did. And today was a slap in the face for all the shit he had put them through. Looking at the scars on his knuckles…he thought of all the fights he had been in to help Jordan. He thought of all the medical bills they had to pay for him. Damn it!
Wiping his eyes with his jacket sleeve, he came closer to his cabin. Seeing two bodies on the steps. But they weren't for Luke or Adam. They must have been just lost….and his heart didn't want to get hurt again. Yes they were just two lost….
His face dropped as he saw his parents waiting for him. Smiles on their faces as him. Wiping his tears, they ran to him as he embraced them. They came.
They actually came for him. And he couldn't help but to hold them tighter. Smelling his mother's perfume, he cried harder as she kissed his forehead.
"We missed you son." His father's words touched him. The man that he grew to hate only made him grip him harder. He finally began to see the purpose of his father's ways. It was to teach him…make him stronger. But right now, he would be strong enough to be weak. He would be a child for once.
Camille and Michael looked at each other with relief as they felt their son hold onto them for dear life. He finally realized that this wasn't a game anymore. And they saw so much change in him so far that words could not describe. Taking deep breaths, the three embraced each other. And for now…..Mike couldn't have been any happier.
…..
Real men didn't cry. At all. But no matter how many times he repeated the mantra in in his head, he couldn't block out what his father just did to him. How he separated him from the others. His father was the one who claimed God never made mistakes. So why couldn't he believe that with him. God wanted him to be this way. He wasn't a stain…or an abomination.
He was just so sick of trying to answer for himself. Having to prove himself to others. Taking a deep breath, his legs got heavier as he bypassed his father's car. He didn't want his sunglasses either. He honestly didn't want him to be his son. He thought he was passed this phase. He thought he was passed wishing he could be normal. But there was never a definite definition for the term. Taking in the pine scent on the air, why couldn't he just never leave here? Why couldn't time just stop for him only? Shutting his eyes, he let the tears stain his face.
Right now….he was so tired. Tired to breathe. Tired to move on.
…..
Katie didn't care about anything but the girl whose lips she couldn't get enough of. Biting the rebel's bottom's lip, she had to show her. She had to let her know that she was there. And nothing else mattered as their lips moved together. Pushing her against the wall, she felt the brunette shove her tongue in her mouth. She didn't mind one bit. She didn't mind Bianca holding onto her…..with her back against the wall….running her fingers through her curls.
Bianca decided to show some dominance as she placed Katie against the wall. Never had a choice given her so much freedom and happiness. With every touch and moan, Bianca felt more alive. Never had this happen to her. Her moans were so addictive. And she couldn't help herself. She just had to touch her. And where they were at had no meaning in her mind as she tried to take her shirt off.
"No…no…Bianca." Katie took her breath as she saw her affection's eyes water.
She did it again. She was pushing too hard. And Katie was becoming scared. Scared like how she was when she was little. It was like she was the monster.
"Bianca calm down….it's alright….its ok." The red head saw the worry on her face as the rebel shook her head.
"It's not what you think…I am not pushing you back to reject you….I am pushing you off because I care for you so much."
"I don't get it?" Her mind wasn't used to this. She wasn't used to being denied or rejected.
"I just…you have been so abused….that sex is a second nature to you. I won't use you like that…..I cant…..I will care for you…..even if you don't see why yourself."
"Katie I don't know what to say." She bit her lip as she looked into the girl's eyes. Both of them resting their heads against each other. Taking in the moment.
Gwen hung her phone up as she saw Winnie resting on Katie's bed. Kissing the woman on the forehead, she covered her with the blanket as she searched for her daughter. So much she said that came out wrong. And she was wrong. In so many ways. To think she could force Cliff on her daughter like that. And no matter how much she knew was wrong, she remained doing it. Putting her daughter second…..
"Katie?" The blonde saw the two girls come from behind the cabin with their hands laced. She didn't know what to say to her daughter. And no matter what she said, she had no right. Folding her lips, she noticed her daughter's expression. The blush on both of their cheeks.
Bianca looked at the woman before her. The nervousness she gave off. She didn't even know how to address her daughter. No wonder why the athlete had so much resentment towards her. But Katie didn't change, she only gripped her hand tighter.
"O…ummmm…Gwen….ummm…..this is Bianca." Katie saw the woman's face. The blonde hated to hear her name being said like that. Like she didn't care. Even though she did. Even though her actions said otherwise.
"….I didn't know you were lesbian." Gwen said frankly. Not expecting the sight of the beautiful teens together.
"Of course you wouldn't…..Winnie does though…." The athlete pulled the other with her. Trying to escape. Trying to keep her to herself.
"Katie….please just talk to me." The mother followed them as Bianca tried to get Katie to listen to her.
"I have nothing else to say…and please don't be offended because you don't deserve to know anything besides my name….lets not choose this time to act like a perfect mother." Katie said loudly knowing the woman could hear her.
"Im not acting like any….." The blonde almost caught up.
"Save it…." Katie could only pull Bianca with her.
….
The quiet boy walked on the trail in the woods. It was crazy that he wanted a normal life when he couldn't have one. To be with a girl. To never have to explain himself below the belt. Laughing cynically, he admired the luscious green trees…and the birds flying in the sky. True freedom. Closing his eyes, he wondered what a girl like Becky would be like? And what would she be like if she knew the truth about him. Biting his lip, he remembered the cute blush on her face as they introduced themselves. And then, his father had to ruin everything. He had to make him think about his flaws.
One thing this place taught him was that he can never run away. But he didn't want to run away, he just wanted to change his father. He wanted to push the man off the cliff. And oddly now, he was seeing the man in his own features more and more. Seeing other teens travel with their parents, everyone was happy. Except him….but he couldn't have his parents worry about him. If they even noticed he was gone for 30 minutes. Probably not. His father was probably talking to Luke. He always wanted a son….a "real" son. Preparing himself for his father's comments he headed to the cabin.
….
Audra placed her hand on her head as she paced back and forth. Staring daggers at her ex husband, he avoided her glare. Standing outside their son's cabin, the woman held herself as she unleashed her anger. Adam wasn't naïve. He knew his father. But she was. To think that he could actually drop his defenses for one day. To actually put his child before anything else.
George couldn't help how he felt. He was entitled to have his principles and beliefs. And he couldn't change them for anyone. Seeing his daughter around the others…..how they accepted him. But they accepted him because they didn't know. He didn't just not want this lifestyle for his daughter because of his beliefs. He didn't want his child to end up dead. He worried for her everyday because of her choice to live this way, Why couldn't he make his ex-wife see this?
He didn't want any harm to come to her. Though he never said it, it was true. And he knew Audra would never believe his words.
"I can't believe you did that…." She shook her head in disapproval. Both not knowing Adam was walking from behind the cabin. Listening to his parents talk, he remained hidden. At least Becky and Luke weren't there. It is not as if Becky would have accepted him anyway. She would just be like the other girls at his old school. Treating him as if he had the bubonic plague. Cursing his existence. In a cruel way, his father was saving him. Breathing slowly, he listened…..
"I don't want to hear it….." He cut her off as he rubbed his hand in his hair. This was the right thing to do. Audra just always had to be right all the time.
"You said it would be a good day today. You couldn't at least pretend to get along with me…to at least accept his lifestyle." The woman pleaded as the quiet boy's eyes shattered. He knew it was an act….but to hear it from their mouths only cut his heart.
"….And give him false hope….I tried." George was grateful families were not around. But he could not control his voice as it got louder and louder.
"No you didn't. Not at all. What was so wrong with him and that girl? What was so wrong for letting your son know that someone could take interest in him? There is nothing wrong with him. Nothing." Adam heard his mother take his side.
"Yes there is….and the minute you know that things will get better….Becky didn't know that they are both girls." The man pleaded as their son slid down the cabin wall. Hitting the ground hard. Placing his hands on his head. Raising his sleeves….looking at his scars. They were not done in vein. And he needed to release his anger and disappointment in the world.
"You mean…better for you. It is always about you. When something does not go your way…..you try to fix it and when you can't…you drop it. I am so happy I divorced your judgmental ass. When did we turn into this…weren't we happy at first?"
"O don't go turning this into my fault again. You were upset when Adam came out too. You just hid it well. You didn't want this life for him either." George bellowed. Not knowing that Mike and his family could hear him in the cabin. And all three of their faces mirrored each other.
His roommate was really a girl. A girl. But…no….he just couldn't believe it. And the more he tried to give them privacy, the more they listened.
"It was for the right reason though." Audra pleaded. "I don't want anyone to make him doubt himself…hate himself…..he doesn't need that …especially not from you….go on…..admit it…..you were never really happy." Her voice became hoarse.
"There was a time…..Yeah….we were until…." He stopped talking. Looking her dead in the eyes. Not seeing Adam clutch himself.
"Until what?" The woman saw him take a deep breath. "Go on…say it…..I know what you are thinking."
"….Until Gracie decided to change." The man stated.
And then Adam's world shattered. He should have known. Everything was his fault…..and he could hear nothing. Only feel his body stand up. He was no good to anyone. And he had no real purpose for being on this earth. And he knew Mike and Luke….or anyone could accept him. And his mind became dizzy.
He could see nothing.
His mind became blank. A dark abyss of emotions. He would never be wanted.
Everything.
Everything was lie. This place. His friends. His family.
And the then the gripping of his heart ceased his breathing as he fell back down to his knees. He was a hindrance. A nuisance. Only a distraction. And he did not have the strength to get up.
"So it's your child's fault our marriage crumbled in your eyes. You bastard….he doesn't need to change…you do…you don't even love him." Audra couldn't believe he finally admitted it. And then she thought she heard a soft whimper. It was probably one of the teens playing.
"Of course I love Gracie…with all my heart….but it's hard to…." The two heard the soft whimper from around the cabin. There it was again. Turning around, it was her worst nightmare.
O my God….
Adam.
On the ground.
Trying to find the strength to get up.
"Adam…." His mother attempted to approach him as his legs gained a mind of their own.
Backing away from them. Panic in his eyes. Looking at his father's dark eyes. Trying to search for some kind of remorse for his words. But there was none. He loved his beliefs more than his son.
"Don't come any closer…" His voice said with anguish.
And he ran off. His feet becoming heavier and heavier. His heart becoming heavier and heavier.
George didn't mean for her to hear it. He didn't mean for this to happen. All he wanted was for her to come to her senses. And he saw the tears in his eyes form.
No….
"Hold your tears." Audra looked at the man as she ran behind her son. She was going to make this right for him.
…
Mike and his parents tried to ignore what they just heard. The conversation was not meant for them to hear. But they couldn't help it. And Mike couldn't help but show his confusion at the revelation. But nevertheless, he would save that for another occasion. Right now, he would focus on the good in his life right now.
"At least you guys know that I am not the only kid here with problems." He let out an uncomfortable laugh.
"It does a great deal knowing that you aren't alone in this world." Camille sat beside him as she rested his head on her shoulder. "My baby boy has finally grown up." She said sadly.
"No I haven't." he stated. "Because if I did, I still wouldn't be worried so much about Jordan." He noticed their changed expression.
They just couldn't tell him. Not here.
Not now.
"I know what you are thinking….but it is not like that." He misinterpreted their actions. "I don't want to be a part of that anymore. If anything. I want to help Jordan. I want him to see that I can help him. I hate myself that I let him down some way."
"You didn't son." His father assured.
"You sound like my friend Marisol. Mom she is just like you. She tells me what I need to hear when I don't want to hear it." He blushed at the confession.
"So why is she here?"
"Drug use and eating disorder…but unlike myself. She had drive the minute she came here to overcome it. She is so brave and she doesn't even know it." His voice bellowed as he felt the blush on his cheek.
"Well then, we have to invite her over here for some food." She smiled as she gave him a plate….handing the bag to her husband to place in their little refrigerator.
"I made enough for all of you to share." She stated as Michael sat beside his son as he smiled.
"I know you think I hate you son…." He began.
"I know you don't." Mike finished. "I have been the one making so many excuses for myself. My loyalty to Jordan. Grandpa dying. I know Grandpa wouldn't want this for me. I just wanted to forget about him. I just wanted to find an outlet for myself. And I hated you for wanting me to do the right thing. I was my own enemy." The boy shrugged.
"I didn't make it easier for you though." The man said as Camille looked at her two boys. Getting along. Strong in so many ways.
"No…you did the right thing. You kept fighting in a different way. And I can't take back what I did. All I can promise is that I wont do it again." Mike continued to eat his food as his father looked in his eyes. He hoped he saw the truth. He hoped Jordan would see the truth. He would be the first stop he would make when he came back to town.
And he hoped Adam and his parents would find their way too.
….
Gwen once again pushed her daughter away. She didn't mean to do it. She never did. She just wasn't an emotional person. But that wasn't an excuse. Because she could be towards men but not to her own daughter. Her own flesh and blood. Seeing Katie pull the girl away from her, she knew she should have left. But she couldn't. She wanted to attempt to give her daughter some assurance that she loved her. Being here was the first step. Yet, she stayed on the phone most of the time. She was terrible. Walking past all the people, she did her best to keep up to the two girls….but the mother and daughter never really shared a memory…..
The lawyer looked at the picture frame of her beautiful daughter. Red hair and small eyes. Just like her when she was her age. She was everything a mother could have ever wanted. Taking a deep breath, she knew she displayed her discomfort when others talked of her children. All the little things they shared. All the dinners they had together. Not her. All she could talk about was her daughter's awards. All her goals. Nothing else. Sitting down in her chair, she hoped this would compensate for everything she did to her daughter. But she knew it wouldn't. buying her the best…giving her the best trainers didn't make up for love. She knew this. She put her child through the same things her own mother did.
She promised herself that she would break the cycle. But she couldn't. Placing the frame on the desk face down, she shook her head as she heard the phone ring.
Winnie waited for the woman to pick up. How could anyone tell a mother this? And though she knew Gwen was hardly there, she knew the woman did care for her child. And she loved her with all her heart. Just like herself. Looking at the girl lay down in the bed….she kissed her forehead…waiting for a response.
Damn it Gwen.
"Hel…" She couldn't get the words out as her maid cut her off. Relief crashing over her.
" You have to come…you have to come right now…Katie….Katie…..." The maid didn't realize she was saying the same thing over and over again.
Gwen's world exploded at the sound of Winnie's panic. What happened to her daughter? She needed to be there. Now.
"Calm down Winnie….tell me….." She lowered her voice to ease the woman. Trying to keep her own spirits up.
"Katie….she….she…I can't even say it." The maid looked at the girl who rested.
"Just tell me please…." Worry showed in her own voice.
"…..Katie tried to commit suicide today….i found her just in time…"
Winnie didn't say anything. She hoped this got into the woman's head. Katie needed her. Badly.
"Why would she try to….." The mother felt her heart drop….shatter. "I thought she was….." Her voice suddenly stopped.
"Just please come to the hospital." The maid didn't feel like putting her failures in her face. This wasn't the right time now.
"Ok…ok…I am on my way." She gathered her belongings as she left.
That day always lingered in her mind. The smells of the room. Her daughter's incoherent eyes. The lack of color in her cheeks…..
"Katie…" She didn't let the girl's stubbornness stop her. She would follow her to the depths of the world to get her to talk to her once again.
….
Serena touched her daughter's bed sheets. Her hand over her mouth as she tried to control herself. But she was breaking. If that man. Her boyfriend. The man she let take her daughter away. The man she put over everything including her daughter. Everything was being pressed into her mind all at once. And she still had not seen her daughter yet.
What would the girl do when she saw her here? Would she run away? Would she hit her? Would she yell at her? It didn't matter. Just as long as she saw her face. She would burn in hell until the end of time for what she did. But she had to be here. Her daughter had to know she knew the severity of her actions. Her daughter had to know that she was did nothing wrong. Not that Bianca didn't know that already.
Looking at the bed beside her, she noticed a grey woman lay down. Taking a nap., She already knew their child was adored by the woman's face. Unlike her child. The child she envied. The child she blamed for life being the way that it was.
Winnie opened her eyes as she heard the woman cry. Grabbing a tissue, she offered it to the woman who kindly excepted. Bianca's mother she assumed. She had noticed the resemblance between the two. Katie had the habit of stealing glances at the teen earlier today. And Winnie agreed with her "child," Bianca was beautiful without a doubt. That only meant her life was pure hell. And seeing the hurt in this woman's eyes let her know that she was the real reason.
"I am sure everything will work itself out." The grey woman tried to make her smile.
"No….it won't…..I shouldn't have even come today…." The mother sniffled. "My child hates me for what I have done."
"Well as long as there is today and tomorrow, there is always a fighting chance." The maid realized she was being hypocritical as she spoke. She was giving the benefit of the doubt to a complete stranger…but charged Gwen with the highest crime.
"You wouldn't being so kind if you knew what I did to Bianca…no one would…and I will pay my debt one day. She can't forgive me….and neither can i." She shrugged as the grey woman let her alone.
At times she wished Barbara was her real mother. Because she was a strong woman who loved and cared. With all of her heart. Unlike her…
Pouring her daughter some cereal, she watched the girl stare at her breakfast. Her eyes cold. Her hands gripping the spoon tightly in her hand. The transformation from her loving carefree ways into a callous child could not go unnoticed by anyone. Sitting across from her daughter at the table, she saw her child give her murderous eyes.
"You need to eat Binx." She commanded as the child shook her head. Now she wanted to look after her. Protect her. Where was she last night? Where would she be tonight?
Gripping her spoon tightly in her hand, she bit her lip to keep from screaming. She was no longer Binx. That man took that from her. And her mother knew. His loud moans could be heard from her bedroom. The way she fought back every time. But he was stronger than her. And she had to give in.
"I am not hungry…..Serena." The child hesitantly. Seeing the spark of bitterness glow in her mother's eyes as her choice of words.
Serena noticed the disdainment laced in her daughter's voice. Showing her the same emotion, the woman only ignored the comment as she continued to eat.
Her mother's actions only upset her more. Feeling her pulse quicken…and eyes grow black, she stood up.
Throwing the bowl across the kitchen. Wishing it spilled over the woman. Hearing the bowl hit the ground. Seeing her mother disturbed look.
"Are you crazy?" Serena's voice rose as Bianca didn't care. She didn't care about anything anymore. She was alone. And outcast at school. And no one cared for her. "Pick it up."
"No….you pick it up….for once you be a mother…" The girl saw her mother approach her slowly. She knew what was next and she was preparing herself for it. It didn't matter if she hit her. She could feel nothing anymore.
"What did you say?"
"You heard me…..you know what that man did to me….what he is doing to me…." The child ran to her room as she shut her door. She had no lock. And as she slid down her door, she prepared herself for tonight.
Tonight her mother would not be here. She would be at work….but…..she would not be here either…
That was the last time she saw her daughter. The agony she felt when she opened the door to not see her there. She felt the knife drive through her heart again and again. But today. She would make this right for her at least. She would wait for her here.
….
Katie pulled her affection with her. Away from mother. Away from the woman who felt obligated to come. Obligated to invite her to her wedding. Obligated to love her. And it hurt like hell to know that God gave her a good kid and she didn't want her. Forgetting about her tears, she kept walking. But she didn't notice Bianca look at her crying.
The rebel understood what was going on in her mind. But she had to get the girl to listen to her. She had to get Katie to understand that she should at least listen to what the woman had to say.
"I know what you are going to say and I will not." Katie noticed the girl slow down her pace. "I thought you cared about me….I can't do this. I can't talk to her."
"Katie…you know I care about you. More than anything." The badass rested her hands on her shoulder. "But don't you want closure?" She pleaded as the athlete shrugged.
"I just want to get away from her. Erase her from my memory. But I know that can't happen." The girl saw her mother getting close to them.
"I am not saying that you should forgive her. I just want you to have closure. You should walk away….there is a difference between that and running away." Bianca knew she was hanging out with the girl more and more. She was getting more philosophical by the minute.
"Bianca….I…she….." Katei knew she was right as she eventually nodded.
"I will be back in the cabin….just yell…but you can do this." The two girls kissed as Bianca gave Gwen a nod of acknowledgement.
"Thanks for letting me caught up to you." The blonde looked at her unsettled child.
"Don't thank me…..it was all because of Bianca…." The teen folded her arms.
"Well then I owe her…"
"Don't count on it. I will not let you take advantage of her kindness like you did me."
"Katie….I want the wedding to be a new start for us…." The mother hoped her daughter was listening. She really wanted this.
"Bull…"
"I am not good with emotion. I never have been. And I am not going to let that be an excuse for how I treated you….but I do love you."
"You have a funny way of showing it."
"I deserve that but…."
"No….for once, I will get the last word in. you casted me off to Winnie. Who has shown me so much love than you ever could. You abandon me. Ignore me. And then you show up here out of no where. Something is wrong you…..do you think that the world revolves around you or something? All I wanted was for you to be there. And when I started cutting…you still weren't there. You showed up to the hospital for one day….I can't keep doing this mom. I can't keep allowing you to show up…wreck havoc and then leave. Make your choice now. Do you want to be my mother or do you want to leave and never come back…..you know what ….I will just make the decision for you." She left the woman behind.
…
Bianca hoped Katie would take advantage of the moment. She would stand by her despite her choice. She wished Katie know how strong she was. She wished she could tell her how much stronger she felt when she was with her. So many emotions she had for the athlete. The athlete who always knew what to say to make her day. Walking up the steps, she paused.
Her eyes were deceiving her.
They had too.
This had to be some nightmare.
The woman she ran away from. Was laying on her bed. Swallowing the lump in her throat, her heart paused. And her fists formed. Biting her lip to stop the tears from falling…..her pulse quickened. And memories flashed before her eyes.
Serena.
The woman who handed her on a silver platter to her boyfriend. Just to keep him. So she could keep money in her pocket.
The woman sat up as she looked at her beautiful daughter. No words could be expressed. All she could feel was the dark cloud settling between them. The girl who every right to hit her. And she was waiting for her to. Looking at the teen approach her slowly, she did her best to be calm. To wait. Standing up, she walked towards the girl.
"What are you doing here?" Bianca asked as the woman. Her voice threatening her monster.
"I needed to see you…I have been looking…." The mother saw the demons in her daughter's eyes.
"I know…Barbara told me…..she also told you that I wanted nothing to do with you…." The teen summoned her strength to talk. To prove to the woman that she did not break her.
"I know that…I do….I…" Serena ran out of words. She wanted to hug her daughter. She wanted so much so soon.
"Don't you dare apologize…..it is too late for that. You can't just apologize for giving your daughter to your boyfriend every night. You made me feel lifeless….dirty…..helpless every night…and then you come here…you didn't try to find me after I ran away…" This woman made her lose the ability to form a coherent sentence. And right now, her past and present was colliding. Keeping distance between the two, she could only look at the woman…seeing the mirror reflection. Would she become this woman?
No way in hell.
"I hated myself…" The wreckless woman began.
"And you should. You should rot in your grave for what you did to me…..just when my life gets good, you remind me that I can never be happy. And you make me feel like shit all over again. Why do you hate me so much? Why can't you just disappear…you didn't want me in the first place. So why are you here…you aren't here for the right reasons…."She saw the woman try to close the gap between them.
"I wanted to see you…." The woman cried. Knowing this would not make the situation any better.
"No…you wanted to make yourself feel better. I don't need you to survive. " Bianca defended herself.
"But I need you. To be my daughter. I miss you…I need you to know that I could never forgive myself for giving you to him. I have changed. I didn't come for you because I didn't want to admit it to myself. I am a terrible mother….and person…and I deserve to die."
"Then why don't you? I want you to die. And I mean it. I hate you." Her teeth clenched at the revelation. Feeling her head begin to hurt from the panic and stress.
Katie heard the screams from her cabin as she ran towards it…and she saw the sight. The mother and daughter glaring at each other. One with hate. The other with disappointment, shock, and wanted redemption. But she knew it would not come to the unruly woman. Both with tears in their eyes. Wait. This was Bianca's mother. She was just like Bianca described her. The resemblance was uncanny. But she had to protect the girl with her will.
"Bianca….." Katie grabbed her hand as the teen stared the woman down. Not knowing how to react to the situation. And Bianca hated what she was doing to the jock. Katie always protected her. It was her time to protect her. Her eyes threatening the woman, she said nothing. Only moved out of Serena's way as she pointed to the door. She had no fight in her anymore.
"Don't…worry…..she was just leaving." Bianca moved Katie behind her as the mother looked at the two girls. Together. Putting her head down, she wiped her tears…..gathered her emotions….and left.
Walking slowly, she knew she would get her daughter back. Somehow.
"I hate that you saw that Katie." Bianca felt the girl hug her.
"I hate what she put you through." Katie rubbed her head. This wouldn't take it away, but hopefully, her presence would make it easier.
…
Audra wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. The loss of a child. Her child. And all she could hold onto was faith. Faith that Adam was just hiding. And that he would return back to his arms. Watching her ex husband go get Ellie, she hated him. For everything he did to her son. She didn't know why she didn't shield him from the man. Maybe she thought he would change. But he didn't. And now they were racing against the clock. Seeing the twins stand by her side, they helped her inside the cabin. Sitting her on the bed, her scared eyes grabbed everyone's attention.
"You guys didn't find Adam yet?" Mike answered his own question recalling what he had heard earlier. He wondered if Luke and Becky knew what he and his parents knew. Everyone's expression mirroring one another.
"No…..we searched the woods….we searched everywhere. We thought we would be able to find him by now." Audra looked at the sun going down a little bit.
"Well…" Mike grabbed his lantern as his parents watched his bravery. "I'll help." He shrugged as the scared mother shook her head.
"No this isn't your burden dear…" Audra looked at the teens.
"Adam's our friend Ms. Torres." Luke stated. "We want to help." The twin could only hate the boy's father even more. He was blessed with the perfect son. A son who had manners and who didn't back talk. And that was how he was treated. He was glad the father was suffering. Suffering like them all.
"Did you guys check the cafeteria?" Mike was attempting to cover all bases. So caught up in his thoughts he didn't see his parents notice his courage and selflessness.
They all shook their heads as Becky bit her lip. They just had to find Adam. They just had to. He was somewhere alone…scared….confused….trapped…and hurt. She knew all those feelings all to well….especially when she felt them all at once.
Luke saw the police lights flash through the camp. Never before was he content to see officers. The more help, the better.
Bianca, Katie, and Marisol sat on the steps as they rested their heads on each other. For comfort. For love. For support. The model felt guilty that her visit was so good and yet seeing their parents only caused more harm than good. But she said nothing. She only let them listen to silence of the night.
Bianca didn't know what to think when she saw Ellie with the officers as they walked to the boy's cabin. And neither did Katie and Marisol. Looking at each other, they followed inside. Seeing everyone's face become pale. Someone was missing.
"Where's Adam?" Katie asked as Ellie did her best to calm them down.
"We are doing our best to find him." The counselor assured as Mike handed them all lanterns. She wasn't expecting to hear the news when the angry father approached her. Seeing his reaction, she understood why he burned himself. Threatening to sue the camp if they couldn't find Adam was not the right thing to say at the moment. She understood he was upset, but she knew he was the real reason behind his son's impulsive actions.
"We are going to search for him….." The natural leader said. "Who knows this place better than us." Luke took his side.
"Wait let's not be to hasty. You two can't just go looking by yourselves. It will dark pretty soon." Mare bit her lip seeing his mother stare at her.
"We don't need anyone else getting lost." Camille, Audra and Ellie agreed.
"then we will all go." Bianca and the others agreed.
Katie hoped the rebel was mentally stable to handle this shock. They were all scared for their friend, but they all had problems too.
….
Adam reached the lake. The perfect place that would take him away from this world. He hoped that there was a heaven. And if it was, he hoped he would find peace there. And that his parents would find the peace they were searching for too. He hoped his mother would understand that there was never really a happy ending for him. He hoped his father would know that he loved him as much as he hated him. Looking at the water, he walked closer to it.
All the people he had here. Luke…the asshole who turned out to be the coolest guy he had ever met. Marisol…the model who had the kindest and most understanding mind he had ever met. Katie…the athlete who wanted everyone to be happy even if she wasn't. Bianca the rough girl who learned how to be as beautiful on the inside as the on the outside. And Dallas the greatest leader who was beginning to see himself as everyone else did…strong. He wished he was strong like him. Like all of them.
And Becky…the girl he would never get to truly hurt. He remembered seeing the hurt and happiness in her eyes when she saw her brother. But at least he would die knowing that someone could take interest in him. He would pretend that she would accept him if she knew the truth.
A part of him didn't want to do this. But the other part of himself told him this was the only way. He would sacrifice himself for his parents' happiness. Walking slowly in the water, the warm liquid almost eased his mind. His feet stopped as the water touched his waist. Was he really ready to do this? He couldn't push all the memories back in his head. His mother. The only one who tried to understand. He would miss her much…but he would wait for her. And watch over her….
Audra hugged her daughter as she heard the lighter drop from her hand. Feeling the tears on her shirt, she hated she didn't see this sooner. She was a bad mother for not knowing her child was going through this indescribable fear or pain. And she knew Gracie wanted to speak but didn't know what to say.
Gracie held onto her only lifeline. Silently whimpering, she hated how she broke down like this. She hated how she wasn't being more careful with herself. Now all her mother could focus on were the burn marks on her arm.
"Please….just tell me…..say something….is it because your father isn't here as often….." Audra tried to be strong, but the tears in her eyes kept coming. Her beautiful baby was hurting herself.
The child only shook her head at the question. She didn't want to say anything. She thought her feelings would go away, but after 16 years, they did not. She still felt trapped. No escape.
"Gracie…..please." The mother pleaded as she held her tighter.
"I can't mom…..i'm…not Gracie….I am not who you think I am….I am not even who I am supposed to be…" The child was surprised she could even form words remotely close to saying her true feelings.
"Yes you are Gracie…you are smart…and you find the beauty in everything…." The mother reasoned as the girl got out of her arms.
"No…mom….no….no…." She put her hands on her head as she paced the room. Audra could only stare at her scars as she waited for her child to speak.
"…I….something is wrong with me…..you haven't noticed….I hate long hair….and girls' clothes….." She felt uncomfortable in her own skin.
"Sweetie…it is alright to be a tomboy….."
"No…mom…no….just…just listen to me…I hate that I don't like boys…like I am supposed to….."
"Sweetie…that is alright…I promise…..I don't have a problem if you like cats, chickens or bears…I just hate how you felt as if you couldn't come to me…you can always come to me." She pleaded.
"No mom…that's not it." Gracie bit her lip. The woman was so understanding…and she wished that she was just gay. It would be so much simpler than this. But it wasn't. How could she say this?
"I'm not a girl….I am a guy…." He looked at his mother….who was speechless. The woman did not know if her child was being facetious…or that she heard her right.
"What?" She could only muster.
"Mom….I am not a girl…at least I don't feel like that…I have always thought of myself as one of the guys….and I think you notice that too….." He sat beside her. Pressing his head in her lap.
"Please don't hate me….or send me off to a barding school." He shook in her lap as Audra could only hold him.
"I would never send you away….but I also don't know what to say." The woman replayed his words over and over again. Looking in his eyes, she saw the truth.
"How….do…you?"
"I just do mom….I just do….."He said with certainly as she replayed memories in her mind. How the girl would always want to play rough with the boys….how she hated long hair…and dresses….how she would always sneak in her father's closet and try on his shoes.
"Adam….I.."
"Just…don't hate me….and please don't tell Dad just yet….."
"I won't…but let's figure this out first." She kissed his forehead as the boy hugged her. He knew this would be a big adjustment for her. To refer to her as a him now. He didn't even want to tell her the name he chose. That would wait. For now…he was would bask in his mother's acceptance.
At least he would die knowing that he had some happy memories in his life. Feeling the water up to his neck, he let his body go as he let the ripples crash over him.
….…..
They were all looking at her. Concerned for her. Even George. They wanted her to rest. But a mother could never rest until they found their child. Taking a deep breath, she used her lantern as she searched the woods. At least they had a little light left.
"Are there any animals here?" George's pulse quickened. He would never forgive himself for this. What he did to his son. He hated how this moment made him realize what he did to his child. Waiting for Ellie's response she shook her head.
"Well glad to know you are so concerned for your son." Audra bit back as the two commented back and forth…forgetting about the many people around them.
"This isn't time for that….bickering won't help us find him." The counselor took over as she looked at the teens. So scared for their friend. So was she. She would never forgive herself if anything happened to the quiet boy who brought the best out of everyone who he came in contact with. Taking deep breaths, she saw Marisol shake a little bit.
The model wished her parents hadn't left. They could have helped looked for her dear friend. Feeling something being draped over her, her thoughts were broken as she put her arms in the jacket.
"Thanks." She said softly to Mike who nodded. "We are going to find him…I promise." She assured as they kept searching…being mindful as of the branches and vines.
"thanks for being strong for me when I can't for myself at the moment." The leader did not see his parents look at his interaction with Marisol.
"That's because you are to busy being strong for all of us."
Bianca wished her mother would have searched like this for her when she had gone missing. But she didn't….and now she popped up out of the middle of nowhere…expecting things to be normal. What was wrong with her? Wiping away her tears, she felt someone grab her hand. Katie.
"Are you sure you don't want to….." The red head asked.
"Yes…." She blurted out as the others looked at them. "Sorry." She continued her task.
"Katie…just….back off." The rebel walked away from the girl. She knew she was trying to help….but she didn't need saving right now….this was all about Adam…not her. Catching up to Luke and Becky…she looked at the golden haired girl.
"Are you alright…..do you need to rest?" She asked as she shook her head.
Becky wasn't used to walking like the five teens were but she wanted to help…anyway possible. She didn't know why. And she knew they would laugh at her if she told them that she felt some sort of emotional connection with the boy she just met.
"I just can't believe that George wants to care now." Luke whispered being considerate of Mrs. Torres.
"It is his son Luke." Becky stated as he and Bianca huffed.
"It is also too late." The boy hated how his sister always gave others the benefit of the doubt. This man only made Adam regret who he was as a person. And there was some secret that they were keeping from them all. And he had a feeling that Mike knew….
The leader felt as if this was becoming hopeless….and they were losing time. He just had to find to find his friend. And all the memories flashed in his mind. He needed tampons because he was a girl. Because he was….a girl….Adam should have told them he was transgender. He should have trusted them…at least him. Shaking his head, Marisol looked at him.
"Tell me…." She read his mind. He hated how she had a sixth sense when it came to him….and oddly he was gaining one towards her. He liked it as much as he hated it.
"It's not for me to say." He saw her nod as she could only accept his words. Looking at Katie…both girls held hands…silently praying…as Katie stopped in her tracks…..
"The lake…." She looked at them all as the teens nodded.
"We didn't try there yet….."Luke gave his father a look of disapproval.
"You are right…let's split up….." Ellie ignored the twin's nonverbal assault on the father as she agreed. Taking the adults back to the campus, she couldn't find words to assure them. Seeing Mrs. Dallas hold Audra's hand, she hoped it was enough.
"Can you run?" Luke asked Becky who nodded. Following them, she was surprised she didn't fall behind as they ran. Taking deep breaths, they ignored the branches that gave them scrapes. They ignored the soreness of their knees. Adam was more important their bodies. And right now…..they were getting closer to the lake….hoping to find him on the shore….not to see his body…..
His body.
Right there before their eyes.
The six teens' mouths opened as they saw a body floating on top of the water. No time to take in the sight…they could only react.
Please don't let this be too late.
They weren't strong enough to handle this.
They weren't.
Mike and Luke took off their shirts as they swam into the water. Ignoring the dirt from the water. Keeping their minds focused on their friend. Ignoring the pain in their muscles as they reached his body. Placing an arm around each of their necks they swam back to the shore. Wishing this was just a prank.
But it wasn't.
He was unconscious. His mind was lost to the world.
The four girls praying….hoping it wasn't too late. Looking down as the two boys came back to the shore.
Laying Adam on the ground, they noticed the blue hue of his skin. Mike gave Marisol a signal to go get the adults….Luke left with her. No it would never be too late. Without a thought, Katie breathed into his mouth as she pressed hard against his chest.
"One, two, three." Katie urgently felt his life slipping away from them. This just had to work. He had to wake up. He had to be here with them.
"come on Katie." Bianca mentally prayed Adam was with them….
"One two three…." Katie kept pressing. Please let her do this right. Please let her remember first aid. This was the most important thing she would ever do in her life.
"One…two….." She released the breath as she heard him cough….water exiting his mouth as his eyes opened. Acting on instinct…Seeing the four teens stare down at him with relief. He made it….he made it….he made it.
And they didn't know whether to hug him or kill him themselves.