Monster
Chapter 12
Part 2
…
Audra refused to acknowledge his presence. Her baby. Her beautiful son was almost taken away from her. Riding in the ambulance with him, she just held his hand. That was all she could do. Praying that maybe she was giving him some of her strength. Just enough to keep him clinging on to life. Just enough to have him mentally with them. A child should never go through this. A child should never have burdens of this weight. She wished that God would have given this to her instead. She had lived her life long enough. All she wanted was reassurance that he wouldn't try again. Breathing deeply, placing her hands on the glass, she flinched as she felt George's hand on her shoulder. He had no right to touch her or her son again. She would make sure of it. Even if his world was shattering before his eyes. She never thought she would be cruel enough, but he deserved this pain. And right now, at any moment she was promised to hit him.
His life flashed before his eyes, placing his hand over his mouth to keep from yelling at himself. The tears could not be held any longer. And his ex-wife only ignored his pleas to God. He was too late to do this. He had no right to do this. And the others reminded him of this. He was not welcomed by them or himself. Placing his forehead on the glass wall, he felt a hand on his shoulder. The gracious counselor Ellie…handing him a coffee. He was in no mood to eat or drink anything. And his adrenaline was stronger than the caffeine. And yes….he kept beating himself up over and over, and if he could take back everything he put his son through, he would continuously do it.
Ellie and Becky handed the teens each a coffee as they huddled together. Wishing. Praying that he would be the same Adam when he woke up from his slumber. But they knew he wouldn't. He was destroyed. Watching Audra and George look at his form through the glass window, Audra felt her ex-husband grab her hand. For once in a while, she recognized the man she had once fallen in love with. They needed to be there with their son, so he would know that he wasn't alone. But at least George knew he shouldn't be the first person their son would see when he woke up again.
"Here you go Mr. and Mrs. Torres." Becky handed them the drink as they nodded in gratitude. The girl wanted to say so much to them. But her beliefs always made it hard for her to communicate with others. She knew that even though God was in control of this, that they would not see it like that. Everyone was so angry. With George and themselves. Sitting beside her brother, she felt him grab her hand.
"Don't worry. He will be alright. I know it." Becky held back her tears. She had no right to cry for someone she just met. But it hurt just as bad. She was on the brink of destruction as Adam…wanting to leave it all behind her. She was willing to risk an eternity of hell, just to leave this place. Even on her way to the hospital, her father would not answer the phone.
"that's not what I am worried about…..when Adam wakes up, there is nothing that we can do to make him feel better about himself. About who he is…..Dallas said that Adam had a secret that no one knew about….and it sucks that he didn't trust us to tell us. And what sucks even more is that Dallas knows and I don't….."
"Sounds like you care about Adam." She looked at him exhausted.
"I am. I know I have my ways but I don't know what I would have done if we would have lost him. We couldn't just pray to make it better."
"you're right…..I cling to religion for guidance…but even at times I question God. I know I shouldn't…but I do. Like why would he put Adam through this great pain? He is so kind and so decent….I know I just met him, but I can feel it." She felt him grip her hand.
"He is..i hope George feels Adam's pain and more. I know it is wrong to wish things on people, but its true. Because of him, Adam is laying in a hospital bed with adrenaline in his arm. It is not fair." The twin's voice got louder as the counselor tried to quiet him down.
"No…Luke…..don't….." She felt the same emotion he felt. They all felt. But they couldn't make this worse. Adam needed to know everyone was here for him. Not arguing with one another. "Go take a breather." She advised as Becky grabbed his wrist…pulling him down the hallway…passing Mike and Marisol.
Mike was glad his parents left at his request. He didn't want them to be here. In this atmosphere as they worried about their good friend. It was odd how they were from the same city but never saw each other. The many times he had been here. The many times he didn't care about the pain he put his parents through. Now he saw what it felt like to be on the other side of the glass. Feeling her hand grab his, he wanted to scream. Yell at someone. At himself. He should have protected him better. He should have persisted in finding out the truth. Maybe then, he could have made George back off.
"Mike…..it's not your fault….." Mare read his mind.
"it is all our faults Mare….we should have found out. Now I know but it is too late."
"So tell me….what is the secret that is making him hate himself so much. He doesn't deserve that. No one does." She looked in his eyes.
"Mare…don't…..just don't…" He couldn't look her in the eyes.
"Please….tell me….right now…you are blaming yourself for something that was out of your control…it has to be really tragic to not share it with someone." She begged with him.
"….Adam….is transgender…" He said the statement slowly as her mind registered the fact.
"What…?" Her mind made sense of his tampons. Why he always talked to Ellie alone and had special bathroom privileges.
"O my God….no wonder he had trouble fitting in with himself and others. He thought we would hate…that was why he was so scared to truly open up to us."
"Right now…I am doing my best to not blow up on George. It seems everyone wants to. Right now I will be thankful Adam is resting. Getting his strength back." He saw a familiar doctor walk past him.
"Dr. Martin…" The black boy caught his attention as the doctor stopped with a look of contentment.
"Mike Dallas." This was really good surprise. Seeing the boy in front of him without scratches or black eyes.
"Please tell me that you are Adam Torres' doctor." He pleaded as the man shook his head. Seeing the boy not bandaged or bloody made him almost not recognize him, but maybe the troubled boy was learning from his actions. He had never seen him talk with such compassion before..
"I am sorry. But I am not." The doctor looked at the worried girl beside him. "But I can look into it for you. So how are you and your family?"
"We are good. I won't be back here." The two laughed.
"That's good to know…..especially since your friend's death." the man said sadly as he saw the boy's eyes widen. What did he just do?
Did he just hear that? Seeing Mare hold the same expression as him, he felt his body stiffen?
How was he supposed to react? So many thoughts were running through his head? When? Why didn't his parents tell him this? How long did they know that? Why was he the last to know? How could Dr. Martin say this with a straight face? So casually. He couldn't handle this. No. not now. Not with Adam here.
"Jordan died." His mind crashed as Mare saw the impact of the news on his body. "When?"
"I am sorry. I thought you knew. I am so sorry Dallas. I am sorry for your loss."
"I didn't lose a pair of car keys. I lost my best friend. When did he die?" Dallas grew angrier and angrier. Feeling the girl try to pull him back.
"I can't to you about this….talk to your parents." The doctor attempted to rush off.
"No answer the question….when did he die?"
"Last week." The doctor felt his beeper go off as Mike couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. This was all his fault. He couldn't save them both. He was weak. He couldn't save Jordan from himself. And he couldn't save Adam from his father. He was a worthless friend. A worthless person. Falling to the ground, Mare held his waist.
"Shh…..shhhh." Mare held him to her. Surprised that he was allowing her to hold him as they sat on the floor. To let her be his strength. There seemed to never be a happy ending to their lives. Constantly, loved ones kept getting hurt around them. And there was nothing she could do to make this better for him. How could the truth just come out like that? So randomly. So plainly. As if a person didn't matter. As if the life of one was just so simple. Looking down at the young man, she felt him grip her harder. And she let him. even if it hurt her. He needed her now more than ever. Kissing his forehead, she ignored the people walking past them. Hoping Ellie would not come, right now, he wasn't prepared to talk. And neither was she.
Bianca laid in Katie's lap...feeling the red head run her hands through her hair. She didn't mean those words earlier. She wanted her as close as possible. Only with her did she not feel like screaming. Feeling the cold air on her skin, the athlete rubbed her arms. Hating that she put Winnie and herself through this. Hating that this hospital was making her relieve the memories she thought she left in the past. Feeling the scars on her arm, she saw Bianca run her finger over them. Kissing them gently. Maybe she felt her urgency to scream as well. Looking down at the fighter, the curly haired girl gave her a strong smile. Telling her with her eyes, she was here for her.
Though she was moving on with her life, she could never forget the rough streets that called her name. so many girls left. Whether it be beatings or drugs, she felt nothing towards their death. Even after years of working together. After being controlled by the same man. Yet, her heart was shattered because Adam. Sitting up, she saw the beautiful face of her affection. Her eyes red from crying. Her skin pale from exhaustion. She was remembering how she used to cut. She saw it in her blue eyes. And there was nothing she could do to make this go away. Exchanging the gesture, she forced Katie to rest on her. This girl needed the break to. They all did.
"I'm not tired…..I told you." The jock saw Luke and Becky stare at them. Their relationship still took others by surprise. But this wasn't about them. "Right now…we need to be focused on Adam." Her mind triggered to the blade running through her skin. Seeing the blood so clear in her mind.
"We wont be any help to him if we are tired. You don't have to be the mother all the time. Just like Dallas doesn't have to be the father of the pack. You have to understand that." The girl played in her hair. "I know this is hard for you. Being here. And I hate that you have to deal with your temptations like this. All the time. But all I can say is that I will never let you go to that dark place. I promise." She felt the athlete hold her tighter.
"It's hard to forget though." The jock sat up. "But when I am with you. I just have this need to protect you. And I have the need to let you protect me." She saw the girl tuck strands of red hair behind her ear. "After everything you went through with your mom….why aren't you falling apart either? To see her for the first time in 6 years. Why aren't you having a nervous breakdown?"
"I think…it's because I won't allow myself to. I have to make sure you are alright…and I haven't process it all just yet. And then I just feel so guilty for Audra though. She is the mother that we both always wanted. The mother who stood up for her child. And yet she feels as if this is all her fault. It's not. " The two held hands not knowing George could hear their conversation.
Doing his best not to break down in front of them all, he sat down in the hallway. Breathing slowly. Hoping this would make him stronger. But as the tears feel, his cries became louder and louder. He lost his son. Forever and always. The moment his eyes would open, he would be dead to him. And he wanted to kill himself because of his judgmental ways. Holding himself, he saw no one comfort him. only the eyes of Becky saddening even more.
"Don't." Luke pulled her to him. He would not let her comfort him.
"He needs something." The sunny twin stated. "I have to do something."
"no." The brother looked at the man torturing mentally himself. "He needs to know how Adam felt for once."
"I am so sick of everyone acting as if I am the cold hearted bastard. I love my child just as much as Audra. And I am in just as much pain as she is in. as if I don't feel bad enough…" He stated through his tears.
"And you should….." Ellie stood up. "You ship your son off hoping that we would revert him back into a girl. You threatened to sue the camp because Adam disappeared even though you were responsible for that. You blame every one else for what you think Adam's problem is. There is nothing wrong with Adam….nothing. he is the sweetest kid that I have ever met. And I hate that he had to be raised by you. By a parent who takes him for granted." The teens watched the young woman blaze with fire. Never had they seen her like this before. Her fists formed. Her teeth clenched. With no regard for anyone's feelings.
"I don't take him for granted." He battled back.
"Yes you do. You broke him down. made him believe that he was a mistake. That God didn't love him. that no one would love him. But we love Adam. We are his family. We are there to pick up the pieces when you pushed him to his breaking point. You never called once to check up on him. all of that was Audra." Ellie raged pointing to the strong woman.
She couldn't see their faces. But she knew she scared them. Feeling her head dizzy from her state of mind. All she saw was black. Forgetting about the teens and mother in the room with her. She just wanted him to know. To finally realize that this was the end. And nothing could be taken back.
"But I do love Gracie….I do…." George said as the teens still didn't understand the battle between them. Who was Gracie?
"But you hate Adam….." Ellie began. She knew this was unprofessional of her. But she didn't care about her job at the moment.
"I love Adam….but I did not want this life for Gracie….I didn't . I don't want others to want to hurt her…or rape her...because of what she chose to be."
"You mean….he became who he really was." Ellie looked at the man as the teens were in shock. Adam was a girl. Correction. Transgender. Shaking their bodies, they didn't know how to handle the newfound revelation. Adam was Adam. He would always be the boy with the nerd flare.
Luke rested his head against the wall. Hating that the boy couldn't tell him. but being here helped him grow so much. And he knew he wouldn't have been able to handle this back then. After days…weeks. Of counseling and obstacle courses, they grew to trust each other and themselves. Why couldn't the boy see that they were different from the world. Different because of them.
Becky didn't know how to process this information. She was straight. And yet, if Adam was a girl, how was it possible that he got caught in her heart. Already. It didn't make any sense to her. She held so close to her beliefs. And she knew God never made a mistake….so Adam was meant to be who he was. And maybe in God's divine power, she was meant to have feelings for him. resting her head on her twin's brother, she couldn't fight the feeling to be near the quiet boy again. To hold his hand. To let him know that he wasn't alone anymore. Looking on the other side of the hallway, she saw Mare and Mike holding each other. It was a hard night on all of them.
Mare held the young man in her arms. She didn't know what to say to him. and everyone felt guilty for tending to their own needs because of Adam. But there was nothing wrong about Mike weeping for his lost friend. Thinking to her self, it was ironic how her father shared the same name as his friend. And she knew his was as important as hers. Feeling tears on her shirt, Ellie attempted to give comfort to him. thinking that it was just raw emotion for Adam. And she wished it was. How could his family keep this secret from him? and how did the boy feel about his mother and father now? He was learning to love them again. Now it was taken away from him.
He didn't hate his parents. And he knew they were protecting him. but all he could think about was Jordan dying alone. And him not being there by him side. He should have been there to watch his back for him. and be there in his last moments. Did he hate him as much as he hated himself. He had let Jordan down so many times, he couldn't do it again. Standing up abruptly, he walked passed the others as Marisol ran after him. if only they knew.
"Mike….where are you going?" The model caught up to him. holding himself to prevent him from making a terrible mistake.
"Away from you." He saw her face sadden. He didn't mean it…and she knew it.
"Mike….."She said softly as he only let her wipe his tears away.
"I have to find out. I have to know how he died. I can't call mom or dad. They will think that I was going back to my old ways….I don't want to disappoint them. But I don't want to disappoint Jordan either…."
"Just try to give them a chance. They do love you."
"I know that." Mike summoned his strength as the two began to search for Dr. Martin…seeing him on the hallway.
"O Lord." The doctor wanted to head the other direction. He couldn't forgive himself for upsetting the boy in such a manner. Being in the hospital for one friend and hearing about the death of another. Where was his heart?
"Dr. Martin." The boy caught up to him. "I know you have patients. But can you please tell me how he died…..were his parents here? Did he die alone?"'
"Mike I have already done enough damage." The man stated.
"Please. Just tell me….I need to know this. I have suffered and seen more than I would wish on anyone…..I can handle it."
"It is different when it is someone close to you though." Dr. Martin touched the teen's shoulder.
"I don't care….just tell me." He pleaded as Mare stood beside him. preparing themselves.
"It was a drug deal gone wrong." The doctor saw the boy's face drop. "He was shot….in the heart. The paramedics did all they could do to revive him….but he was pronounced dead on arrival." He saw the teen place his hands on his face. "Luckily one of the nurses was close friends with his parents when we called his family. ….and they were able to come…..his mother was broken hearted but she was expecting this." The teen was envisioning this in his head.
"When was the funeral? ….what about…." He asked after he registered the information. At least he was still loved by them.
"Dallas…I know this is hard for you…but I don't know anything else." He said with genuine concern as the teen could only nod as he walked away.
"they could have called me. They could have let me know….."
"Jordan's parents didn't want you to end up like him. They were doing it in your best…."
"I don't care about my best interest…." He began to shake as the model held him to her. She knew this wouldn't help but anything to let him know that he wasn't alone would do. Kissing her forehead, a thought crossed his mind. More like an impulse. But he had to do this. Despite the consequences.
"Mare…go back to the others." He said softly as the model was curious. Both not seeing Ellie approach them. Hearing their conversation.
"Why…" The black beauty inquired.
"I got to go visit Jordan…pay my respects." Not seeing Ellie's mouth drop. Not more bad news. Why was this happening all of a sudden to the teens who were actually learning to be better. Learning to cope.
"Mike….its like 1 o clock. It's dangerous. Something could….." She was cut off.
"I can protect myself. What do you expect me to do Mare? I have been away long enough…..just stay here so you don't get in trouble." His voice raised as the counselor listened to his eruption.
"I can't let you go out there by yourself.. I'm coming with you.." She knew he wasn't clearly thinking straight. His reading skills were getting better but she didn't want him to be alone.
"Mare….no…." He began to walk as the couple felt someone tug their arm. Turning around they saw Ellie. With a look of exhaustion and fear on her face. Knowing what was on their minds.
"Mike…..you cant….." The ginger pleaded. "I heard about what happened to Jordan…but please stay here….."
"Elli….put me on whatever restrictions you need to when we get back to camp. It is all my fault. Mare is just so stubborn." He looked at the girl with love in his eyes. "But I have to go visit Jordan. It can't wait in the morning. It can't….." His desperation showed as the woman could only nod. Going with her heart against her better judgment. Handing them money from her wallet for a taxi.
"Be careful." Her eyes widened as they hugged her. Hugging them back, she realized why she loved her job.
She was going to lose her job for this. Getting too close to the campers like she just did. Making loopholes for them. Arguing against their parents. Wiping her tears away, she sat down in another area. For now, she had to separate herself from the hostility in the room and from her job. She just hoped she would make a difference in their lives like it had for hers. Breathing deeply, she did hate herself for jumping on the man. He was already emotionally beating himself up. And for them to gang up on him like that…..she didn't want anyone to treat her like that.. or her mother like that for that matter. Adults made mistakes just like their children.
But she hated how her mother created the cycle for her. She knew when Adam woke up, he would hate his father as much as he loved him. Hearing her phone vibrate, she ignored the call. Her mind couldn't handle this right now.
Adam felt the needles in his skin. He heard the beeps from the heart monitor. And yet he still couldn't open his eyes. He was in an awakened dream that wanted to be free from. Feeling his chest rise up and down, he felt them around his body. Feeling a gentle hand hold his. He wanted to see them. Tell them…he made a mistake. That he thought his life would be better taken away. He didn't know that they would react like this. Sounding like a child, he knew this. But even unconsciously, he heard his mothers cries. He heard his friends' prayers. They were all here. For him.
Audra saw the beautiful twin hold his hand. It was her time to do so. She had been worried about him just as much as they all did. And this was what Adam needed to see when he woke up, a girl being there by his side. Though they all knew Adam's secret. She was shocked that they stayed by his side. Even with all their lives crashing, they made time to be with their friend. Her son finally found friends.
"Come Audra. Take a rest." Bianca sat the woman in the sofa. Grateful the doctor's let them inside of his room, she obeyed the rough girl.
"Ummm…would you like for us to get you anything…bring you guys some of his clothes from home." Katie hoped she was helping.
"No….dear….you guys are doing us so much already." She held both their hands. "Adam always had a hard time fitting in. now that he has found himself…i have been through so much with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him…."
"We couldn't either…." Bianca smiled at the woman. "He has so much strength in his eyes. And he gives us that. We each help each other find the strength to move on…." The three looked at the twins at his side.
"Sup Adam…." Luke looked at the unconscious teen. Knowing he could hear him. he just knew the boy was with him. and he wouldn't let himself go. "Don't worry….we're here. Just take all the rest you need." The twin knew the quiet boy was exhausted. "you got to wake up soon though because George is like a new person. I just wish it hadn't taken you to do this for him to understand you." The teen let out a breath seeing his sister hold his hand still.
"This just lets you know that you can change people. We don't care about the truth. We want you here regardless. No matter what. We just don't want to lose you again." She kissed his forehead. "Come back to all of us."
Adam's body wouldn't allow him to wake up. He was scared about their expectations for him. when he woke, he just wouldn't be the same anymore. At least for a long while. And his mind was protecting him from that.. but he knew that he wasn't strong enough for this. And now he hated himself for putting them through this. All he wanted was for them to love him. for his dad to love him too.
George stayed outside of the hospital room. The same thing played through his mind over and over again. He was a terrible father. A terrible husband. A terrible man. A man who couldn't balance himself. A man who couldn't show love to the most important people he knew. He loved. Seeing his wife be surrounded by his son's friends, he remembered how easily the two could be loved. And how easily he did not fit in with them. He could have tried too. But he put forth no effort. And now he was paying for it right now.
"Here you go." Ellie passed him son coffee again as he kindly accepted….ignoring her ringing cell phone. "I shouldn't have…."
"No….i needed to hear that. To hear everything. I didn't hold my tongue one bit and no one should hold there's with me." His voice steady as he sipped. "I cant do anything but hate myself. I use to wish that Adam could be fixed. That he would magically want to become a girl again…"
"so how do you feel about that?"
"I honestly don't know…..i hate how he hurt himself. And I can't ever forgive myself for putting him through that….and though I am still unsure about his lifestyle….I have to respect him. love him. I just can't lose him again. I just cant…" He held himself again as Audra sat beside him.
"Then…don't….." she sat beside him as she offered her hand. Seeing him reluctantly take it. "He is a fighter…..you two may be at odds, but he has you and me both in his blood."
"You don't have to be civil with me…and right now…you should be spitting on me…"He hated how his ex-wife was being civil with him. That was what made him love her so. No matter how hard the situation was, in the end, she still loved.
"But I am not…because I am too tired to hate you or myself at the moment. We will handle this…day by day….second by second….just don't bail out on us. We need you like you need us."
"But Adam….."He pleaded.
"Adam will take time to handle this….and we just have to show him." She squeezed his hand.
"just make sure that you two don't overdue. Do force yourself onhim. He has to want you to be there on his own."
"So that means…." George went to the worst assumption.
"it means that though Adam might not want you to be there for him. he is going to have to have you there to fully heal…and vice versa." Elli ignored the vibration of her phone.
"Then I will be there." Looking at the teens in the room with his son. His son. Adam. It would take time for him to readjust to the idea of this. But it would be worth it, if he could see his son's smile again.
"Guys?" Becky looked at them in the room. "Where are Mare and Mike?" there faces had the same curious expression.
"I don't know….." Bianca looked at Katie who saw the adults talk. Thinking they were talking to them.
"You don't think that they….." Becky pondered as the teens shook their heads.
"No….no….not with Adam here…but if they did…It had to be something really important." Katie stated.
"Well at least Adam can wake up knowing that some things never change." Luke tried to lighten the mood. "If they did run off, they are going to get in hella trouble…but I have to give them props for being ballsy."
"Luke….Adam is in a hospital bed…and you are praising them for leaving….."
"Becks lighten up….I know Mike…he is probably just on the roof or in the chapel. Just praying. Nothing else…."
"Come on…lets go get them." Katie exclaimed as Becky shook her head.
"no…I will stay here. Just incase he wakes up." They only nodded as they left her with him.
"Adam I really hope you can hear me. I hope you can never go back to that dark place again. My heart can't take that. I know I just met you. And I know I sound like this overly dramatic romantic little girl…but I can't lose you." She felt him squeeze her hand. Her eyes glowing as she wiped her tears.
This was all she needed to know. He was with them. With her.