Well, 2nd chapter isn't as long as the first, but I hope you'll still enjoy it. :)
(again, I'm sorry about the language.)
"Okay, you can come out of the tub now.." No reaction.. "San?" She didn't move. I don't know if she wasn't able to or if she just didn't want to. "Okay, I'm gonna carry you again. Come on, take a grip around my neck." Now she moved. Well, only her arms but still she moved. I don't want to get used of this. Not knowing what happened. She acted like she was in trance. It was scary. I didn't feel good seeing her like that. And I didn't feel good because of the feelings that came with that. I felt like she needed me. That was a good feeling. But it felt way better than it should have. I mean, she's my friend. I don't even know what kind of friend, best friend, have-a-coffee-with friend, have-classes-with friend, get-congratulations-for-birthday-friend or more than that? Okay, now wasn't the right time to think about that since she was laying in my arms with her arms around my neck. It was so easy for me to pick her up, no problems. (yeah, I'm really strong when it comes to physically things) I carried her to my bedroom when we arrived her eyes widened and she kind of jumped out of my arms. "What the fuck are you doing?", she screamed. Her voice was so loud, I didn't remember she could speak that loud at all. She looked like I'd tried to rape her (of course I didn't) and again she cried (like a waterfall). She was the completely opposite from the Santana I just showered.
At first I was shocked. She didn't say anything since we got into the bathroom but now she's able to scream at me like a (freaking) lion?
"Uhm, I wanted to give you some-" I was cut off by her. But not because she talked again or because she slapped me, no. Because she threw herself onto me with a hug that made me lose my breath. Not because she was breathtaking (well, at least that's not the only reason) but she hugged me so tightly that I really couldn't breath. After I hugged her back, she loosened the grip a bit. So I could breath again. "Santana, what's going on?" I asked her because I really had no idea what was going on.
Especially not since she screamed at me, and then threw herself onto me. Like what? Why would she do that? She didn't answer my question, but after all I didn't really think she would anyways.
"Okay, you don't have to tell me now. But please stop crying okay?" (stupid.)
Instead she cried even harder. I had to know what happened to her. I really had to.
I hugged her as tight as my lungs would allow. I'm not sure about it, but I think it made her calm down a bit (for god's sake).
Well, at least it calmed her down enough to talk again. This time with the voice she had when I opened the front door, so weak and fragile.
Kind of breakable. " I.. can I.. Can I stay over night?"
I gave her a small smile and tried to show her.
Actually, that was a really hard thing to do, cause she was still in my arms with her head resting on my chest.
I think she could hear my heartbeat so I tried to play cool.
Honestly, I think if my heart would have raced like I thought it did, she would have panicked and stuff. That was of course not my destination.
"Yeah, sure. You can sleep in my bed, I'm going to rest on the couch..", my voice was soft and calm. I hoped she felt a bit better.
"No, we can both sleep in your bed."
My heart began to raise.
I mean, did she just say that? We know each other for about a week and she would sleep in the same bed with me? I've only done that with Quinn and Tina before, but they're my best friends since first class and so they're like the sisters I've never had. But Santana? Santana's like a stranger compared to Quinn and Tina.
I mean, I really really like her and she's probably the most beautiful girl in the world, but still it felt kind of strange.
Do we cuddle, or do we just lay next to each other? Do I get to touch her, or do I have to keep space between us?
I was so confused, she must have recognized that, because she pulled away and looked me in the eyes (for the 2nd time now, and still it was breathtaking and awesome).
"We don't have to if you're not comfortable with that.", she said.
She was kind of shy and that were the first words she spoke without tears streaming down her face that evening.
"Oh, yeah sure I am.. I was just thinking. Do you want a shirt and a pair of pants to sleep in?"
There was that silent girl again. She didn't say anything but nodded.
I gave her an oversized shirt and red shorts.
Without saying anything she walked into the bathroom (for changing I guess). I changed as well and lay down in my bed. I tried to lay as much left as possible because I wanted to give her enough space.
When she came back she got under the covers too.
Well, at first I thought she would keep herself on the right sight, but when I felt her warm body against mine I knew she wouldn't.
She cuddled up to me and nuzzled her nose into my neck. Her arm was around my waist. I took my arm and rested it on her back.
I felt good. She felt good. We fit very good together, it's perfect.
I held her, the whole night or at least for a few hours.
I don't really know what I feel for her.
But if I'm getting used to her being this close to me, this is ending with me falling for her.
Falling for her?
That means falling for Santana. Falling for a girl who might be straight.(Yes of course, at first you always think a person is straight)
Or is she gay? Maybe she's bisexual.
This could mean everything.
Well, probably I didn't thought she was gay because when I told her that I am gay, she just said that she's okay with that.
If she was gay too, she would have said that, right?
Okay this was like really confusing for me.
She laid in my bed and more important, she laid in my bed with the half of her body on top of me.
If I didn't knew it better, I would have said we were girlfriends.
I totally had to talk to her about that the other day.
Still, I didn't know anything about the reason why she came here.
I couldn't sleep, not only because of her warm breath against my neck but also because of my brain (if it would work like that when it comes to school, I would have been an A-results student).
There were so many things I had to think about.
The last time I couldn't sleep because of thinking was when I told myself that I'm gay.
That was a very hard time. There were nights I just sat on my bed and talked to god. I just wanted him to make me straight. I didn't get why it was me. But I'm okay with that now.
I mean, it's not really a why-question.
It's not a thing that I have to be ashamed of too and since Santana knows, I'm thinking about telling my parents too.
And then I began to panic: Okay, hold on, my parents? I don't know if they're okay with gay people.. What if they aren't? What if they won't support me? What if they gonna throw me out of the house? Where am I supposed to live? Well, maybe I could move in with Santana.. But, what if my parents won't ever talk to me again? Like, what if they hate gay people?
Before I could start to hyperventilate the girl next to me (well, on top of me would fit better) moved.
At first I thought she would want to leave me and go to sleep on her own side.
But she didn't. Instead she took her leg over my body and got up.
Now she had one leg on each side of me.
It was frustrating with her. I mean, I don't even know her, but still she's sitting on top of me?
Like, what is that?
You don't do that. Not with someone you barely know. I wouldn't even do that with Quinn or Tina.(Okay, with them it's not a very touchy friendship anyways) But still, the only one I've ever done that with before, is Tubbs.
But only when he smoked because I had to smell his breath and that only works when he's sleeping. (Yes, he sleeps like human on his back) I must have been in my thoughts for a while, cause when stared at me (no eye contact) and spoke (!) it gave me a little shock.
"Britt? Did you hear me?" (yes, I've been in my thoughts.)
Her voice has been solid (surprise). There were no fears and she clearly didn't cry anymore. I could totally understand her without problems, maybe the sleep calmed her down a bit.
Wait, the sleep?
I turned my head to see what time it was for the 2nd time that night.
The first one was about 1AM when my parents came home.
It was 3AM. Gosh, she slept for 3 hours, but more important: for 3 hours the only thing I thought about was me coming out and her.
Oh, right her, I had to answer her, if I want her to still believe that I'm a human.
I turned my head back to face her : "I..uhm.. no? W-what did you say?"
I don't know why I stuttered, but maybe it was because she was on top of me!
It was so confusing, she came here, crying, her clothes were dirty and she didn't really say anything. I showered her, a girl I barely know and then she screamed at me. But that didn't last long because in the other moment she threw herself on me. The she cuddled up to me like I was her girlfriend and now she's sitting on top of me like we were making out. I really didn't get it.
"I asked you what you were thinking about. Your heartbeat started to raise." (so obviously?)
She looked at me with an expectant expression. What am I supposed to say?
"Coming-out" I blurted out (yeah, now my brain was gone).
I took my hands to cover my face, that was so embarrassing. I could have said anything, like unicorns or rainbows (rainbows would have been true at least) but no, I have to be the truth in person.
She took my hands from my face in her own hands. I looked straight at her, but she didn't make eye contact. I don't know why, cause this is an intimate moment and normally that's when Santana makes eye contact.
Well, the 2 times she made eye contact with me were when it got intimate. She checked the clock as well, and then looked back to me with her eyebrows furrowed.
"It's like 3AM and your heart starts to beat like crazy because of you thinking about coming out?" (okay now it sounded stupid.)
She gave me a little smile, it's barely there, and since the only light in my room (at 3 AM) was the moonlight it was even harder to notice it but still it was there.
"I don't know, what have you been thinking about?" (stupid, she was sleeping.)
"Honestly? You." (Okay, maybe she wasn't)
"I thought you were sleeping. Did I wake you?"
I think I sounded a bit unsure, because still this situation isn't really easy. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen is sitting on top of me and I don't even know why. But as confusing as the situation was for me, it seemed like it didn't affect her at all.
"Britt, what's going on?" (really? She figured out that I started to panic but wasn't smart enough to get it now?)
"Uhm, well. I don't know.." (better than the truth, but still stupid)
After I said that she lay down. Not on the bed, of course she lay down on me. Like, her head was on my chest and her hands were on my hips. She lay on me with her whole body and didn't say anything until I started to laugh. It has been so unreal, I didn't believe that this was reality.
"What's going on Britt?", she asked me again with a calm voice.
It was more a whisper but not a bad one. One of the whispers that make you feel good. But this time it didn't work, it only confused me even more.
And so confused as I was I didn't know anything else to answer: "Well, I don't know.. Maybe I should ask you. I mean, what is this? Why are you here? And Why are you laying on top of me, like I was your girlfriend?" (After I said it, I was looking for something like a gun or a knife, just to kill me. So stupid.)
Of course she would stand up now and would want to go home. At least that's what I thought she would do. But she only moved her head, so she was facing me. I was scared, scared that she would scream or get away from me, cause, as confusing as it was, I still liked being this close to her.
"I can't tell you why I came here, not yet. But.. I like being close to you."
I don't know why (because I'm stupid) but in this moment I thought that maybe she was feeling something. Something bigger than friendship. We only knew each other for a week, but still I felt like I was knowing her for as long as I knew Quinn and Tina. And as honestly as I was in this moment I totally had to tell her that (my brain was still gone)
"Uh, do you feel something for me?"
And now she really got up. I couldn't see how she managed to get up this fast, but she did. Now she was standing next to my bed and gave me (again) a look like I've tried to rape her.
"What the …? NO! Of course not! Man, I'm not like you, I'm not gay! I mean, I'm okay with you being a lesbian, but I am not okay?"
I don't know why (because I'm an idiot) but I felt hurt. She didn't say anything against my sexuality, but the way she made (pretty) clear that she isn't gay has hurt me.
"Okay."
I wasn't able to speak in a whole sentence but not enough with that, also I haven't been able to not whisper. Santana, who was fully dressed with some of my clothes now, rushed out of the room without saying anything.
I didn't want that.
I didn't want her to leave. So I ran after her, when I came downstairs she stood in the middle of the hallway and searched something.
When she recognized me, she just looked at me and tears were rushing down her face.
I didn't know where they came from and I didn't know what to do.
But I totally got what she was searching.
Shoes.
It wasn't until now, that I realized Santana wasn't wearing shoes when she came here yesterday.
Santana still looked and me and she still cried.
"Maybe you want a hug?"
I couldn't think of anything else in that moment. I only wanted to hug her, and to tell her that everything is going to be alright.
She didn't say anything but came over to me and threw her arms around my neck. I took my arms around her waist and tightened the grip I had.
She did the same and also, she started to cry harder again.
We stood there hugging for like 30 minutes (I could see the clock from where I was). When she calmed down a bit I tried to talk to her.
"San, it's like 5AM, maybe we should get ready for school? You know, we have to be there at 7:30AM because of mrs Sylvester, she won't give us a chance if we're late for our first trial workout."
I loosened the grip I had on her, but only to face her.
When she nodded I wanted to go back upstairs for getting ready. She took my hand and came with me.
I didn't know what to do. I mean, she yelled at me that she isn't gay and stuff, but now there she goes again?
Why did she do that? It wasn't dark at all, since it's already 5AM and so that was definitely not the reason.
Honestly? I didn't know what to think, and I also didn't know what to say. So I kept calm and walked into my room. She sat down on my bed, since she was already clothed. I thought about changing here, in front of her, so she could see me.
(What?) Otherwise, that would be obviously as hell and she would think that I wanted to impress her with my body.
So I went in the bathroom for changing. When I was done, and came out she immediately stared at me. She didn't make eye contact with me, but she stared.
"What is this staring about?" Sure, I had to ask her. (Brain was still gone.)
I didn't really expect her to react but for my surprise she did: "Well, you look beautiful." (oh yeah, sounds totally straight.)
My cheeks began to burn and I know in that moment I must have looked like a tomato. Why does something like that, from a person like her (stranger) have such a huge affect on me? Quinn and Tina always tell me how beautiful I am (well, only because they want me to say the same about them, but whatever) and it never has any affect on me. They're my best friends for nine years now. I know Santana for a week. I got more touchy with a person I barely know than with my best friends. What is that?
"Your hear me?",Santana asked. You know, from time to time I believe that I totally think too much about the things she says. "Uhm, yeah. Thanks, so do you." (inspiring) I sat down next to her and faced her, I wanted to force her to make eye contact but it didn't work (surprise). "Santana, please tell me, why'd you came here?" Her expression changed immediately from I'm-okay to I'm-dying. And again, tears were rushing down her face and her breath got really really fast. I took my arms around her, and hugged her again. I hugged her as tightly as possible. She hugged me back while her head was (again) resting on my chest. I wanted to give her the feeling that I'm here, that she doesn't have to be afraid of something cause I'm there. I stroke her back and rocked us forth and back, just to calm her down. To my surprise it worked, her breath went kind of normal again.
I loosened the grip I (again) had around her and looked at her. She locked eyes with me (3rd time) and began to talk: "I, I came here because.. I.. you really have to keep it okay?" (honestly?)
"Not like you had nothing against me." I meant it, if she tells someone that I'm gay, I will die.
I let go of her. I just looked at her.
She just nodded and continued talking: "In the 8th grade some kids of my school kind of threatened me. At first I was only my money but then..."
She lost it, again she began to break, but I wouldn't hug her this time. I only wanted her to continue. I took her hands and stroked them with my thumbs, while holding them. She watched me doing this for about 30 seconds but then looked at me. I kind of gave her a look that told her to continue and so she did: "They... they kind-"
"Hey girls, good morning! Britty, you didn't tell me you've had a guest tonight? I thought you were asleep so I just wanted to wake you up. Don't want to be late for school hm?" (FUCK OFF!) Santana took her hands away and gave my mom a (fake)smile. I stared at Santana for quiet a while, but she didn't look at me. Her eyes told me that she was afraid, and that was so obviously that she didn't have to look at me but still I recognized it.
"Hey, I'm Santana." She was sweet, she stood up and gave my mom her hand.
I looked at the clock and saw it was time to go to school (time goes by so fast). Okay, perhaps we could have stayed for 30minutes but I didn't want to spend them with my mom. Whenever a friend of mine is at our house, and she's there too, my baby stories are happen again. All of them. And I don't know yet what Santana would think of something like that.
"Yeah, she came over yesterday. You and dad were already gone and the film had started too, I didn't want to bother you."
"Oh, okay girl, you're right. So, get ready for school ladies and have a nice day."
Honestly, why did that had to happen? Who knows if she'll ever tell me again? Man, this girl is killing me.
That was the 2nd chapter. I can promise you that the 3rd is coming soon, cause I'm on fire with this fic! A review would be nice. :) Hope you liked it and thanks for reading.