Here's the 3rd chapter. :) Thanks for the nice reviews I got, makes me feel like I'm at least not only writing for my own. ;)
Well, I would have been happy if she had spoke to me about anything. Because when we've arrived at school for the workout the last time she spoke to me was when my mum interrupted us. I wish she would've said something. Anything.
The way to school was not that embarrassing at all, cause we sat in the bus most of the time.
So I just took my iPod and listened to some music.
I really don't know what she did. I mean, yeah she sat next to me, but still I have no idea what she did.
I really had to relax. The practice was going to be hard enough and I wanted to join the cheerios so badly, that I didn't get to think about what happened earlier anyway. And so it came, that I didn't even tried to talk to her about anything.
But when we got out of the bus and I wanted to go straight to the gym she spoke: "Uhm, honestly I have to go to my locker first. We could meet in the gym?"
She was nervous when she said that. I could see that because she did something strange with the end of my shirt, which she wore. And that was the moment I recognized that she wore my clothes.
She didn't really look like Santana cause her style is way more sexy than mine.
A blue v-neck shirt and Capri colored shorts.
Now she was a (extremely) beautiful dark haired latina with my clothes.
I didn't know what it was with this fiddling she did, but it seemed like she needed something to do with her hands.
Well, it was 7:15AM I thought she was nervous because of the practice (stupid) and so I agreed with her.
"Okay girls, now go and show me what you can!" , Ms Sylvester is worse than I thought she would be.
Gosh, she's really an awful women.
But as a unicorn it's my mission to change that. I will, but it's going to be (really) difficult.
So, we had to jump and do figures and athletics for almost an our now, but Santana still wasn't here.
At first I didn't recognized it, because I had to do so many things, but when we got a five minute break I knew something wasn't right.
I apologized and went searching her 20 minutes before practice would have ended. At first I tried to find her in the gym but she wasn't there.
I tried to call her too, but she didn't answer my calls. Really, I was afraid something had happened to her, Santana didn't tell me the whole thing about her old classmates, but I thought that it could have something to do with them.
That made my fear grow and all I wanted was to find her.
I got into the school and since it's only 8:15AM it was calm.
Most of the kids here don't even make it in time to classes, so they were still in their beds, I guess.
After searching for quit a long time, I had to pee (thank god!).
And when I got into a stall I heard someone crying. I could have slapped myself. Toilet? Everyone hides on the toilet, why didn't I search her in the toilet?
Well, it wasn't hard to know it was her since I totally knew how she sounds crying.
I was happy I found Santana, but still there was some fear left because I didn't knew how she was.
I knocked at the door of her stall: "Santana? I know you're in there. Please come out."
Whatever happened to her, she was kind of bitchy again, just like the time when we had German. But this time was different, cause she cried. "Leave me alone!" (of course she would say something like that.)
"What? No! Come out and talk to me, please.", I tried to let my voice sound as soft as possible.
"Why would I do that? You didn't even care about me when I wasn't there for the practice!"
"Well, I thought the thing you had to do at your locker took a bit more time. I still care about you, man let me in or come out!"
"My face is so puffy, from all the fucking crying."
"I think I've seen you looking worse and honestly I really don't care what your face looks like, as long as I know that everything is okay with you." I really thought I did. Man, I've seen her with dirt all over her, so a puffy face is like nothing. And I believed that she would still look like the most beautiful girl ever.
I was right. With both, I've really seen her looking worse and she also was (fucking) beautiful.
She opened the door and came a few steps closer to me, she looked down at the floor.
"Come here." I opened my arms to hug her. She nodded and came closer.
I hugged her and let my hands stroke her back. Santana still cried but she calmed down enough to speak. At least I thought she did so I spoke again: "I'm so deeply deeply sorry that my mum interrupted earlier. You know, I really want to know what they did to you, and I want to know what's going on right now okay?" I let go of her and tried to read her expression. It was hard to say what she would think of what I just said. She looked lost, empty, like someone destroyed her, or is still destroying her. Her mouth angles raised a bit.
She didn't say anything but took my hand and led the way outside the school to the school yard.
We went into a very hidden corner which I didn't know even exists but I got that this is maybe the right place to talk about something like that. Something intimate.
We sat down on a bench, Santana stared at the ground and started to talk:
"Well, like I've told you some kids from my old school are threatening me -"
I couldn't hold it: "They ARE? I thought they were?" My voice came out a lot louder than it should, and I kind of thought that she would run. But she didn't she just looked at me with an expression like she just got the shock of her life. I let my hand rest on her inner thigh to signalize her to continue. So she did:
"Yes, they still are. And, it kind of got worse.. I mean.. Yesterday.. I..", there she was again, breaking with every word she said. I gave her thigh a squeeze and Santana looked at me with a sad expression, but began to talk again. "They told me they wanted to talk and let this fucking nightmare get an end... I'm so stupid, of course I believed that." Now tears were rushing down her face again. With my free hand I took a strand of hair, that was hanging in her face behind her ear.
I wanted her to tell me what happened, but not to cry: "San, you're not stupid, I would have believed that too (yes, because I'm stupid). What happened then?" She looked down again: "Then, they told me where I should come to meet them. It was near a lake, on a small cliff, I got there by bike. When I was there, I didn't see them.. Thought they weren't there yet. I wanted to wait and got off my bike. That.. That was when I heard laughter. I didn't realize where they were coming from. I panicked when I saw that they were coming straight to me, they came closer to me in a semicircle and said things like: "You deserve it.". I..I. I begged to them to let me go, but their laugher only grew. When I saw the car, which was opposite to me I took a few steps backwards but knew I couldn't run away because of the water. I screamed for help, but nobody could have heard me since this lake is in the middle of nowhere.. They came constantly closer and so did the car.
I.. I just.. I really hoped that they would let me and just wanted to apologize to me. But instead this happened. The car got faster and I didn't know what to do but jumping in the water. So I did. It was so hard to swim with all of my clothes. And I was so scared. When I got out of the water the others were gone. I didn't even know where. I wasn't able to walk at first, I fell down in the sand. But not enough with that, cause when I thought I was able again 2 of the bullies came out of nowhere and shoved me back in the sand they threw mud at me and laughed. I was so scared that they would hurt me again. But when they came closer to me, and I just.. I just.. thought they'd hit me now a dog barked. I was so thankful for that, because they ran away when they heard it. I tried to get up as fast a possible. I just wanted to get out of this forest. And the first place to go for me was yours.."
All her words, they sounded like she would have to go through everything again. Like she would die with every word she says. Santana cried uncontrollably and I took her as close to me as possible.. She hugged me back and cried into my chest. And then it happened. I kissed her hair. I just wanted to show her that I'm there.
But Santana must have thought that I wanted to make out with her. She jumped up, wiped her tears away and yelled at me: "I told you! I'm not gay! Which part of that is it that you don't understand? Man, I've just told you what happened to me, and you only want to use my situation?!" ( yes she totally thought I wanted to make out with her.) then it was quiet, for like 10 seconds before she said something, this time it was more like a whisper:
"Thought we had something.." And with that she ran away.
"Yes, but what do we have?", I talked to myself while feeling a single tear making its way down my face. I instantly wiped it away, why am I crying? I mean, that's how it works with Santana isn't it?
First she's crying and then she's yelling, but then she's cute again.
I thought about running after her but forgot it as fast as I saw what time it was. It was 8:45AM I've had 15 minutes until class.
Maths would be my first period. So I had to talk to her anyway. When I got into school everybody looked at me, first I didn't realize what it was, but that should change when Tina ran straight to me and gave me a bear hug: "You made it! Congratulations! Now You're a cheerio. But promise that won't change you okay?" I forgot to change into normal clothes again, I was still wearing my cheerio uniform. That wouldn't have been a problem if I was in the team, but wasn't in there yet.
"Oh shit, Tina no! That's why everybody looked at me.. I didn't make it, well.. I didn't have to. She's still testing us. Fuck, I have to change.. See you later yeah?"
She kind of looked stunned so I just went into the bathroom without waiting for an answer.
After changing into normal clothes again I went to my classroom. I was kind of nervous. Maybe Santana had another neighbour now. Maybe she doesn't want to sit next to me any more.
To my surprise the seat next to her was still free. It was the only seat free so even if I wanted to, there were no possibilities I could sit somewhere else. I sat down next to her and tried right away to sit as much right as possible.
I thought this was childish, not to talk to me, not to look at me, just because I kissed her hair?
It's not like her actions are giving me a straight impression of her at all. I mean, why did she come to me yesterday, and not to another friend of hers.
When the bullies are here, some of her old friends have to be here as well right?
Maybe she doesn't have friends.. But no, that's not possible, I mean, look at her. She looks awesome. Everybody would try to get a friendship with her.
Whatever, I just hoped that things would turn out the right way.
This class was so boring, and I didn't understand anything of it. Maybe that's the reason why it was so boring for me. Santana wrote the whole time, and got an answer for every question our teacher had. (the right answer, I mean.)
Maths is so illogically and boring for me, that I don't even know the name of our teacher.
When the bell rang, I was out faster than anyone else. I went straight to my locker and took the things for my next classes. They were indeed two classes I would have without Santana. When I was at my locker, and I saw that she was going to hers too, Quinn and Tina showed up again.(thank you.)
"Hey Brittany, want to hang out?", Quinn gave me a huge smile so I couldn't say no, even if I tried. She always knew how to make me say yes. But maybe distraction wouldn't be that bad right now at all.
"Yeah, sure." I smiled back and we went to the school yard again. We sat down on a small bench right in the middle of the yard. After we sat there for a while, talking about Oprah and Pretty Little Liars a tall boy with a college jacket looked at us and smiled. Who was that? He was really tall, and he looked nice. Not my type, since he was a guy, but still nice.
"That's Finn Hudson, he's in the football team he's quarterback or something like that.. He looks really nice.", I should have known that Quinn knew who he was.
"Yeah, he's hot, but not my type." I answered.
"Okay, Britt, say, is any guy your type? Cause always when Quinn and I are saying that someone's good, nice, hot or anything else, you always say that they're not your type." Tina sounded curious like she really cared about that. And with that I knew, that I totally had to tell them that I'm gay.
I don't like this kind of talk about guys, but I wouldn't talk about girls like that too. So it wasn't about sexuality but about shallowness.
"Yeah, I'm kind of choosy. Girls, I have to go. Let's make a sleepover on Saturday or something like that okay?" I just wanted to go. Because if I wouldn't go now I would totally tell them that I'm gay, but that's not right. The place, the atmosphere. The sleepover could have been the right time, maybe.
"Uhm, yeah. Is Santana coming too?" What? Santana? Hold on, since when does Quinn know her?
"Wait, you know Santana?" I was rally surprised. Cause she had nothing to do with her. Or maybe she had a class with her?
"Not really, but I have a girl in my English class that knows her. She's talking a lot. And she has a big nose.. I think her name was Rachel?" Who is Rachel? So there was definitely another opportunity for her to go to yesterday.
"Okay. I don't know. But I don't think so. I could ask her if you wanted to.. I have to go now. See ya." I really didn't want to ask Santana if she wanted to join us.
When I went to my locker there she was, standing at her locker, she looked as awesome as always, even in my totally lame clothes.
She wasn't alone, she was hanging out with a blonde boy with green eyes, a big mouth and a nice body but there was also a girl with brown hair and a big nose.
Okay, that must have been this Rachel girl. I wanted to go to Santana and ask her if we could talk.
So I did.
With every step I got closer to the group I got more nervous. I tapped Santana on the shoulder and she turned around. The girl with the big nose didn't even try to stop talking, but that was okay with me since it's non of her business what I wanted from Santana.
"What?" Yeah, Santana definitely was kind of angry. Why? I didn't do anything. Oh well, I kissed her hair, but she kissed me forehead once! That isn't gay at all. But a kiss on her hair is still less gay than that.
"Can we talk? Please." She looked at me with an expression she never gave me before. Yes, she acted like a bitch before, but she never looked like one. Except from now. Even her eyes looked darker than normal, how I've recognized that? She made eye contact with me. It didn't feel awesome this time. I just wanted it to end. So I looked away. She just smiled, but not a good one. One of this 'forget-it'-smiles. I hated those, I always got them from the people who called me stupid. I knew what this smiles meant, but I think she felt like she had to say it.
"There's nothing we could talk about, and now go.", she said while waving with her hand like I was a bee or any other insect. I felt that my eyes were tearing up, but I didn't want to show her. So I turned around and walked into my next room. The tears fell on my folder but I really didn't care about that right now. I just wanted to go.
Why was it like that? I didn't do anything, I did everything for her. I showered a girl I barely know! I listened to her problems. I let her cuddle with me when she cried. I hugged her about a thousand times. And now she treated me like shit? Fuck this, I can't need someone like her. Never mind, it'll be easy to find someone like her. Well, I thought that I don't really want to find someone like her.
With that character..
Before I went to the classroom I stopped at the toilet, I had to clean my face from all this tears. My eyes were red too, gosh, she really had me. The two classes went by fast. I didn't feel like I really went there. I just sat on my place next to a random person and thought about the thing with Santana. But that only included the first lesson.
In the other class I thought about coming out to Quinn and Tina. And after thinking a lot, I felt like the first to know (after fucking bitchy Santana) should be my parents.
I went straight home after school without saying goodbye to my locker. Not only because of her, but also because of the bus. I really had to catch the early one. So I could think a bit about how to tell mum and dad that their only daughter is gay before they're home.
It was 3:30PM and my parents should have already been there when I got a text message from my mum: Hey little girl, we're at your grandmas house, we're coming home tomorrow. Dad left you 20 bucks on the table in the living room. Love you.
Nice. I wanted to tell my parents that I'm gay, and now they're at my grandmas house who doesn't like gays. Okay, understatement. She hates gays. I don't know why, and I think she won't be against it if she knew I was gay too, but still that didn't help in this moment.
I spend like 2 hours with Tubbs. Just discussing if he should smoke or not. The discussion was finished when he ran out of the house. That's his way to handle problems. Running away. I wish I could do the same, but since I'm a human people would think that I'm crazy if I ran away when they start to discuss with me, because I hate discussions.
I wanted to go get my laptop to ask Quinn and Tina if they wanted to come over when my phone buzzed again. I thought it was another message from my mum, but to my surprise it wasn't it was from Bitch. Well, from Santana.
Santana 5:27PM: Where are you? Why did she want to know this?
Brittany 5:29PM: Home.
Santana 5:31PM: Waiting for you for almost 30 minutes! What? Why was she waiting?
Brittany 5:38PM: Why?
Santana 5:40PM: Today is Friday, thought I should teach you Spanish? Oh, right. Totally forgot about that..
Brittany 5:47PM: No thanks, I'm not in the mood.
Santana 5:49PM: Come on Britt, don't be mad at me. I didn't do anything wrong! Enough, I didn't see a reason to answer her at this point.
Santana 5:55PM: Britt, please. Nope, I wasn't answering her, and it wasn't hard at all.
Santana 6:00PM: Fine, if that is what you want. Yeah, now she was acting bitchy again.
She didn't write anything else, and I didn't answer her too. So I thought about calling Quinn but instead watched Pretty Little Liars again. I wasn't able to watch it Tuesday so my dad recorded the episode as always. I just don't want us to hang out again until I'm ready to tell them that I'm gay. Or at least, until it was Saturday.
It was really exciting, the Liars were just about to open the trunk of the car. This scene was so spooky. Our house was kind of dark because all of our curtains were closed and it was really silent. I was so into she series that I felt like I got a heart attack as someone knocked at my door.
Thanks for reading. :)
Hope you enjoyed it, and fourth is coming soon, I promise. :)
As always maybe you could leave a little review, thank you. 3