Previously: The gang escaped the Amazons during the Shadow attack on the village aided by Emma. She and Dean bond as they travel together for a couple of months, still plagued by Shadows attacking at night. Dean secretly offers to take her back, knowing she will have to kill him to live once they get topside, but Nia is pretty vocal about her distrust of the Amazon. Emma tries to kill Nia and a fight breaks out, in which Dean cuts off Emma's head.
CHAPTER 12 - Bottlenecked
Castiel's estimated two-days of travel to the valley containing the elusive door turned into four. The rest of the first day was spent where they were because Dean insisted on burying Emma since burning wasn't an option. The Amazons were the only creatures they had come across brave enough to light fires and torches and Cas didn't particularly want to risk going another round with a dragon so Dean and Benny toiled to dig a deep hole in the rocky ground while Cas patched up Nia's leg.
After months traveling with two frequently-injured mortals, Cas was becoming quite skilled at tending wounds despite his lack of celestial healing powers. He had discovered his angel abilities still allowed him to assess the damage inside by analyzing the blood flow and taking a single peek inside the cut. The arrowhead had not damaged anything vital and when he pulled it out, he had made sure to reverse the exact route and angle through which it had entered. Provided they kept the cut clean, Nia should heal nicely with only a small scar as reminder of the day's tragic events.
Nia had previously allowed Cas to patch up her injuries on many occasions but this one was higher on her thigh than most and Cas found himself unusually nervous as he knelt before her and dabbed gently around the wound. She had surprised him by taking her boots and pants all the way off to give him access and her bare feet now rested on his knees, her toes curling against his thigh whenever he touched a particularly painful spot. Between hisses and winces of pain, she kept smiling at him in a way that he couldn't quite decipher.
From the moment the last stone was placed on the small cairn atop Emma's final resting place, the young Amazon's name had not been mentioned. Dean's face was grim and he moved about the camp in virtual silence as they readied it for the night. At one point, Nia rose to her feet and limped over to the hunter, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. Dean's eyes registered surprise and even a little embarrassment but he returned the hug and the two remained like that for a few minutes until she pulled away and gave him a small, questioning smile.
"It's okay, Nee," Dean said in a hushed voice. "I'm okay. We're okay."
Once they did finally get back on the proverbial road, their progress was slow. Nia was using a stick as a cane to help keep her weight off her injured leg as she walked. Dean kept up but was quiet and what halfhearted banter he did offer was lacking its usual enthusiasm. Despite being so close to something they had all been fighting to reach for the better part of a year, their spirits were low.
There were no signs of Shadows. Strangely, there had been no sign of them since Dean had been assaulted by one, despite multiple attacks every night leading up to that. Benny kept dismissing Castiel's voiced concerns, telling him not to look a gift horse in the mouth, which was apparently a saying referring to the story of the horse full of soldiers the enemy sent into the walled city of Troy as a gesture of peace. His thoughts heavy with worry and empathy for a despondent Dean, Cas didn't even bother to correct the vampire's incorrect historical facts. The wooden horse had been eleven inches high and had housed nothing but a note promising gold to whoever slipped open a side door in the dark of night. The ruse had not worked at all.
They reached the valley near dusk on the fourth day. It was in fact more of a canyon or a wide, rocky gorge, but it fit the description Benny had been given. They stood side by side in silence for a long moment at the head of the trail, staring down at the expanse of trees and rocks below them. About five or six miles ahead, they could see the rocky hump in the middle, where the hidden gate was supposed to exist, lurking unseen and waiting for the presence of a misplaced human soul to reveal itself.
"We ain't reachin' that tonight," Benny drawled, eyeing the low Purgatory sun with unease. "I say we find camp near here, up at the top. If we hunker down someplace down in there," he pointed down into the gorge and the narrow trail that wound along between two sheer faces of stone, "we could get penned in real easy."
"You are right," Castiel agreed quickly, noticing Dean's features pulling into a stubborn look of argument. "I smell Rawhead. Give me ten minutes and I will seek out the cave I suspect is near here and vacate it for us." He strode off quickly before Dean could protest and heard Benny speaking quietly the background.
"And here I used to think Hot Wings was more trouble than help," the vampire chuckled. "He sure does come in handy sometimes."
"I don't even wanna think about how many times our asses would've been toast without Cas, man."
Cas smiled to himself at the exchange. He would never tire of hearing proof Dean had forgiven him for all his past mistakes and of his value to the group. Following the orders of Heaven and the supposed word of God had never given him the sense of purpose protecting these mere three souls had. He felt a closer kinship or bond to his traveling companions of less than a year than he ever had with his angel brothers and sisters, with many of whom he had spent decades or even centuries in their company. He didn't understand it but he certainly recognized the truth of it.
Rawheads were foul-smelling creatures so he located their cave easily. He killed its two occupants with the blade he carried, deciding to preserve his mojo in case of emergency. He brought the others over and they quickly disposed of the bodies before going about their nightly ritual of gathering any food they could find nearby, filling the water flasks, and arranging the watch schedule. Although nobody said aloud that this would be their last night together here, like this, doing this, there was a nostalgic air about the camp.
Darkness came quickly as usual and Cas sat watch outside alone while the others ate in the safety of the cave. Nia soon came out to sleep, curling up beside him, her habit when circumstances permitted. The cave was well situated and Cas had an excellent vantage point of all their surroundings so he welcomed her company. It was a very warm night, as they had found to be the norm in this part of Purgatory, and she simply lay down on top of her heavy, well-worn coat, resting her head on his thigh. She was asleep within minutes.
Cas absently ran his fingers down her face, brushing aside a stray lock of hair as he listened to the hushed conversation between the two men behind him in the cave. Sometimes he felt guilty eavesdropping when there was every indication it was intended to be a private conversation but he figured his companions knew he had heightened hearing ability and if it was indeed private, they should not speak in such close proximity to an angel. It was Benny's soft voice he heard first.
"Listen, Dean, about what happened with Emma, I ain't really said thanks. You did what you did to save my hide and... I appreciate it, brother."
Dean's reply sounded tired and Cas wasn't all that surprised he defended his daughter. "She was just tryin' to survive, you know?"
"Yeah, she was," the vampire agreed, patiently waiting to see if Dean would open up. So far, the hunter hadn't spoken about the incident and nobody had pressed him, even Nia.
"I offered her my life, but she shouldn't… she shouldn't have tried to take anyone else's."
"You don't have to justify or excuse what you did. She was more Amazon than Winchester. Don't forget that."
"Yeah, I know. You remember that first couple of weeks Nia was with us?"
Benny let out a quiet chuckle. "You mean back when she wanted to take my head off?"
"Hunh, good times." Dean responded with a laugh of his own but his mirth was short-lived. "Remember she got pissed at me for hesitating when the changeling kid showed up?" he continued. "She said 'this is Purgatory, don't think, just kill'. I shouldn't have forgotten that."
"Don't be so quick to throw away your humanity, Dean. You're gonna need to forget Little Bit's words of wisdom in about twelve hour's time when we reach the door and get back to civilization."
Dean was quiet and Cas pictured him nodding - at least, he hoped he was nodding for as much as he understood and loved Nia, he didn't want Dean to change, to lose himself completely in the violence of this place like she almost had.
"Speaking of Nia and civilization," Benny continued gravely. "You know she don't want to reach the door, right?"
"She'll sort herself out once we get home," Dean dismissed. "When she sees her family again."
"I think you're being a tad optimistic on that one, brother."
"She's come a long way since that crazy, little, dirty thing Cas dragged in. She'll adjust." Dean sounded confident.
"She's been here a long time," Benny argued. "A year with that monster Luthor... and before that, don't forget she was possessed by a demon for a year. What she's seen, what she's done, you don't just tuck all that away."
Cas glanced back into the dark cave to see Dean shrug.
"I spent four decades in Hell. I tucked it away."
"In case you haven't noticed, she ain't you."
"No, but she's a survivor."
"Can't argue that but…" The vampire gave an unconvinced grunt.
"Whatever happens, however she handles it, she'll have us to help her out," Dean stated in a determined voice.
Benny chuckled. "A hunter, a vampire, and an angel? Yeah, that oughta help her adjust to civilian life again just fine."
Cas glanced back once more to find Dean's gaze on him and Nia, who was sleeping soundly with her head in his lap and one small arm wrapped around him. He saw a glint of white teeth in the pale light as the hunter grinned in his direction.
"Something tells me the hunter and the vampire won't be needed."
~X~X~X~X~
Benny's words troubled Cas and he spent the next few hours pondering them. He had assumed protecting Nia would be simple once they made it home. The dangers for her topside were minimal and nothing he could not handle when he restored his connection to Heaven and got the full extent of his celestial powers back. But he had only been looking at 'protecting' from a physical perspective. Dean, although harder to protect from physical danger because of his involvement in Lucifer's uprising and his well-known name amongst demons and monsters, had always taken care of his emotional well-being himself, albeit often not that effectively. Cas had tried to comfort the hunter on occasion but was aware he had not been particularly helpful in that regard. He had always attributed Dean's emotional perseverance to Sam. Cas did not feel prepared nor worthy to help Nia in such a manner should she require it.
It was a couple of hours before dawn and Nia was awake on watch with him, both Dean and Benny sound asleep in the cave behind them. She sat cross-legged on her coat at his side, pulling a forked stick through her hair to remove the tangles.
"Benny believes you do not wish to leave Purgatory," Cas blurted, frowning down at her. "Is this true?"
Her hand dropped to her lap and she peered back up at him, her teeth pulling at her bottom lip. Finally, she shook her head slowly. "I want to stay like this. With you." She tipped her head towards the mouth of the cave behind them. "With them."
"You can't."
"I know. They want to go home and you want to go home but... I am home." She paused and let out a long sigh. "I'll go because I would go anywhere to stay with you but I'm scared. Things are gonna change tomorrow no matter what happens and I don't want things to change. I like the four of us together, just like this. This is the happiest I've ever been."
"Nia, you have to go through that door," Cas said gravely, suddenly worried about what would happen when they reached the door tomorrow. There was still a chance the door would not work for angels and that his human vessel's completely dormant soul would not be sufficient to let him pass. Would she refuse to go if he could not?
Of course she would.
"I need you to live," he pressed urgently. "You are my redemption, my one good thing to atone for all the terrible things I have done."
She tilted her head and her eyes grew sad. "Is that the only reason?"
"No." He shook his head quickly, realizing what he had implied. "Nothing would hurt me more than to see you die Nia, and if we stay here, you will die. And if you do not leave, you know Dean will not leave and he too will die. I can barely protect you both now and the pureness of your souls will never diminish. They will never stop attracting every twisted, tainted soul in this place. I need you to go through that door no matter what happens. I need you to live."
She smiled at him. "That's why I'll go. Don't worry."
Slightly comforted, Cas let himself relax. Nia scooted closer to him and took one of his hands in hers as she rested her head against him.
"Won't you be happy to return to your old life?" he asked, curious. Dean had spoken about getting back to Sam for the entire duration of their time here in Purgatory and Benny had often admitted his eagerness to see modern day Louisiana and check in on his familial descendants but Nia had yet to mention her life before Crowley's demon had possessed her over four years ago. "Do you not wish to see your other family once more?"
She scrunched up her face. "Nia Singh had a brother and a sister and divorced parents who lived in Utah. She went to NYU and was acing her way to an accounting degree with a 4.0 grade average. She even had a boyfriend. A decent guy called Rob." She sighed. "She was happy with her life but she's gone. She died a long time ago. That family lost her the day a demon came and took her. I don't feel... I don't feel any connection to her anymore. Or to her family." Her eyes locked on his. "Dean wouldn't understand but I just don't care about them. They don't mean anything to me because I'm not that Nia anymore and they're not my family anymore. You are. You and Dean and Benny."
Cas frowned. "I'm unsure if you speaking of your past self in the third person is a healthy sign of your mental state or not," he admitted.
And short burst of her cheery laughter rang out. "Are you worried about my mental state, Cas?"
He tilted his head and pursed his lips in thought. "I wouldn't be, but Dean and Benny are and they understand such things far better than I do."
She squeezed his fingers that were entwined in her small hand. "I love that about you. You always tell me the truth. No games, no lies, no stupid politeness. That's why I trust you so much."
"That is interesting, for that is the same reason I enjoy your company as much as I do. I find it refreshing."
"That your way of saying you like me, Cas?"
"Like would be phrasing it far too mildly."
He could see the grin that lit up her face without actually turning his head to face her and he smiled. He enjoyed it when he said something pleasing to her.
They sat in comfortable silence for the next half hour and Cas decided not to question the quietness and the lack of native life he could sense in the surrounding night, choosing instead to simply enjoy the reprieve from Purgatory's constant dangers. He could tell Nia was deep in thought and wished briefly that he could still read minds but found his angel abilities were not needed when her next statement made that clear.
"Crowley's demon that possessed me was called Ryden."
She gave him a nervous look and he nodded, encouraging her to continue.
"He killed people and he hurt people and he enjoyed it. He... he had sex with people too. Women, mostly, because he liked women. He'd keep me awake for most of what he did, especially the really bad stuff, like the killing people stuff. I couldn't do anything though. I tried and I tried but he had complete control over me. Then we..." She hesitated and gave him an apologetic glance, "then you And Crowley sent us here."
Cas felt a renewed wave of shame and guilt at the mention of his blame in all she had been through. "I..."
She cut him off with a wave of the hand. "You made mistakes, I know the story. And besides, I was in a demon." She smiled up at him. "You came looking for me though. I don't blame you at all." Over the past months, Cas and Dean had indeed shared the entire saga of the Apocalypse, the Yellow-Eyed Demon, the sixty-six seals, the Mother, and the Leviathan. Nia's friendliness towards the angel had never wavered, even upon the discovery of the magnitude of his sins and arrogance.
She kept on with her story, as if determined to get it all out before she lost her nerve. "Then Walker had us and even when the demon left and Walker stopped torturing, he still had control coz I couldn't survive without him. Not then, before I learned how to make a bow and arrows and how to hide my smell and how to kill each kind of monster."
She paused, taking a deep breath before continuing on with her story. Cas knew what part was coming next and could feel her willing herself to say the words out loud. He wondered why she was suddenly telling him this after all this time and thought it was perhaps because he had questioned her mental state. Or perhaps it was because it was their last night before the uncertainty tomorrow would bring.
"Then Luthor got me. He fed on me almost every day and when vampires feed, they get... lustful. He'd feed and do whatever he wanted to me and I was so weak I could barely put up a fight. And he liked to make it hurt. But the worst was when he would give me to other vamps. Like a reward or to bribe them or just to show off. There was this one time, in the arena..."
She stopped abruptly and Cas thought she had reached her limit with sharing. He squeezed her hand in a comforting gesture and was about to assure her she need not speak of such difficult memories when she surprised him by continuing.
"Luthor liked an audience and sometimes he shared me with more than one at a time. His only rules were don't drink so much it kills me and don't mark up my face. One time he gave me to a whole group that arrived just coz they brought him a Centaur's horn. They took turns and other vamps were watching and cheering and..."
Cas couldn't relate, but he could certainly see the damage the violation and total loss of control had done to Nia. It angered him and a sudden thought struck him that the horrible fate Luthor had met hadn't been horrible enough. Yet through it all, Nia had clung to some morcel of humanity, some scrap of gentleness, and although her motto of 'this is Purgatory, don't think, just kill' was like second nature to the savage survivor she had become, he still saw an innocence deep within her. He felt it in her soul. She was beautiful inside and out.
She continued talking but her tone had changed. Her voice was softer and her body had somehow wriggled closer against his.
"I feel different after killing Luthor. I had a demon control me for a year then Luthor for another year and I didn't realize it, but he was still controlling me even after I escaped. He was controlling me through fear and my memories. I hadn't really escaped at all."
He was not surprised by how mature and insightful she seemed at this moment, for even though Dean and Benny could not see past her limited years and small size, Cas had never seen her as a child. To eternal creatures such as angels, once a being reached the point of maturity, age was but a meaningless number. Cas would love her just as much if she was ninety-four instead of twenty-four.
"But he doesn't have a hold of me anymore," Nia concluded with a satisfied nod.
"Because you killed him," Cas finished for her.
"Not just that," she shook her head.
"What else?" Cas was finding this insight fascinating and the fact that it was being shared with him wasn't lost upon him either.
"You," she answered. "I'm not afraid anymore because I have you. And I can touch you. And I don't feel scared when you touch me." She slipped her hand out of his and slid it under the hem of his dirty hospital pinney, her fingers warm against his skin and causing him to shiver involuntarily. "I don't think of Luthor when you touch me. And I want you to touch me."
She looked up at him in a way Cas didn't recognize and he felt his insides flutter.
"If you want to…"
Cas did want to. With alarming measure, Cas wanted to. More than anything he could ever remember wanting. He simply nodded, not sure what the right words were to express the sentiment he was feeling or the physical sensations coursing through him.
She leaned up and kissed him, tender and unsure at first, then with increasing confidence. She lifted up and moved to straddle his legs so she was sitting on his lap, facing him. They had not kissed since the day over two months ago when Dean had interrupted them with a grumbled complaint about 'no hanky panky' but Cas had not let a single day go by without recalling the surge of feelings and sensations that tiny kiss had brought him. As Emanuel, he had shared small pecks with his 'wife' Daphne, but they had merely bonded on a spiritual level and had never been physically intimate. What he was experiencing now from Nia, with her tongue probing his mouth, her hand curled firmly around the back of his neck, and her slim hips grinding slightly in his lap was unlike anything he had experienced before. This was on a whole new level and he suddenly wanted more, much more.
"You make me feel safe," she breathed in between kisses. Cas remembered Dean's advice to let her lead should physical intimacy ever occur between them again and, although feeling a strong urge to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer, he was fairly certain that didn't constitute letting her lead so instead he dropped his hands to his sides.
"You gave me my control back. When you touch me, I don't think of him." Her hands were cupping his bearded face now and she was staring intently into his eyes as she spoke. "I don't remember the things he did, I don't feel weak, I don't feel used. I just feel... you. And I like it." She slipped her hands back under his clothing and ran them up the expanse of his stomach and chest, all the while kissing him more. "Your eyes are so kind and I like the way you look at me. You make me feel so… so…"
"Precious?" he supplied, finding that word fit the way he felt about her better than most.
Her eyes lit up and he knew he had said the right thing. She nodded and stopped moving for a few seconds while she stared at him. A sly smile slowly formed on her lips and she glanced behind her into the darkness. "Am I distracting you from your guard duty?"
His voice was strangely thick when he replied. "No. Angels can still watch and sense the surroundings while engaged in conversation…" he swallowed, "…or other activities."
She giggled. "Good. I'd hate for some Wendigo to sneak up on us when we're naked."
"N-naked?"
"This is our last night here," she whispered in his ear. "I want to have sex with you."
Cas literally felt his vessel's heart skip a beat in his chest at her words. Nia was never one to beat around the bush but to hear her state her desire so bluntly, to think he actually had the chance of doing what he had thought about doing countless times since the incident with Chastity, and to be given the opportunity of doing it with someone he cherished...
God must have granted him the absolution he had been seeking because he could think of nothing he wanted more - especially with her grinding against him the way she was.
Cas was more than happy to follow Dean's advice of letting Nia lead because he was suddenly completely unsure of what to do next in this situation. He had seen the pornographic movies and was familiar with the human anatomy and the mechanics of fornication, but the nuances of human behavior in this area were a mystery to him and, more than anything, he didn't want to make a mistake and unwittingly cause Nia to stop what she was doing.
Her lips were back on his and her hand started wandering, exploring the contours of his chest and abdomen until it finally reached his trousers and tugged at the string in the waistband. Cas was bombarded with new sensations and let out an involuntary choking sound at the onslaught. It took much of his willpower to force his hands to remain where they were lest he do the wrong thing with them and inadvertently make her stop.
"I want to feel you, I want you to feel me," she was saying as she kissed her way down his jawline. "I don't ever want to stop touching you." She rambled on between kisses, verbalizing every thought as it entered her brain and Dear Father in Heaven the stream of words coming out of her mouth were as intoxicating as the hand she was running up and down his thigh. Cas had never thought there would be any need for talking at a time such as this, especially from Nia who tended to keep her words to a minimum, but he was liking the sound of her voice almost as much as her movements. He was, however, hoping for some instruction amongst the rambled sentences of affection and had yet to receive any.
He was breathing heavily by the time she stopped, pulling away suddenly to give him a confused look. He saw her gaze drift down to his hands, which were still planted firmly on the ground at his sides.
"Don't you want to touch me back?"
Cas nodded vigorously. "I do."
"You do?"
"Y-yes. Very much so."
He saw relief sweep across her face before a little smirk curled up one side of her mouth. "Well, get to it then," she said, sounding almost challenging.
"I, um, I'm not sure what to do."
"Oh?" Her eyes suddenly widened. "Ohhh."
Normally he would have felt embarrassment upon the admission of his inexperience but with Nia, he didn't. In fact, he got the impression she was pleased with the revelation, relieved even. It occurred to him then that she was every bit as nervous as he was and talking was her way of keeping this intimate and gentle. It was her way of keeping the communication open enough so that she could be sure he would stop if she asked him to.
But right now she obviously didn't want him to. She smiled and kissed him softly on the lips. "Okay, I'll just tell you what to do then. First, you kiss me."
He was glad for the direction but also figured giving her complete control would be good for her. She was placing a huge amount of trust and faith in him and he wanted nothing more than to be found worthy of it.
"Where?" he asked, his voice husky with anticipation.
"Everywhere."
~X~X~X~X~
Cas sat up just as the first rays of the Purgatory sun managed to pierce their way through the uppermost branches of the surrounding trees, careful not to disturb Nia as he slid his arm out from under her. She was sleeping soundly, naked and curled up against him on the soft blanket of her coat. He reached for the hospital pinney that had served as his shirt for the past year and pulled it over his head. His movements were sluggish and slow, as if he was in a daze for he had not been able to shift his thoughts from what he had experienced this night. The incredible feel of Nia as she rocked and swayed on top of him. The sight of her beautiful face, amber eyes locked on his and lips slightly parted in a look of intense pleasure. Her small fingers entwined with his much larger ones, squeezing harder as their tempo had increased. The soft sounds she had made that didn't even come close to resembling real words. That euphoric bliss that had erupted within him and threatened to swallow him alive. The intimacy of it all had been staggering and he'd had a very difficult time keeping even a tiny fraction of his awareness attuned to the surrounding darkness in case of approaching enemies.
He managed to get his shirt on but was distracted by his own thoughts before he tackled the more difficult task of putting his pants back on. He closed his eyes as he replayed that wonderful twenty minutes in his head for the hundredth time but was interrupted by a noise at the mouth of the cave.
His eyes popped open just in time to see Dean emerge and stop short when he noticed them, or more likely, their state of undress. The hunter's mouth flew open but no sound came out and he spun around quickly, turning his back to them. "You two wanna cover up?" he managed finally, speaking in a choked whisper.
"Yes, of course," Cas answered, hurriedly pulling his trench coat over the sleeping girl and standing up to pull on his own trousers. The movement must have awakened Nia for she gasped and sat up, her eyes drifting from Dean to her nudity beneath the cover of Cas's coat.
"Don't turn around," she squealed in a small voice.
"Trust me, I already saw way more than I ever wanted to," Dean chuckled, clearly getting over his embarrassment far more quickly than Nia.
Cas finished dressing then stood and watched Nia do the same, enjoying the sight immensely. She grinned at him as she pulled her dirty, colorless tank top on over her head.
"You can look now," she announced when she was done.
Dean turned around and glanced back and forth between the two of them. "I was just coming out to take last watch shift with Cas," he said finally. Although it was dawn, the group tried to avoid travel in the first two hours of daylight since that seemed to be when the night creatures were settling and the day creatures were stirring and the overlap meant more creatures in general. "But I can leave you two lovebirds alone if you want me to."
"No, that's okay," Nia answered, standing up and grabbing her coat. "I'll go inside with Benny and sleep some more. I'm tired."
"I'll bet you are," Dean mumbled with an impudent grin.
Nia blushed furiously and trudged into the darkness of the cave, Castiel's eyes following her the entire way. He was barely aware of the smile still plastered on his face but Dean apparently noticed for the hunter rolled his eyes and shook his head as he sat down on the ground next to Cas. "You couldn't have waited one more day, huh?" he chuckled.
"Would that have been more prudent?"
Dean just laughed some more. "So did you use the old 'last night on Earth' ploy? Coz I gotta tell ya, I haven't had much success with that one."
"We are not on Earth, in a literal manner of speaking, and…"
"Shut up, Cas."
Cas knew better than to be offended at Dean's words. They were spoken with genuine and obvious fondness. They sat side by side in silence for a minute before Dean turned his head to look at him curiously. "I know you were married before, as Emanuel, but dude, did you just cash in your V-card?"
"I do not understand?"
"Was that your first time?"
Cas frowned, his embarrassment growing. "Why would you assume that?"
"The goofy smile on your face for starters. So Nia popped your cherry last night, huh?"
The smile was still there, despite Cas's slight humiliation. "I will concede I am no longer a virgin but there was no fruit involved."
Dean seemed to be enjoying Cas's embarrassment if his wide grin was any indication. "So how was it? Rock your world?"
Cas nodded, glad for the opening to share these intense feelings with a friend. "Words cannot describe it. She is a stunning sight without the obstruction of clothing and the climax was overwhelmingly satisfying. I think I finally understand the human obsession with the act of fornication."
There was a strangling sound and Dean held up his hand. "Seriously Cas, too much information. Never ever say the words climax or fornication in my presence again." He scrunched up his nose in apparent distaste before giving the angel a hard look. "I hope you… you know, since condoms aren't exactly available at the Purgatory supermarket… you know… you don't want any little Castiel's running around nine months from now…"
"Are you referring to the creation of a Nephilim?" Cas asked. "You need not worry, they are forbidden and are not created through forni… copula…" he paused, trying to think of words that would not earn him another 'shut-up' from Dean, "…in the human traditional method of reproduction. Nia will not be with child."
Dean nodded. "Good to know. I'm not ready to be Uncle Dean just yet."
"May I ask something of you?"
Dean raised a wary eyebrow but nodded. "Course. Shoot."
"When we reach the door, if I cannot pass though, will you look after Nia for me?"
"Come on man, there's no need to even ask that," Dean snorted. "I care about her too, you know. Not in the way you do," he scrunched up his face again, "obviously, but she's like a little sister to me. She's family." He narrowed his eyes at Cas. "And don't be talking like that anyway. You're getting through. We all are. I didn't come all this way to lose anyone now."
"I feel the same way," Cas responded, his deep voice soft as the sincere words were spoken. "I could not bear to lose one of you."
Cas knew he was changing. He remembered the conversation he'd had with Benny about the vampire regaining his humanity through love for a human. Cas didn't have a soul but he did feel everything so vividly now, far more so than he had before pulling Dean from Hell. Emotions, feelings, bonds of friendship and love and loyalty. As Purgatory chipped away at the humanity of his three friends, was it having the opposite effect on him? Was he finding some measure of humanity within himself? Had he already done so? Had his bond with Dean started this internal journey and his love for Nia completed it?
~X~X~X~X~
Dean did not have to tell Benny about the angel's momentous experience during the pre-dawn watch shift; the vampire took one look at Cas and Nia smiling at each other over breakfast and rolled his eyes. Cas observed the questioning glance the vampire gave Dean and the single nod given as confirmation. The two sat side by side as they ate their breakfast and kept chuckling together, as if enjoying some private joke. Cas was fairly certain it was at his expense but… he looked at Nia and smiled… nothing could dampen his spirits today.
He was wrong about that.
The group headed out a little earlier than usual, all of them anxious to see what this day held in store for them. They made their way down the steep, rocky path into the bottom of the gorge. Dean took the lead with Benny close behind him and Cas brought up the rear.
The angel did not like the position they found themselves in. They had five miles to go and the narrow trail ran between two steep rock faces, giving them no cover from above and making it very easy to pen them in should an enemy be so inclined. His worries appeared to be unfounded because the first four miles were uneventful, but Cas wasn't appeased. In fact, it made him even more apprehensive for they had not traveled a whole four miles in months without being attacked at least once. Something was wrong.
Less than half a mile from the rocky outcrop where the door was supposed to be, Dean stopped short and turned back to the group. "We don't know exactly how this is gonna work," he stated, his face tense. "How close do we have to be?"
Benny shrugged. "The Centaur just said when a human gets close, a seam will open between Purg and home and it won't last long. Keep in mind that a soul might not get a second chance so when it shows up, you get your asses in there pronto."
"We should do this now then." Dean nodded to Benny and drew his knife, preparing to slice his arm so he could perform the ritual and store Benny's soul inside him for the trip. "Can't chance it opening 'fore we get you buckled in and your seat in the upright position."
Benny raised an eyebrow. "I ain't even gonna pretend I know what that means. While I'm up in you, brother, there better be nothing in an upright position."
Nia giggled and Benny grinned at her. He stepped forward and bent down to give her a small kiss on the cheek. "Don't ever change, Little Bit."
The vampire then turned towards Cas and offered his hand. Cas extended his own and Benny shook it firmly. "You get them outta here, Dragonslayer," he said solemnly. "And your own feathery ass, too," he added with a genuine smile.
"And your blood-junkie ass," Cas deadpanned, hoping his insult would be taken as fondness the way Dean's always were. Somehow the teasing banter never seemed to quite flow right when he tried it.
Benny gave him a lopsided smile of approval and a pat on the back before turning back to Dean. "Kay, let's get this show on the road."
Dean nodded tersely and sliced a deep cut across his inner arm. "You ready? Just like we talked about." He handed Benny the knife.
His friend's face showed a rare nervousness as his eyes flitted towards the peak in the distance. "A lotta trust in you, brother."
"You earned it," Dean responded without hesitation as Benny sliced his own arm. The two men grasped each other's forearms, allowing the blood to mix. Cas was almost positive the spoken spell would also prevent Benny's blood from turning Dean vampire during this mixing of bloods but he watched Dean closely just in case. Cas observed the quick look the two friends gave each other that spoke volumes of the friendship and loyalty and trust between them.
"I'll see you on the other side," Benny said quietly.
Dean didn't waste any more time and started the spell. "Con yer te sumos… odem sumos."
Within seconds, Dean's face was contorted in pain and Benny was flashing orange. The vampire dissolved into a mass of light and dark that represented the remnants of his human soul entwined with the twisted darkness of vampirism. Cas watched with interest as the entire swirling mass disappeared into Dean's arm. The hunter staggered back a few steps, grimacing at the lights flashing beneath his skin where his friend's soul was now safely tucked away. He looked up at Cas, his eyes a bit wild. "I think it worked."
"Good. We must make haste." Cas immediately started walking forward, this time taking the lead himself. They were now one less in number should anything attack and the lack of monsters in this valley was bothering him more with each minute that passed.
"Does it hurt?" he heard Nia asking Dean behind him as they walked.
"A little but when was Benny not a pain in the ass, right?"
"Will he be the same when he comes back out?"
"Course he will, Nee. We just gotta find where his family buried his body and hope like Hell his head's in the same casket."
Cas refrained from pointing out that once they got topside, Benny's hunger would return, as would his lust for blood. They all knew this and had all agreed they would trust Benny to keep it under control, but Benny would not be entirely 'the same'.
They kept going, making their way along the narrow, winding pathway as quickly as they could. Though he couldn't see it for a bend in the trail up ahead, Cas estimated they were just a few hundred yards from the outcrop when he felt a presence. Something evil, something sinister... something familiar.
"Shadows!" he warned just as a cluster of them appeared up ahead. He splayed a hand out to keep Dean and Nia behind him, making sure he was between them and the monsters ahead. "Go back!" he shouted to them as he lunged forward and grabbed the lead one by the throat.
"It's frigging daylight!" he heard Dean gripe behind him but the hunter obeyed. Cas knew Dean hated Shadows more than any other monster in this place both because of his traumatic experience with one a week ago and because it was the one monster he couldn't kill with his blade. He was utterly helpless against them and there wasn't much Dean hated more than being helpless.
While curious how the Shadows could now be present in daylight when they had only ever shown themselves at night, Cas thought how ironically fortunate it was they were in a narrow gully because the Shadows could only come at them one at a time.
"More!" he heard Nia shout from somewhere behind him.
He turned to see another line of Shadows gliding smoothly across the rocky path from the direction the travelers had come. Their worst fear had come to pass – they were penned in.
He reached for Nia's sleeve and tugged her sharply in next to him, shouting for Dean to come close as well. Unable to protect them for long from a dual-sided assault, he decided he had to obliterate one of the enemy lines immediately or they would all perish. He chose the cluster ahead of them since at least that way held promise of permanent escape if the door did indeed appear.
He charged forward with his hands outstretched, drawing on every ounce of celestial power he had available to him. He sent blast after blast at the successive line of Shadows, dissolving at least twelve of them into nothingness until the way ahead was clear. "Run!" he panted, again tugging at Nia's sleeve. He shoved her forward and gestured for Dean to get ahead of him also.
The pair did not need much encouragement for the line of Shadows behind them was now just thirty feet away and closing on them. Cas took up the rear and ran after his friends, hoping they could evade their pursuers long enough for him to recharge slightly or at least catch his breath.
They ran for less than a minute before the path walls veered sharply away and they spilled out into a wide, flat, treeless area. "Keep going!" Cas yelled, stopping at the mouth of the path while the other two continued running. Out in the open, he wouldn't be able to stop the Shadows from spreading out and getting around him to Dean and Nia so their only chance was for him to hold them off back here while his friends made it to the door.
He noticed two figures up ahead at the other side of the clearing, standing just fifty feet from the bottom of the rocky outcrop where the door would hopefully show. The pair appeared to be watching them - waiting for them – and although Cas could not identify what manner of creature the figure on the left was, he immediately recognized the figure on the right. He hoped Dean and Nia would be able to take them out for he currently had his hands full with the twenty or so Shadows on their tail and the two were standing directly in front of the outcrop. They were corporeal at least, which meant Dean and Nia stood a chance. He only hoped Nia would not object or get in the way.
"Gordon!"
Dean's voice sounded both shocked and angered as he shouted his recognition of the vampire up ahead. Cas watched with stolen glances as Dean immediately raised his blade and charged towards his old enemy. Within seconds, the two were locked in a fierce battle. The other creature, who looked like a human male with white eyes, didn't budge.
Nia, thankfully, made no attempts to stop Dean from hurting Gordon Walker this time but Castiel's relief was short-lived when he saw her instead fire three successive arrows at the creature that had been standing next to Gordon. All three hit their mark but whatever it was, it didn't even flinch.
Nia didn't falter. She dropped the bow and drew her machete. Cas involuntarily took a step forward towards her but had to abandon the move to close his fist around another Shadow trying to slip past him. He drew his power to smite it, wondering what the creature was. He had his hand around the Shadow's neck when the man raised a hand towards Nia and made a small gesture in the air. She was still twenty feet away from him but she suddenly flew into the air and went sailing backwards only to slam hard onto the ground.
Cas felt something in the instant the creature had used its mojo, something that had flowed into him through the Shadow he held in his grasp. It was with a jolt that he realized what the creature was… and what the Shadows were.
It was a Souleater. Powerful creatures that fed on human souls, growing more powerful with every soul devoured. The Shadows were those souls, dragged here to Purgatory with the creature upon its death. They were twisted and dark from being inside a monster and one hundred percent under the Souleater's control.
Cas put everything together with angel speed. Gordon Walker must have figured out what Nia was talking about when she had suggested they take him with them upon their encounter with the vampire months ago. He had somehow since allied himself with a Souleater and its army of Shadows to help in hunting them down and discovering the location of the door. The attack on the Amazon compound could have been an attempt to capture Dean and Nia – Valista had said the Shadows had never attacked as aggressively as that before. This explained why the Shadows had continued to pursue them far beyond their usual territory. It also explained why they had stopped attacking after they had assaulted Dean – they had discovered the location of the door from his thoughts and had decided to ambush them instead. From what Cas knew about these creatures, the Shadows could leave their master's body in daylight only when they were in close proximity… like when he was standing fifty feet away.
His thoughts were interrupted by a wave of dizziness that struck him as he smited yet another Shadow. He could see Nia was still on the ground barely moving and Dean was rolling groggily to his feet with fresh blood covering the right side of his face. Cas needed to finish the rest of these Shadows off and get over to help them but there were just too many. He was weakening quickly and the black shapes were still charging him, trying to get through the bottleneck of the narrow gully.
With Dean on the ground, Gordon had the advantage and planted a few painful but non-lethal kicks into the hunter's side rather than using his blade. Clearly his intentions were not to kill. Cas instinctively took a step in Dean's direction but stopped as the movement opened up too wide of a gap and three Shadows escaped out of the gully at the same time. He lunged for them and managed to grasp two but the third slipped past him. It glided quickly over towards Nia, who was struggling to sit up, clearly not yet in a state of full awareness.
"Nia!" he called out, knowing he couldn't go to her without letting more Shadows into the clearing and endangering her even further. The Souleater was simply standing still, observing the fight between Gordon and Dean with interest but not moving to interfere. Cas was near panic as the Shadow advanced on Nia but Gordon suddenly stopped kicking Dean and moved to situate himself between her and the approaching Shadow.
"Haus!" he yelled angrily at the Souleater. "Keep your pets off my prize! You get the hunter, I get the girl! That's our deal!"
The Souleater nodded and the Shadow veered away, heading back towards Cas. The diversion, however, had allowed Dean a few seconds reprieve and a chance to push himself back to his feet.
So Gordon Walker was looking for a ticket topside with Nia. The only question that remained was whether the Souleater wanted Dean for the same reason or simply for the pleasure of devouring one more human soul.
"You bastard!" Dean spat at Gordon. "You sold us out!"
Gordon gave the hunter a smug look. "Not at all, Deano. I only sold you out. I would never hurt my little Nia. She and I are going to reconnect for a while - free of your bad influence - then she's going to take me back topside."
Dean lunged with his retrieved blade. "You don't have control over her anymore, you blood-sucking dick. She won't do it," he spat.
"That's where you're wrong," the vampire sneered, parrying Dean's swing but not following up with his own attempt at a lethal strike. "She owes me and she knows it."
"Yeah, well nobody's taking you topside once I take your head off." Dean attacked once more with renewed vigor and Cas couldn't help but notice his friend certainly was a formidable foe when people he cared about were threatened.
Nia finally made it to her feet and Cas felt a measure of relief despite the blood he could see matting the hair on the back of her head. His attention was stolen by a strange light appearing above them and he glanced up to see a shimmering shape in the air at the top of the rocky outcrop up ahead. It looked like a seam splitting open in the empty space a few feet above the ground, blue-green lights dancing within its ever-flowing edges.
The door. It was reacting to Dean and Nia. They had to get past Gordon and the Souleater quickly for Benny had said the door would not stay open for long.
The weakening angel continued to smite Shadows, taking them out one or two at a time until he felt the last one dissolve in his grasp. He staggered a step but headed towards where Nia had now joined the fight against Gordon. She was obviously still feeling the effects of hitting her head for she was slow and stumbling slightly where she was normally quick and light on her feet.
The Souleater did not look pleased at the destruction of his horde of Shadows and he narrowed his eyes and snarled, looking as if he was about to charge the angel but a breathless call from Gordon diverted his attention.
"You want your ticket home, Haus, come and get him!"
Dean had somehow turned the tables and had Gordon retreating from a furious volley of non-stop swings with the hunter's homemade blade. The Souleater, hopefully depleted of its devoured soul minions, finally moved, raising its hand in the direction of Dean and Gordon. Cas knew it was going to use whatever power it had used on Nia to hurt or restrain Dean so he raced forward to intercepted it. He slammed his body into it, one hand clasping it by the arm and the other pressing into its face.
He discovered quickly that whatever power he had left in him after desecrating the Shadow ranks was not enough to smite something as powerful as a Souleater and soon found himself locked in an intense battle of inner might. The Souleater was resisting his smiting powers and throwing back an equal measure of its own, slamming a force into Cas like a tidal wave of pain through a hand it had planted on the angel's face.
Cas knew he was fighting not only for his life but for Dean's and Nia's and Benny's so he drew on every scrap of will he could muster to hold on to his grace while sending all the mojo he could right back at the Souleater. He was barely aware of worried Nia's cry as she ran towards him but felt the shockwaves of pain being sent through him flicker ever so slightly when the Souleater diverted a tiny rush of power in her direction. She never cried out as she hit the ground but Dean did, calling her name with concern before letting loose a mad frenzy of swings with his blade that ended up with Gordon Walker's head toppling to the ground several feet from his flailing body. Cas more heard this than saw it but knew this could be their only chance.
"Dean!" he called without looking, trying not to ease up on his defenses for even a split second for that would be all it took for his enemy to get the upper hand and kill him. "The door is opening! Get to the door!"
"Not without you!" was the shouted reply, though Cas could barely hear it over the painful and intense rush in his ears.
"I can't hold him for long!" Cas panted back. "Go!"
"No! Cas!" Nia's voice was panicked and he heard her rushing towards him again. This time Dean was right beside her.
The Souleater blasted them both away. Its power faltered for an instant so brief that Cas could not take advantage of it. He did manage to glimpse sideways to see both of his friends trying to stand, the blood running down Nia's face now matching that on Dean's.
"The door will not stay open long!" Cas warned. "You must go through it now!"
"No! Cas!" Nia was screaming and from the sounds of a scuffle, Cas believed Dean was physically preventing her from rushing forward again. It was then he realized he had been forced to his knees, giving every appearance he was losing this battle. If this was to be the moment of his death, he regretted that she should be here to witness it.
"Dean!" he rasped, appealing to the hunter's propensity to stay cool in the heat of battle. "Get to the door!"
"Cas?" Dean's tone was questioning. The hunter needed assurance his friend would be alright.
"Get to the door and I will be right behind you," Cas lied, feeling the anger swell in the Souleater and its power intensify as a result. Cas knew he would not win this battle.
"Not without you," Dean insisted. "You can take this sucker, come on!"
"The door, Dean. Get to the door!" He realized then Dean would not leave him. It was the hunter's nature to protect those he cared about… but perhaps Cas could use that.
"Get Nia to the door," he pleaded, trying to push himself back up onto his feet. "Please, Dean, I'm begging you… to do this one thing… for me. Save Nia… for me. I'll be… right behind you but… just in case…"
"No, no, we can't leave him," Nia was suddenly crying and the sounds of a scuffle intensified. "Dean! No! Let go of me!"
Cas caught a glimpse of them, Dean dragging a screaming Nia up the steep slope to where the door was swirling in a shimmering display of lights that would have been spectacular to watch without all the drama.
The sight gave him renewed hope and a fresh surge of energy flowed through him, causing the Souleater to gasp and make a choking sound, its power ebbing just long enough for Cas to get back on his feet. He let a smug smile form on his lips and his blue eyes locked with the Souleater's white ones. It was evident the creature was furious at seeing its intended prey escaping.
"No! Dean don't! We can't leave him! Cas! Cas! Noooo!" Nia's last cry was swallowed as Dean gave her a hard shove forward and the light engulfed her. Cas caught a glimpse of her face as it disappeared and burned the image into his memory, hoping it would not be the last time he saw her.
He expected Dean to follow Nia into the door but should have known better. His heart lurched when he saw the hunter making his way back down the steep slope, coming back to fight at his side. He should have known he had not been convincing in his insistence that he would be right behind them and he should have known Dean would never abandon a friend.
He was on his very last reserves of power and he knew it. He spared a measure of heartfelt regret that Jimmy Novak's dormant soul would never find its way to Heaven when he died in this God-forsaken place before turning his worry to Dean. If the Souleater defeated Cas, Dean would be helpless against it and that beautiful soul he had touched when raising his charge from Perdition would be devoured, tortured and twisted inside this monster for centuries until it became just another Shadow.
No. That couldn't happen. He couldn't let it happen. He drew on every ounce of celestial power he had left and fueled it with thoughts of friendship and admiration for Dean, thoughts of belonging and companionship with his Purgatory family, and thoughts of love for his wild and precious Nia waiting for him on the other side of that door. With everything he had left in him, he hurled the force forward, channeling it through the arm to the hand he still had planted on the Souleater's face.
It burst out of him with explosive force, lighting the Souleater up in a glorious display of lights as its dying body flew fifty feet backwards into the air and practically exploded.
"Oh shit! Cas!"
Cas was lying on his back on the ground, his vision mottled with blinding white spots and his body thrumming painfully in every single nerve ending and then some. He turned his head sideways to see Dean about halfway down the side of the rocky outcrop, his anxious face backlit by the dancing lights of the door thirty feet above him.
He tried to speak but no words came out. He tried to move but his vessel remained still. Yet hope surged within him. The door was still open. Gordon Walker and the Souleater were dead. He and Dean would pass safely through the door. He had succeeded in seeing them all to safety and they would all live. They would go home.
He had earned his redemption. His Father had forgiven him.
He found his thoughts lingering on the kiss he would give Nia as soon as he got to the other side and his head lulled sideways in the grass once more.
The bright spots in his field of vision dissipated enough for him to focus on Dean. The hunter was at the bottom of the slope, still heading this way. As weak as he was, Cas managed a smile, lifting a hand to assure his friend he was alive and well.
The light of the door suddenly intensified and Cas tilted his head upwards to see its edges start to pulse and jerk more sharply. Suddenly the twenty foot wide hole in the sky got blindingly bright and expanded sharply, morphing into a hundred-foot diameter hole that snatched Dean from the bottom of the rocky slope and swallowed him up. Then, just as quickly, the light disappeared, folding in on itself until it was completely gone, a panicked cry of 'Cas!' echoing in its wake.
Then silence.
Cas lay still for a long moment, his battered mind registering what had just happened. Dean and Nia and Benny were safe. They had made it through the door and were back home, away from the relentless, ruinous dangers of Purgatory.
Yet he was still here. The door had not wanted him. He had been wrong, thinking he was forgiven, thinking he had earned his redemption. This was his fate. This was his penance. He would serve the rest of eternity here, clawing to survive among the monsters and the evil and the beasts of darkness, among those who had turned from God and made mistakes for which there was no redemption.
His heart felt like it was being crushed in a vice as his thoughts drifted to Nia. Seeing her to safety had been a God-given mission for him, but falling in love with her and reconnecting with Dean only to let them go and spend eternity in Purgatory without them was the final punishment God had sent his way. He understood this now. He deserved this.
As he lay on his back in the clearing, exhaustion pulling at him, he felt a strange coolness on his face and lifted a tired hand to investigate. He only lasted long enough to discover tears running silently down his cheeks before oblivion swallowed him.
~X~X~X~X~
A/N: I know, poor Cas. It's not over yet - one more chapter to go. This chapter a long one, sorry, but a lot happened and I didn't want to split it up. I had a hard time deciding how to cover Cas and Nia's encounter but their romance was kind of innocent and sweet from the start and thought keeping it very clean was the way to go (that and the story has a T-rating). Celiasingssongs requested a Cas/OC fic and I thank her for the inspiration and hope the story has kept her (and everybody else reading it) entertained so far. Almost finished! Reviews would be loved!