First, thanks for the nice reviews I got, you guys are awesome!
Here is another chapter.
Next one will involve fluff. ;)
"Mum? Are you already back? Thought you would come back home tomorrow.", I said while opening the door without even looking who knocked. I didn't expect anyone so it was only logic (mistake) that my parents would come back earlier. I've almost been back in the living room when I heard someone's voice.
"Uhm, sorry. But it's just me?", a familiar voice said. Well, the voice has been familiar but not as familiar as the one from my dad or from my mum.
So I turned around to see whose voice it was. My jaw dropped and I made my way back to the door where she stood. What was she doing here? There was a reason I didn't answer her messages. Why would she show up like that? Man, she's really killing me. She still wore my clothes. And her hair looked like a mess, like she had to walk very fast to come here. Still she looked so beautiful. But I was angry. Santana can't treat me like that. I had a hard time to stay strong to not give up and invite her for some hot chocolate.
"What do you want? I'm not in the mood for Spanish.", it sounded kind of pissed. But that was okay, because I've really been pissed. I'm not her victim. She couldn't treat me the way she did, that's all that was in my head. This sentence repeated for about a million times.
"I didn't came here for teaching you. I -" "So what? Did you come for apologizing? I don't think that this is necessary cause I have enough! Or how you would say it: There is nothing we could talk about!" I took a step closer to her, so we were only inches apart from each other. I looked her in the eyes.
We made eye contact. The expression her face gave showed me that I must have looked as pissed as I was. I was so (fucking) pissed, yes, I might fall for her.
But that doesn't mean that she can do with me whatever she wants.
This just reminded me again of the time when people told me how stupid I would be. You know?
How stupid would it be to just let her play with me? Really stupid.
"I.. I don't know what you mean?" she whispered while taking my hand. I shook it away and began to laugh. "Why are you laughing?", she said.
She sounded broken, but I wasn't really interested in that. Again, she wanted to touch me, and again 2 hours later she would tell me that she isn't gay in a not so nice way when we're all cuddled up in my bed or something like that.
"Get off of me! You see? You tell me you're not gay but then you do something like that? I didn't mean to make out with you or rape you! I didn't mean to kiss you or anything else.." I kind of screamed. I totally forgot where we were. I didn't care at all. I just wanted to go trough this and if others wanted to listen too they could.
"Britt-" "No! Don't you dare to say something. I think you just don't understand me.. You made pretty clear that you aren't gay. That hurt me, the way you said it. Then there you go again, touching me, cuddling up to me. Laying on top of me! I didn't do that, no. You put yourself on top of me. I didn't force you to do it. You know, for me that's not exactly what someone who is straight would do. Then, there is a thing called gratitude, I've been there for you! I don't even know you that good. But still I care about you! I showered you, I hugged you, I comforted you but you would never ever appreciate that. No, instead you scream at me just because I kissed your hair? Or because I asked you if you have feelings for me? Santana, I know you for about a week now. To be honest, I don't know if a friendship with you is such a good idea." I felt some tears rushing down my face.
Santana looked surprised but also sad, fragile and broken again and this time I won't hug her.
I was surprised too, never thought I could be that mean. I mean, sure I was angry and mad at her but still I really liked her.
I stopped making eye contact and looked down at the floor. She placed her hand on my cheek, made me look at her again and said (or cried.. something between it): "I never meant to hurt you Brittany, I'm so so sorry."
Then she took her hand away and turned around. I stood there not believing what had just happened and watched her leave. It couldn't get any worse, could it? (of course.) The car from my parents showed up just a minute after I couldn't see Santana anymore. I was still standing at the door. I just wiped my tears away and tried to smile but it was difficult and now I got nervous too.
This was it, I had to do it, I had to come out to them. And if not now when then? Never.
I tried to forget about Santana and to concentrate on my coming-out. I just had to do it.
I'm tired of keeping it. Tired of hiding something like that.
I greeted my mum and like mum's always do, she totally recognized that something was going on.
"Everything okay Love?" she said. She really sounded like she'd care.
Well, she did because I'm her daughter but that was mysterious because I never believed that someone really cared when they asked that kind of question.
I waited until my father stepped into the house as well. He closed the door behind him and I knew, I had to open another door.
"Mum, I have to tell you something okay?", I thought my voice would crack, but to my surprise I made it.
We stood in the hallway and I just had to say it. I got nervous and my hands were wet. There was so much pressure, I just needed to get it away.
They're my parents, they have the right to know what's going on in their daughter's life.
My mum nodded and gave me a smile. When my father came towards us and let his hand rest on my mum's waist I had to smile too. They love each other since more than 25years. That is so awesome. Always when I saw them like that it gave me the strength that I needed for my life.
Sometimes I watched their wedding-photos and just realized that this is, what love looks like. Real love, that lasts. Now, 21 years later, they still look like that. I mean, sure they got older but their eyes when they look at each other. It's like you can feel the love.
And I totally wanted the same, someone who loves me, no matter how old I am. Well, for me it had to be a women, but that's no different. I mean, love is love.
I was so in my thoughts that I completely forget to talk until my mom stroke my arm.
They looked at me like they were expecting something, and that reminded me of what I wanted to say.
"Please, don't be disappointed and don't hate me.. At least I'm your daughter!", I felt new tears on my cheeks when my mum came closer and hugged me.
"Love, what's going on? We'll always love you, you know that!", she kissed me forehead and took a few steps back to stay next to my dad again.
"I'm gay..", she looked at me like I'm crazy. I knew they wouldn't take it that easy but why do they look at me like that?
"Please say something..", I couldn't stop crying until they began to smile and I didn't even know why.
"Oh Love, that's okay! Why have you been worrying so much about it?" My father came and hugged me tightly. I loved his hugs. They had always this protecting affect on me. I felt better as soon as he hugged me.
Always when something happened and I was sad he hugged me and everything seemed less bad.
Just like this time. Why did I doubt them? I knew that they love me and I knew that this wouldn't change. No matter how gay I am.
"I don't know.. I just thought.. because granny-" "Oh come on, granny was born in another time. But, I bet she's going to be okay with it too. She just doesn't know any lesbian.", my mother cut me off.
"We love you baby, no matter what.", my father added. "And if anyone is ever going to make fun of you because of this I'm going to kick the shit out of them okay?"
I just nodded and smiled at how protective he was. I love them.
I didn't think they would take it that good. I mean, I just told them that I love girls. But honestly I think that's the way it should be. No, that's wrong.. Nobody should care about our sexuality as long as we're all human. Why does something like sexuality even exist?
We should be okay with whoever we are. We should be proud of whoever we are.
But as good as my parents took it, I knew there would be people who won't take it that good.
"Mum? Why are you even here?", I asked curiously, because.. well they should have been gone until tomorrow.
"Your father forgot to pack his bag so he didn't have any clothes to change in..", she said.
"Okay, I would love to have a sleepover with Quinn and Tina tomorrow, is that possible?", I asked while giving her my nicest smile.
"Uhm.. are you.."(yeah, I should have seen that this was coming) "NO! Hell, they're only my friends!" (as much as I love them, no way I would date any of them)
"Alright, I was just asking. Do they know?", mum asked with an understanding look.
"Uhm, no, not yet. But I plan on telling them tomorrow. ", I said while walking to my room. It wasn't until my phone rang that I recognized the time. It was already 12PM, I wanted to answer the call and then go get some sleep. And since I'm Brittany (stupid) I didn't even look who called.
"You're talking to Brittany Susan Pierce."
"Britt, how often do I have to tell you a "yes" would be enough for me?", I threw myself on my bed while listening to Quinn's voice.
"Anyway, have you asked your parents about tomorrow?", I smiled at the thought of having the girls around me. As bitchy as they were, they always supported me and I could trust them with my life.
"Yes, tomorrow we'll have a sleepover. Will Tina come too?", guess my voice sounded a bit too exited.
"No, sorry tomorrow you'll only have me.", she laughed. Okay, maybe tomorrow wasn't the right time to tell her, since I wanted to tell them both at the same time. Tina shouldn't think that I don't like or trust her as much as I like and trust Quinn.
"Oh, no that's okay Quinnie.", I totally knew how much she hates it when I call her that.
"Britt, stop calling me that! You want to know what happened today?" (sure I wanted to know) I knew that I didn't have to give her an answer, she would tell me anyway.
"Finn Hudson, asked me out!", she was very excited. So I thought maybe she had feelings or something like that. You know how (stupid) I am, so I had to ask her: "Do you love him?"
"What? Britt, no! But he's hot. And when I'm going to be with him, I'll become more popular!"
I was disappointed how she could say something like that. She would only use him. I knew how that feels, in another way of course, but still I knew. I mean, Santana as using me, wasn't she?
"Quinn, that's mean. I have to hung up. You can come over here tomorrow (better today) at 3PM."
"Okay.."
"Bye."
The next day has been extremely boring until 30minutes before Quinn came. My phone buzzed and first it would be Quinn who wanted to cancel the sleepover but I realized very fast that it wasn't her.
I didn't knew who he was until I saw his profile picture (thanks to Facebook). It was the blonde guy with this big mouth. I remembered him because he talked to Santana yesterday when I tried to get things clear.
His name was Sam.
Sam: Hey! Well, what did he want? How did he even find me?
Brittany: Uhm, hey? Wait, does he know that I saw him today?
Sam: I saw you today when you tried to talk to Santana.. Great, he already knows how stupid I am.
Brittany: Oh great.
Sam: You're style is nice. My style? How can he say something about my style? What is it with him and Santana?
Brittany: Uhm, thanks?
Sam: Oh, you're thinking I'm a creep right? Yes, but okay..
Brittany: No..
Sam: Sure you do. But Santana told us that the clothes she was wearing yesterday were yours. And I liked them, I wouldn't wear them. But they were pretty cool. Aww, such a nice guy. Hold on, Santana told them about me? Why would she do that?
Brittany: Thanks. Did she say anything else about me?
Sam: Just that the two of you have most classes together and that you're sitting next to each other.
Brittany: Ah yeah, that's right. Well, it was.. guess I'm not sitting next to her anymore.
Sam: Well, you know.. what are your plans for this evening? Wanna hang out? Wait, did he just asked me out?
Brittany: I would love to. But honestly my best friend is coming in like 15minutes, we're having a sleepover. Maybe next time.
Sam: Won't give up Brittany. I like him. He's nice, and he didn't scream at me.
Brittany: Okay, I have to go now. See you.
I put my phone on the counter of our kitchen and prepared some snacks for when Quinn has arrived. At least I was finished right when the doorbell rang and she arrived.
It wasn't that special, that she was here. But Quinn has been one of the people who never called me stupid and as bitchy as she was, she always made me feel better when I didn't feel good.
I was scared that I could lose her because of something stupid like (me) my sexuality. She was like my sister, we've been raised up together. To me she was another person. She never made me feel her bitchy side. She was never mean to me. And we always cared about each other. She stood up for me when people were mean or said that I was stupid.
I really had to tell her, but that would have only worked when Tina was here too. But she wasn't, so I had to wait until Monday or something like that.
Quinn and I watched Pretty Little Liars and did some girl stuff. I could stop her from talking about boys with some stories about Tubbs. I really didn't want to talk about this Finn guy, but the more I thought about it, the more I was wondering if Quinn would know Sam.
"Quinn?", I asked from my seat, which was right next to her.
"Hmm?" she didn't even take her eyes away from the TV, but I didn't care. She would listen anyway. No matter how absent she was.
"Do you know this Sam guy?"
"Uhm, is he blonde?"
"Yes.. he has a big mouth and -"
"Oh yes! Well, no not really. I just know that he's friends with this Rachel girl. Why are you asking?", now she looked at me. She must have been very interested. And I could totally tell why. Of course she thought that I would want something but the last thing I wanted was a guy.
"He, uhm... He kinda asked me out.", okay guess I was overreacting and he just wanted to hang out like friends..
"Really?", Quinn squeezed and jumped up while clapping her hands together like she won 1 million dollars or something like that.
"Quinn! Calm down!", maybe it wasn't such a good idea telling her that.
"No! Do you think that it could be the right?", she didn't come down, instead she just got more excited.
"Uhm, no? I don't know him yet.. (and he's a boy, so no.)." I didn't want to talk about this anymore. It made me sad that she was so happy about the fact, that a boy wanted to know me. What if she wasn't so supportive about me being gay?
Really I just needed to tell her I'm gay, and I wanted to tell her so badly. But I couldn't not when Tina wasn't here.
"Britt I-", I know she didn't mean to be like that. She didn't even know why it made me sad.
"No, it's okay.. Let's just watch this okay?"
We finished the season and and got to sleep.
We didn't sleep in one bed, she was sleeping on a mattress next to my bed. It was a strange feeling.
Last time someone slept here I was surrounded by a warm embrace and now? I wouldn't know that someone is here if she wouldn't breathe. I lost my thoughts somewhere between unicorns, cats and Santana when I finally fell asleep.
Quinn had to leave early the next day, but that's okay. Not like I wasn't used to this. She's always the first who leaves sleepovers. Her parents don't like it when she comes home late.
I said goodbye to her and got back into the living room.
"So love, what were you two doing yesterday?" my mum asked while handing me over a plate with some pancakes. Quinn didn't even ate breakfast with us.
"We were watching Pretty Little Liars. But you should know that since we were in the living room?", how could she miss the fact, that the living room was used for almost 4 hours?
"Well, we went to Quinn after she arrived. You know?", right.. I forgot how close our parents were. Just as close as Quinn and me. So it wasn't a surprise.
"Ah, nice. Okay. Got to do some homework, I'll be in my room."
At least I didn't really have to do some homework, but I needed some time for myself. I wanted to dance.
So I did. Everybody has something that makes him passionate. For me it's dancing. Maybe because it's something I can do without being called stupid. It just makes me feel free. Like I can do anything. It makes me feel like I'm strong and unstoppable. I just really love it.
When I'm dancing I forget about everything. It's just me, my body and the music.
So it happens that my mum had to tell me to go to bed more than once a week.
"Love! It's already 11PM! Have you danced all the time?", I got a little shock when the music stopped and my mum stepped into my room.
"What? No, I've done some homework too." I really did, and since it was maths it took way more time than I thought it would be.
"Hm, fine. Just go to sleep. And Britt?"
"Yeah mum?"
"Maybe your new friend could come for a sleepover next week? What was her name.. Sunny, Samara.."
Oh please, these names don't even sound like Santana.
"Mum, it's Santana.."
"Fine.. So?", she sounded almost as excited as Quinn did when I told her about Sam.
"Uhm, I don't know.. she's busy and stuff.."
No! She's not going to come. I won't ask her either. Who knows if she'll ever talk to me again?
"Okay, just asking. Good night Love.", she said. She kissed me forehead and then she was gone.
I really head to sleep. As much as I love dancing, it's really exhausting.
The next day could only get better than this one (yes, I'm stupid and optimistic)
Well, at least that's what I thought.
When I woke up and got to school everything was okay. Nothing bad or anything else.
I got a bit nervous when I got to my locker. It only got worse when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned myself around to see who it was. I prepared mentally for talking to Santana.
I didn't need to. The person who stood in front of me wasn't her. It was Sam. (great)
"Hey. How are you?", he cared. He really cared. I could see it in his eyes. I don't know if I looked like a wreck but he really cared. He's a nice guy.
"Uhm, hey. I'm fine, thanks. How are you?", I asked. I didn't really care at all, since Santana showed up behind him. I knew I would have to face her at class but now? No thanks.
She gave me a strange look. Like I was doing something wrong.
Well, maybe I was. But just because I talk to a guy, doesn't mean that I have to be with him.
That would be wrong.
I didn't realize that he finished talking until Santana turned herself around and went to class.
"Ah, yeah okay.. (I totally didn't know what he said.) Look, I really have to go now, but we can talk later yeah? Was nice to meet you.", I got away faster than expected. I didn't even hear what he said. But I didn't care either.
On my way to the classroom I met Tina and Quinn.
"Hey girls, how are you?", I asked happily when they came closer to me.
They didn't say anything. They didn't stop walking. They didn't turn around. They didn't greet me. They didn't gave me the usual smile. They didn't gave me a wink.
They just ignored me.
I stopped walking and looked after them. I couldn't believe they did that? What was going on? They never did something like that before. And they always had time to talk to me.
"Okay, that was creepy.", I heard a voice next to me. I didn't have to look at her to know that it was Santana.
"Whatever..", I lied.
We went to the classroom without saying anything. My thoughts were all about the girls and why did they avoid me?
Santana didn't say anything either, so it was silent. When we got to the room I sat down first. Just to make sure that I didn't force her to sit next to me.
Yes, I was angry because of the way she treated me and yes I said that I don't know if our friendship would be that good but still I liked her. I didn't mean to say something like that. I was just so angry that I had to let go of it.
"Can we talk? The teacher won't come. I saw him with the history teacher. Just wanky." she asked while looking at me.
"Fine." I answered straight. I didn't mean to be unfair to her or to treat her like shit but I won't forget that so easy too.
"Okay first, I'm so deeply deeply deeply sorry that I hurt you. I know it must be hard for you.. to.. you know.. not have anyone to know, but Quinn Tina and me. I guess I kind of lost my thoughts. You were right. You cared about me, and you did everything to make me feel more comfortable. And I'm sorry if I didn't give you the feeling that I appreciated it. Because I really did and still do. You know, it's a long time ago that someone did things like that for me. I'm sorry I screwed things up.", her voice sounded so soft. I knew she was honestly with me right although she didn't make eye contact. She was just herself. That let me believe her words. But I knew, I had to do some apologizing too: "Quinn and Tina don't even know it. San, I'm sorry too. I didn't want to be that mean to you. And about our friendship, I think it would be nice if we gave it another try."
She smiled and we hugged each other. It was a small hug, and there weren't much feelings. But still it made my stomach tingle. That wasn't what I needed right now. She is straight. Isn't she?
Okay, don't mind. I had other problems.
"So, what is it with you and Quinn?", she knew Quinn?
"Hm? You know Quinn?"
"Not really, but a friend of mine Rachel knows her.."
Rachel, the girl with the big nose. Yep, I knew who she was.
"I don't know. They ignored me today. They didn't say anything."
"You know what? They don't have class either, they would have had history right now..."
"Great, you know where they are?", I hoped I could make things clear.
"Yup, Rachel texted me, so let's go!" And with that we got out of our classroom. When we were like 15 feet away from their room, Quinn and Tina stepped out of it.
"Quinn! Tina!", I shouted. They looked at me and came closer.
When I just thought they would stop to talk to me Quinn spoke up:
"Oh, is she also a lesbian? Is she your girlfriend? Have fun."
And then they were gone.
I broke, I wasn't able to stay anymore. How did they know?
Santana caught me before I fell on the ground. She hugged me tightly. I didn't move. I just stayed.
"I'm so sorry Britt.", she said.
Okay, that's it. I'm sorry if the whole coming out thing doesn't seem real, but I didn't had one (yet) and I guess that's just what I wanted the reaction of the parents to be for everyone..
Who told Quinn and Tina about Brittany being gay?
Thanks for reading and for the nice reviews I got, maybe you could leave another one. ;)