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Rekindling
Chapter Thirteen
I woke up later that day and was cocooned back under my blanket with the shades pulled down and the door to my room half shut. I was tired of lying in bed even though I had been sleeping unaware of my surroundings for most of the time I was in it. My head spun when I sat up so that I could lean against the headboard, and I had to steady myself by gripping the blanket covering me. After blinking a few more times, the black spots that I saw dotting my vision disappeared.
Peeta walked in a few minutes later with a tray of food. He smiled when he saw that I was up and came over to the side of the bed.
"I was coming to wake you up to eat something," he explained, setting the tray in front of me.
There was a bowl of soup and a roll set on the tray with a napkin and spoon. The second the hot steam of the soup touched my face, my stomach growled.
"This is probably all you'll be able to eat right now," Peeta said when I looked at it as if wondering where the rest was.
He sat in the chair next to my bed and watched me eat. I kept looking over at him in between bites, hoping he'd get the hint that I didn't need an audience. He didn't.
"Are the kids up still?" I asked him when my bowl was empty.
"They just went to bed."
"I miss them," I said, letting him take the tray away from me and set it on the dresser across the room.
"I know," Peeta said. "Once you get back on your normal schedule, you'll be able to be up with them."
"Have they asked about what happened last night with the house?" I asked him.
"Rosemarie wondered when she'd be able to get her toys back," Peeta mentioned. "She's been pretty entertained with Gale around, so I don't think she's too upset that they're gone."
"Did we lose everything?"
"Haymitch grabbed a few things before he took the kids out of the house."
"What'd he take?"
"What he thought we'd miss," Peeta said. "The family book, your old bow and arrows, some pictures."
"That was nice of him."
There was a knock on the door and Haymitch walked in, who looked as though he had just woken up from a nap. He smiled at me when our eyes met and Peeta moved from the chair so that he could take a seat.
"How's life, sweetheart?" Haymitch asked me, leaning forward in the chair, but not touching me like everyone else seemed to do the second they saw me.
"Right now just a blur," I said.
"Good," Haymitch said with a nod. "That's good."
"It is?" I asked him.
"Most of my life has been a blur," Haymitch told me. "You'll get used to it."
Peeta visibly rolled his eyes from behind Haymitch. He rubbed his forehead while he bit back a comment.
"I heard you think Gale's your brother," Haymitch said, which resulted in Peeta swatting him in the back of his head.
"Haymitch, really?" Peeta said, sighing loudly.
"Why does everyone think that's so funny?" I asked Haymitch as he swung behind the chair at Peeta, having no chance of hitting him back.
"Just ironic, is all."
I sighed because I didn't know what more to say about the topic. Maybe if someone would just tell me the right title for Gale, I wouldn't keep embarrassing myself. Haymitch licked his lips after settling back down and I watched as he blew out of them, starting to whistle. I didn't know why all of a sudden he decided to start whistling a tune, and Peeta seemed to be thinking the same.
"You recognize that song?" Haymitch asked me when he stopped his rhythmic whistling.
I could tell by how my face scrunched together that I was looking at him like he was completely insane.
"Should I?"
Haymitch and Peeta looked at each other, which told me that I should. I looked from Haymitch to Peeta and then back at Haymitch, who clapped his hands together just once before standing up.
"I'll see you later," Haymitch said, his visit not lasting long. "Hopefully this hangover lasts long for your sake."
"I'm not hung over," I replied.
"Even better," Haymitch said.
He patted Peeta on the arm and I could tell that they both knew what each other was thinking. I felt a sudden burst of panic rush through me because Haymitch wasn't the first to look at Peeta as if he had a long road ahead of him. I had the urge to jump out of bed and walk around so that I could start living my life again, and so I could hear what everyone talked about when they disappeared out of my room.
"Everyone keeps looking disappointed at my answers, Peeta," I said once Haymitch was gone. "What's going on?"
"I don't know yet," Peeta said. "I called Dr. Aurelius to come and check on you tomorrow morning."
"What do you think is going on?" I asked him.
He brushed his hand over my arm a few times and I noticed that the bandage on his head was smaller than it had been this morning.
"I think you've just forgotten a few things," Peeta said. "No big deal."
"Will you tell everyone to stop looking at me the way they are?" I asked him.
"How are they looking at you?"
"The way you're looking at me right now."
He seemed surprised at my response and stopped the back and forth motion of his hand on my arm. His eyes softened from their pity look he had been sending me, and he leaned over and kissed me at the corner of my eye, right below the cut on my head.
"I'll tell them."
Before Dr. Aurelius arrived the next morning to check on me, I had enough time to see the kids, who both sat on my bed in front of me as I sat with my feet crossed underneath me. Rosemarie insisted that I braid her hair since it had been a long time since I had, and she handed me over a brush that she brought in with her. I brushed her hair out and then handed it over to Rye, who stuck it in his mouth after a few babbles.
I was twisting the hair tie around the thin end of the braid when Gale walked in. He was carrying a soccer ball and hula-hoop, which banged against the door when he came into the room. He made a face, but turned to the kids.
"Who wants to go outside?" he asked them, exciting them just by the enthusiasm in his voice.
"I do!" Rosemarie exclaimed, raising her hand.
"Come on then," Gale said, waving her over so that she'd come with him.
He scooped Rye up from the bed and exchanged the hairbrush for the soccer ball.
"Dr. Aurelius is here," Gale whispered from the doorway, giving me a warning.
I found myself fixing my hair and making sure that my shirt wasn't overly wrinkled. I don't know what I thought I would accomplish by looking neat, but deep down I hoped he would see me and instantly tell me I wasn't going crazy. Peeta and Dr. Aurelius walked in after Gale left the doorway. Dr. Aurelius smiled at me as he adjusted his glasses and he was carrying a simple pad of paper and a pen.
"It's nice to see you, Katniss," he said.
"You too."
"Now, let's not lie. This visit is all about honesty."
I tried to hold in my laugh, but couldn't as he sat down in the chair by my bed. I was glad he knew I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of being analyzed. At the same time, I wondered how he knew I wouldn't like to talk.
"We're just going to talk a little bit today," he told me. "I just want to see what you remember and what you don't."
I nodded, wanting him to start now so that it would be over sooner.
"I think it would be best if you weren't here, Peeta," Dr. Aurelius said, looking away from me. "That way you can't give her hints."
Peeta hesitated, but left the room after telling the both of us he'd be close if we needed anything.
"Ready?" Dr. Aurelius asked.
"Sure."
He asked me a series of questions, ones he told me I should know from various times in my life. He asked me about marrying Peeta, which I could talk about and asked me about when Peeta and I met, which I couldn't. He asked me about Rosemarie and Rye's childhood, which I remembered clearly, but when he asked about mine, I couldn't think of a single thing. When he asked me about a game, I asked him which one he meant, but he said I would know and that it wasn't a fun one anyway. Panic set in a few times, when I so badly wanted to have an answer to his questions, and I found myself squeezing my eyes so tight to try to remember something, anything, about when I was younger.
Dr. Aurelius patted my hand when my eyes filled with tears after asking me to respond to the list of names he had. He wanted me to say the first thing that I remembered about them, but I was afraid I wouldn't know anyone.
"Greasy Sae," he said.
"She watches the kids sometimes and makes really good stews."
"Peeta."
I rolled my eyes at him and he grinned as if trying to raise my spirits with an easy one.
"He's my husband."
"Gale."
"He's my kids' uncle, but apparently he really isn't because he can't stop laughing at the idea," I said in frustration, but my exasperation didn't throw him off or prevent him from going on.
"Effie."
"She told Gale about the people who were watching us."
"President Snow."
I shook my head at him, wondering why he looked up from his glasses the way he did. He seemed to be holding his breath, like this name would be the start of a long list that I wouldn't know.
"Rue."
I blinked in response, not feeling like I needed to explain to him that I didn't know.
"Finnich."
I sighed, scratching my arm as I stared back at him.
"Prim."
"I don't know," I said with a shake of my head.
He nodded and set his pen between the pages of his notepad and stopped rattling off names.
"What do you have to say?" I asked him.
"I'm going to get Peeta to have him hear this as well."
Dr. Aurelius poked his head out of the room and Peeta appeared instantly. He had to have been waiting by the door while we talked. He sat down on the end of the bed by my feet as Dr. Aurelius sat back down in the chair.
"Well, Katniss," Dr. Aurelius started. "It seems to me that you don't remember anything before you married Peeta."
"Nothing?" Peeta asked him, surprised.
"I'm afraid not."
Peeta didn't seem to be as concerned about the diagnosis as Dr. Aurelius. He acted like he had just been told I would live a hundred more years.
"When you say nothing…" Peeta started.
"I mean, nothing," Dr. Aurelius said, giving Peeta a look that he seemed to understand.
They were talking as if I weren't lying in the bed they were surrounding, which made me angry. I didn't understand the looks they were exchanging and knew that there was so much more going on.
"Will I ever get my memory back?" I asked him.
"Only time will tell," Dr. Aurelius said. "But I wouldn't worry. You two will just have to make your life so great from now on, that you won't ever have to think about how you've forgotten a few things. You'll just be living in your life today, not in your life from the past."
"That's a good idea," Peeta said after sending me a reassuring look.
"You're one of the lucky ones who get to have a clean slate," Dr. Aurelius said. "I have patients who can only wish they forgot what you have."
Peeta shifted in his spot after Dr. Aurelius's last comment. His comment was just another one I didn't understand. I couldn't believe that people wished to forget everything that made them who they were. Peeta led Dr. Aurelius out of the room and left me be for a while, even when I knew Dr. Aurelius was gone. He came back later, though, right when I was about to start having a panic attack. It was like my brain could tell me nothing I wondered about. I had no answers to simple questions like if I had siblings, or what my favorite memories were from when I was a kid.
"You look too happy," I told Peeta when he sat down next to me.
He leaned against the headboard that I was leaning against and reached over to take my hand. He had a look in his eyes that told me he was shocked, yet okay with the news we just got from Dr. Aurelius.
"Sorry," Peeta said.
"Are you going to fill me in?"
"On what?"
"On my past," I said, looking at him. "You're my husband, Peeta, so you know who I am… who I was."
"Your maiden name is Everdeen," Peeta told me.
I waited for him to go on, but he didn't. He remained quiet as if that was all I really needed to know.
"And?"
"And you're named after a root."
"A root?"
"A root."
Peeta seemed to think that the explanation of my name was all that I needed to hold me over for the day. I knew there were a million details to figure out about my past, so this one, which took him forever just to say, wasn't enough.
"Were we friends when we were kids?"
"We were paired up a lot," Peeta said. "So kind of."
"What do you mean by kind of?"
"Well, I kind of skipped the friend part and just went straight to loving you."
"If you're trying to flatter your way out of telling me, it won't work."
"I'm not," Peeta said with a laugh. "Honestly, that's the truth."
"What are you hesitant about telling me?" I asked him.
"Nothing, Katniss," Peeta said, sounding honest, so I guessed he wasn't being hesitant and just planned on never telling me at all. "All you really need to know is that I love you now like I did in the past, and you love me… you do remember that you love me, right?"
I looked over at him, thinking for a second I'd freak him out by telling him I didn't remember loving him, but the look on his face stopped me. He looked genuinely concerned that I had.
"I love you," I told him. "But that may only be temporary if you don't tell me what I've forgotten."
"Well, I'll enjoy it while it lasts," Peeta said, smiling at me.
He knew I wasn't joking around, but he was happy anyway. It was clear that he had no intentions of telling me what I wanted to know. Since today had already been too much to handle, I didn't ask anymore questions. It would take me a while longer to accept the fact that my past was nonexistent to me now, but I wouldn't give up trying to figure it out. Even if that meant going behind Peeta's back in order to find out.
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unknownbyhim22
