Note: I hope you are still enjoying! I'm certainly having fun!

Chapter Seventeen

Laying on the floor of the chaotic library River stared up at the celling. She knew that if she closed her eyes she'd instantly fall asleep. Despite the stone floor River was comfortable.
Valeyard was laying on his back on the floor with her and she was resting her head on his stomach. He had been released from the pain he'd been in and had finally stopped shaking, however they were both too tired to even think about getting up and taking the short walk that it would take to get to the bedroom. River smiled as the Valeyard began to idly play with her hair.

"Okay, I have to ask about the elephant in the room." River broke the silence.

"Elephant?" The Valeyard picked up his head just enough to look around. "Where?"

"The books, Doctor, I'm talking about the books." River clarified. "Why are you tearing up books."

"Oh...that." The Valeyard laid his head back down and continued to run his fingers through her hair.

"Well?" River asked when she didn't get an answer.

"It started as a compulsion, eventually became a habit, now it's something I do out of desperation."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I, it makes no sense. I don't know why I do it." The Valeyard replied in a hollow tone. "It used to make me feel better, it used to help with these 'attacks' I have, but it doesn't work any more."

"We need to find out."

"Find what out?"

"Don't play stupid with me, I know you better than that." River replied seriously. "We need to figure out why tearing up books used to make you better, and what started you doing it in the first place."

"Why bother?" The Valeyard sighed.

"Because it might give us answers as to why these attacks happen in the first place."

"I know why they happen." The Valeyard growled darkly.

"Then maybe we could find a way to sto..."

"I don't want to talk about this any more."

"Doctor..."

"Don't call me that." The Valeyard snarled.

River could feel the Valeyard growing tense and more agitated. Sitting up River looked down at him and smiled sadly. He watched her warily as she reached down and put her hand against his cheek. River knew the root of his new title, a valeyard was an ancient term used by the lawyers and justice seekers of Gallifrey.

"I will always call you 'Doctor'. It's who you are." River replied gently. "Changing your title won't change what happened to you, and it won't change what's happening now. It's just as useless for easing your pain as ripping up books. Don't hide, and don't give up, you are 'The Doctor'."

"No, I'm not." The Valeyard pulled away from her touch and sat up as well. "Not anymore, and never again."

"Don't say that, please don't say that."

"Why shouldn't I?" The Valeyard demanded.

"You know why."

"I really don't."

"Because the Universe needs a Doctor, not a Valeyard."

River's blood turned to ice as the Valeyard narrowed his eyes and curled his lip at her in a sudden expression of pure rage. Despite his obvious change in temper River was still surprised when he lashed out and grabbed and fist full of her hair. She had nearly forgotten about his behaviour when he'd forced her against the bars at Stormcage, but it came back to her vividly now. He rose to his feet and using his purchase he hauled her to her feet as well. She held onto his wrist to try and keep him from tearing out the hair he had a hold of.

"Stop, le..."

"I don't *care* what the Universe needs or what it wants!" The Valeyard roared. "I did nothing but try and help all my life and what have I *ever* gotten in return?! Even you are little more than a cruel trick played on my by Fate."

"I was raised to kill you, and I'm sorr..."

"I'm not talking about my death, I'm talking about yours!" The Valeyard hissed. "I died the day you first met me, and you died the first day I met you. The only difference is you had the courage to save me and the Doctor did nothing in return to save you!"

The Valeyard released his hold on River's hair and she backed herself up against the bookshelf. The Valeyard paced back and forth a few steps while he fought with his inner demons. River looked at the Vortex Manipulator on his wrist and wondered if she could be quick enough to active it. She wasn't sure where she would take them, but she was starting to fear that she couldn't help him alone.

River was still trying to think of who would be the best person to help her when the Valeyard stopped his pacing. River tried to back up further when the Valeyard suddenly pressed himself against her, however already against the bookshelf she was trapped there. Although she didn't feel that she was in any mortal danger his violent outburst had her nervous. The Valeyard didn't seem to notice the way she tensed at his touch and he kissed her forehead affectionately

"How could I just let you die?" The Valeyard asked rhetorically.

"I'm sure you did what you could." River answered anyway as she forced a smile. "We all have to die sometime."

"Says who?" The Valeyard smiled mischievously. "The Universe? Haven't you been paying attention? I don't take orders from the Universe or the long dead Time Lords anymore. The Vashta Nerada infested library awaits you, but it doesn't matter, you'll still get to stay with me, forever. I am fighting for you, which is more than could ever be said of the Doctor!"

"I don't know how, but I have always known that I would die saving you. I don't fear that fate."

"I do."

"You shouldn't." River assured as she started to make her move towards the Vortex Manipulator. "You can't stop it, that day is fixed."

"I don't have to stop it, I just need to create a loophole." The Valeyard laughed. "It's brilliant and it is going to solve so many of my problems!"

"Loophole?" River asked to keep him talking while she started to set the Vortex Manipulator. "How can there be a loophole in time?"

"The Time Lords were already working on the technology in secret, they almost got it right!" The Valeyard said with obvious excitement. "The Minyans have provided me with 'proof of concept' when their world was destroyed by the fall out from the testing of it. The Age Lock was just part of it, they were affected in so many other ways, and they weren't the only ones!"

River yelped as the Valeyard wrapped his arms around her waist. He lifted her up off the ground and spun them both in a tight circle. River had thought that he had caught on to what she was doing since she had almost triggered the Vortex Manipulator, however the way he laughed made her think that his mood was simply shifting again. Her suspicions were confirmed when he stopped their spin and nuzzled her affectionately. River took a breath to say something but was interrupted by the Valeyard's enthusiastic kiss.

"Don't worry, River, when I'm done I'll be able to keep you with me forever, and yet you still will have died for me in the past."

"Wha...what?"

"I'm going to create a whole new Universe, one that accepts paradoxes!"