Chapter Eighteen

"Raggedy Man...good bye..."

"Amy!"

The Doctor jolted awake with Amy's farewell still echoing in his mind. Disoriented he fought to sit up, but pain speared through his shoulder and forced him to lay back. As much as he didn't want to admit it the injury was becoming increasingly debilitating. He was unsure if it was actually getting worse or if he was simply losing his ability to cope with it. The Doctor could hear River saying something soothing to him as she caressed his cheek. With his hearts pounding against his ribs he looked up at River. Looking down on him with a sympathetic expression River leaned in and kissed his forehead.

"River...what happened?"

"You fell asleep, Sweetie."

"Asleep?" The Doctor repeated. "I didn't mean to."

"Clearly you needed it."

"I used to need an hour every couple of weeks...now I can barely make it a few days." The Doctor shook his head sadly. "I'm getting old, River."

"That's okay, I've always loved older men."

"Men? Plural?" The Doctor repeated with mock indignity. "How many older men do you have in your collection?"

"Just the one," River tapped on his nose playfully "but he's *really* old."

"Oy!"

"You started it."

Despite the continued stabbing pain in his shoulder the Doctor chuckled. Bracing his palm against his shoulder the Doctor got to his feet with a little help from River. After a quick kiss she followed him out of the Zero Room. River instantly noticed the difference between the Zero Room and being back in the real world. It was a difficult feeling to describe, it was like stepping into a noisy room after sitting in a comfortable silence. The transition was not pleasant and was a touch disorienting.

It didn't take more than a glance for River to see that leaving the protection of the Zero Room had an even greater impact on the Doctor. With his hand still pressed firmly against his shoulder he looked like he was struggling to keep from throwing up. River noted sadly that the Nova Diamond was continuously flickering under his shirt. She knew it wasn't age that was forcing him to need more sleep lately. The Doctor noticed the concerned look he was getting from River.

"Sorry, River," the Doctor forced a smile "I forgot to warn you that the real Universe can be a little uncomfortable at first after spending some time in the Zero Room."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I'm fine." The Doctor lied. Straightening his back he took his hand away from his shoulder and started off down the hall. "I'm still trying to figure out how the Valeyard would benefit from me locking myself in there, then again I've never really understood him."

"You've met him before?" River asked surprised.

"Yes, or at least one version of him."

"There are multiples?"

"I don't really know, but the Valeyard that I dealt with before was back when Gallifrey and the other Time Lords still existed. I severely rewrote all of the future, including my own, when I put an abrupt end to the Great Time War. So if the Valeyard is my future once again it only stands to reason that this version is different. At the very least he can't be the one who kept hounding me in the past since he wouldn't be able to get through the Time Lock any more than i can."

"What did he want with you from before?" River asked as she walked along the hall at his side.

"He devoted most of his time to trying to have me legally executed by the High Council."

"Executed?" River thought about that for a moment. "Wait, wait, no, that's crazy. If he had you killed and he is you...wouldn't that prevent him from existing in the future?"

"You would think so. Which is why I never really believed the Master that the Valeyard was my own future. Then I came across the Vale Blades and suddenly things are a lot clearer."

"They are?"

"Those blades are so powerful, more so than I ever imagined, they could even have some sort of paradox stabilizing property to them." The Doctor said as he held his arm protectively against his chest. "If the Valeyard had ever managed to have met put to death, he would have ensured that those Blades were used to carry out the sentence."

"They don't seem very effective. You've already survived having them through your chest once."

"That's only because of Jackels and his mechanical regeneration field, they would have done their job if I hadn't been exposed to it and his experiments."

"Why need a high tech blade, anything sharp through the hearts of a Time Lord would stop them."

"The Valeyard would be one of my last incarnations and he was always interested in gaining more regenerations. You remember how you gave your remaining regenerations to save me?"

"Of course." River smiled.

"Well things that can be given can often times be stolen as well." The Doctor stopped in front of a locked door and pressed his palm against a panel to unlock it. "The Vale Blades were designed to transfer regeneration energy from one Time Lord to another to increase their number of regenerations, but after experiencing them for myself I think there is a lot more to them than just that."

The Doctor lead River into the small room that lay behind the locked door. As soon as they stepped inside the lights rose as the door slid shut behind them. The room was featureless except for a black marble altar in the center than held two pillows, a deep royal blue one and a crimson blood red one. River walked up to the alter with the Doctor and looked down on the Vale Blades that lay one each on the velvet pillows. A shiver ran down her spine just looking at the slightly curved razor sharp daggers.

"The one on the red pillow gave me the wound that won't heal." The Doctor said as he stared down at it. "The blades are outwardly identical in every way."

"Outwardly? What's different about them internally?"

Rather than answer the Doctor reached out with his left hand and held it just over the blade that lay on the blue pillow. Nothing happened, however when he moved his hand over the other dagger he growled in pain. Alarmed River looked up from the blade at the Doctor and jolted in surprise at the tendrils of golden glowing dust that now leaked from his shoulder. Having proven his point the Doctor pulled his hand away and took a step back. The glow at his shoulder instantly vanished, but the experience left him panting for breath.

"I'm still connected to that one," the Doctor explained "the other blade doesn't know who I am since it has been fully discharged."

"What have you tried so far to break the connection?"

"That's why I brought you here. There is one thing I haven't tried, something I haven't been desperate enough to try yet."

"You want me to put it back in your shoulder, don't you?" River asked knowingly.

"It's not something I really 'want' to do, but I honestly think it's worth a try. Either to discharge what might be left inside it, or pull some excess energy out of me."

River looked back to the cruel looking weapons laying innocently on their pillows. Without waiting for River to agree to the plan the Doctor pulled off his bow tie and unfastened the top few buttons of his shirt. He pulled his jacket and shirt off his shoulder and yanked off the bandage that hid the wound. River turned her attention to him looked at the golden spirals and lines that were radiating from the injury and furrowed her brow.

"The marks are spreading." River noted as she inspected the skin.

"More than you know. When I was blasted by the Dalek we discovered that these also extend under my skill all the way across my chest."

"A Dalek? One of the Valeyard traps?"

The Doctor nodded.

"The Valeyard came and visited me after capturing that Dalek. I had suspected that's what he had been tangling with. He didn't want to talk about it, but I accepted that since I thought he was you. He looked a little worse for wear."

"Speaking of which, what does the Valeyard look like?"

"Don't you know?" River asked surprised.

"No."

"I just assumed you realized."

"Realized what?"

"He looks just like you."

The Doctor fell silent as he thought about the implications of the news. River could see him trying to make sense of something that didn't make any sense to him. Wincing in pain he pulled his clothes back up onto his shoulder and started to redo the buttons.

"Doctor?" River asked.

"I've changed my mind on this. It's too dangerous. I had hoped that putting the dagger back might help, but now I'm thinking that it may be the trigger for creating the Valeyard."

"Don't do that." River said firmly.

"Do what?"

"Second guess your every move in fear that it is the action that leads to the Valeyard." River said. "If you start hesitating and backing down from every risk you are going to become paralyzed with indecision and become easy prey for the Valeyard."

"Something I do causes him to happen, and this has a good chance of being it."

"I think that doing nothing and remaining in constant agony holds much more of a risk for driving you towards madness and vengeance."

"It doesn't hurt that much, it's more annoying than anything else."

River raised a skeptical eyebrow. She had noticed the deterioration in his condition since they'd left the Zero Room. With every minute that passed his breathing was getting increasingly shallow and his every move was becoming more guarded. River reached out as though she was going to touch his shoulder. The Doctor automatically pulled back and hissed in pain without actually being touched.

"Just annoying?" River questioned.

"Maybe a little worse than 'annoying'." The Doctor admitted. "But this might make it worse. How can I know which route to choose?"

"Trust your instincts, they've gotten you this far."

"My instincts are telling me to try this." The Doctor said begrudgingly.

"Then we should."

The Doctor sighed and nodded in agreement. River picked up the Vale Blade off the red pillow while the Doctor worked his shirt off his shoulder once more. The Blade felt surprisingly natural in her hand, it was well balanced and oddly warm to the touch. River guided the Doctor to sit down with his back against the marble alter in case he decided to pass out or otherwise violently react to the Vale Blade. Kneeling in front of the Doctor River put her free hand against his chest while she tightened her grip on the hilt of the dagger with the other.

"Ready?"

"Not really." The Doctor replied with a nervous smile.

River leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. "How's that?"

"Much better."

River brought the blade up causing the exposed wound to instantly react. The golden spirals shimmered with life and the glowing tendrils returned, reaching out from the skin that surrounded the angry injury. Clenching his teeth the Doctor leaned his head back against the stone altar. River stared in wonder at the golden threads that reached out at wrapped themselves around the blade.

"River, that's not helping..." The Doctor panted.

"Sorry." River pulled the blade away far enough to stop the reaction.

Taking a deep breath herself River steeled her courage. It had been a lot easier to suggest to the Doctor that he try this treatment then to actually drive the dagger into him. Seeing that she was hesitating the Doctor reached up and gently took her wrist, the blade's nature prevented him from using the blade on his own, however, as long as someone else had the handle the dagger didn't seem to care if he helped. He tried to put the memory of having to help Aleena push the other dagger into his heart out of his mind but failed.

"No," River shook her head "let go. You shouldn't have to do this yourself, or even help. Just try to relax, I can do it."

"Thank you."

The Doctor released River's wrist and without hesitating she brought the blade back up and sunk it into the preexisting wound to the hilt. Gasping sharply the Doctor threw his head back and cried out. The gold lines that had been hidden under his skin blazed to life, glowing just beneath the surface. The carvings in the hilt of the dagger reacted as well and shone brightly between River's fingers as she kept her grip on it. Terrified by the sight the Doctor weld his eyes shut and concentrated on not crying out again. A growing heat in his shoulder quickly became unbearable as the blade soaked in the energy.

"Enough!" The Doctor growled. "Stop!"

"No..." River said breathlessly "...it's working."

"How ca..." The Doctor stopped as he opened his eyes. "River, no!"

The Doctor tried to pull away but was already backed up against the stone altar. The golden spirals were unraveling off his shoulder, but in return they were blazing a trail up River's forearm. The Doctor put his hand over River's grip on the Vale blade and fought to pull it out. River had far more leverage on the weapon than the Doctor and leaned in to keep it in place.

"River, wait, stop! Pleas..."

The Doctor didn't get a chance to finish as the glow on the dagger's hilt flashed to a blinding white accompanied by an explosion of pain. The Doctor felt the blade yanked free as River was knocked back by an unseen force. The Vale ripped out with a spray of gold followed by an immense sense of relief. The sudden release from pain was like being dropped in a pool of ice water after a seemingly endless journey through the desert. Taking his first truly painless breath in months the Doctor nearly passed out. Unable to remain upright even with the support of the stone altar the Doctor slid down and ended up laying on his side as he closed his eyes.

"River...River, it worked." The Doctor whispered as he fought to stay awake. "River?"

When he didn't get a reply the Doctor forced himself to open his eyes and focus. Seeing River sprawled out across the floor jolted the Doctor awake. Battling to his hands and knees he crawled over to her. River still had her hand still loosely around the Vale Blade. When he took the Blade away from her lax grip it no longer reacted to his touch as it once did. He set the Blade aside and turned his attention back to River.

Even though she was out cold River's breathing was shallow and laboured. She was laying on her side so the Doctor carefully rolled her over onto her back. Fearing that he knew what had happened the Doctor pulled her blouse away from her shoulder and exposed the bright golden spirals now etched into her shoulder. The skin wasn't broken, but the spiral pattern was still grouped around an imaginary wound. The Doctor touched the area gently causing River to jerk awake with a cry of pain.

River reached up and pressed her hand against the marks and grit her teeth together as she adjusted to the pain. The Doctor put his hand over her own and tried to help by flowing some regeneration energy through to her the way he would if he was trying to heal a physical injury of hers. When River cried out louder he instantly stopped. Unsure of how to help the Doctor carded his hand into her hair while River took a few deep breaths. Managing to calm herself she looked up at the Doctor and forced a smile.

"River..."

"This wound is far from 'annoying', Doctor." River tried to sound light hearted as tears slipped from the corners of her eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think of this, you're part Time Lord so the Blade reacted differently then when Aleena or Rory used it. The Vale Blade just transferred this to you."

"I know..." River closed her eyes wearily for a moment. "I told it to."

"What?"

"I can control the Vale Blade." River announced proudly. "As soon as it was in your shoulder it taught me how, spoke to me just as the TARDIS did the first time I flew her."

"Why didn't you just leave the energy in the Blade?"

"You will need both Blades fully discharged if you are going to use them against the Valeyard." River explained simply. "The Blades need to be ready to use at a moment's notice. In the meantime that means that someone has to carry this wound."

"Then give it back to me, right now."

"You need to be at your best if you are going to win this war. Besides, this makes more sense, after all I'm just a time anomaly."

"No." The Doctor said firmly. "Paradox or not, you are still River Song."

"You can't lie to me, Doctor." River admonished with a genuine smile. "So stop insulting me by trying."

The Doctor took a breath to protest, but he didn't know how. The River with him was the one with the broken time line, the other River may have been diverted from her original time line but it was still one continuous piece. She wouldn't have any of the paradox issues that the River with him had. Either way she was just as much the woman he loved as the other one was. Tears brightened his eyes as he thought furiously as to how he could fix this.

"Doctor, stop worrying about things you can't change."

"River..."

"You can't save both of me, Doctor, so let me save you instead."

"No, River, no." The Doctor shook his head stubbornly as his tears finally spilled. "I can't ask you to sacrifice yourself for me, not again. Please, don't make me ask that of you again."

"You've never asked me to...which is why I've always been happy to do it."