Note: Okay this time I have a good excuse for the long wait. I put my hand through a window. Yup. Slashed open my palm to the tune of seven stitches. So typing has not been an option. It was an accident, I was trying to unstick a stuck window and I slipped and put my hand through the glass. Better now.
Chapter Twenty five
Sitting on the stairs in the main control chamber River pressed her hand against the angry wound in her shoulder. It was a little disconcerting to have such a painful injury with no actual physical signs of trauma. Pulling her shirt off her shoulder River inspected the golden spiral pattern that marred her skin. It was hard to tell, but it seemed like it was larger than before. Tracing along one of the lines caused the gold to glitter and shift in the dim light of the console room. River decided that if it wasn't for the fact that it was so painful she might actually like the unusual decoration.
River caught sight of the the small glass bottle of blue liquid the Doctor had given her that she had tucked into her bra. Taking it out she held it up and inspected the glittering fluid. She hadn't understood it when he'd first given it to her, but now that she'd had some time River was fairly certain that she knew what it was. Opening the vial River contemplated just knocking it back now.
Suddenly feeling a little dizzy River decided to recap the vial and put it back in its hiding spot. She looked around the console room as though she'd never seen it before. Feeling out of sorts River got to her feet and wandered over to the control panel. When she ran her hand along the centre console the lights turned to a deep red as the TARDIS protested. River lifted her hand off the controls and the lights returned to normal.
"Why are you still keeping me here?" River asked quietly. "Nothing upsets a TARDIS more than a paradox...so why are you still working so hard to stabilize one?"
River wasn't really expecting an answer and she didn't get one. Moving towards touching the console again she paused when the TARDIS rang out with a deep warning bell. Putting her hands up in a display of surrender River instantly regretted the move as her shoulder flared painfully. She took a step back as she held her shoulder protectively. A heavy silence fell over the room that weighed heavily on River's hearts. Sighing she sat back down on the dais steps and continue to rub at her shoulder even though it didn't really help the pain.
When the TARDIS doors opened and the Doctor stormed in followed closely by her parents River smiled and got to her feet. She stepped forward to greet the trio but stopped when the Doctor looked up at her and froze in his tracks. Amy and Rory clearly didn't expect him to stop short and bumped into him. Amy was briefly annoyed but when she caught sight of River she suddenly got the same horrified look on her face that the Doctor was currently wearing.
"Something wrong?" River asked nervously.
Rather than answer the Doctor stepped up to her and reaching in one of his inner jacket pockets he brought out a small square mirror. It always amazed River how much stuff he tended to not only carry in his pockets but also his ability to so quickly find what he needed. River took the mirror and peered into it. River stared at the golden lines and spirals that had spread from her shoulder up her neck and across half her face.
"Oh, that's different" River smiled "I kind of like it."
"How's your shoulder feeling?" The Doctor asked in concern.
"No worse, but no better either."
"I'm sorry." The Doctor reached out and gently traced one of the lines on River's neck.
"It's okay, Sweetie, honest."
"Doctor," Amy said as she joined them "what's happening to River?"
"I don't know."
"I'm fine." River assured. "In the end it doesn't matter what this is anyway."
"What do you mean?" Amy asked a taken aback. "How can it not matter?"
"Amy," River reached out and carefully hugged Amy "you have to know I'm only temporary. As soon as the Doctor finds the real River I'll no longer be able to exist, and from the look on his face when you all first stormed in here I have the feeling that he knows where I am."
"River, no..." Amy started.
"Hush," River kissed Amy's forehead "there is nothing that can be done about it."
"Doctor..." Amy left the rest of her question unasked.
Turning his eyes to the floor the Doctor didn't answer which was the same as admitting that River was right. After a few moments of awkward silence the Doctor took a breath to say something, but thinking better of it he just stepped past the two women and headed towards the controls. Rory came up and put his hand on Amy's shoulder in silent support. River flashed Amy and brave smile.
"It's getting cold in here." River said suddenly. "Could you and Rory get me a sweater?"
Amy gave River a suspicious look and glanced up at where the Doctor was busing himself with the controls. It was clear that Amy knew that River was just looking for an excuse to talk to the Doctor alone. For a moment it looked like Amy was going to argue, but instead she peacefully allowed River her space and took Rory with her to find River something warmer to wear. River watched her parents leave before she went to join the Doctor on the dais. Concentrating on the task at hand the Doctor avoided looking directly at River. Eventually she stood in his way to try and force him to pay attention to her, her trick worked and he stopped to face her.
"Riv..."
"Doctor," River interrupted gently "perhaps now would be a good time to let me go."
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't give me that you know exactly what I'm talking about." River chastised. "Now is as good a time as any."
"No, not ye..."
"I still have that vial of liquid you gave me and I know now what it is. I never planed to say good bye to Amy and Rory, and I even thought about doing the same for you, but unlike Amy and Rory I knew you'd never forgive me."
"You know that's not true."
"You're right." River smiled sadly. "Truth is I wanted to hear you say it before I left, selfish of me I know, but wha..."
"River stop, please." The Doctor reached out and took her hand. "It isn't the right time, not yet."
"Why not?"
"It just...it just isn't." The Doctor answered vaguely.
"You don't think you can save me from the Valeyard, do you?"
"I'm starting to have my doubts." The Doctor admitted.
"Either way, there is no place in the Universe for me."
"Please, just...stay with me a little longer."
River was about to protest further but the Doctor's heartbreaking expression stopped her. At first River thought that he was frightened at the thought of watching her go, but she suddenly realized that he was just plain frightened in general. She wasn't used to seeing him so unconfident. Although when she thought about it she realized she'd never really seen him facing a true personal fear, he tended to just avoid them. It had worked for him over a thousand years, but there was no running from the Valeyard.
"Okay," River nodded before she leaned in and kissed the Doctor's cheek "just remember that I can't stay forever."
"I know. Thank you." The Doctor whispered as he went back to setting the TARDIS for flight.
"So where are we going?" River asked conversationally.
"Alkinar."
"Alkinar? You know that must be a trap, right?"
"I know."
"Am I the bait?"
The Doctor just nodded as he continued adjust the controls.
"This is a bad idea. Don't go." River said firmly. "You shouldn't be meeting the Valeyard on his grounds, you were better off with the original plan of luring him to the Matrix."
"I can't take the risk of waiting for him to come to me."
"From what I understand I already spent several months with the Valeyard, and even though I do believe you that he's up to no good, I honestly don't think he'd hurt me."
"He already has." The Doctor replied darkly.
"Doc..."
"I'll never defeat him if I don't face him." The Doctor said firmly. "He will do anything to get to me, even if that means going through you."
"I still don't really understand how your future can hate you so much, it doesn't make any sense."
"It makes perfect sense."
"How so?"
"I've always been at odds with my past, *always*." The Doctor growled as he set the TARDIS into flight. "The only difference between myself and the Valeyard is that he's finally insane enough to actually do something about it."