CHAPTA TWO: BRING ME TO LIFE
THE NEXT MORNING...
Tommy woke to the sound of the alarm clock and walked to the bathroom, giving the viewers (meaning Denny) a totally unnecessary shot of his bare ass which would remain forever burned into their memories, like a spoonful of acid applied to the cornea. Denny decided- once again- to suck his own dick.
Tommy then went to work at the Office of Nazi Germany, and wasn't seen again for quite some time, due to the fact that hew was locked in a cupboard by four unknown assailants, who did a great deal of damage to his office as well. The minute he left The Room, Lisa phoned up his best friend, Best Friend Mark, which was quite a feat considering her lack of opposable thumbs.
"Heil lover boy," Lisa growled seductively into the phone. She knew she would have to use all her manipulative feminine wiles to win over Tommy's best friend, but as woman, and therefore an inherently evil (or dumb, or too smart) person, she had no qualms with this.
"Heil Lisa, whats up?" Best friend Mark was not the sharpest knife in the drawer, In fact, he was practically a spoon. He had a very low perception skill modifier and was unable to see the meaning behind Lisa's obvious words.
"I'm just sitting here, next to this picture of a spoon. I want you to come over." Lisa was becoming frustrated with the flaxen haired golden retriever's thick headedness.
"Maybe later!" Mark said obliviously.
"nO, WHENEVER YOU SAY YOU'LL COME OVER LATER YOU NEVER DO. I WANT YOU TO COME OVER RIGHT MEOW." Lisa mewled pathetically, momentarily reverting to her feline ways (she was actually kidnapped at birth and her real parents were vampires and cats. Also she converted to stanism).
"Ok" Mark yipped, seeing no problem in Lisa's words of wordly seduction.
"Cool bitch see you in 5 xoxoxoxoxo gossip[ gurl stop flamin me brooo"
When Mark came over, Lisa rougly pushed him into a chair. She was wearing a sexy black dress which Mark didn't find arousing because he had been neutered. She offered him some Scooby Snax and he just started to notice that something was going on.|
"Wait a moinute...snax? A sexy dress? Music? What's going on here?" he questioned questioningly.
"I want you! I need you! Oh baby! Oh baby!" She said, throwing herself at him like so many errant tennis balls. But much like the tennis balls of yesteryear, Best Friend Mark paid them no mind, instead, watching for squirrels.
"Tommy's my best friend." He absconded her, pushing her away with his paws that were seemingly unattached from his body.
She paid no attention to this, and quickly took off her sexy dress, revealing only her fur coat beneath it. When she did this, Best Friend Mark, despite his neutered state, got aroused. But, because of his neutered state, he had no knowledge about proper sexual practices. He grabbed her paw, led her to the spiral staircase of the house, and proceeded to fuck her.
Lisa was a little bit perplustered by the fact that he had stopped on the SPIRAL STARICASE when there was a bed not ten feet away from them and a couch ten feet away in the opposite direction, but what the hell, why not? However, as things started heating up over the course of the next fifteen hours, she began to feel a growing pain where a riser was poised painfully aginst her back rolls.
Biboleebodipodiip
your touch
put the fire jsdhsahj
your toush
like a wave crashing on the sea
your kiss
as gentle as a summer breeze
your love
is all I need to set me free
a rose
is what
you are
to me
the smeelll
of wonders of so sweet?
you are (you are)
a rose (a rose)
to me (to me (to me))
you are (you are)
a rose (a rose)
jhshdahdkslj
babay
you are
shwashwa
you are
a rose (a rose)
shwa
to me (to me)
you are (you are)
a rose (a rose)
baby
you are pot roast
you are pot roast
you are pot roast
you are pot roast
you are pot roast
you are pot roast
you are pot roast
you are pot roast
you are pot roast
(an: I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song)
As Lisa sang inexplicably about roses (probably a sexual practice picked up from The Fuhrer), Best Friend Mark wiggled about on top of her, making his inexperience and stupidity all too obvious,
Lisa paused her singing to say only ONE thing.
"THE PENIS GOES IN THE OTHER HOLE, BEST FRIEND MARK, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
"Shit, sorry." he moaned, and reluctantly removed his erection from her bellybutton and placed it in her LADY BITS.
"Sorry I snapped at you" snapped Lisa as they donned their unnecessary clothes once the deed was done. "It's just that Tommy does that all the time and I'm getting pretty fucking sickj of it. If I'm going to have a boy-toy on the side he's at least going to do it right! Like, Tommy, seriously, HOW IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE ENJOYABLE WHEN THERES A DICK IN MY BELLYBUTTON? Damn Fuhrer. Heil dat bitch. I get it that the space is sufficient for his pleasure, but it's causing a lot of chafing. Seriously. His dick is like sandpaper."
In a twist that surprised nobody, least of all Denny who was watching from the rafters, Mark wasn't listening.
"Why did you do this to me?" He gruffed angstily, clearly forgetting that it was his penis that did the do. "Why? Tommy's my best friend!"
"I don't love Tommy anymore. I love you. And I want to be with you." Lisa replied, trying to seduce him once more.
It worked. Mark was so enamoured by her rolls which hypnotized him like so many lava lamps that he was never again the same.
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