Heil Heidi I'm in the Room Also Birdemic

by Tommy's Crack is My Crack

A convergence of the greatest films of our generation as well as one TV show, this fic asks the question "can you really trust any dog?" If you haven't seen The Room, Heil Honey I'm Home, Heidi 4 Paws, or Birdemic, it will make the same amount of sense to one who has.

4. Chapter 4

CHAPTAA FOOOOOOORRRRREEEEEE : SHIT GETS BORING AN REPETETIVE

For no reason at all, Lisa's mother Claudette, an ornery poodle, came to visit. They say about on their dog beds, talking absent-mindedly and licking their genitals.

"I don't love Tommy anymore."

"Whoa, wait, we were just talking about licking genitals, that's a pretty big subject change! In any case, Tommy is a good dog. He supports you! He is the Fuhrer!"

"I don't care."

"Why don't you love him? Tell me!"

"He's so boring!"

"He's killed 6 million pomeranians! That's pretty interesting!"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"K."

And then Lisa's mother left and we were all left a little bit stupider than when we began.

Meanwhile, Tommy was on the roof for reasons that are clear to nobody but himself (the reason being, why the hell not?). As he gazed into the green screen that would become San Fran-Germany in post-production, he noted the absence of wind and tiny square footage of the roof in comparison to the building it supposedly topped.

Then Denny walked in, carrying a football in his mouth.

"Tommy, can I woof to you?" Denny woofed.

"Of course Denny, you are like my son!"
"Woof! Well, it's about Lisa. I think she looks beauti-fucl in her red dress. I think I'm in love with her."

"Go on."
"And every time I see her, I kind of want to lick her."

"Go on."

"And sometimes, when I'm licking my penis, I picture her and pretend that it's her that I'm licking."

"Go on."

"And sometimes, for those weeks when you have sex, I watch from the rafters and pretend that it's my penis in her bellybutton, in stead of yours."

"Lisa loves you too, Denny." This news gave Denny a boner of hope. "As a dog. As a canine bean." Tommy continued, causing Denny's hope boner to disintegrate.

"If a lot of people loved each other, the world would be a better place!" exclaimed the Fuhrer. "Except those FUCKING POMERANIANS FUCK THOSE BITCHES, THEY DESE RVE NO LOVE."

(AN : At that very moment, every single pomerANIAN in San Fran-Germany cried a big, greasy, buttery tear.)

However, Denny wasn't listening to these words of wisdon, and instead, was staring at his dicintegrated penis. Tommy noticed this, and, feeling mildly turned on, and therefore mildly uncomfortable, he suggested that he go eat HEILLLLNNNHHHHHHH. They then exited the roof by way of a small metal box in the corner, which opened to the side of the building where they fell into expertly-placed crash mats.