Chapter Thirty-two
"Aleena's son?" Amy repeated incredulously. "How does that even begin to make sense?"
"I should have never brought Aleena into the Zero Room with me, I'm sure that's when it happened." The Doctor sighed sadly. "The Zero Room is specifically designed to help me, to save me, to do whatever it can to give me what I need. As much as I hate to admit it, the TARDIS would sacrifice someone else to save me, that goes double for the Zero Room. For all I know the Zero Room may have even thought that I brought her there intentionally to use her."
"You're babbling, Doctor, I don't like it when you babble, it makes me nervous."
"I'm sorry, Amy. I'm just trying to work this out in my head. At the time that Aleena entered the Zero Room unlike you she still had a sliver of my soul embedded in her palm. The memories of what had happen to me were still tearing me apart. I was starting to remember and no good was coming of it. I needed them gone and the Zero Room must have figured that she was the perfect place to put them."
"You know how ridiculous this sounds, right?" Amy asked.
"I know. However it explains so much about the Valeyard. Somehow her baby ended up with not just the memories I needed gone, but a copy all of my memories." Still sitting on the floor the Doctor pulled his hands through his hair as he stared forward blankly.
"Doctor?"
"Do you remember how much trouble my 'ganger' self had adjusting to being me?" The Doctor asked suddenly.
Amy just nodded.
"And he had my exact physiology, he had me there to explain to him what he was, he actually already had a sense of it himself. Aleena's son would have had no such guide. A Time Lord's first regeneration is a critical step in their maturation, I'm willing to bet that's when the Valeyard first 'woke'. Aleena's son would have been born with one heart, like River was, he would have been born a Minyan...but he would have evolved into something much closer to a Time Lord with that first regeneration."
"He acted as though he believed he was you." Amy pointed out from her brief encounter with the Valeyard. "He talked about taking his rightful place and that we'd adjust to him."
"He may not even have any memory of growing up, the regeneration may have given him sudden access to the memories. It would be logical if he regenerated with only my memories that he would believe himself to be me. In fact the way he's acting...I could see myself being just like him if I lost everything the way he has."
"No, Doctor, he's nothing like you. He's insane."
"Whatever torture I suffered at Jackel's hand shattered my personality, the Valeyard is what I would be if I had to live with those thoughts, made worse by losing the TARDIS and you and Rory as company. The Valeyard was probably right when he said I 'gave in' on that table. There are some experiences in this world that a soul can not recover from. He's developed an obsession with River because she is the one thin..."
"River!" Amy exclaimed as she jumped to her feet. "We have to save her! She's trapped!"
"It's okay, Amy. We will get her out, she has the Vale Blades, she's safe where she is."
"She's not." Amy insisted. "A couple of these psychopaths already tried to kill her by building a fire at the door."
Suddenly looking pale the Doctor struggled to his feet. It hadn't occurred to Amy until that moment that the reason they were just sitting around was the fact that his encounter with the Realtor had left him weak. The truth was that he didn't bounce back from slowing his hearts down and feigning death the way he did a few hundred years back. However with the news that River wasn't as safe as he thought the Doctor was invigorated by the new sense of urgency.
Amy handed the screwdriver back to the Doctor and he took it gratefully. He carefully scanned the hall for any signs of the prisoners before they left the relative safety of the cell block. With everything clear he quickly lead Amy along. Amy tried to head directly back to River, but the Doctor pulled her off towards the TARDIS instead. He needed a way into the cell if he was going to help River.
Getting back to the TARDIS the Doctor briefly stopped at the place where the Valeyard and Rory had disappeared. There was a slight disturbance in the time flow in the spot that was still visible. Amy stopped and stared down at the empty floor, she no longer had her ability to see time the same way the Doctor did, but she knew that he could sense something different about the spot.
"Rory's going to be okay, right?" Amy asked anxiously.
"As soon as he can the Valeyard will return here with Rory." The Doctor said confidently. "He and Rory may be with River in the cell right now."
"Doctor! Amy!" River exclaimed in relief from the TARDIS doors that she'd pulled open.
The Doctor looked up at River and his stomach tightened into a knot. The golden markings had spread further across her face which enhanced the pale look to her skin. When he stepped closer he could see that a fine bead of sweat clung to her temples. Her every motion and laboured breath betrayed the pain she was fighting to hide.
"I'm fine, Doctor." River said as she read the concern on his face.
"No you're not."
"No, I suppose not." River admitted.
"Amy, take River to the Zero Room for now and stay there till I tell you other wise. I'll be back in a few minutes."
"Doctor," River stepped up "if you're going back to save 'me' isn't time that I..."
"No." The Doctor interrupted quickly. "Not yet."
"You're still trying to find a way to save me," River smiled sadly and kissed the Doctor's cheek. "It can't be done, my Love. The sooner you accept tha..."
"Just give me a little more time, please. I'll think of something."
River took a breath to protest, however she gave in when Amy stepped up with a worried expression. Forcing a brave smile River reached out and took Amy's hand, wincing in pain as she did so. When the pair had left the main chamber the Doctor allowed himself a frustrated growl. River shouldn't have to bear his pain, but at the moment he needed her to.
Working on one problem at a time the Doctor scavenged through one of the cabinets until he found what he was looking for. Carrying the small device that he had found the Doctor sprinted back to where the other River was still trapped. He looked at the destruction that Amy had caused with the sonic and upon spotting the charred bedsheets he realized just how close to death River had come.
Standing just outside the door the Doctor mucked with the device until he vanished in a snap of white light. The prototype hand held teleport device was very short range and extremely inaccurate, making it fairly dangerous to use. It was just as likely that you'd zap yourself into a wall than anywhere you actually wanted to go. However he was confident that he could control it well enough to get to the other side of the door.
It hadn't occurred to him to announce to River that he was about to invade her space and he instantly regretted his social faux pas. In the dark and still smokey cell River was on him in a heart beat. The Doctor gasped sharply as River pinned him to the cold metal door with one blade pressed broad side against his throat and the sharp point of the other pushing into his jacket over his lower right heart.
Not daring to swallow or even breath for fear of being sliced on the dangerous weapon the Doctor froze in place while waiting for River to make her decision on if he was friend or foe. She had expressed a hesitance to use the blades when she'd received them, but that was before she'd almost been asphyxiated in her prison. The Doctor's blood ran ice cold as he wondered if even the tiniest scratch would result in a life long wound that would never heal. He may not have all his memories, but he vividly recalled waking up with the cruel metal in his chest and he was no where near forgetting the shoulder wound that he'd carried for the past few months.
River was breathing hard, betraying her own rush of adrenaline. As the Doctor felt the fabric of his jacket give way to the constant pressure on the knife point he risked drawing a breath to speak to River. She didn't seem like she was coming to a conclusion about him one way or another and the longer she kept second guessing herself the greater the chance the Doctor felt he had for ending up with a blade sunk into his heart.
"Riv..."
The Doctor was cut off as River suddenly engaged him in a surprisingly passionate kiss. With the blades still against his vitals and taken off guard by the move the Doctor didn't return the sudden intimacy. River briefly captured his bottom lip between her teeth and paused for a moment to gauge his reaction before releasing him.
"Doctor." River breathed a sigh of relief and brought the blades down.
"How do you know?" The Doctor asked.
"I just know."
"Hang on, is the Valeyard a better kisser than I am?"
"Honestly...yes." River smiled mischievously. "He has a kind of insatiable and aggressive sensuality about him that you just don't have."
"Of course I don't." The Doctor said defensively. "That's because I'm not a teenager anymore."
"Teenager?"
"I can't know the Valeyard's exact age but he's got all the classic signs of an adolescent Time Lord, at that stage we can be very...amours."
"Wait, stop, what are you talking about? The Valeyard is your future, the next regeneration gone wrong...isn't he?"
"River," The Doctor paused as he realized the ramifications of his discover for her. "I have to tell you something, something about the Valeyard, something that you are not going to want to hear..."
River took a step back and eyed the Doctor warily. He guided her over to the cot and the both sat down before continuing. River listened in growing horror as the Doctor explained his strong suspicions about the Valeyard true nature and origins. When he was done the pair sat in a heavy silence as River processed the new information. When River didn't respond the Doctor reached out to brush her cheek but she leaned away from his touch.
"River, it's okay."
"No, it's not. Doctor, I...for months now he and I..." River couldn't bring herself to finish the thought out loud.
"I know. And I'm sorry. You know I don't blame you, I just hope that you don't blame yourself."
"How could I not?" River asked as a single tear slipped down her face. "How could I not know that he wasn't my intended lover, but rather some complete stranger?"
"In the beginning he was probably an exact copy of me, he's slowly developing his own personality as he adjusts to the memories. Besides, I'm certain you figured it out several times." The Doctor assured.
"What do you mean?"
"You have physic scarring." The Doctor gently brushed River's temple. "I can feel it. The Valeyard has been reaching into your mind and stealing memories. The only reason he would risk hurting you like that is if you'd discovered him."
"I hope that's not just a clever lie, Sweetie," River smiled sadly "because it does make me feel better."
"Also keep in mind that he was never truly looking to trick you. He honestly believes that he is me, and that you belong with him."
"He didn't always introduce himself as the Valeyard, for quite some time he used 'The Doctor' title. I pushed him away the night he tried to tell me who he thought he was, that he was taking on this whole 'Valeyard' nonsense. I thought he was you breaking under the pressure of traveling alone. I've spurned any advances he's made since."
"And he's never tried..." the Doctor hesitated as the topic made him uncomfortable "He's never tried force?"
"No." River shook her head. "He's actually very gentlemanly about waiting for me to feel comfortable enough to continue our...previous 'endeavors'."
"As misguided as it is, the Valeyard does love you."
"Please stop saying that." River whispered miserably. "I don't want him to love me, I don't want to have to feel sorry for him. He's the enemy here."
"No, he's simply lashing out at a world and a life he doesn't understand." The Doctor added gently as he drew River into a warm embrace. "My memories are not something I'd wish on my greatest enemy. He went straight to you as in a desperate attempt to hold on to the one beautiful thing in my life, no one can blame him for that."
River managed a smile and rested in the Doctor's arms for a moment. Not one to dwell on the past she quickly composed herself and pulled away. The Doctor was grateful for her ability to move on, particularly considering how much work was left to do before this was truly over. River looked around the darkened cell for a moment before turning her attention back to the Doctor.
"What do we do from here?" River asked.
"What's the last thing you remember with him?"
"We were on a different world, at a party, he had some kind of seizure and he vanished in flash of blue light. He returned a few minutes later. He wouldn't tell me what happened, he took my wrist, after a rough ride we arrived here. It wasn't like a Vortex Manipulator ride, in fact he didn't even have it with him."
"What did he do once you were here?"
"I don't really know. I was so sick after the trip, I must have passed out...after that I just remember you waking me up."
"So he does have some control on his time travel, that's how he was able to sneak up on me and then vanish again."
"Wait, he can slip into the Vortex on his own?"
"I think so, I also think it happens uncontrollably to him as well." The Doctor guessed. "That changes things. I was hoping to lure him here to you and trap him so that I could talk to him, find a way to help him. If he sees me he'll just slip back into the Vortex."
"He talks about you sometimes, I never understood it before. One moment he's terrified of you, the next he's just angry, but he always seemed to view you as some sort of threat."
"Which means he won't listen to me, not yet."
"He'll listen to me."
"River, no..."
"Doctor, he's planing something, something big. He told me about changing the Universe to accept paradoxes, we can't let that happen."
"I think he may be building a Timonic Fusion Device."
"You need to know where it is and how put together it is. I can get close to him, he trusts me."
"But I don't trust him with you. He may have the delusion of loving you, but he's unstable, he could turn on you."
"It's worth the risk. Even in pieces a device like that could destroy entire galaxies, and completed it will turn the Universe inside out." River said seriously. "I'm the closest thing to a leash that we can put on him at this point. I can keep an eye on him, I can find the device. It will give you a chance to stop him. If you stick around here and wait for him he's just going to slip back into the Vortex and he might not come back. You have to leave me here."
"Amy's going to kill me." The Doctor sighed.
"You know this is the right decision, you need more time to figure out how to keep him out of the Vortex. I might even be able to get you information on how he's managing it. You also need to know more about the Timonic Fusion Device, do you even know how to disarm one?"
"No." The Doctor admitted.
"All the more reason to have a spy."
The Doctor stared at River for a moment, desperately trying to think of a good argument against letting her do this. River leaned in and kissed his cheek before reaching into his jacket and hunting around in one of his pockets. Finding a scrap of paper and a pencil she scribbled out four sets of coordinates in Old High Gallifreyan and placing it in his front pocket. He knew that she'd find a way to get the Valeyard to take her to the destinations in order to help them swap information. The first two places were for her to drop off information, the last two were places for him to leave it.
"Go, Doctor. It's our best chance at stopping him."
"Part of me doesn't want to stop him." The Doctor admitted quietly. "It's feels almost like I'm betraying you, like he's doing what I don't have the courage to do...you know why he's doing this."
"I do." River answered even though it hadn't been a question. "But, Sweetie, if you just stood back and let him set off that device, or even if you set it off yourself, it wouldn't help you keep me. If anything it would cut our time together short."
"How so?"
"If you ruined the Universe just for me you'd no longer be the man I love."