Author's note: I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading, I'd really appreciate it. This story is unbetaed. Btw, this is NOT THE FULL VERSION due to site restrictions. You may check out my tumblr / wordpress / livejournal / AO3 for the detailed chapters. Let's see what's going on with Sacchan. Events might be fast-paced. Zoom! Long chapter too. Dialogue heavy just like the last chapter. I need coffee! Btw, I noticed this cute little detail in episode 253/254 (the Kintama arc), where Gin-san was down to his boxers and the design was fuschia-background-with-yellow-stars and then a few scenes later, when Sacchan is about to jump off the roof, her clothes design is… Guess what? Fuschia-background-with-yellow-stars! Replies to reviews are at the end of the page. Thankies! :D

Chapter 16: The One You Love and the One Who Loves You are never the Same Person

Sadaharu disliked her. It was obvious in the way it growled at her and ran ahead, refusing to let her ride on its back. She knew it held a grudge over the time when she joked about taking its fur as her wedding dress and becoming Gin-san's pet instead. Well, she actually kind of considered it but she wasn't really going to do it. It was too late to explain anyway, the creature already despised her. Each time she tried to initiate conversation, it would attempt to bite her head off.

Sacchan liked to have her head attached to her body, especially since their search had only begun. It would be pitiful to die before accomplishing anything. She also clung to that small hope that she would somehow make it out alive.

But which was worse? Dying or living with the fact that she had lost her love to another? Slapping herself mentally, she reminded herself that Gin-san was never hers. The sooner she accepted that…

She bit her lip. It was no use. Death seemed like the more appealing choice.

Taking a deep breath, Sacchan broke into a run. If she kept lagging behind, she would be separated from Sadaharu. The Yorozuya pet would love it though, and it looked like he was trying to lose her.

She felt a cut in her heart. This was another reason why she seemed wrong for Gin-san. His family did not accept her. Sadaharu had this bad impression of her and had already made up its mind. Kagura and Shinpachi are nice kids who may just be putting up with her, but she felt their subtle disapproval every time she was with Gin-san. Otose-san, his mother figure, openly voiced her irritation about her prowling around constantly. His close friend, Katsura, was fairly neutral anyway.

Tsukki, on the other hand, was already part of their circle. She was good with animals, unlike Sacchan, and Sadaharu loved her. She always brought it some snacks and accompanied Kagura to take it for long walks even if it was out of her way. There was no way Tsukki would even think of shaving the skin off it and using it as her dress. Kagura and Shinpachi also seemed close to her. They spent lots of times together, drastic ones, and moments like that brought people closer when they made it out alive. They've been to Yoshiwara a couple of times and even defied the Shogun to defend an everlasting love.

All Sacchan did was cause them trouble with her glasses and irritate them by trespassing into their home. There was a time they came to her for help on the art of being a ninja, but she doubted that she had given them much aid then.

There was a clear winner in all of this. Sacchan wondered if it was worth it to wallow in self-pity a few hours before one might die. She just hoped the next life wouldn't be as cruel. No, she did not want to become a dog then either.

The path was confusing, she thought, as they raced through the halls and advanced floors. Both of them were designated to the bottom grounds, those which Gin-san and Katsura had searched last time. It was dark below and Sacchan was having difficulty due to her poor eyesight. But her nose did not miss the smell of copper filling the air.

Finding more of the captured Amantos and speaking to them about their plight would be the best thing to happen right now. Hopefully, none of them would be lifeless.

But what if she was the first one to find Tsukki? What would she do? First, Tsukki had to be alive. If she wasn't, Gin-san would certainly think that she had done something to her. Sacchan did not want to look upon the hatred in his eyes again. But what if Gin-san found her first? Her heart throbbed. Whatever was going to happen was obvious.

Her legs ached but she tried to move faster. Sadaharu was nowhere to be seen by now. She couldn't hear its paws hitting the ground either. "Sadaharu?"

No answer. It wasn't like she expected one. The animal had abandoned her. Well, there was no choice but to go further.

She entered a room but was disappointed to find one that matched the others. She was surprised when someone stepped right in front of her and hugged her, arms around her waist.

"Sacchan. You're here."

"Who-?" She pushed away and gasped when she saw his handsome face. "Kin-san!" Sacchan leaped to the door but he held her back by her arms. "AH!"

"Don't leave. I just want to speak to you." He smiled gently. "I've been trying to but you're always with that Gintoki."

"Let go!" She closed her eyes and struggled, hoping it would prevent him from brainwashing her.

"Hey. Relax. I said I just want to talk."

Peeking with one eye, she assessed his appearance. He did not look hostile and his face did have a kind grin on it. "If you think you can trick me again, you're wrong."

He laughed. "Sacchan, come on and sit here," he patted the bed. "Let's catch up with each other."

"No."

"Look, I know I've been evil in the past and there's no reason to trust me now, but see?" He held out his arms and turned a full circle. "I've got nothing. It's just me."

"I know you have manipulating powers…"

He shook his head and chuckled. "Well, I used to. I can't do that anymore. Now that…" He stopped and just stared blankly at her.

"Now that, what?" She was curious. What was he talking about? And he did seem harmless…

"Sit over here with me. I'll tell you what happened. Or maybe I'll show you." He kept smiling and gazing at her. "It's amazing."

Sacchan hesitated a bit but soon followed her instinct and settled next to him.

He kissed her.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" She kicked him and readied her kunai.

"I'm sorry," he took a few steps nearer once he recovered. "There's something- There's just something I can't explain."

"Stay back. I'll disassemble you."

"Then that'll be murder," he laughed again but without malice. "Listen, I'm not your enemy. My only opponent is Gintoki… Ultimately, I will take his place in this world. That is why I don't want you to see me as the bad guy."

"No one can replace Gin-san!"

"Sacchan, stop it. Look, I don't know what's with him but forget about that loser and focus on me first."

"Never!"

"Sacchan, I want you. I think… I could- This feeling, it suddenly came over me and I just had to keep seeing you. I always sought your presence-"

"Enough with the lies! Enough with the deceit!"

"Look, you have to face the fact that Gintoki will get back with Tsukuyo, if she returns with him."

"I know that…" But she was really going to slaughter him for saying that.

"But I'll take over his life, and I promise I'll choose you. Tsukuyo… I did aspire to have her once. The longing I had was intense. It consumed me. I always clashed with him over that. He never let me near her. It frustrated me every day. She's simply amazing… In every way possible. But recently, I've come to think of you…" His eyes flashed and in one swift movement, he grabbed her and tossed her to the bed, ripping her robe off. "I want you to know-"

Sacchan smashed her knee against his stomach and ran to the door when he fell over. He held her by the hair and dragged her back as she screamed and tried to land a turning kick on his face. His other hand snatched her leg before she could make contact. He threw her on the bed again but she slid to the floor and picked up a kunai, which she aimed at his hand.

Kintoki screamed when it pierced his arm. Sacchan threw another one and it landed on his shoulder. Taking advantage of his distraction, she dashed to the door but she bumped into someone's hard chest. She looked up to see Bansai Kawakami staring back at her.

She gasped and covered herself, unable to step in either direction. She was trapped between both of them, and her weapons were scattered in the room, far from her reach.

Bansai pushed her behind him and threw something at Kintoki. It bound his body to the bed. He walked calmly toward the golden-haired man and punched him in the face, knocking him out. He then looked back at Sacchan and asked her if she was all right.

She nodded, holding her breath. She couldn't see his eyes but she had a feeling that he was staring at her. This made her uncomfortable as she was practically naked. Her robe was on the other side of the bed, torn, and no kunai was within her reach.

"I hope he did not give you much trouble," he said while walking to stand beside her. "Kintoki Sakata is still adjusting to his new state, you see."

"W- What do you mean?"

"Being human, I daresay." He shook his head. "He seems to be struggling with emotions."

"Human?" Sacchan almost yelled in disbelief.

"The serum's effects. He may have imbibed features of the Shiroyasha. But it is not definite. He is based on him, you see."

"What serum?" She tried to stay calm but also took the opportunity to acquire some information.

"It has quite a number of exceptional properties. It is what we utilize for healing, you see. The one I used on you. But it can also be abused for extreme outcomes."

"Kawakami-san, you are a member of the Kiheitai?" Sacchan shivered. It was starting to get chilly.

He did not answer immediately. "One cannot help the position they are put in. I owe our leader, Shinsuke Takasugi, I daresay. It was at his request that I joined."

Gin-san was right, and the fact that Kawakami was here, equipped with information on Kin-san and a serum…

"Ayame-san, tell me, is Otsuu-chan here?"

"Otsuu-chan? No. She-" Sacchan hesitated. "We left her at a safe place…"

He let out a breath. "Good. She would only die here, I daresay. I do not possess the ability to save you both if the need arises."

"Kawakami-san…"

He stepped closer and held her gently by the arms, "Bansai. Call me Bansai."

"Well, well, well! What's this? A quickie in the middle of a battle? Never thought you were so adventurous, Bansai-kun."

They turned to see Matako entering, a devious smirk on her face. Sacchan's jaw dropped. The witch was alive? How?

"I don't die so easily," the blonde told her, having deciphered her thoughts. "Bansai here saved me with one prick. He also helped me after." She winked and then pointed her gun right in front of Sacchan's face. "Time for payback. Die, bitch."

Bansai covered the muzzle with his palm and directed it away. "Don't be hasty, Matako."

"I'll never understand what you see in this tramp-"

"I was thinking... Maybe you could lend her some clothes. It's cold."

"OVER MY DEAD BODY-"

"She did almost kill you once, I daresay." Sacchan grinned inwardly at that.

"Shut up, Bansai! I don't like her! She's our enemy! What are you going for? Some kind of Romeo and Juliet setting? You're really-"

"Matako. Calm down and think about it. In my opinion, you two could be friends, you see."

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"NO WAY IN HELL!"

Bansai laughed softly. "You two have much in common, you see." He didn't expound on that thought. "Matako, have you seen Shinsuke?"

"Shinsuke-sama? No, I haven't." She pouted and pocketed her gun. The topic seemed to distract her from her anger. "I've been looking for him. I want to use the serum but I need him." Her cheeks were red and her eyes were downcast.

"He's been busy lately, I daresay."

"Busy! If he has plans, he should include us. It's only always with Kamui – I despise that alien. One of these days, I'm going to burst in that room and see what they're up to." Her fists were clenched and shaking.

"I'd advise you not to," Bansai said cryptically. "You might not appreciate what you discover, I daresay."

"What do you mean?" She frowned at him but he remained wordless. "Whatever." She stepped out of the door.

With one last look at the unconscious Kintoki, Sacchan and Bansai followed her out.

They went along with Matako to a room, which Sacchan presumed was hers, and she was surprised when the girl flung a worn-out plain blue kimono at her. She hastily put it on, muttering a reluctant thanks. Matako gave her one glance and then crossed her arms.

"I'm leaving. I need to use it now. Maybe I'll ask Kintoki to help me." She banged the door shut, leaving the two of them alone.

"B- Bansai-san?"

His head snapped to her, probably surprised with the name she used. "What is it?"

"I should go get my weapons… If you'll let me." She tried the diplomatic approach first but she was still ready to fight him. "Then, will you take me to Tsukuyo after? You do know where she is?"

He looked intently at her without saying anything.

"I have to find her... I have to save her."

"Ayame-san, things might not turn out well for you, I daresay."

"I'm aware of that."

"I suggest… you end your pursuit." He moved closer to her, his large presence swallowing her up. "Stay with me. I'll get you out of here."

"No." She shook her head. Why was everyone telling her to give up? It was cruel. "I can't. I have to help rescue Tsukki-"

"He has already found her, you see. They've reunited now."

"Oh. That's good, then..." She was supposed to be happy with the news but why was her heart breaking into countless fragments? What was happening right now? Had they already escaped together? Did the others find them? "W- Where are they?"

"You shouldn't go there. It's dangerous, you see."

"Dangerous? What do you mean? I have to help, then!" She grabbed his arm, pleading.

He shook his head. "Let's get you out of this now. You don't have to-"

"BANSAI-SAN! TAKE ME THERE NOW!" She screamed with all the energy she could muster. He should stop hindering her. She had to see…

Taking her wrists in his hands, he pulled her close. She could feel his harsh breaths. "If I do this… If I bring you there… Then you are the enemy." He then bound her hands with the strings he produced from his weapon.

Sacchan should have broken free but she decided to quietly let him lead her. He was the one who could bring her to them after all. She felt relief when they returned to the other room and he gathered her weapons then hid them under her clothes. She also noted that Kintoki was gone. Matako must have taken him.

He was silent as they climbed multiple flights of stairs. Sacchan leaped quickly but tried not to get ahead. After all, Bansai was the one who knew the way. The cords on her wrists were sturdy and they gave her a hard time with her balance. She almost toppled down a few times but Bansai steadied her. With great effort, she tried not to look at him. She felt his disappointment radiating from his entire being. It made her feel a bit guilty. Still, she had some loved ones to protect.

They reached the end of a hall and came across a divergence in the path. Bansai directed her to go left and they ran amidst the brightness. A red spider was crawling on the wall next to a slightly open door. She hurriedly kicked it and stepped inside, seeing a large green curtain before her. Holding back a sneeze, she turned to Bansai but was astonished when he freed her wrists. She rubbed her nose but the spice and saccharinity of the air remained.

Sacchan took a few breaths before pushing through the drapes. She was not prepared to see Gin-san and Tsukki in each other's arms but she must see…

"GIN-SAN!" She screamed. He was bleeding everywhere. A man she had never seen before was standing before him. Sacchan moved to run to him but Bansai held her back by the waist. Gin-san's eyes flickered to them and narrowed. He winced, breathing heavily.

Sacchan realized he couldn't move and she struggled against Bansai, desperate to help. "What's happening to him?" She gasped.

Bansai's grip tensed. "He is bound by Jiraia's web."

"Jiraia?"

The other man turned to them. "Indeed. You must be Ayame Sarutobi? We've only met each other in passing a long while back."

"Y- You're alive!" To her, he looked unfamiliar.

"That is obvious." He gave her a wicked smile. "But you intruders won't be if you try to interfere."

"Let Gin-san go!" Sacchan was alarmed by the amount of blood oozing from his body. He was silent and his face was deadpan but she knew that he was struggling inside.

"I have to refuse."

She elbowed Bansai on the stomach and twisted out of his arms, catching him offguard. Running towards Gin-san, she took out a few kunai and aimed them at his bonds. The weapons raced like rockets and cut him free. Once untied, he sped towards Jiraia, brandishing his sword, but Bansai intercepted with his own set of strings. Jiraia calmly recaptured Gin-san, making him shout in agony with the pull of the cords.

"Gin-san!" She aimed for Jiraia this time but someone intercepted her attack. A huge force pushed her back to the wall. Grunting, she adjusted her glasses and stood up to face her assailant. "Tsukki?" She gaped at the woman in front of her. Beautiful, radiant, lithe. Sacchan watched as Tsukuyo smoked from her pipe while balancing a kunai on her other hand.

Sacchan thought she looked like a warrior princess in the striking kimono. She was even more stunning than before, but still with that admirable composure. Her hair was lengthier, tumbling down in soft waves. Her eyes shone, enthralling as ever. Sacchan remembered how she often compared her own eyes to Tsukki's. They both had purple-tinted irises but hers always seemed lackluster in contrast to the other woman's. Tsukki's eyes had a more alluring shape, making her gazes fascinating while Sacchan usually agonized over the slight drooping of her eyelids. Then, there was the greatest hurdle of all, her glasses, which decreased her desirability level, putting Tsukuyo at a greater advantage.

She coughed, feeling a severe ache in her stomach. Tsukki's strike was powerful. It made her nauseous.

"So, you're here too, Sarutobi." She continued to smoke on her pipe solemnly.

"Tsukki…" she whispered again, unable to believe her eyes. Her friend's scars were gone. "Your face…"

Tsukuyo regarded her somberly. "What about my face? Still concerned about appearances after all this time?"

"I…"

"TSUKUYO!" Gin-san yelled, struggling as he continued to bleed. Sacchan could see his face cringed with effort. His eyes were fixed on Tsukki but she only winced and kept her back to him. There was a subtle shaking of her kiseru on her fingers.

"You handle the kunoichi, Tsukuyo, if you feel the need to." Jiraia spoke. "Bansai and I shall test the limits of my prey."

"Jiraia… You wouldn't…!" Tsukki's eyes had gone wide.

"I keep my promises, Tsukuyo. Return with him if you want to… but remember what I warned you about."

"I haven't forgotten. Sensei."

He laughed. "After all this time, after what he's done, you still love him, this pitiful creature."

She was silent.

Jiraia tugged at the strings cutting deeper into Gin-san's arms and legs. He fell on his knees.

"Jiraia! STOP!" Tsukuyo was crying, her beautiful face bathed in tears. "I said that's enough!"

"The loss of your scars may be the stepping stone." He dragged Gin-san to his feet. "But I have to deem him worthy."

"Then let him fight without those bonds!"

"Focus on your own battle, Tsukuyo. This is my method."

Gin-san chuckled bitterly. "You and your sick games. Still at it? Don't be so complacent. You're easy to beat."

"Confident words, Shiroyasha… But your tune is weakening, I daresay."

"I've had it with both of you and your goddamn strings surrounding my body." He growled and swung around with great effort, hauling Bansai and Jiraia to the left. "But as usual, you dimwits are easy to fool."

Sacchan gasped in awe, Gin-san had overcome his restraints. She pitched the last of her weapons in his direction, once again successfully liberating him. He swung his sword, engaged in combat with the other men.

"Impressive." Jiraia said with wonder. "An accurate aim, as expected from a former member of the Oniwabanshuu." He jumped behind Gin-san, slashing his back and creating a large wound while Bansai attacked from the front.

Sacchan straightened to rush to and help Gin-san but Tsukuyo stopped her. "Don't. Sarutobi!" There were still tears streaming down her face. She was magnificent and miserable at the same time.

"Tsukki!" She pushed her away. "Gin-san's-"

But Tsukuyo pulled her roughly by the arms. She still kept her head turned from the ongoing battle.

"Gin-san!" Sacchan screamed and wrestled, determined to help. Why was Tsukki preventing her from going to him? She even attacked her. Was she an enemy now? Maybe somehow she knew what had transpired between her and Gin-san. It made her feel uncomfortable. But why wasn't Tsukki helping him either?

"Indeed, you are desperate to save your love." Jiraia spoke to her. "Why do you feel the need to fight for someone who does not return your affections? You are the same as him - pitiful. I'm pleased that Tsukuyo did not turn out to be like you."

"Stop babbling nonsense, you bastard." Gin-san kicked at him but Jiraia evaded in time. Bansai had stopped moving and was quietly watching the other two battle.

"The true bastard is you. Using a woman's feeling's for you to meet your ends. Putting the blame on her just because you felt like it. And now that you've gotten what you wanted… You discard her as if nothing happened."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Don't play innocent." Jiraia threw two weapons, one on each side. Sacchan knew those had strings with them. "You and that Sarutobi woman. We've been spying on you too, our enemies. Right, Bansai?"

Bansai did not respond.

Tsukuyo gasped and tensed. "You… You and him…"

"No need to be troubled, Tsukuyo," Jiraia said as his kunai clashed with Gin-san's sword. "She has impressive skills in fighting, even if her eyesight is unfortunate. Go back with him, as promised. We'll have a trade instead. The Oniwaban is ours. That will be grand, won't it, Bansai?"

Sacchan did not hear his response because Tsukuyo had flung her backward and was approaching her with a few kunai, ready to be thrown. She evaded and caught one of them to use as her defense.

"You've been with him?" Tsukuyo whispered harshly. "You… and Gintoki…" She prepared to attack again.

"Tsukki! Wait…"

Tsukuyo had become angrier when she did not deny it. "You're really a bitch who doesn't know when to give up!" She plunged forward.

Sacchan blocked her swings, wondering if she should retaliate. She had spotted several openings but had hesitated due to the fact that it was Tsukki. Tsukuyo, her friend… and Gin-san's love. She did not want him to think that she was going to harm her.

"Pushy and desperate… That's what you always were. You haven't changed at all."

Sacchan was becoming furious herself, hearing those words. She wanted to scream and bitch back but she was all too aware of Gin-san's proximity to them. It was obvious whose side he would take. She did not want to draw his attention to her and increase his dislike.

"Tsukuyo! Stop! Sacchan- OOF!"

"You've always been waiting for me to disappear, haven't you? And you finally got your chance. You opportunistic nag."

"Tsukki, it wasn't like that!" Sacchan was troubled. She had never seen Tsukuyo so aggressive.

"Now I wonder if you've gotten him to like you at all. They're right, you're just a pathetic stalker."

Enraged, Sacchan screamed and returned her attacks. It was too much. Her words hit a nerve. This wasn't Tsukuyo, it couldn't possibly be. She was mean and vengeful, not even bothering to listen. She did not know the entire story and was acting out of anger… but maybe she was also at fault.

"How could you?" She raged. "You left him! And all this time you… you've been with the Kiheitai and Jiraia! Do you even know how worried everyone was? How Gin-san almost lost his mind?"

"Don't you dare talk like you know him, missy! You probably backed him up against a wall and deceived him to go for you."

"Shut your trap, you floozy! I love him! And I did what I could to be there for him. You left him broken, bitch! Did you even care?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, SARUTOBI!" Tsukuyo cut forward and Sacchan, attempting to block, was impaled by the palm. Her hand hit the wall with the kunai. She felt the bones break and looked to see that the skin had ripped, bleeding and exposing the insides. She screamed, horrified at the damage and feeling the pain mixed with a disturbing shot of electricity that remained constant.

"You'll pay for that, Tsukky," she murmured to herself. Wrapping her hand in her robe, she pushed forward, intending to strike but Gin-san's voice alerted her.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, SACCHAN?"

She looked to see that he was still exchanging blows with Jiraia and Bansai, but he was able to elude their bindings. This was the first time he'd addressed her since they left her home. He was furious, she thought, furious that she dared to attack Tsukki. But he had to understand, she was under duress. She needed to protect herself too. Unless…

Unless he did not care about what happened to her.

"Gin-san, I only-"

Tsukuyo kicked her to the side and Sacchan grabbed the other woman's leg to prevent her from repeating the action. But Tsukki had slammed her head on the wall. Her vision blurred and a high-pitched sound filled her ears.

"IF SOMETHING HAPPENS… TSUKUYO!... KILL YOU…! I WON'T FORGIVE YOU…! LISTEN TO ME…! DAMN IT!" His words rang in her ears and she understood him enough. What he wanted… It broke her heart. She nodded, miserably letting herself get hit again and again. Tsukuyo was also berating her but she did not register the meaning of her words. She was in anguish, both physically and emotionally. She cried, feeling a sudden pain in her leg. It was broken, it had to be.

It was already too much.

With some struggle, she managed to trip Tsukuyo with her other leg and she crawled away as fast as she was able to. She could hear Gin-san calling her but the ringing in her ears was unbearable. She looked at anywhere but him, terrified of the hatred she expected to see in his face. "I'm sorry, Gin-san," she said quietly.

But she was itching to fight back, to stand-up against Tsukki. She resented her, the woman who had everything but threw it away for unknown reasons. The lucky one who had Gin-san's love. Now, she was here, but she had sided with the enemy, letting him suffer. She wanted to convert all her frustration and hurt into actions. The anger was indescribable.

Still, Gin-san mattered to her more. She was torn between doing what she wanted and making him happy… probably at the cost of her life. He wanted to protect Tsukuyo but that meant Sacchan had to sacrifice her own feelings and her position. It hurt and upset her to realize that. There was no balm for the ache she bore.

Edging further in search for a possible weapon, Sacchan mulled over the situation. What must she do? She had lost all optimism. Her death just might be drawing closer.

Author's end note: Modified a lot of things for this chapter. The fictional Jiraiya is a master of shapeshifting, so I made Jiraia change his appearance from before. Anyway, comrades should appear soon! Let's hope to see that Sacchan chooses to live. So much THANKS for your reviews hihihi! To kurasuchi, I feel embarrassed cos I had no idea what NTR was and I had to look it up. LOL. Now that I know, it seems like a really bad / cliché plot device thing. Gin prefers Tsukki, eh? Poor Sacchan. To redpurpleblack, IKR? Jiraia disappeared/died too quickly and has been forgotten. While reading his Gintama wiki page a while back, I was intrigued by the line that said his fate remains unknown. Hmm…! Now I wonder if I made Gin too miserable. Naaah, Sacchan still has the worst position.