Author's note: I do not own anything from Gintama. Please review after reading, my awesome readers! This story is unbetaed. Btw, this is NOT THE FULL VERSION due to site restrictions. You may check out my tumblr / wordpress / livejournal / AO3 for the detailed chapters. Now we'll find out what happened to Sacchan… and everything else that follows. I really tried and tried and tried to edit this into something better but I'm never satisfied. If I continued, we'd end up not having this posted at all. Long-ass chapter, by the way. Replies to reviews are at the end of the chapter. Thanks everyone! Sorry for the long wait. ;p
Chapter 20: At the Point of the Crossroads, You Must Follow Your Heart
She was falling past an endless cliff, enveloped in an icy mass of darkness. It felt like days that she was dropping, with a constant fear that at one point she would hit the hard end. Her arms stretched out, trying to adjust her position, but the forces taking her down pushed and pulled on, keeping her uncomfortable.
Sacchan opened her mouth to cry out but she choked on what little air she could inhale. Her stomach seemed to be at her throat, threatening to be vomited. Only her heart was fighting for her life, pumping furiously and almost bursting through her chest.
Then a cool, sharp object pierced her back. She turned but there was only a metal blur. Finally, she was able to scream, and a sound unknown to her echoed throughout her being. The chilly steel dragged her upwards, faster than she could imagine, taking her back through the way she plunged.
The pain intensified as it scraped through her skin, tearing through the layers. And then it let go and she was diving back to the bottom.
"HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE!" Sacchan gasped, almost surrendering to the repeated torture.
Then, someone caught her. She was in another's arms, enveloped in safety. She opened her eyes and the blur transformed into clarity. Relief took over, but merely a few seconds passed before her stomach churned and a maddening itch began on her lower back.
"Ayame," he murmured. "Look at me."
She felt her eyes roll upward as she arched and tried to shake off the awkward mix of sensations. "I… I need-"
He drew her close, such that their entire bodies were touching. She could feel his warm breath diffusing through her cheeks and the heat from his body somehow made her shiver. The way his hands rested on her bare waist, underneath her clothing, yielded the most powerful reactions from her body.
"I'm here, you see," he whispered in her ear, making her shift closer to him. "I'll help you."
She nodded, feeling desperate. In one quick movement, she had climbed on his lap and wrapped her body around him. He was completely still except for the dynamic beating of his heart. "D-DO SOMETHING!" Her hands fisted in his hair with urgency. "MAKE IT STOP!"
"Let me in… Ayame." His lips grazed her neck, and he touched her, tasted her, and marked her with fervor. He held her close, pressing their bodies painfully together. But Sacchan did not mind the pain. What mattered was that he took her away from the insanity and she gratified him by removing her own garments.
He bent down eagerly, as if taking what was his, exploring every part of her. She always thought him to be controlled and calm, so different from the man trapping her right now. He seemed to have given in, releasing all the pent up frustration and desire he had been holding back.
Sacchan closed her eyes and moaned as he took her nipple in his mouth. She wondered how much of her own frustration needed to be let out. But this, whatever he was doing, was surely the solution. Her mind was clearer, wasn't it? And she had lost the uneasiness from earlier.
"Ayame," he groaned against her stomach after he lay her down. "Tell me what you want, I daresay."
"I… Don't…" She shook her head. Everything was a blur when he let go. "What's happening? It's coming back! I need…"
"Say it."
"What?" She was screaming again. "What should I say?" Her hands were gripping his hair.
"That you want me to do this…"
"Yes! I need… I want… Please help me!" She couldn't form the words. Her body and mind were desperate and yet she was not able to say anything. Sacchan started sobbing. "Please end it… I want to die…"
"I won't let you die."
"Wait-!" Sacchan gasped as he pushed her legs apart. She felt his lips touch her center, and it made her speechless, soaring through space. Everything was better now, she was free and she surrendered to him.
She moved her thighs to draw him in but he held them apart, keeping her vulnerable. She cried and begged, bathing in the atmosphere he created, almost forgetting who she was. Her hips circled, attempting to keep up with him, and her back arched in delight.
Everything that was happening was magnified a hundred times. A simple touch or a blow of breath sent her almost toppling over the edge. She knew this feeling well – an overwhelming sensation that encompassed her body, mind and soul. Her heart beat with a purpose for one man, the only man she felt she could ever love.
But this wasn't him, and he had never done this for her. Even so, it remained a fact that he was the only one she would willingly give herself to and he was the only one who could make her feel the beauty of love in the world.
Now, here she was, already betraying him because of her desperation. He had abandoned her to reunite with his true love and in the process, he had taken her heart with him. She would always belong to him.
"Stop-!" she started but her body had already reacted, fulfilled with what Bansai had given her. She was left panting, unable to move, but she knew she was finally back to her old self. This time, with more regrets. "You…" Gin-san, I'm sorry…
Bansai straightened, kissing her, embracing her like a lover. "You're better now, you see." His hands took possession of her body as his lips sought hers. "Ayame, you are exquisite. My desire for you has not yet been satisfied, I daresay."
Sacchan kept her eyes shut and she let him continue. His thigh pushed between her legs, making her gasp with the contact. His body was warm and reassuring, just what her own was yearning for. She rubbed against him, trying to escape the misery of her heart.
"Come and leave with me, I daresay. I'll take care of you." His words were gentle and promising but they held no power over her. She should go with him, she was tempted to do it, but something – or someone – held her back. "It is better to forget about him, you see. He-"
"I know," she finally said as she cried, keeping herself still. She was in limbo. She was suddenly numb. Her pitiful situation was inevitable but her persistence – no, her stubbornness – caused her downfall. Sacchan moved away and stood up, her back to him. She couldn't face Bansai, not after what happened. But she owed him so much… "I'm sorry… Bansai… and thank you." She shivered at her declarations. They were the right words but with the situation, it seemed odd.
He approached her, taking his place behind her and drawing her body to his chest. Bansai kissed her neck like she was already his. "Think about it, Ayame. I will come back for you, I daresay." His voice was strained, but otherwise inscrutable. Then, he left.
Sacchan frowned. She was alone again.
Almost a week had passed but she did not see him yet. She wasn't waiting for him, she told herself. All she needed was a comforting presence. If he came back, she would decline his invitation. It was best to refuse anyway. She would not be with him for the wrong reasons.
For days, she remained at home, crying and writing songs which she couldn't bring herself to finish. She called her old workplace – they had been wondering why she did not show up for several nights – and told them she could not return for a while. She had to be alone. Someday, she would get herself together and return to her old-new life in this place. Everything that occurred in the past months would be forgotten.
Sacchan avoided the ramen place where their hideout was, lest she ran into the people from her past. But she was disappointed that none of them had bothered to check up on her.
Today, she woke at an odd hour, took a meal and remained soaked in her tub for hours. Sacchan gave in to slumber again and later roused to see that it was after noon. She dressed hastily, feeling restless with her instincts on fire. Something was wrong.
She stepped out into her room, not noting anything different, and this intensified her suspicions. It was too quiet. Through the windows she could make out the darkening skies signaling a harsh rain to come.
"Sacchan."
She turned to the voice, already knowing who it was. Surely, she was imagining things because Gintoki Sakata was standing right in front of her. She had dreamt him into reality.
She sobbed his name, feeling that familiar ache in her chest. Her knees buckled and she fell forward.
He caught her.
The moment she was in his arms, she knew he was real. Sacchan sighed with happiness and buried her face in his chest when his arms had wrapped around her instead of pushing her away.
They remained still for a while but she sensed some agitation in him. He must be angry with her. Sacchan drew back and looked into his eyes. She feared him but she also loved him. She needed to know the truth – why was he here? But their bodies were still close, too close, and she refused to move away. She tilted her chin up and caressed his chest with her palm. It was wrong but her body was out of control – she wanted to feel him, to be with him.
His eyes were fixed on her as his hands settled on her hips. It reminded her of the way he held her when they made love. Slowly, his stance leaned towards her and his breath was faster and unsteady.
Why was here? He was always difficult to decipher… and he never really opened up to her. She was never that important to him.
The only reason that he had come all this way was to completely end things between them.
She wished that he would say something to finally end the scorching ache in her heart. His eyes revealed nothing except for an inner struggle which she felt through the tightening of his grasp. If he was struggling, then that meant that he cared, even just a little.
"Gin-san," she kissed him – a last effort of desperation. Her arms circled his neck, keeping him against her as she gave him everything that was left in her. She smoothed his hair before tugging at the strands as their kiss deepened. Sacchan gasped as he held her waist to haul her closer – as if they weren't already melting into each other.
She dragged him to her futon, wanting to submit herself to him over and over. She was his but he would never be hers. All she wanted was one last time to be with him and make him feel how much she loved him.
He held her face in his hands, kissing her heatedly, making her think that he also wanted her. Sacchan shrugged off her robe and started to unbuckle his belt but this made him stop and push her away. He was shaking his head.
"Sacchan, we can't. We shouldn't." His entire being was remorseful. He confirmed the truth, a truth which she hated. She had to accept it and move on. "I'm sorry." His eyes were full of apology and regret.
She dressed and swallowed several times to keep herself from crying. "Okay," was all she said. She felt rejected, shameful and wounded but what else did she expect? She ran to the door, wanting to escape.
Gin-san grabbed her arm to make her face him. "I'm sorry," he said. "This is the right thing to do, isn't it? I'm so sorry."
While pulling away, she told him, "It's what you want, Gin-san. Don't be sorry. You should go back now! You didn't have to come here!" Sacchan didn't want to feel anger but it was there, in the pit of her stomach, buried in all the indignity. "Please, just leave me alone."
"I wanted to know if you were okay! Sacchan, you disappeared with all those injuries. Why did you do that? What happened?"
"Gin-san… What happened to Tsukki? Is she alright now? Did she wake-up? I didn't hit her on purpose. I just wanted you to know that. It- It was an accident, she slipped, I- I don't really remember but I never intended to harm her. Don't hate me. It just happened. I can't explain it-"
"Sacchan, you're blabbering-"
"No! You should go back to her."
"Tsukuyo is fine. She's in Edo. I came here to check up on you. I need to talk to you."
"I know. You're here to end things between us. I already knew from the last time I saw you-"
"Sacchan-"
"It would have been better if you stayed away. Now I've complicated things by coming on to you. I'm sorry, I'm always so impulsive. But it's like that with you, I become irritatingly uncontrollable. I'm so sorry. I'll keep away, I promise."
"Listen to me!" He grabbed her by the arms.
"You don't have to explain anything-"
"YES, I DO. Sacchan, please, this is also difficult for me. I've wronged you-"
"No…"
"-and now we're in this fucked up situation because I've been selfish-"
"Just go, please, I- I understand why you did it and it's not your fault. Nothing is… I understand. You love her, more than anything, and you would do anything for her… Just like..."
"Like what?"
"N- Nothing. You should leave now, Gin-san. Thank you for your good intentions in coming here but you shouldn't have. You must return to the life that was taken away from you. You deserve to be happy after everything-"
"Stop it with all the things you're saying! We're not done talking! We haven't even begun. You deserve at least an explanation… after everything you've done… for me. You know I can't just-"
Sacchan shook her head vigorously. "I only wanted to help you, Gin-san. After everything you've done for me, in the past, even though I've done so many things to annoy you and disturb you. You saved my life and you've always inspired me. It was only right that I pay you back for all those times-"
"It's not supposed to be like that!"
"Everything that happened between us, it was just a dream… We should both forget it. You're a good person, Gin-san. I'll never forget how you helped me out or saved me even when I never deserved it."
"Don't think of it that way, you idiot! Look, Sacchan, let's just talk, come on. I owe you this. You are worthy of an explanation."
"I'm selfish and desperate, remember? I'll never forget what you've told me. And you're right. Tsukki's right. I should stay away from you. A- And after what's happened, I don't deserve your kindness or your trust. I'm sorry, Gin-san…" She shut her eyes, but failed to keep the tears from falling.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm sorry that I kissed you today. I didn't mean to put you in that situation…"
"I kissed you back. We're both at fault, aren't we?"
"No, I did something worse… Just go! It's over."
"Please. Let's talk." He spoke gently as he looked her in the eye.
"Maybe next time… In a long time…"
"Look, I'm sorry, Sacchan. I… Tsukuyo… We…" He sighed with frustration. "Before anything between Tsukuyo and I… It's only right that we, you and I, we should… end things first. But back in Edo, when we reunited… I…"
She remained silent.
"I'm sorry. Sacchan, I really am. We kissed and we almost… We almost made love. But it didn't happen. I had to speak to you first. But she was there, she's okay. Tsukuyo… she's back and I just… I just…"
Sacchan watched his face, taking in every word, and every change in his expression. She could feel the guilt emanating from him and it stung her heart so much. It wasn't right. "Stop it, Gin-san. Maybe you should have… Because that night… That night, I…"
"That night? What night? What happened?"
"I've been with him," she whispered, full of sorrow.
"With who?"
"Bansai." She looked away immediately, terrified of his reaction. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to feel protected. He should be angry… He was always less forgiving of her. But he was unspeaking and again, she could not tell what he was thinking. The tense silence stretched on, then he grabbed her arm and dragged her forward to him.
"I don't care," he growled.
"W- What?"
"I said I don't give a rat's ass. I already knew somehow… Seeing you all put together, your injuries – they were severe back then – now, they're suddenly gone. It's like nothing happened. There's only one explanation, Sacchan. The serum was used on you. That bastard took advantage of your state. I just know it. It wasn't you. You couldn't help it, right? The sensations… they were driving you mad. You were desperate." His eyes flared with anger.
Sacchan gasped. "Gin-san… How did you-?"
"I experienced it a bit, when Tsukuyo used it on me. And she told me about it. It's dangerous. It heals you but it makes you vulnerable…"
She nodded. "Yes…"
"So I don't blame you." Somehow, they were in each other's arms again. "It's all that bastard's fault."
"But…" She hesitated, "He helped me… and I let him-"
"He took advantage of you… and I'll kill him for that. I swear."
"Gin-san!"
"He messed with what's mine." Then he kissed her this time, confining her in his arms. They fit so well together – their lips, her palms on his chest, her breasts crushed between them, his fingers caressing her hips, and their thighs against each other.
Sacchan returned his kisses, forgetting everything else. The only thing that mattered was that they were together right now – her, secure in his arms, and him, embracing her, pulling her close instead of shunning her. She moaned as his hands slid up to cup her breasts. It felt wonderful and she wanted him to continue… to go further… and yet… "Gin-san?"
She could see the bewilderment in his eyes. "It's not yet over."
"It should be."
"Sacchan…"
"You should go." But she couldn't push him away.
"I can't. Not yet." He rubbed his forehead, looking nervous. "Sacchan, there's something I have to ask you."
"What is it?"
"You have to do it. For me." He held her hands and watched her intently.
She squeezed back, deciding she would do anything for him. A farewell gift. "Tell me."
"Let me take you back with me to Edo…"
"I can't!" She gasped. His request stunned her. "I'm sorry, I can't go back." Did he realize what he was asking her to do? She couldn't be near him yet not be with him, nor could she stand to see him with someone else.
"Why not? It's your home. Don't you want to go back to how it was? Don't you want to see everyone you've left behind? You can't stay here, this place, it's not for you."
"Please don't ask me to return. I can't go back."
"If you don't care about Edo anymore, or anyone else… Then do it for me. I'd have a load off my mind if you're there."
"Bansai… He asked me to go with him-"
His eyes flashed. "That's exactly why you shouldn't remain here. He'll take you. The Kiheitai and Jiraia could be anywhere. You shouldn't be alone. It's dangerous. Everyone's in Edo, we'll fight together… and protect each other."
"I know you'll protect each other. I'm not part of Edo anymore, Gin-san. I'll go someplace else and hide."
His hand crushed her arm. "Are you going to him?"
"No, I'm not… I won't betray you like that."
"Then I'm taking you back." His tone was final. "I won't take no for an answer," he added when she tried to speak. "If I have to force you… To tie you up and drag you back, Sacchan… Believe me, I will." Then he started packing her things, not waiting for her to react. "We can't take everything. Just pick a few clothes and items that you'll need." Then he steered her outside, across a few streets.
A short, old man who seemed familiar was waiting for them at the edge of town. He had thick white hair and was wearing glasses with spirals as lenses. Beside him was a vehicle where Gin-san loaded her things and pulled her inside with him on the back seat.
"Pops here will take us back to Edo, eh?" Gin-san yelled at the old man.
"Sure Mister Gintoki. Hope you and your wife have a comfortable ride." His glasses twinkled and he took the driver's seat.
"I'm not-"
"Shh," Gin-san whispered, "it's too much of a pain to talk to him. His hearing's become defective already."
"Oh!"
"Remember him?"
Sacchan frowned, trying to recall where she had encountered the old man before but she drew a blank. "No, I don't think I know him."
Gin-san merely nodded and leaned back against the seat, deep in thought.
Their trip was quiet for a while except for the sounds of Gin-san's snores. The old man at the front was silent too, not even turning once to look at them. Sacchan focused back on the man beside her. He was so near and yet, he was unreachable to her. He looked tired but peaceful in his sleep. The marks of his wounds were still visible on his face, his neck, and his arms. She wanted to touch them and kiss them. It was agonizing to be so close to him but to have a barrier between them. Her body ached for him, every inch of her begged to be possessed by this man.
Sacchan shut her eyes, shivering at her thoughts. This was proof of how impossible it was for her to survive in Edo.
His hand grabbed her, pulling her forward and now they were even closer with her heart beating a million times a minute. Their breaths mixed, competing with their haste, while the heat of his body overtook hers, sending every fiber of her being out of control.
"Gin-san!" She gasped, hoping he knew that she needed him, that she wanted him right now or else she would break.
"It's not yet over," he whispered, making her remember those words from earlier.
And they kissed again, a mouthful of hunger, bursting with longing and indulgence. She moaned against him, leaning closer, wishing they would become one. Her hands touched his face and his body to memorize every detail about him. She smoothed his chest and pressed her own against his, inviting his touch. He needed to know that she was ready for him, that there was nothing between them but a single layer of clothing that was about to come off.
Sacchan breathed his name, feeling him underneath his shirt. He was as hard and muscular as she remembered. The tips of her fingers prickled with their contact. His own hands, in turn, slipped under her robe, caressing her waist and her back, slipping to her bare bottom, which he fondled with a rhythm matching his kisses.
"You're naked," he grunted against her neck as his hands moved all over her.
"Touch me," she begged.
He did as she asked, cupping her breasts, thumbing her nipples just the way she wanted, and devouring them. Gin-san alternated his rough demands with soft, chaste kisses that created alarming waves of ecstasy.
This was it, they were together and it felt so wonderful. How could it be that everything was going to end soon? Why did it have to? If the world despised them together, then this moment should have been like hell.
"Do you love her, Gin-san?" She held him to her chest, breathing in the scent of his hair. The truth was still between them. Tsukuyo was still between them. Maybe they shared a desire that needed to be quenched but in the end, he would be in Tsukki's arms.
He raised his head to hers, searching her eyes, giving her a light kiss. "Sacchan… Why?"
She kissed him too, her lips on fire as they touched his. "I want you, I want you so much and I'm ready to be with you right now but I can't forget that you love her and that you chose her-"
"Sacchan-"
"Listen to me, Gin-san." She stroked his hair, keeping the curls from his eyes, and held his face in her palms. She gave in when he bent in for another kiss but pulled away before she lost control again. "If we do this, you'll hate me-"
"I won't."
"Yes, you'll hate me. But what's even worse is that you'll hate yourself… And I don't want that to happen because of me. I don't want you to regret this."
"Sacchan…"
"Holding you, being with you like this for the last time, I'm happy Gin-san. I thought you would push me away or detest me but you kept me safe. The fact that you came back for me just to make things right… You are the most amazing man I have ever met. And I will always love you."
"Don't talk like that!"
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those last words. I can't keep it inside. You've always made my feelings bigger than they were. You're special to me."
With another kiss, she sealed her declarations and silenced his reply. They spent the rest of the journey sharing sustained, passionate kisses and touches that made her blood simmer.
"Promise me you'll stay in Edo, with all of us. Promise me, Sacchan."
"I promise."
"Master Gintoki," the old man coughed, his back still to them. "We've arrived."
"Oh!"
"Hey, thanks Pops, how much do I owe you?" Gin-san was yelling again. He and Sacchan quickly arranged their clothes and she slid off his lap. They stepped out of the vehicle with their things, shaking hands with the old man.
"Nothing. I haven't forgotten your help in the past. Plus, you've given me a good show on the road." His glasses twinkled as he roared with laughter then he set off in record speed.
"Silly old man…" Gin-san shook his head and carried her luggage. He led her to a large tree and settled them underneath it.
Sacchan took the spot beside him and frowned. "Where are we, Gin-san? Is this a stop over?"
"We're in the outskirts of the town but I thought we should stay here for a while." He sighed and leaned against the tree, closing his eyes. "Maybe until midnight."
"MIDNIGHT? WHY?"
He shrugged, eyes still closed. "I thought we should talk. We haven't done that yet."
"Okay. What do you want to talk about?" Honestly, the idea of finally speaking with him or clearing things up scared her. She could handle the times they spent without so much words but a face to face conversation right now will surely end in tears and further heartbreak.
"Hmm… a lot of things."
"Like what, Gin-san? Aren't you hungry? We haven't eaten in a while. I brought some-"
He had tackled her to the ground and now she was trapped beneath him. His lips immediately sought her neck and his hands were on her body. "Food's not really on my mind right now."
"Me neither," she admitted, pulling on his hair to bring his lips to hers. "I- I thought we were talking."
"Sacchan," he groaned, "you're practically defenseless without your underwear. Why aren't you wearing any?"
"You dragged me out without giving me time to put some on! It wasn't like I was seducing you…"
He chuckled, "I'd say you were." His fingers caressed her inner thighs.
"Gin-san," she gasped, "let's stop before we go all the way."
He frowned but took her in his arms and carried her to the shade, holding her against his chest. They ate as they stared at the sky. "It's almost sunset," he whispered. "You're always watching the sunset."
"It's beautiful… and it's different every day." Sacchan smiled, pleased that he had noticed something about her. It was true, she often gazed at the skies when night was about to come.
"Huh. You're right." His fingers played with her hair and the gesture relaxed her.
She yawned.
"Don't fall asleep."
"I won't." She did not want to miss any of her last moments with him.
He was silent for a while, simply focusing on her hair. His next words were a surprise. "I'm sorry, Sacchan."
"Gin-san, we've said all there is to say about the matter. I just want this night to be pleasant so we can part in good terms."
"We'll still see each other around."
"I know," she said and then suddenly, the tears she kept holding in were falling harsh and fast.
He turned her to him and startled her by kissing away her tears. "Don't cry, I can't stand it when you cry." He kept his eyes downcast and the guilt was all over his face. "This was exactly what I was saying. This is why we still have to talk, Sacchan. You have to stop keeping things inside or you'll end up running away again."
"Gin-san," she sobbed.
"You promised to stay here."
"I'm sorry," she buried her face in his chest. "It's so difficult… I don't want to break my promise but…" Sacchan let go and cried, feeling miserable and helpless.
"You won't be alone. I'm here-"
"That's it… You're here. Gin-san, I don't know if I can even bear seeing you when I can't be with you."
"Sacchan…"
"What's worse is that I would see you with someone else, with Tsukki… and it might kill me. So I can't not leave again."
"I'm sorry. If I could change things… If everything was different-"
"No! No what ifs, please. It's never going to happen anyway-"
"Sacchan, I promise, I'll try my best to make sure that you'll be okay. You don't have to suffer. I'm still here for you, even if… Even if we're not together anymore."
"Do you regret it? Everything that happened between us?"
"No." He kissed her and murmured, "Do you?"
Sacchan shook her head. "Do you really want me to stay? Aren't you sick at the sight of me? Maybe things would be easier for you if I wasn't around-"
He cut her off with another kiss and another, drawing her into his arms and overwhelming her heart. "Stay. I won't forgive myself if something happens to you while you're away."
She decided then that she wouldn't leave him. Even if the hurt and the sorrow threatened her, she would stay for him. "Yes…"
Then he smiled and their lips met eagerly, clinching a promise. He lifted her onto his lap, increasing their contact and desire. He dazed her with his kisses and his groans. "I want you."
His shirt was gone and her robe off her shoulders. They moved, rubbing their bodies against each other as his hands found their way to her breasts. His name was a mantra to her and her voice was shrill to her own ears as he pleasured his way into her heart. Sacchan whimpered with every kiss, every lick, every suck and every bite. His actions were driving her to her limits.
They lay on the grass and Sacchan felt herself still bursting with need and at the peak of her desire. With all the effort she could summon, she rolled away and took shelter behind the tree. Her entire body was shaking and her gasps barely soothed her need for air.
She could see Gin-san sitting up where she left him and he pulled at his own hair in apparent frustration. He folded his knees and bent to hide his face in his arms. Sacchan heard him curse several times. He threw some rocks at the opposite direction.
Moments later, he walked to her and kissed her once more, making her step back. "Don't," he said, "I'll control myself. You too." He chuckled.
She smiled at him but kept her distance for a while, just until her heart calmed down. But each time she looked at him, it started its turbulent beating once again.
"Thank you, for deciding to stay." He looked relieved. His hair was a mess but his eyes still held a certain fire. This time, it didn't terrify her.
"All those years ago," she started, "when I left… Do you know why I did it?"
Gin-san circled his arms around her, like he had to feel her. "You said… back then… it was because of me," he hesitated, "and Tsukuyo."
She nodded, looking into his eyes. "I have to tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"That night, I was at the roof of your home," she whispered, terrified of what he might think but she pressed on, determined to be honest with him. "That night, I was waiting for you… You came home with Tsukki and I saw…"
His eyes widened and his arms around her trembled. "Sacchan…"
"I realized then that she was the only one you really wanted. You were always different around her… and she must be really special because you asked her to marry you."
"You…"
She gripped his arm, begging him to understand. "I'm sorry, I thought that I should tell you everything. I should have left you two alone but I didn't because… Because I'm a masochist and I don't know. It hurt and it's why I went away without saying goodbye. Two people who were important to me, have found happiness without me and all this time, I thought Tsukki…" She looked in his eyes, worried to continue. "I thought she'd let me have you."
He opened his mouth to speak but she hushed him with a kiss.
"It's midnight. Let's go." Sacchan bent to pick up her things but Gin-san dragged her back, crushing their mouths together.
"Was that a goodbye kiss?" He muttered. But he had drowned her in his ocean of kisses and rendering her unable to speak.
Sacchan held on to him, hoping things were different, that she would never have to let go. They had finally reached the end of the day, the last of their moments together. "Goodbye, Gin-san."
He cupped her cheeks, holding her face so he could kiss her in his own delightful way. "This is the worst break-up ever."
"So… Should I break-up with you or you'll break-up with me?"
He laughed, stealing another kiss from her. "As much as I don't want to be dumped… You can have the honor of ending it. I don't deserve you…"
That made her giggle. "It's not you, it's me-"
He kissed her again.
"We're just not meant for each other. And I know you're heart's elsewhere…"
"Okay, that's enough." Then they shared one more, one last beautiful kiss.
They reached the familiar streets and structures of Edo. Lights were dim but there were still a few open shops. Sacchan had become anxious again, despite her wonderful evening with Gin-san. She supposed he would go home to the Yorozuya house but she still had to find a place to stay at this time of the night and she did not have enough money with her.
Sleeping on his roof might not be the best idea.
When they were standing by Otose's place, she started to mutter a goodbye but Gin-san had ushered her up the stairs. "Gin-san?"
"Huh?"
"I should go."
"Where? You can stay here for tonight… Or until you find a place." He shrugged. "Take my room," he scratched his head, "I'll… I'll stay on the couch."
"I- I can't."
"It's too late to wander around, Sacchan. And I won't let you sleep on the roof." He led her inside.
"Maybe I should stay on the couch."
"Go on, take the room," he said, turning away from her. "I prefer the couch anyway."
She bid him good night, silently promising that she would get her own place as soon as she could. He was clearly uncomfortable with her staying here. And he was right, it would not turn out well.
Sacchan lay on his futon, inhaling his scent and feeling light-headed being on his bed. She was extremely aware of him, sleeping only a few feet away from her, separated by only a thin sliding door. She was surrounded by his presence and everything in the room made her think of him.
It has only been about an hour and she was already scatterbrained in Edo.
She turned and buried her face in his pillow, still thinking of him, and finally drifted off into a good night's sleep.
Author's end note: So this is the second to the last chapter. Mitsuketa has come to an end, but with a lot of things still unresolved, of course there's a… WAIT FOR IT… part 2. *larger-than-life music playing in the background* Hope I get around to uploading it soon. But wait for the "epilogue" first. Thanks to everyone who stuck with and supported this story. *cries* To damnheart. o3, sorry that my updates aren't as quick as your reviews. You were right, Bansai saved her. To an. co. xx, I should include intense GinTsu scenes because they're supposed to have this really deep/strong/powerful connection. But it's still so damn hard to write. To Mikishami posting as a Guest, for now, there are three probable endings for Sacchan: 1 – with Gin, 2 – with Bansai, 3 – with herself. But I already know the ending, of course. To kurasuchi, wow! I really appreciate your input as a GinTsu shipper. Glad we agree that Tsukuyo is insecure. To guest, it was a bit difficult to write this chapter. To Marquise de Nile, thanks for your review. Well, in the manga/anime, Gin is a dick to her by default… at least I think so. I appreciate your input on Tsukuyo. She's difficult to write and personally, even in the manga, she feels off. But I see what you mean. Thank you! To guest, sorry for the long wait, I went on vacation without my laptop! To guest, haha I hope so too. =D