She walked into your life and stayed put. You hope she never finds the exit.
… J …
11 Summers ago, Dreamcatcher County
Bzzz… zzzzZZZZZZzz… ZZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZ… BzzzZZZ- SWAT!
You flick the dead fly off your arm and wipe your dirty hand off on your dusty shorts. The scowl on your little face is part annoyance at the amount of bugs hovering around you, part squinting in the light of the scorching Sun, but mostly anger at the fact that no one will play with you.
You're too young to know what an ego is, but you're pretty sure something like that is keeping those boys from inviting you to go play with them. Last time they let you, you kept winning because you're so fast and now they keep making up silly excuses not to play with you.
You huff and plop down against a tree on the side of the dirt road.
They're all laughing and having fun and you wish you could join in. Tag's your favourite game, and besides, Pop said to get lost till dinner. What else are you supposed to do? Kids play.
"Hello?"
You hear a small voice from just behind and you ignore it, not in the mood to play dolls with those girls again.
It's so boring out here. There aren't any parks and you outgrew your bicycle already, and most of your shoes too.
You cross your arms and wiggle your toes sticking out of your flip-flops.
The voice behind you calls out again, but this time you turn to see who it is. It's a girl, which you already figured it might be, but you've never seen her before, and you still can't see most of her.
She's hiding behind the tree. You're looking straight at her, but she doesn't say anything else.
"You playin' hide and seek?"
The girl shakes her head and you see she's got pigtails like you, but her hair's much lighter.
"No…" she says. "I'm Maura."
You eye her suspiciously, wondering what she's doing behind that tree. She starts to look sad when you don't talk back and you feel bad. You stand up and dust your butt off.
"I'm Jane. But I don't wanna play hide and seek with you."
You're about to tell her you'd rather play tag instead, but she talks first.
"Will you play with me if I put a bag over my head?"
She has a hand out on the side of the tree, her fingers fiddling with the bark, and she can't look you in the eye. She's acting a little strange, but what she just said is even stranger.
"Why would you put a bag over your head?"
"Because of my face."
"You afraid to get sunburnt or somethin'?"
Maybe she's one of those girls that don't like to get in the Sun or get dirty. Too bad.
"No, I put on sunscreen already."
"Okay… Then what's your face gotta do with it? Look, you wanna play or not?"
You're so bored and you just wanna play already.
"I do! I do!" she says quickly.
"Then come out already. I ain't got all day, kid."
She starts to move out from behind the tree, but then she stops.
"It's just- Some of the other boys and girls are afraid of me."
You roll your eyes.
"Do I look like a scaredy-cat to you?"
"No? I- I don't know."
She looks down and wrings her hands. You figure she must be really shy or something so you give her a minute.
She finally walks out from behind the tree.
You don't mean to stare, but you can't help it. She's got burn scars on one side of her face and neck. Your first thought is to ask if it hurts, but you don't know if you're supposed to say anything about it at all. Maybe that's why she's so shy. She looks down sadly again.
"I- I- I had an accident in the kitchen... When I was little."
Once you've taken it all in, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. She isn't scary at all. She looks sad more than anything, and you feel bad that she's sad. It's not like she can just peel the scars off; it's not a mask.
"You know how to play tag?"
She shakes her head and your eyes grow big.
"No way! Really?!"
She smiles at the way you're exaggerating and your stomach flips the way it does when Pop drives fast down a hill. She has a really nice smile after all.
"All you need to know is… you better start runnin' 'cause I'm it!"
She runs off laughing.
"You sure tomato's a fruit? That don't sound right to me."
"Positive."
"How d'you know that?"
"I like to visit the library."
"Oh." You can't say you know another seven year-old who can read a book on their own. "Who do you visit there?"
"Nobody lives there, silly," she laughs, "I read the books."
"I'm kidding."
"Oh... That was funny."
You'd been playing for a while and even though you kept winning, she never got angry and stopped playing with you. She just laughs out of breath and says you're real fast. She even laughs when you're actually trying to be funny.
Maura's alright in your book.
You're resting in the shade now, peeling some oranges she brought along. You have to use your teeth to do it, but after that stinging taste, they're so sweet it's worth the extra hassle. That's when y'all started talking about fruit for some reason.
"Aren't you hot?" you ask her.
"Aren't you?" she says back, not really answering your question.
"Yeah, it's hot as cakes out here, but you're wearing all of that."
She looks really uncomfortable and you guess it's because she's overdressed.
"I'm fine."
She makes herself busy with collecting all the orange peels into a neat pile, but she looks sad again. Did you say something wrong?
"You sure? I just think you'd feel better without that sweater."
"But I like my sweater."
"It's a nice sweater… I guess."
She smiles back up at you and you decide she's got the prettiest eyes you've ever seen.
"Thank you, Jane... I am a little sweaty though."
"Sweating in your sweater? Go figure."
She plays with the zipper, but she looks like she's still thinking about it. Maybe she has more burns on her body than you thought. You don't want her to feel so shy. There's really no point because you don't care what she looks like. She's fun to play with.
"You can take it off, I won't stare this time. Promise."
"Honest?"
"Honest."
She thinks for another second and then quickly takes it off.
You make sure you look only at her face and you try not to blink.
"Feel better?"
She shrugs and you both sit quietly for a while.
"You know, some of the boys call me frog-face."
She looks at you and plays with her pigtail.
"It bothered me at first, but when I told Ma... uh, before she died, she said it's the only face I got. So just learn to like it… I ain't no frog-face though."
She laughs a little and you also end up laughing too.
"I feel better now," she says afterwards.
From then on, you were inseparable.
"So, what about bananas? Fruit or vegetable?"
… M …
She kissed you.
Your best-friend, your only friend, in the entire world kissed you.
You touch your lips with the tips of your fingers and you can almost still feel the pressure of her mouth against yours. Even days later, your breath catches at the memory. Your heart races and your skin flushes, and you feel another cold tear roll down the side of your face into your ear.
As you get up from bed and reach for another Kleenex you wish someone had warned you about this. You were just a girl when you first met, searching for a friend, and you found this. You found all of this. Nobody told you that dreams can come true, but it did.
Your best-friend kissed you and your mind is screaming, "Finally!"
She kissed you and it was a white Christmas feeling. You've wanted it to happen for so long, but you never expected it would but it did and it was amazing and why are you crying again?
Oh.
She kissed you.
Your best-friend, your only friend, in the entire world kissed you.
And ran away.
The kiss itself had been perfect. Her lips are a delicate balance between smooth and rough, and that's just so like her. The actual contact hadn't lasted more than a few seconds, but you must have stood there for at least a minute afterwards, mind utterly blown.
By the time you realized she's been staring at you all along, your eyelids fluttered about a dozen times before you opened them again for the first time.
And for a moment she just looked at you like you are beautiful. She hadn't said the word, or any words at all, but you felt it. She wouldn't have kissed you if she didn't, would she?
You wanted to ask her what she meant, why she kissed you. You needed to hear her voice say it, but you said nothing. The silence tugged at your insecurities and you could barely remember to blink let alone think and speak and…
"You're fucking beautiful, Maur."
You gasped, disbelieving.
"And I –"
And your mother chose that very moment to announce her presence.
"Maura! Get yer lazy ass out here."
Then Jane jumped out of your window and you haven't heard from her since.
It's been three long days since she kissed you and the Christmas dinner you prepared is waiting in the microwave oven, along with her favourite dessert in the fridge which took just about all day to make.
You knew she had work today, so after a while you blew out the last candle before heading for bed. She had promised to spend the evening together, but you aren't angry at her. It's just that dinner's long since gone cold and there are only so many carols you can sing to pass the time.
You thank your lucky stars your mother at least decided to leave you alone with the house tonight, but it doesn't feel as emancipating without Jane here.
You aren't disappointed in her, you're just worried. She never breaks a promise. Christmas isn't even your favourite holiday, but you know how much she used to love it as a child, and anything that Jane loves is part of what makes you love Jane.
You love her.
Of course you do, she makes it so darn easy. It isn't even a realization as much as it is an affirmation and natural product of so many years of companionship.
You wish she were here so you could just tell her at least that much, and at most, you'd finally get to kiss her back.
… J …
It's been a long couple days. You're just about to head off to Maura's when he catches you off-guard, the bastard. You're dog-tired as it is, taking back-to-back-to-back shifts so you could at least get Maura a gift to say sorry for practically assaulting her then running off.
He spent all day getting drunk out of his mind and then he goes and sucker punches you for no good reason. Not that he ever needs one.
Merry fucking Christmas to you.
END Chapter 2