GOSH FINALLY. Here's some necessary plot for you all. Mmmmm plot...
But yeah. Some Jam feels I guess? Sorry if this chapter feels disoriented, I was feeling pretty aimless.
But then I got it. I've got it guys. I know where this is heading. I hope you guys are on board for the ride.
I think I got back into the old groove of things.
Enjoy? :0
Jay and Tim drove until they were properly lost.
Not even road signs and maps could tell them where they were - or, at least, that's what they pretended. They felt safer when they didn't know where they were. Sort of. It would actually feel better if they were safe and sound at home - but home just didn't exist anymore. Not concretely anyways.
What they had left of home was each other; so, to each other, they were home.
Their faint sliver of hope was the theory that if they didn't know where they were, perhaps He didn't either. They clung to it with desperation. But again, it was just a sliver. A faint, fragile line of an emotion they had almost long forgotten. Eventually, it was bound to break.
The trip itself had been blissfully uneventful. They took shifts and stopped when necessary, refilling the gas tank and grabbing a bite to eat when they remembered to. Sometimes they would even take walks or see if there was anything useful to buy in the shops in town. Communication with other humans was still limited, but things were getting better. For the first time even, they had decided to rent a small apartment instead of a hotel room. It was much more decent, and less full of memories.
The situation - dare they say it - was slowly improving.
And as a result, Tim and Jay fell into a comfortable lapse with each other. They began to understand each other; recognizing emotions in themselves that they wouldn't have been able to otherwise.
Jay was getting to know the remnants of the weak child that swam beneath Tim's cracked guise. The kid that had been locked up and forced to battle the horrible demons that haunted him had been completely and utterly alone. He took medication that did nothing but temporarily numb the pain. He got better, only to have his world come crashing down all around him - time and time again. This child would come out when Tim was especially vulnerable.
Like the time back at the burned down hospital.
Tim was curled up in a ball and blaming himself for all of the world's problems, nearly sobbing into his hands with heart-wrenching realizations. And Jay was there, trying hopelessly to comfort, and for a second their gazes met - that's when they appeared. For a second, if not less. The sad, tortured eyes of a younger Tim. Eyes that had already witnessed things that Jay couldn't possibly force himself to imagine. Dark and somber and yearning so much for something tangible to hold onto.
Unable to foresee the events of the future. Unable to know that things were only going to get worse. That he would become a slave to the pills, to the mask, to the darkness - and to Him.
Jay recognized all of this now. That Tim's rough-hewn exterior was not as tough at it seemed. His friend - although they were closer than that now - was heavily broken. And now he didn't even know if he was able to fix him.
On the other hand, Tim had started noticing something in Jay. It was something akin to harsh resilience. Which was odd - Jay was frail. He seemed so delicate, so sickeningly fragile that Tim sometimes wondered if he wasn't just going to crumple to the ground and vanish into the air like several hundred paper cranes. But it was there. Jay was strong. It was undeniable that the camera man had made some foolish decisions here and there, but he still persevered when the rest of them couldn't. He pushed on even after Tim had given up. After they all had given up. And now Tim regretted every harsh word he ever uttered in the face of his partner. He cringed when he remembered that night in the parking lot - when he had punched the other man square in the face. It was jarring to think about that now. But Jay was obviously much tougher than he was. He was more courageous, more clever, and more demanding than Tim was.
And so Tim realized just how dependant he was on the other man. At this point, he didn't think it was possible for his life to go on without him.
That's what it had all come down to, for the both of them, as they sat at the picnic table munching slowly on their sandwiches. Jay brushed a few crumbs off of his shirt and rested his head against his hand. Tim regarded Jay carefully as he finished his food and took a sip of water.
"What?" Jay asked the dark gaze. He fidgeted, anxious as always beneath the other man's stare.
"Nothing." A grin, then Tim tipped his head up to evaluate the cloudless blue sky. A deep breath out.
"We should do something."
Jay blushes, winding his fingers together.
"Oh yeah? Like w-what?"
Tim lowers his head and examines Jay's face - the slight quiver of lip and averted gaze. He leans over the table until his face becomes uncomfortably close to the other's.
"Have you always stuttered like this?" Tim knew just how to smile in these sorts of situations. It was a gut-wrenching, butterfly-inducing, mind-rending charm that only Tim could pull off. "Or is it just me?"
"Uhhh m-m-m -"
Jay emitted an unmanly noise as Tim placed short kiss on the bridge of his nose and ricocheted back into his seat.
"But anyways," he said as he yawned and flexed his arms. "I meant that we should do something normal."
"N-normal?" Jay rubbed the side of his face sheepishly.
"Yeah. I mean eating food at a picnic table is sort of normal...but we should do something that we used to do."
Used to do. Those words were painfully sensitive.
They ignored it.
"Ah, um, okay, what did you have in mind?"
"I don't know. What is it that normal humans do again?"
They laughed sadly. Paused to think for a moment. Taking walks was all they had been doing as of late. Parks were definitely off-limits. They could go into town...
"Ah, why don't we get some coffee? I saw a nice little shop in town..."
Tim chuckled.
"It's way past one in the afternoon, Jay."
"Yeah, so? You wanted to do something normal! Getting coffee is pretty much the most normal thing I could think of."
A low chuckle as Tim rises from his seat and walks around the table. Jay feels the heat of Tim's body standing behind him. Tries not to squirm. Then the lovely sensation of the bigger man running his hands softly through his hair. Fuck. He knew what this did to him.
The former proxy bent down so that he was flush against the smaller one's back, mouth just beside his ear.
"You know," Tim's voice fell to a warm hush. "I would have you right now..."
Tim watched the involuntary arching of his friend's back and smiled, retracting his fingers.
But that's for another time, he thought.
"Coffee shop. Sounds like a great idea. Let's go."
Tim drew away from the camera man and sauntered off to the car, grinning.
Jay sat for a stupid while before he made a short noise of disappointment. He gathered up their belongings and headed back to the car. He fought away the blush that had spread across his face. For a different time, he supposed.
OOO
In trouble.
I am in trouble.
Where - am - I?
Ragged breath accompanied by spats of coughing. The worn down soles of shoes, chased far too many times. Beating down on the earth, and stumbling. Crude red cut outs not helping here. And near blindness as well - that was also there. Or not there. Lacking.
What am I lacking?
Who am I?
Where...is He?
Right behind me.
All around me.
He is everywhere.
He is inside me.
I am in trouble.
He'll find me -
- because I cannot hide.
The soft scraping sound of material on concrete. Stops. Pauses. Then dread. Mislead, because this was not the correct way. Trapped. Cornered. The light on the other side IS. A. LIE.
I need to find it.
In time - I must be taken to it.
I must be lead totheark.
Or else it will be too late -
- the ark will leave without us.
Blurs an colors and explosions of sound. A shoulder hits the ground first, chest in a screeching wail of pain. Static. He stands over him, so tall. Wracking him, coughs and sobs alike. A lucid moment perhaps. When the darkness leaves him be. This is not the last time or the first but he fears it anyways. He feels Him seeping into him and corrodes and leaves empty gaping holes that don't exist but do. He looks at his shaking hands and beg for them to disappear because that might just be better than being taken again.
All alone now.
I am all alone.
ḃΰ† ᾗ⁰₮ fợṝ ᶅṑήḠ
OOO
The coffee was, albeit a bit untimely, quite good.
Tim and Jay talked about the usual, which was not much at all. They usually tried to skirt around the more dangerous topics, but it never did any good to ignore elephant in the room. It was waiting. And they could feel it.
But for now it was just nervous gazes and hopeful thoughts because for once they weren't panicking or coughing or tortured by miscellaneous evils. Which, by the way -
"Did you ever, uh, get back to your doctor, Tim?"
Tim's eyes looked up from the rim of his cup. He set it down carefully.
"Um, not really, actually. After...y'know, everything...I guess I sort of lost touch."
Jay's brows knitted together in concern.
"But, is that just okay? I mean, are you -"
"I'm fine, Jay." The words weren't spoken with malice, but were firm all the same. Tim's gaze was stubborn. "Things don't need to change, alright? We're perfectly fine the way things are. I've been feeling a lot better."
"If you say so."
"No, I mean it! When was the last time either of us had a coughing fit?" Tim's eyes grew a little bit more excited.
Jay contemplated this.
"I mean I did, I guess, in the car."
"Exactly! That was weeks ago, Jay. Weeks. And have we been taking the pills?"
"Oh uh...I haven't. I thought you still were though. I haven't really seen any of the canisters around though -"
"I haven't Jay!" Tim's voice was raising itself just a bit. He then fell to a hush, fingers wrapping around his mug. "We're getting better."
They both fell silent, and acknowledged this preposition. Was it really true? Were they...free?
"R-really?"
Jay felt reassurance sweep into his heart. Tim's gaze softened sweetly, and it's warmth spilled out over everything. Jay thought that perhaps he could indeed fix Tim. And Tim, for a chance, was willing to learn how to become a little stronger. Things were suddenly very, very okay.
And they returned to the flat in exceptionally good moods.
I was super amazed by the reviews last chapter. Look at that number! I'm so proud. You guys are so adorable really. I have the loveliest readers around. You're all a bunch of fun to talk to. X]
Anywho, please review if you are at all intrigued or excited or absolutely in love with these cutesy Jam feels! And of course, that nice little interruption we had in the middle of this chapter...look forward to the next chapter heehee...
(ohyeah and be sure to check out my new fic, The Broken Cat, for Marble Hornets one-shots! if you can't get enough, that is...)