Images from kissing Tonks crept into my mind at uncomfortable moments the next day. The worse one was in the shower. I was, well, taming the wolf. Not something I did during every shower, but parts of my body were acting on their own accord. I thought it best to work that out before I had to be function- around people. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings and definitely didn't hear Sirius come in to use the toilet. There were other bathrooms, but he insisted he liked the toilet in that one the best. Usually he wouldn't bat an eyelash when he heard his best mate taking care of himself, but he heard something slip my lips, something I had not meant to say. "Tonks." My eyes shot open. I almost slipped backwards but I regained balance. It was then that I noticed Sirius. His back was to me. "Don't you ever knock?" I said tersely.
Sirius glanced over his shoulder. "No, why would I?" I muttered something about giving privacy. "If you wanted to wank off to Tonks in private, you would have locked the door." I could hear the smirk in his voice. I grabbed a towel and stole to my room, making sure to lock the door as I dressed.
On top of being worried about getting Harry that night, I was a bit worried that Sirius would tell Tonks about my shower incident. My worries about Sirius' behavior came to nothing. As much as he'd push my buttons when we were alone or in a small group; he was mature enough to not do so in public. He once reduced me to tears during our time at school and after that, he still jested and pushed my buttons, but he stopped before it got to be too much.
Tonks walked into the kitchen at Grimmauld Place looking apprehensive. She must have regretted the kiss from the previous night. I couldn't blame her; well, I hoped she enjoyed it, but it didn't seem she wanted to openly acknowledge it. On top of her worried expression, Tonks had purple hair that day and a guitar case. I rather liked her purple hair; I did prefer pink though. Sirius chided her about 'going to a peace rally.' I was perplexed by the guitar case until she opened it. In the moments before she took her broomstick out, I played with the idea of her singing on a lark. I couldn't help but smile at the idea.
When we left for Privet Drive I was behind Tonks as she ascended the stairs. She almost tripped over the umbrella stand, but Moody pulled her away. Her need for tripping being unfulfilled, she stumbled into Emmeline Vance. I couldn't help but smirk. She walked like a ball in a pinball machine. Tonks caught my eye and asked if something was amusing me. "No, nothing Nympha-" She cut me off and corrected me. I would have thought she was angry if not for the twinkle in her eyes and her lingering gaze.
I couldn't wipe the smirk from my face. Tonks noticed it and commented. "With a smirk like that you either got shagged or won the lottery. But, seeing as Sirius didn't look nearly as content as you do, I'm guessing the lottery." I held back I laugh and told her that present company made me smirk. I could have kicked myself for being so openly flirtatious. I was sending the wrong signals. I knew I had to set things straight that night; let her know that I wasn't that kind of guy… that I couldn't be more than a friend.
Getting Harry couldn't have gone smoother. Well, it could have, but we managed to pull it off without any hold ups. My handshake theory was slightly confirmed as I watched Tonks joke with Moody. She was nice like that naturally; it didn't necessarily indicate attraction. As we got ready to take off, I eye Tonks' harness. I wondered why she'd have that lying around. It was big enough to carry several trunks. She shrunk it down to size as she attached Harry's trunk to her broom. Perhaps she had questionable extracurricular activities. As we flew back to Grimmauld Place, I kept my mind off the reasons she'd have such an interesting item. We were after all, in the middle of a dangerous mission.
When we landed, Tonks struggled with the trunk. She was in danger of toppling over. I went to her aide right away. "Let me help you." I said extending a hand towards her. She was teetering on top of the trunk. She said there was no need but then swayed dangerously. I helped Tonks off before she could say she was doing it all right on her own. "Nice harness, by the way." I said quietly as we carried the trunks in. I held back a scowl. I was flirting again. Tonks grinned impishly. I knew I had to nip this in the bud.
I waited until after dinner, when she was on her way out. Tonks' eyes lit up when I offered to walk her out. I was working out the words to use; I didn't want to sound presumptuous and every way I thought to say 'I want to be just friends' made me sound egotistic, at best. Thankfully, Tonks initiated the talk with "I guess that luck helped out." She was smiling at me in an eager way.
My next breath was sharp and I forced out the words that had been playing in my mind. "It's best if we were just friends, nothing more. I'm…" It occurred to me that she might not know. "I'm a werewolf." I told all of this to her shoes. Tonks caressed my cheek with her hand, lifting my gaze up to her heart-shaped face.
Our eyes met for a few moments. We were both trying to read the other. "I know that, and if it bothered me, I wouldn't be here." She pulled me into a tight hug, much too tight to be a 'just friends' hug. When she stepped away she was smiling in a way that made it plane she was related to Sirius. "If I was trying to be more than your friend, you'd know by now." I let out an involuntary laugh. Sirius use to say that to girls all the time. I shook my head slightly and told her she was a lot like him. Tonks was smiling slightly when she disaparated.
Sirius was waiting up for me when I got back to Grimmauld Place. "You were out late." He said looking over a book he was thumbing through. I took a side trip around the block to clear my head.
Raising my eyebrows I said, "You're not my mother." Sirius smirked and agreed he wasn't, but it was a shame because my mum had a nice rear. "You stayed up to tell me that?" I asked sitting across from him in the study.
"Of course not. I wanted to see how late you'd be snogging Tonks." He hadn't mentioned the bathroom incident up until that point. One of the ramifications of being stuck at Grimmauld Place was Sirius becoming overly interested in the lives of others. In our younger days, he had been impassive, if not completely unaware that other people had lives.
I grabbed a book and started to read it. Sirius coughed to remind me that I should say something about the 'snogging Tonks' allegation. "We did not snog." I said sounding churlish. "I should go to bed." I got up yawning. I was tired, but I mainly wanted to avoid more questions from Sirius. As I left he said I should lock the door if I had 'plans.'
Since I didn't have those sort of plans for the night, I didn't lock the door. I wish I had. About the time when my eyelids started to close lazily, the door opened. I looked around in the dark. I could smell something, but I couldn't see anything. I was about to tell Kreacher to go away when Padfoot leaped at me barking. I let out a yell as he went for my leg. "Get off me, Sirius." I said yanking my leg away from his lapping tongue. Sirius left without transforming. I was sure that if dogs could smirk, his would be akin to that of a Cheshire cat.
Work kept me busy in the following weeks. It was like being in school again. I would go to the Ministry and talk to some wanks about Magical Creatures, pray against hope that they didn't know about my wolfish side, do reports, and deal with Sirius. I spent many nights reading books on magical creatures I had yet to come across. I was grateful that Grimmauld Place had a sizable study with a good selection of books. Tonks managed to find me in there reading late one night. I didn't know why she was there; it had to be close to midnight. She grabbed a book about werewolves and sat down at the table with me. "You're up late." I said glancing up. "Interesting book." I wondered if she picked that one out on purpose or if it was coincidental.
Tonks looked up, the bags under her eyes were quite noticeable. "Oh, yeah. I think it's a bit outdated." She said with a look of disgust. I read that book some time before; it suggested that people slit the throats of all wolves they encounter. "How have you been?" She asked with her gaze back on the book.
I said that I had been 'fair' and that work was keeping me busy. "How's guard duty going?" I asked looking up. She said it was exhausting to stay up for days on end. "Why are you at home in bed then?"
Tonks glanced up for a moment. "I miss having company. Sirius and everyone else is in bed." She turned around and grabbed another book; this one was titled Purebloods and Where to Find Them. Flipping through this book caused her to scowl again. After a few moments of silence she asked, "Is it hard?"
I looked up from the notes I was taking. "Pardon me?" I had no idea to what she was referring. Thankfully, Sirius was not anywhere in earshot. I couldn't believe she'd ask me such a personal question. Kissing was one thing, but inquiring to the status of- well that was something I doubted even Sirius would do.
Tonks stared hard at the book. "Never mind, it was a stupid question." Now I really didn't know what she meant. Inappropriate, sure, but stupid? "I'm sorry I asked."
I put my quill down. "I'm not sure what you asked." I said trying to read her face. She finally reestablished eye contact with me. "Please." My voice was hoarse but gentle. "Tell me what you meant."
She let out a breath as if gearing to jump into a bathtub with the Giant Squid. "Is it hard being a werewolf?" I had't expected that to come out of her mouth. Of course it was hard, but I had a feeling there was more to her question. "I've never known a werewolf before," She started to explain, "And I was thinking how difficult it must have been. Up until the Wolfsbane potion came out. Even then, you have to transform. I just thought it'd be difficult."
Shock was surging through my brain. No one had really talked to me about this before. Most people just assumed that life was more difficult as a werewolf without inquiring about it. "It doesn't just have a physical affect on me. There always have been social repercussions, personal ones too. It's something I've gotten use to."
A sad look fell on Tonk's face. "That sounds so lonely." She said quietly shutting the book she had been looking at. I gulped feeling that this would soon work into an awkward moment. Tonks stood up with a small smile. "It's late; I don't want to bother you anymore." She left squeezing my shoulder. I called out a goodbye before she left. I couldn't concentrate after that. I attributed the excessive thought she put into my 'condition' to her long nights at the Ministry. I'm sure she ran out of interesting things to mull over after the first few nights.
The next few weeks flew by. When Harry's hearing was upon us, I made a point of being up a lot earlier than usual. Sirius was up with Arthur and Molly when I went into the kitchen. I had a cup of tea and some toast. Tonks wandered in a few minutes later. She looked dead on her feet. She sat next to me resting her head into her hands. I started talking about Macnair and his refusal to spill any thing resembling 'the beans.'
Harry came in looking like he wanted to be invisible. We all said good morning as he sat down. Tonks told us that Scrimgeour was asking some odd questions. She couldn't stop yawning. I wondered how many days she had been up. Harry left with Arthur a few moments later. "What sort of questions is he asking?" I was worried that he was noticing people acting oddly or if he was being shrewd- or both.
A sense of foreboding sunk in as she said he asked her about her lack of energy. Tonks' boyfriend explanation had the ring of a lie that could get the Order into trouble later. What would happen is someone inquired as to her lover's identity? Tonks was too tired to really mull that over. She was nodding off at the table. I told her she needed to get some sleep and offered my room for her.
Tonks didn't object as I led her up the stairs and into my room. I pulled the covers back for her and made sure she actually got into bed. She probably wouldn't have noticed if she slept on a bed of Bowtruckles, but I couldn't bear the thought of her being uncomfortable. I stood near her waiting for her to swing her legs into bed when she asked me something I hadn't expected at all. "Why don't you stay with me?" Her voice was tense, almost nervous.
I was going to flat-out say no when she took my hand and said please. I couldn't believe I was going to do it, it was too Sirius-ish. I slipped off my shoes and crawled into bed suddenly remembering that I had to write to work. I got up pacing the room. I looked quite the prat. Tonks' amused laughter filled my ears. "I have to send a note to work." I muttered grabbing a parchment and scribbling a note. Midday, I could be midday. A sigh escaped my lips after I sent it the note.
Crawling into bed with Tonks caused my stomach to squirm with delight. It was then I learned that Tonks was a cuddle bug. She nuzzled against me, the soft skin of her cheek nestled against my neck. I could hear her take in a deep breath to take in my smell. Smiling she kissed me half on the lips, half on the cheek. She pulled my arm over her as if it were a blanket and quickly dozed off. Much to my surprise, I fell asleep too. It was abnormally relaxing there. I knew that I couldn't let this go to my head or give me thoughts of anything but being her friend, but it was comforting to feel someone else's body willing pressed against mine. Being in bed with her caused parts of my body to behave quite on their own. I was probably the first man in history to wish that his endowment would shrink, even for a nap.
I didn't wake up until she stirred in my arms. Her back had been to me but she turned over to face me. I didn't have to open my eyes to know what she was doing. Her eyes were raking over my features, taking in the scars, probably wondering how one man could have so many. Then her hands were gently pressed against my face. It was an innocent gesture but for me it was quite sensual. I didn't say anything until she brushed some hair from my eyes. I couldn't help but smile as I pointed out she was quite awake for someone who had been napping during breakfast.
Tonks smile was immediate and breathtaking. It probably wouldn't make it into an advert, but it was enough to wheedle its way into my dark mind. "Two people sleeping together results in four time the rest." She rattled off as if it were a common proverb. I laughed rolling my eyes.
"More of your Auror training." I said playing along. Tonks nodded her eyes were still taking in my face. I wanted to ask her something that I usually wouldn't be so bold as to ask, but she had been bold with me so I went for it. "Why don't you like to sleep alone?"
Tonks' face fell slightly. It seemed for a second that she didn't have a reason for dragging me into bed with her until her voice, in an unusually quiet tone, said, "Our house was attacked… Death Eaters ya know. I was just about to go to Hogwarts. They…" She took in a sharp breath.
A world of things they could have done filled my head, horrible cruel things. "Did they..?" I couldn't even form the words. I felt like a boy asking about the noises his parents make at night- incredibly stupid would be a better way to put it. I put my hand on Tonks' waist wanting to comfort her in some way. She caught the drift of my unformed sentence and shook her head explaining. That a group of them came to her house, threatened her parents and woke her up in the middle of the night scaring the daylights out of her.
Her eyes communicated the intimacy of this information. I had a feeling that most men, when asked to sleep in a bed with Tonks, would take that as a green light to let their hands roam free. I could understand the terror of being alone in the night with only one's nightmares. I pulled out one of my oldest friends. My security Rabbit. I told Tonks about him saying he was a gift from my parents after I was bitten. She took him in the tender way one might expect her to take a newborn. "He's darling." She breathed stroking his ears. "I sleep with Elton John." I laughed and so did she. Unfortunately, the clock caught my eyes and responsibility kicked in. I rushed off to work, taking care to sneak out without Sirius or anyone else noticing me.
My cheeks were flushed most of the day, which helped them believe I had been sick. I couldn't quite get over the way I felt next to Tonks. She was dominating my thoughts effortlessly. I doubted I made a dent in hers. I kept trying not to think like that. I shouldn't be anywhere near her thoughts much less her sleeping form. At least I could say that my mind would clear itself of these thoughts as the full moon came upon me; that was my theory at least.