"Tonks, do you have an owl I could borrow?" Sirius must have thought the pantry was soundproof or that I wouldn't inquire about him sending a letter. We were about to sit down to a dinner that Kreacher grudgingly prepared. I was looking for more pepper to help with the taste.
"Have you seen me with an owl?" Tonks asked leaning back in her chair. "Have I talked about one?" I could see her smirk from the pantry door. Apparently she was unconcerned by his request.
"Uh, Padfoot, you have a pet. Why do you need to borrow someone else's?" I hoped a stab at humor would keep the conversation from turning into another Sirius social crisis. I sat back at the table setting down a few bottles I found. "No pepper but I found some hot sauce."
Sirius' face clearly showed he wasn't going to play the pet game. "Between you and Buckbeak I have pets o'plenty." Sarcasm was usually his first line of defense. "I thought I'd write the Daily Prophet regarding Voldemort's return."
This proclamation was met with a few moments silence from Tonks and me. I could tell by his face that this wasn't just a flittering idea; there was a great deal of thought and contemplation behind the proposed correspondence. When neither of us remarked on his endeavor, Sirius reached into his pocket and revealed a carefully folded letter.
"Can I read this?" I reached across the table for the parchment. Sirius handed it to me. He looked relieved at being taking seriously. I read his letter while eating our onion soup. The letter was written from an anonymous source and detailed all the reasons that the Prophet should acknowledge Voldemort's return. "You make good points, Sirius. But – "
"I figured there'd be a 'but' involved." Sirius scowled at me. "What is it, Moony? Will the Dementors find me based on their advanced handwriting analysis? Or will Kingsley forget he's on my side and let Scrimgeour know where I am?" Sirius raised an eyebrow as if to challenge me to poke any holes in his letter plan.
"I doubt there could be any direct connection between you and this letter. I just don't know why they'd take this seriously." I could tell this wasn't the approach Sirius was expecting. "There are experts in and out of the Ministry with very high status on both sides of the believing in Voldemort's return. One more vote cast toward Dumbledore's story won't make a difference." I was being mean, cruel even, but I felt the need to deter this letter from being sent. I glanced at Tonks hoping for support.
Tonks had the letter in hand and was reviewing it with a furrowed brow. "I think you're wrong, Remus." Sirius smirked. If there was one thing he relished, it was when Tonks took his side. "This could lead back to Sirius." The smirk slid off Sirius' face and it was his turn to furrow his brow.
"How exactly would that happen?" Sirius sounded defiant.
"Your letter reveals a wealth of knowledge about Voldemort's return and the key players involved – on the Death Eater and Order side. Any astute reader will figure out that someone close to Harry had to write this letter. The ministry has as good as said that you two are in league. Umbridge has put it out that any leads on you should be tied back to Harry. You'd be top on the list of people who would write a letter like this." Tonks set the letter down carefully. "Even worse is that the letter implicates Order members who are not known members."
I tried not to show my pleasure at Tonks' analysis of the letter. Sirius would disregard her comments if he thought they were made to appease me. "I could edit the letter" Sirius suggested half-heartedly. "I just wanted to do something that would make those idiots at the Ministry see the truth." I could see the melancholy sink in. Sirius was quiet for the rest of the night. The defeat of his letter seemed to subdue him for the moment.
Later that night when Tonks I were getting ready for bed I revisited the topic from dinner. "Were you going to acquiesce Sirius' request for an owl?" Tonks' head was stuck in the neck of her robes. She tried turning to face me but hit the footboard of our bed instead. "Let me help you." I tugged on her robes until they cleared her head. I was left with my arms around Tonks.
"We both know you play a better bad-cop than I do." Nymphadora kissed me and grinned. "I'm always the good-cop. I thought you knew this."
"I'm pretty sure you stepped up your bad-cop game tonight. You made me look positively cuddly."
"You are positively cuddly." Tonks squeezed my bum as she walked past me toward the bed. "Want to play bad-cop with me tonight?" A wolfish grin spread across my face. Tonks giggled and laid in the middle of the bed. I could tell it was going to be 'one of those' nights and I did not mind the slightest.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be one of those nights that included a late night visit from Dumbledore. Nymphadora and I were still awake when we heard a loud noise downstairs. Unsure if it was Sirius having a fit or something worse, we donned robes and grabbed our wands. Not knowing if it was a friend or foe making noise, we crept downstairs quietly. Rather, it was quiet until Tonks caused the bottom landing to creak.
"Ah, Nymphadora, Remus. So nice to see you together." Dumbledore sounded as if he were merely dropping in for a cup of tea. The hour of the visit indicated a more pressing matter than tea. I felt embarrassed in the state Dumbledore found us in. Neither of were very dressed. Proper attire didn't seem necessary before leaving the room. "I apologize for not giving adequate notice to my arrival. Perhaps we could go to the sitting room."
Dumbledore wouldn't hear my attempted explanation and apology for our state. Guilt was creeping into my system. Dumbledore seemed to be quite happy to see our relationship progressing. We made our way to comfy chairs and a table. Tonks and I both looked expectantly at Dumbledore who pulled out his wand and conjured some tea for us.
"As I'm sure you recall," Dumbledore said as he poured tea for three. "Harry started a defense group late last year." Tonks and I both nodded. "This evening they were discovered by Dolores Umbridge and a group of students she's employed to spy for her."
"I can't imagine she would pass up the opportunity to expel or arrest Harry." Tonks said looking quite surprised.
"I offered Cornelius and Dolores the opportunity to arrest me instead. They were quite eager to believe I was involved in Harry's plan. I let them believe their worst fears were real; that was working to destabilize Cornelius." Dubmledore paused to drink from his teacup. "Naturally they tried to arrest me. Thankfully Kingsley was there. His actions were instrumental in not only my departure but ensuring that Harry was not expelled. I am no longer headmaster at Hogwarts, however."
"You can't be gone from Hogwarts. It's just not safe now without your protection." I could only imagine the terror that a Ministry-run Hogwarts would inspire.
"My concern was to keep Harry at school. There would be more danger if he were outside of the school's protection. Even without my presence he'll be safer there than anywhere else. I did what I did for the greater good." I had a hard time putting together the idea of Hogwarts without Dumbledore.
"Where will you go?" Tonks, as usual, was focused on the practical side of reality.
"I will be here and there." Dumbledore said evasively. "I will stay close to the school but need to be on the move." My confusion must have be clear as writing to Dumbledore. "I will be seeking out information, not running from the Ministry. I will be in touch; you know how to reach me."
Dumbledore left shortly afterward. Tonks and I were left to give the full story to the rest of the Order as they stopped by during the next day. Sirius was brooding most of the morning; he was not happy about sleeping through an interview with Dumbledore.
The upside of Dumbledore's sudden Hogwarts departure was that Order members frequented Headquarters. Sirius felt involved in a way he missed over the past several months. All the members were dropping off updates for Dumbledore and Sirius was able to pass them off.
One afternoon while Sirius busied himself with updates for Dumbledore, I was in the kitchen trying to focus on a report on Death Eater activities. Nymphadora was running through my thoughts in ways that made it hard to focus on trifles such as the security of the wizarding world. That was until Harry's panicked voice met my ear. At Harry's request, I ran to find Sirius. He wasn't difficult to locate.
"Sirius!" I got a startled look from Sirius at the alarm in my voice. "It's Harry. He's in the fireplace." Sirius didn't ask any questions about what or why, he got up and tore past me with unusual speed. We both seemed to be expecting the worst from his need to Floo us.
Harry's urgent need turned out to be less of an immediate danger and more of a ghost of the past. Harry saw a memory of James during one of his Occlumency lessons with Snape. The memory Harry saw was one of the worst moments of James' character. He was not a cruel person but did not have the empathy for others that Harry naturally possessed. Sirius and I were left to try explaining the behavior of our dear friend from so many years ago. I didn't feel like we made a difference on Harry's impression of James. Even worse was that Snape discontinued teaching Harry Occlumency.
Both Sirius and I were in an emotional rage when Tonks stopped by that evening. I could tell she was taken aback by my visceral reaction. "Someone has to tell that git that his assignment from the Order is not an option." Sirius seemed like every word was costing him.
"I'll go. I'll make him see reason." I felt grim satisfaction at the idea of intruding on Snape and holding him at wand-point.
"I could go and talk with him. I might be a bit more reasonable." I could see Tonks trying to diffuse the high tempers. I put my hand on Nymphadora's and reassured her I was well-reasoned enough to talk with Snape as an adult. I lied.
I used my flat to connect with Snape's fire that night. I could feel the wolf just below the surface and knew I'd have to keep myself in check or risk a very different encounter. I hoped to scare Snape but not permanently harm him. If I let the wolfish side of me take over there would be very little hope for my greasy-haired colleague.
When I stepped out of Snape's fire I saw he took additional precautions after Tonks' break-in the previous fall. I had to react fast to immobilize the sneakoscope he had next to the fire. I summoned Snape's wand from his bedside table. Out of a sense juvenile pleasure, I doused Snape with ice cold water just to see his reaction. While his reaction still makes me laugh, I did not anticipate that Snape would grab for his wand and a small knife by his bed. I managed to acquire the knife but did not stop Snape running at me, hitting me against the wall with his bodily strength. At this point having his knife was handier than his wand. I pressed the knife to his neck.
"Careful, Snape. I'd hate to see an accident happen." Snape leaned a hair close pressing the knife firmer against his pale skin.
"Lupin." I was surprised at the contempt Snape managed despite my advantage over him. "I take it Potter managed to bleat to you about his trespass into my private memories." I was slightly surprised that James being a bullying prat was among Snape's private thoughts.
"I got wind that you're no longer teaching Harry Occlumency" I push Snape away from me causing him to stumble backwards. I took advantage of Snape's clumsy movement and used the same spell Harry saw in the memory. "Let me explain to you what second chance means." I pressed his wand into his temple. "It means sticking out the jobs you'd rather avoid. Do you think Dumbledore will be pleased with your departure from the plan?"
"What makes you think I'm not following the plan?" I faltered for a moment and Snape seized his chance to regain control. I was on my back before I could properly defend myself. Snape's hand was at my neck, holding me to the ground. "Let me explain to you what werewolf means." Snape placed his knee on top of my chest to hold my squirming body in place. "It means a lonely life of miserable existence. Do you think your Nymphadora will love you when she sees your life out of Dumbledore's protection?"
For a moment I lost my control over the wolf and I threw Snape off me with a growl of "Lies!". Snape's eyes betrayed a flicker of fear. I had just enough control to pick up my wand and retreat for the fire. "I expect Harry's lessons to start again soon." I said for a farewell.
Considering the level of hostility I experienced in Snape's quarters, I bore little physical evidence of our altercation. I knew Snape had attacked me with weapons that don't leave visible scars. His words cut me deeper than I could admit. The last thing I wanted was an emotional hiatus from Tonks. If anything, I wanted to solidify our relationship in a way I never would have thought possible – marriage.
I spent some time contemplating my matrimonial thoughts. I mentioned the thought to Sirius. He was an instant advocate of the idea. I didn't share the events that pushed this line of thought from secret, unacknowledged stirrings to a plan that needed action. For all Sirius and Tonks knew I had done little more than spray Snape with iced water and had an otherwise civilized discussion with him.
"You can't get hitched until after my name is cleared." Sirius said raising his class of mulled mead. It was an occasion for drinking, after all. Keeping Sirius quiet about my intentions was a challenge. I didn't have a clear timeline for proposing or getting married. Sirius respected that but still insisted I buy a ring as fast as humanly possible.
I had a diamond; it belonged to my grandmother. I went shopping for a setting where I ran into Bill Weasley. Rather, Bill ran into me and guessed my intentions straight away. "Does Tonks know this is coming?" I didn't answer right away. I was unsure how much Bill knew about my relationship with Tonks. "Mum told me you two have been dating."
Unsurprised by his source of information, I smiled sheepishly. "I am hoping to marry Nymphadora at some point. My intentions aren't widely known though; I'd appreciate discretion." Bill nodded curtly and winked. "Are you in the market for a ring as well?"
Bill's grin was wide and wolfish. "That I am. I've been seeing Fleur for just under a year. She's amazing; never met anyone like her."
"I know the feeling." I wasn't used to talking about relationships with people, other than Sirius and he almost didn't count. I finished my transaction at the counter and left Bill to his shopping.
The ring setting cut a sizable chunk from my savings. I was used to living frugally so the extra expense would not impact my quality of life. Smuggling the ring back to Grimmauld Place wasn't as difficult as I imagined. I thought I had finished the hard part and just had to wait for the right time. I didn't realize at that time how long of a wait I had in store.
Sirius' spirits rose considerably as the end of the school year approached. He hoped to have Harry for most of the summer (after his obligatory trip to Privet Drive). In his good mood, Sirius invited most of the Order over for a night of drinking and jocularity. When Snape burst in shortly into the gathering Sirius gave me a look that clearly said this wasn't an invited guest.
"Sorry to interrupt the gaming night" A sneer formed on Snape's mouth. "It appears that Potter has been lured into the Department of Mysteries by the Dark Lord." Snape glanced at the audience to check for everyone's attention before adding, "the foolish boy."
"He wouldn't be there if you had finished teaching him Occlumency!" Sirius was on his feet. His had was in his pocket, likely holding his wand at the ready.
Tonks brought us back to the immediate issue. "Shouldn't go all go to the Ministry?" I watched as Tonks' words spurred the group to head up to the entryway.
I turned back to Snape and Sirius in time to catch Snape's goading words. "Better stay behind and wait for Dumbledore. That's all your good for." I reached out for Sirius' shoulder to hold him back.
Instead of lashing out he shouted "Kreacher!" The elf appeared in front of him. "Stay here and tell Dumbledore where we are and what happened." The elf made a bow with a grin curving his wide mouth. It unnerved me to see Kreacher look happy but I couldn't take the time to unravel the elf's odd actions.
I looked up to see Tonks near the stairs. She was waiting for us to leave. I had no doubt that Moody was upstairs making a plan for us to storm the Ministry. I reached for Tonks' hand and gave it a squeeze before we went to meet the others. I felt fear surge through me as we left Grimmauld Place. Not the usual pre-fight nerves but an undefined terror of losing the woman I loved. There wasn't time for me to pull Nymphadora for one last intimate embrace before leaving on our dangerous adventure.